argument202 大家快拍啊！再不拍就拍不到了

不怕开水烫的猪UID: 187893

Argument202  第29篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！

还是先保证argument吧，issue估计没多大提高了。如果argu能拿5分，issue怎么也不能低于3分吧。平均得个4分我就满足了。大家帮我看看吧！多谢多谢！

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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分1秒     331 words
------题目------
Humans arrived in the Kaliko Islands about 7,000 years ago, and within 3,000 years most of the large mammal species that had lived in the forests of the Kaliko Islands had become extinct. Yet humans cannot have been a factor in the species' extinctions, because there is no evidence that the humans had any significant contact with the mammals. Further, archaeologists have discovered numerous sites where the bones of fish had been discarded, but they found no such areas containing the bones of large mammals, so the humans cannot have hunted the mammals. Therefore, some climate change or other environmental factor must have caused the species' extinctions.
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In the argument, the author asserts that the extinctions of the large mammal species result from climate change or other environmental factors. To support his assertion, the author cites some archaeological discoveries. At the first glance, the argument seems persuasive; however, careful scrutiny will reveal several flaws in the analysis.

In the first place, lack of evidence should not be considered as evidence to illustrate that humans have no significant contact with the mammals. Further research on archaeology and history might provide more information suggesting significant contact did exist. Even if there are not direct contact between humans and mammals, human activities can also have great influence on their extinction indirectly. For example, human activities might disturb the food chain of the mammals. Perhaps those mammals live solely on fish, whose population decreased significantly due to humans' hunting.

In the second place, the archaeologists’ discovery cited in the essay cannot sustain the author’s conclusion either. Although there are no bones of large mammals found at the sites, it does not follow that humans had not hunted the mammals. As is known to all, the bones of large animals are usually cherished by ancient people, who used them as knives, needles as well as decorations. That might be the true reason why none bones of large mammals was found.

Last but not the least; the author ignores many other factors contributing to the extinctions of the mammals except climate change or environmental factor. Maybe it was some kinds of contagions that killed all the animals in a short time. Moreover, the fire, produced by humans might be another important reason for the extinction in that nearly all the animals are afraid of fire.

To sum up, the argument relies on insufficient evidences and groundless assumptions. To make it more convincing, the author should provide more information to support that humans had not hunted mammals.Furthermore, the author has to rule out other possibilities which might also result in the extinction of the mammals.

migao21UID: 58234

写的真好， 羡慕。



para 2中写道：“human activities can also have great influence on their extinction indirectly”， 和para 4中的“Moreover, the fire, produced by humans might be another important reason for theextinction in that nearly all the animals are afraid of fire. ” 有重复论证之嫌

不怕开水烫的猪UID: 187893

谢谢！
开始想提纲时还以为other factors 很好写呢，于是就把人类的间接影响写在了第一段
写着写着，突然发现这个environmental factor 范围太大了，other factors 想不出来了，一着急，就又写了个和人类有关的，结果和前面重复了，呵呵

希望到时候能碰到一个毛病多多的argument

xiongyicnUID: 192745

第二段中的illustrate是不是换成demonstrate比较合适一点。

migao21UID: 58234

最初由 不怕开水烫的猪 发布
[B]谢谢！
开始想提纲时还以为other factors 很好写呢，于是就把人类的间接影响写在了第一段
写着写着，突然发现这个environmental factor 范围太大了，other factors 想不?.

以下省略...... [/B]

我在看完你的a以后， 一开始也是觉得不是other environmental factor会很多， 后来自己想想，实在也想不出什么了