Issue38---语言感觉不好，请大家拍砖，谢谢

RikkuUID：170558

Issue38  第x篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
基本不同意
1．        书方便，可以随时复习，可以带到很多地方
2．        书给人们思考提供比较大的自由度
3．        书的资源丰富程度是电视不可比拟的
4．        让步，电视也有其特殊用处，可用与盲人学习
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：78分11秒     528 words
从2004年11月23日21时48分到2004年11月23日23时78分
------题目------
In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.
------正文------
With the development of television, people have a more choice to learn. However, as accumulation of knowledge, to learn from books cannot be replaced by television for several reasons. Therefore I can only agree insofar as that to learn from television is only a compensatory way that can never take place of reading books.

Firstly, books are more convenience that one can bring it everywhere and re-read it whenever one want to review something. For example, we can take books that we are studying to library, classroom, and even park, bar and so on. In other words, we can reading books everywhere. And we also can review the knowledge of the books at once when we forget something. In the contrast, learning from television is much more trouble. Once we must get information from it, we must have a television and electricity, which hamper the convenience of learning. Anyone may never carry a television where he go. Therefore in terms of convenience, reading books is imcomparative.

In addition, reading books provides more time to think. Once someone said (and I paraphrase): Reading without thinking is useless. Suppose that a man is reading a books, and he can stop whenever he is cumbered to think how to solve this problem, the result of which is that he can understand the problem well and even may solve similar problems. Then we turn to television, we are only passive receivers that there is on time left for us to think. It is no doubt that learning from books can provide us better understanding to the knowledge.

Moreover, books, as accumulation of knowledge from past, have a huge amount of resources that is imcomparative to television. Indeed, there is more and more programs about education in television. However, it is impossible for persons to convert all books to programs. In fact ,the amount of books that are made to be educational programs is trivial compared with the total amount of the books. There are still most of the books that have responding programs. For instance, there are hundreds kinds of books about calculus, but the programs about it are tens in its most. With the study deep by deep, one cannot learn very well by using only one vision. Therefore reading books has much more resources that are crucial for anyone.

Admittedly, television, as a new way to study, has several advantages. The people who are blind cannot learn from normal books. They must rely on other unconventional ways to study, and television is a good way for them, since television can make sound that is the most useful for the blind people. However, television is accepted as a tool of entertainment that most people use television to have a rest. Then the most useful purpose of television is entertainment rather than learning.

In sum, based on several reasons above, considering the convenience, the huge resources and so on, it is impossible for reading books to be replaced, at least at present. So, reading books for learning is still as important as it is before, and television can only be thought as a special way to learning that applies to special people.

slsUID：175311

明天帮你看～！！ 先睡觉

zzfalconUID：175235

语法和拼写错误不少，建议先用WORD改一下。1p,和5p说服力不强。

RikkuUID：170558

楼上能不能说得再详细点啊

谢谢

slsUID：175311

基本不同意
1． 书方便，可以随时复习，可以带到很多地方
2． 书给人们思考提供比较大的自由度
3． 书的资源丰富程度是电视不可比拟的
4． 让步，电视也有其特殊用处，可用与盲人学习
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：78分11秒 528 words
从2004年11月23日21时48分到2004年11月23日23时78分
------题目------
In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.
------正文------
With the development of television, people have a more choice to learn. However, as accumulation of knowledge, to learn from books cannot be replaced by television for several reasons. Therefore I can only agree insofar as that to learn from television is only a compensatory way that can never take place of reading books.第一断怪怪的，第一句话还没说个什么东东出来就 however了

Firstly, books are more convenience that one can bring it everywhere and re-read it whenever one want to review something只为review？. For example, we can take books that we are studying to library, classroomwe can always take books with us no matter where we are -----, and even park, bar and so on. In other words, we can readingread books everywhere. And we also can review the knowledge of the books at once when we forget something. Inby the contrast, learning from television is much more trouble不能说trouble吧 . Onceonce 不好 we must get information from it, we must have a television and electricity, which hamper the convenience of learning. Anyone may never carry a television where he go. Therefore in terms of convenience, reading books is imcomparative.说下我的感觉，你的思路感觉很很清晰，但你说的时候却没有吧这个清晰表现出来，比如这段你本来打算分两层写，中间用了and 来连接，好像是上句话没说完继续说的样字哟 ； 再者，语言读来不舒服，默读你的话让人心里闷的慌，不能一口气很舒畅的读下来，要么这里感觉少掉点话，要么句之间联的不好

