issue6 用时1小时，老外帮忙改了下，大家帮看看吧

skywareUID: 180945

issue 6:   The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.


正文：
Does the trend of a society’s youth really represent its contemporary culture?  The writer believes it to be so, but he unfairly generalizes this complicated topic.  When it comes to pop music, or new styles of modern, fashionable clothing, the young people may stand for social trends.  However, when it comes to literature and art, it is usually middle-aged or even old people that represent trends in society.

Admittedly, analyzing the trends of the youth is the easiest way to understand trends in contemporary fashions. Young people are vigorous and energetic, which make them the generation in society with the greatest promise.  The most common way for them to show their energy is by being in the forefront of society in every area of fashion.  Thus, they usually try by every means possible to keep up with modern fashion trends.  The concerts of a famous pop singer are usually full of his young fans, and the best selling discs are usually those bought by the youth.  When you look around in fashionable clothing shops, nearly all the customers are the young people.  Because of their significant role in the area of fashion, we will save a lot of money and time just by analyzing the trends among the young if we want to know the tide of fashion.

However, contemporary culture includes not only fashions but also the more enduring parts which are the foundation of a society’s culture.  If the culture of the whole society is limited to pop music and fashionable clothing, in which the trends change from year to year, then the culture will become fragmented [is this what you mean?].  Furthermore, the older generations are also part of society, and they too play a significant role in the contemporary culture.

When it comes to art or literature which are usually more than a fashion, it is usually the maturer generation that can indicate the trends.  Unlike pop music, art and literature are not fads, and works of art and literature usually last for a long time and need to be appreciated by people that have a lot of experience or some deeper background knowledge.  For instant, it is usually difficult for a young person to understand the wonderful pictures of van Gogh, or the insightful novels of Mark Twain.  In comparison with youth, the older generation usually has more social experience, deals with every issue in a more mature way, and understands society at a more deeper level.  Because of these advantages, the trends they represent are usually the ones that are really meaningful and valuable to a society.  The music they appreciate is usually the classical music, the books they read usually convey a meaningful or a novel notion, the art they like usually embodies deep thoughts.   All those forms of expression which are the foundation of a society’s culture tend to last much longer than mere fashions. Thus, the older generation’s trends are also valuable when analyzing the contemporary culture.  

In conclusion, both the younger and the older generations play a significant role in the culture of a society. The trends among young people are usually valuable in analyzing areas of fashion, while the old are important in the long lasting parts.


谢谢了先

tingting adamanUID: 192892

Does the trend of a society’s youth really represent its contemporary culture? The writer believes it to be so (believes so), but (没有转折关系啊) he unfairly generalizes this complicated topic (he oversimplifies this complicated issue). When it comes to pop music, or new styles of modern, fashionable clothing, the young people may stand for social trends. However, when it comes to literature and art, it is usually middle-aged or even old people that represent trends in society. （开头简洁有力）

Admittedly, analyzing the trends of the youth is the easiest way to understand trends in (of) contemporary fashions. Young people are vigorous and energetic, which make them the generation in society with the greatest promise.(这句话似乎与主题无关) The most common way for them to show their energy is by being (is to keep)in the forefront of society in every area of fashion. Thus, they usually try by every means possible (leave no means untried) to keep up with modern fashion trends. (举例前最好加个引语) The concerts (concert auditoriums) of a famous pop singer are usually full of  (thronged with)his young fans, and the best selling (best-selling) discs are usually those (去掉those)bought by the youth. When you look around in fashionable clothing shops, nearly all the customers are the young people. Because of their significant role in the area of fashion, we will save a lot of money and time (time and resource) just by analyzing (because we need only to analyze) the trends among the young if we want to know the tide of fashion.

However, contemporary culture includes not only fashions but also the (other) more enduring parts which are the foundation of a society’s culture. If the culture of the whole society is limited to pop music and fashionable clothing, in which the trends change from year to year, then the culture will become fragmented (inconstant)[is this what you mean?]. Furthermore, the older generations are also part of society, and they too play a significant role in the contemporary culture. (感觉你这段是纯论述，ETS好像不太赞同这种写法)

