Issue2——我的第一篇，请指教，多谢！

花之颜色UID: 187195

2、"Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society."


Nowadays, rapidly increasing population and dramatically decreasing resources lead to intense even cruel competition between people, which also propose a question to us whether so intense competition does good or harm to our society. While someone argues that competition is more detrimental to society, I find that, instead of obstructing the development of the society, competition, in fact, tremendously promotes the development of our world.

In the first place, self-competition urges us to exceed ourselves continuously so that we can make enormous progress. Like the spirit of Olympics, our goal is swifter, higher and stronger.  In this case, the now famous runner LiuXiang set a good example for us. Challenging himself ceaselessly and training himself scientifically contribute to his success and in such a process, he has to compete with himself, including his laziness, diffidence or over-confidence etc. Likewise, those famous scientists, artists are all beneficiaries of self-competition. They improve themselves through competing with themselves and then devote themselves to the society, turning our world into a more advanced and beautiful one.

In the second place, one can get ahead with the rival through competition. Since each wants to win, each parts work hard in order to be better, and consequently all of the competitors are better. Take commercial competition as an example, in order to make more profit, the company will have to develop new products to conquer larger market. The quicker a company manufactures a new product, the more opportunity it will obtain to earn money. The pressure of competition, consequently, propels a company to spend more on its development of new products in order to produce new commodities more quickly than its rival, while the rivals have the same pressure and will struggle for developing better products. As a result, the customers will have more choices and even spend less, which rapidly improves our life levels. Competition between countries is similar in changing the society and improving people's life. The consequence is that the developing countries learn from the developed countries’ models and develop their dominant industries through competing with the developed countries. In this way, all the countries become prosperous and all the people become wealthy would not be a dream.

Admittedly, if a competition is fraught with adulteration and illegality, it will bring deterioration to the society rather than progress. Such illegal behaviors as rigging in a contest or gerrymandering in voting, in fact, not only break the equality of competition but also impede the improvement of each side. Everyone wants to win, but only victories through fair plays can give us most joyance. Fortunately, these indign deeds can not represent the majority and could be prohibited by law and a variety of regulations.

To sum up, competition not only helps us better our life but also changes our world. Just try to imagine that millions of years ago, our ancestors were living in the cavern and eating the raw meats, while now we live in the skyscrapers and use microwave oven to heat up the foods. It is obvious that competition indeed does more good than harm to the society, so why not let down the suspicion and enjoy the excitement and satisfaction brought by the competition?

mack1983UID: 183345

呵呵，好文，赞！我要是能写出这么好的语言就好了：—）
第一次来有牛人帮忙改，我就不瞎凑热闹了。

花之颜色UID: 187195

惭愧啊，偶写了三个小时才造出这么一篇哪，期间不停查词霸啊，写完又检查了一下，发现N多单词错误，又改了半天才壮着胆子发出来的，感觉语言不够用啊，想说的意思表达不出来，而且论证的时候也没有话说，呜呜～被打击死了，写到一半的时候难过的想放弃：（

still wonderingUID: 147840

首先！赞一个！！
文章格式整齐，条理清晰！
具体的句子就不说了，觉得你的文章有些生硬，很是感觉有原来备考4，6级的格式在里头样的！开头有些不够简洁，再直接一点，开门见山就好，（I find that..这种句子感觉不好，是你自己的感觉样的？？要以理服人的感觉）

呵呵，我的水平不咋样哦，随便说了两句哦：）

花之颜色UID: 187195

谢谢谢谢，非常中肯，就是在啃以前那点东西，还是应该多看些牛人的作品，以提高自己的语言水平，觉得自己论据也准备的不充分，从今天开始努力看那些工具箱和名人名言！

mack1983UID: 183345

继续汗，偶第一篇写了2个小时，然后现在自己都不想看了:-)
不过就算你用了金山词霸等东东，我觉得能想到gerrymander之类的词也是让我觉得高山仰止了。我看过那个词好多遍，每次都只想到娃娃鱼，没想过去用。。。。。。意识问题。
多多向你学习！

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

唉，人和人就是有差别啊，不说别的，首先第一次就能发这样的文章实在佩服，尤其是思路清晰，其实第一篇谁不是几个小时。就是最后一段的例子好像不能说明问题啊，难道我们今天的生活全是竞争带来的？

xiaoheUID: 162707

我也来赞一个。
你的写作经历我深有同感哪，只是比你花的时间还长呢。

我是向来爱挑刺的，不过这次我得再仔细看看能不能找到点什么。

花之颜色UID: 187195

谢谢指教，刚又看了一次，发现7楼的mm说的确实有理，好像是欠缺说服力了点，汗～待偶想想怎么个改法……