In addition, reading books provides more time to think. Once someone said (and I paraphrase): Reading without thinking is useless. Suppose that a man is reading a books, and he can stop whenever he is cumbered to think how to solve this problem, the result of which is that he can understand the problem well and even may solve similar problems. Then we turn to television, we are only passive receivers that there is on time left for us to think. It is no doubt that learning from books can provide us better understanding to the knowledge.

Moreover, books, as accumulation of knowledge from past, have a huge amount of resources that is imcomparative to television. Indeed, there is more and more programs about education in television. However, it is impossible for persons to convert all books to programs. In fact, the amount of books that are made to be educational programs is trivial compared with the total amount of the books. There are still most of the books that have responding programs. For instance, there are hundreds kinds of books about calculus, but the programs about it are tens in its most. With the study deep by deep, one cannot learn very well by using only one vision. Therefore reading books has much more resources that are crucial for anyone.

Admittedly, television, as a new way to study, has several advantages. The people who are blind cannot learn from normal books. They must rely on other unconventional ways to study, and television is a good way for them, since television can make sound that is the most useful for the blind people. However, television is accepted as a tool of entertainment that most people use television to have a rest. Then the most useful purpose of television is entertainment rather than learning.

In sum, based on several reasons above, considering the convenience, the huge resources and so on, it is impossible for reading books to be replaced, at least at present. So, reading books for learning is still as important as it is before, and television can only be thought as a special way to learning that applies to special people.第四段我感觉是相对好的，其他段再举例时是不是最好要有铺垫呢 不能这样一来就具体到例子 例子应该用你的论证讲明下吧。总的来说，一般了 。我想我也有你这样的缺点。要改！

poohUID：146994

1，2。3分论还不错，4画蛇添足。语法错误太多！基本功不太扎实。这个题目很简单，而且大家的思路都差不多，要想得高分就在举例子上下下功夫，当然论证业重要，你的思路是可以的，但是由于语言的局限，表达的不准确不流畅，影响了你思维的展开。

Issue38 第x篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
基本不同意
1． 书方便，可以随时复习，可以带到很多地方
2． 书给人们思考提供比较大的自由度
3． 书的资源丰富程度是电视不可比拟的
4． 让步，电视也有其特殊用处，可用与盲人学习
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：78分11秒 528 words
从2004年11月23日21时48分到2004年11月23日23时78分
------题目------
In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.
------正文------
With the development of television, people have a more choice to learn. have a more choice to learn 表达得很模糊，你想表达的是多了一种途径和方法可以选择去去learn， 你写的是“多了一种学习的的选择”，表达不确切。建议改成have one more chance to access knowledge.   However, as accumulation of knowledge,如果你AS翻译成“随着”，则as 后面跟完整句;as翻译为作为，虽然可以用作介词，但是后面的句子的主语应该是book而不应该to learn from books to learn from books cannot be replaced by television for several reasons. Therefore I can only agree insofar as that to learn from television is only a compensatory way that can never take place of reading books.注意替代是take THE place of,这是固定搭配，take place成了发生的意思
开头不直接，你说了多了一种学习的途径，却没有指出是什么。紧接着就是however引起的句子里面对书和television进行了对比，感觉缺少coherence. 不过，后面两句很不错，概括了thesis,表明了立场。注意，你说to learn from books cannot be replaced by television for several reasons，你只说是several reasons，这里并没有指出来，然而一篇好的thesis是应该简练概括reason的。当然，你会说没有必要这么刻板。对的，这只是好的essay的一个特点，如果你能在其他方面都作的很完美，也可以得高分。