When it comes to art or literature which are usually more than a fashion （去掉）, it is usually the maturer (mature) generation that can indicate the trends. Unlike pop music, art and literature are not fads, and works of art and literature usually last for a long time and need to be appreciated by people that have a lot of experience or some deeper background knowledge. For instant, it is usually difficult for a young person to understand the wonderful pictures of van Gogh, or the insightful novels of Mark Twain. (很好的例子)In comparison with youth, the older generation usually has more social experience, deals with every issue (issues) in a more mature way, and understands society at a more deeper level (from more profound perspectives). Because of these advantages, the trends they represent are usually the ones that are really meaningful and valuable (usually more meaningful and valuable) to a society. The music they appreciate is usually the classical music, the books they read usually convey a meaningful or a novel notion (meaningful and novel notions), (and) the art they like (prefer) usually embodies deep thoughts. All those forms of expression which are the foundation of a society’s culture tend to last much longer than mere fashions. Thus, the older generation’s trends are also (, and even more) valuable when analyzing the contemporary culture.

In conclusion, both the younger and the older generations play a significant role in the culture of a society. The trends among young people are usually valuable in analyzing areas of fashion, while the old are important in the long lasting parts.

写得不错，但第三段应该再展开一下
语言很流利，但注意一些小的错误 ^_^
顺便问一下，怎么才能请到老外改作文啊？

tingting adamanUID: 192892

Does the trend of a society’s youth really represent its contemporary culture? The writer [U]believes it to be so[/U]  (believes so), but (没有转折关系啊) he unfairly generalizes this complicated topic (he oversimplifies this complicated issue). When it comes to pop music, or new styles of modern, fashionable clothing, the young people may stand for social trends. However, when it comes to literature and art, it is usually middle-aged or even old people that represent trends in society. （开头简洁有力）

Admittedly, analyzing the trends of the youth is the easiest way to understand trends in (of) contemporary fashions. Young people are vigorous and energetic, [U]which make them the generation in society with the greatest promise[/U] .(这句话似乎与主题无关) The most common way for them to show their energy [U]is by being [/U]  (is to keep)in the forefront of society in every area of fashion. Thus, they usually [U]try by every means possible [/U]  (leave no means untried) to keep up with modern fashion trends. (举例前最好加个引语) The concerts (concert auditoriums) of a famous pop singer are usually [U]full of  [/U]  (thronged with)his young fans, and the best selling (best-selling) discs are usually those (去掉those)bought by the youth. When you look around in fashionable clothing shops, nearly all the customers are the young people. Because of their significant role in the area of fashion, we will save a lot of [U]money and time[/U]  (time and resource) [U]just by analyzing [/U]  (because we need only to analyze) the trends among the young if we want to know the tide of fashion.

However, contemporary culture includes not only fashions but also the (other) more enduring parts which are the foundation of a society’s culture. If the culture of the whole society is limited to pop music and fashionable clothing, in which the trends change from year to year, then the culture will become fragmented (inconstant)[is this what you mean?]. Furthermore, the older generations are also part of society, and they too play a significant role in the contemporary culture. (感觉你这段是纯论述，ETS好像不太赞同这种写法)

When it comes to art or literature [U]which are usually more than a fashion [/U]  （去掉）, it is usually the maturer (mature) generation that can indicate the trends. Unlike pop music, art and literature are not fads, and works of art and literature usually last for a long time and need to be appreciated by people that have a lot of experience or some deeper background knowledge. For instant, it is usually difficult for a young person to understand the wonderful pictures of van Gogh, or the insightful novels of Mark Twain. (很好的例子)In comparison with youth, the older generation usually has more social experience, deals with [U]every issue [/U]  (issues) in a more mature way, and understands society [U]at a more deeper level [/U]  (from more profound perspectives). Because of these advantages, the trends they represent are [U]usually the ones that are really meaningful and valuable [/U]  (usually more meaningful and valuable) to a society. The music they appreciate is usually the classical music, the books they read usually convey [U]a meaningful or a novel notion [/U]  (meaningful and novel notions), (and) the art they [U]like[/U]  (prefer) usually embodies deep thoughts. All those forms of expression which are the foundation of a society’s culture tend to last much longer than mere fashions. Thus, the older generation’s trends are also (, and even more) valuable when analyzing the contemporary culture.

In conclusion, both the younger and the older generations play a significant role in the culture of a society. The trends among young people are usually valuable in analyzing areas of fashion, while the old are important in the long lasting parts.

写得不错，但第三段应该再展开一下
语言很流利，但注意一些小的错误 ^_^
顺便问一下，怎么才能请到老外改作文啊？

skywareUID: 180945

谢谢你的砖头

你去找一下你们学校的留学生，有人是很热心的
他们会很认真地帮你的
试试看