Firstly, books are more convenience 语法错误convenient that one can bring it everywhere and re-read reread it whenever one want to review something. For example, we can take books that that 不对，改成when we are studying to librarystudy to library 的介词不搭配，改成in, classroom, and even park, bar and so on. In other words, we can reading can reading? 居然有这种错误books everywhere. And we also can review the knowledge of the books at once when we forget something. In the contrast, learning from television is much more troubletrouble改称troublesome. Once we must get information from it, we must have a television and electricity, which hamper hampers the convenience of learning.hampers learning 就行了，你的表达不通顺 Anyone may never carry a television where he go. Therefore in terms of convenience, reading books is imcomparative.imcomparative没这个词，改成incomparable or unparalleled

In addition, reading books provides more time to think. Once someone said (and I paraphrase): Reading without thinking is useless. Suppose that a man is reading a booksa bookes???, and he can stop whenever he is cumbered to think how to solve this problem, the result of which is that he can understand the problem well and even may solve similar problems. Then we turn to television, we are only passive receivers that there is on time left for us to think. It is no doubt that learning from books can provide us better understanding to the knowledge.

Moreover, books, as accumulation of knowledge from past, have a huge amount of resources that is imcomparative to television. Indeed, there is more and more programs about education in television. However, it is impossible for persons to convert all books to programs. In fact ,the amount of books that are made to be educational programs is trivial compared with the total amount of the books. There are still most of the books that have responding programs. For instance, there are hundreds kinds of books about calculus, but the programs about it are tens in its most. With the study deep by deep, one cannot learn very well by using only one vision. Therefore reading books has much more resources that are crucial for anyone.例子不错

Admittedly, television, as a new way to study, has several advantages. The people who are blind cannot learn from normal books. They must rely on other unconventional ways to study, and television is a good way for them, since television can make sound that is the most useful for the blind people. However, television is accepted as a tool of entertainment that most people use television to have a rest. Then the most useful purpose of television is entertainment rather than learning.这个分论不太好，我想收音机也可以吧，电视是有点浪费了，因为电视的突出优点就是动画成像。这段基本没什么大的意义

In sum, based on several reasons above, considering the convenience, the huge resources and so on, it is impossible for reading books to be replaced, at least at present. So, reading books for learning is still as important as it is before, and television can only be thought as a special way to learning that applies to special people.

RikkuUID：170558

谢谢给我改作文的人

我的语言确实存在比较大的缺陷，我会努力改正

改了后再发一个，谢谢帮我改作文

poohUID：146994

支持!+U :D

RikkuUID：170558

Issue38  第x篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
基本不同意
1．        书方便，可以随时复习，可以带到很多地方
2．        书给人们思考提供比较大的自由度
3．        书的资源丰富程度是电视不可比拟的
4．        让步，电视也有其特殊用处，图象是其最大的优势
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：78分11秒     593 words
从2004年11月23日21时48分到2004年11月23日23时78分
------题目------
In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.
------正文------
With the development of television, people have one more choose to access knowledge. That is we can learn through media such as television and so on. However, as accumulation of knowledge, books cannot be replaced by television considering convenience, the traditional way we study, and the amount of resources. Therefore I can only agree insofar as that to learn from television is only a compensatory way that can never take the place of reading books.

Firstly, books are more convenient that one can bring it everywhere and reread it whenever one wants to review something. For example, we can take books when we are studying in library, classroom, and even park, bar and so on. In other words, we can read books everywhere. And we also can review the knowledge of the books at once when we forget something. In the contrast, learning from television is much more troublesome. Once we must get information from it, we must have a television and electricity, and must be in certain time when the program is played, all of which hamper our learning. Since anyone may never carry a television everywhere he or she goes. Therefore in terms of convenience, reading books is incomparable.

In addition, reading books provides more time to think. Once someone said (and I paraphrase): Reading without thinking is useless. Suppose that when a man is reading a book, he can stop whenever he is cumbered to ponder how to solve this problem, the result of which is that he can understand the problem well and even may solve other similar problems. Then we turn to television, we are only passive receivers that there is on time left for us to think. So it is no doubt that learning from books can provide us better understanding to the knowledge.

Moreover, books, as accumulation of knowledge from past, have a huge amount of resources that is incomparable to television. Indeed, there are more and more programs about education in television. However, it is impossible for persons to convert all books to programs. In fact, the amount of books that are made to be educational programs is trivial compared with the total amount of the books. There are still most of the books that do not have corresponding programs. For instance, there are hundreds kinds of books about calculus, but the programs about it are tens at its most. With the study deeper by deeper, one cannot learn very well by using only one vision, because every writer has his or her own understanding. Readers should find books that most fit him or her. Therefore reading books has much more resources that are crucial for anyone.

Admittedly, television, as a new way to study, has several advantages. The most benefit for one who use television to learn is that image in television can help to understand something abstract. Many of us may meet such a condition that we cannot understand what the books try to tell us, because of our poor imagination. With the help of television we may easily accept what we are told through the image. Therefore, television can be considered as a supplementary way of our education, which is conductive to what we study.  

In sum, based on several reasons above, considering the convenience, the huge resources and so on, it is impossible for books to be replaced, at least at present. So, learning from books is still as important as it is before, and television can only be thought as a special way to reinforce our traditional way of learning.

RikkuUID：170558

自我感觉好了不少

再次由衷感谢帮我改的sls，特别是pooh

真是大好人啊

jorgeUID：108878

With the development of television, people have one more choose（choice） to access knowledge. That is we can learn through media such as television and so on. However, as the accumulation of knowledge, books cannot/should not be replaced by television considering convenience, the traditional way we study by, and the amount of resources we exploit.//用个结构相似的句法会比较好。 Therefore I can only agree insofar as that (to learn)learning from television is only a compensatory way that can never take the place of reading books. // 这个convenience 在提到下一段我觉得会更好。匆匆一看，感觉楼主语法错误比较多，需要改正呢。

Firstly, books are more convenient that/because every one can bring it/them to everywhere and reread/review it/them whenever one wants to (review something)删去. For example, we can take /carry books when we (are studying) study in the library, classroom, and even park, bar and so on. (In other words, we can read books everywhere.)这句等于废话呢，呵呵。上面已经阐述过了。 And we also can review the knowledge of the books at once when we forget something. In the contrast, learning from television is much more troublesome. Once we must get information from it, we must have a television and electricity, and must be in certain time when the program is played, all of which hamper our learning. Since anyone may never carry a television everywhere he or she goes. Therefore in terms of convenience, reading books is incomparable.

匆匆看了两段，感觉楼主的语法和句法等还不够，感觉使用的英语不是很地道。麻烦楼主能修改下语法等错误，偶看着很累呢。改好了发上来，继续帮你看。

In addition, reading books provides more time to think. Once someone said (and I paraphrase): Reading without thinking is useless. Suppose that when a man is reading a book, he can stop whenever he is cumbered to ponder how to solve this problem, the result of which is that he can understand the problem well and even may solve other similar problems. Then we turn to television, we are only passive receivers that there is on time left for us to think. So it is no doubt that learning from books can provide us better understanding to the knowledge.

Moreover, books, as accumulation of knowledge from past, have a huge amount of resources that is incomparable to television. Indeed, there are more and more programs about education in television. However, it is impossible for persons to convert all books to programs. In fact, the amount of books that are made to be educational programs is trivial compared with the total amount of the books. There are still most of the books that do not have corresponding programs. For instance, there are hundreds kinds of books about calculus, but the programs about it are tens at its most. With the study deeper by deeper, one cannot learn very well by using only one vision, because every writer has his or her own understanding. Readers should find books that most fit him or her. Therefore reading books has much more resources that are crucial for anyone.

Admittedly, television, as a new way to study, has several advantages. The most benefit for one who use television to learn is that image in television can help to understand something abstract. Many of us may meet such a condition that we cannot understand what the books try to tell us, because of our poor imagination. With the help of television we may easily accept what we are told through the image. Therefore, television can be considered as a supplementary way of our education, which is conductive to what we study.

In sum, based on several reasons above, considering the convenience, the huge resources and so on, it is impossible for books to be replaced, at least at present. So, learning from books is still as important as it is before, and television can only be thought as a special way to reinforce our traditional way of learning

jorgeUID：108878

:confused:  在word里改过的是红色的。这里全是黑色的了。楼主将就着对比下自己的原文吧。:p

RikkuUID：170558

谢谢楼上的修改

我语法基础很差，没人指出来的话，我自己根本不知道哪有语法错误

能不能帮我看看哪有语法错误，我好继续改正