终于下笔了，issue第一篇，烦请大家提出宝贵意见。

comywenUID: 172022

花了大概2个小时，觉得写得很烂，不管怎样，已经开头了，希望大家给点意见。
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Issue 178
题目:
It is possible to pass laws that control or place limits on people's behavior, but legislation cannot reform human nature. Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts and minds.

文章：
Nowadays, laws not only put restriction on people’s behaviors, but also protect people from being infringed. As the product of the society, laws have come through a way from faulty to mature. Undoubtedly, they have gradually changed people’s hearts and minds as a criterion that measures people’s behavior.

Ever since the society came into being, laws have made the world different from the natural one. Far away from the ancient time when people remain in an uncivilized stage, the weak groups were killed by the strong ones which finally controlled the society and formed their own country. To ensure their government, they set up the regulations for better control of the public, at that time, laws were only the tools for the controlling authority。In some sense, laws are the embodiment of people’s minds and hearts.

As the development of the civilization and the democracy，law systems have been better improved and became more mature and flexible。In most of the democracies，laws represent the rights of the majority。People are securely living under the protection by legal system, they do not feel nervous as it was in the ancient time，all their private properties and personal rights are well ensured, once they got violated, they will resort law to punish the violators. On the contrary, for those wrongdoers, it is no longer a world that they can do what ever they want to do, they need always consider if it would break the law or not before take action. People are awed by the power of the laws. More and more learners devote to law research to improve the legal system; more and more students choose law as their major to protect their surrounding world.

Breadthwise comparing from the angle of geography，laws are not consistent in different countries, each country has their own legal system, some items that are illegal in this country but legal in that country. Apparently, people from Las Vegas would differ a lot with the people in other countries regarding gambling and strip shows. From this, we can see people’s viewpoint, criterion of thinking and behavior are deeply affected by laws.  

To sum up, It is laws that help the society walking from barbarism to civilization, as the criterion of people’s behavior, laws not only place limits on people’s behavior, they also change people’s minds and hearts, to some extent, laws reform human nature.

kkytUID: 188814

顶上来啊,这些天时间太少,这几天抽时间给你提点建议吧

comywenUID: 172022

555，是不是写得太差了，大家都不想看啊。

tracy320cnUID: 186612

我也才写了一篇，26号的，去看看吧，你写的比我好！
Nowadays, laws not only put restriction on people’s behaviors, but also protect people from being infringed. As the product “生产”吗？developing怎么样 of the society, laws have come through a way from faulty to mature. Undoubtedly, they have gradually changed people’s hearts and minds as a criterion that measures people’s behavior.

Ever since the society came into being, laws have made the world different 语气更强一点：巨大变化 from the natural one. Far away from the ancient time when people remain in an uncivilized stage, the weak groups were killed by the strong ones which finally controlled the society and formed their own country. To ensure their government, they set up the regulations for better control of the public, at that time, laws were only the tools for the controlling authority。In some sense, laws are the embodiment of people’s minds and hearts.

As the development of the civilization and the democracy，law systems have been better improved and became more mature and flexible。In most of the democracies，laws represent the rights of the majority。People are securely living under the protection by legal system, they do not feel nervous as it was in the ancient time，all their private properties and personal rights are well ensured, once they got violated, they will resort law to punish the violators. On the contrary, for those wrongdoers, it is no longer a world that they can do what ever they want to do, always they need always consider if it would break the law or not before take action. People are awed by the power of the laws. More and more learners devoted to law research to improve the legal system; more and more students choose law as their major to protect their surrounding world.

Breadthwise comparing from the angle of geography，laws are not consistent in different countries, each country has their own legal system, some items that are illegal in this country but legal in that country. Apparently, the laws 不是people吧 from Las Vegas would differ a lot with the laws 非people in other countries regarding gambling and strip shows. From this, we can see people’s viewpoint, criterion of thinking and behavior are deeply affected by laws.这一段可以再加一两个例子，会更有说服力

To sum up, It is laws that help the society walking from barbarism to civilization, as the criterion of people’s behavior, laws not only place limits on people’s behavior, they also change people’s minds and hearts, to some extent, laws reform human nature.

青蛙过河UID: 153167

comywen的词句用的很好啊。羡慕ing，不过要说的是缺点。逻辑结构感觉有点像流水帐，好像你自己也不能明确自己的立场和展开的方向。中心论点很明显是认同法律对人的行为和本性的制约作用的，那么论点就应该从这里说。分着说一下，第2段如果是个例子挺好的，说明了法律对人想法的约束和改变。但是这是说理文章，你不觉得少了点什么吗。对，就是缺少一个抽象化的分论点作为总起概括你这段的大意。第3段我看完了觉得说的无非就是随着时代的发展，法律现今的作用：让守法人生活安定，让坏人感到约束。同样没有抽象化的说理论点。第4段说国家不同法律不同，可这样能说明法律对人的行为抑或是想法的制约吗？文章到这里就彻底跑了。
我的感觉是，文章的结构一定要清晰，就是中心论点，分论点（ts），支持论据，总结，结尾所有的元素要一目了然，有很清晰的推理逻辑。你觉得呢?
文章的用词和用句真的挺好，作为第一篇已经是很不错了，继续在论证和逻辑上加油！

comywenUID: 172022

谢谢tracy320cn,第一个帮我修改作文的人哦。等我这两天有时间去看看你的作文。

还有青蛙过河，真的是一针见血阿，我写这篇文章的时候都感觉自己完全是很麻木地写完的，根本就没有一句像样的话能拿出来说理。可能本身自己的逻辑思维就比较差，再加上这些实在对法律这方面的知识贫乏的很，说着说着，连自己都觉得快要离题。

看来，要下苦功夫啊，我哭啊

panda2727UID: 138271

从楼主给我改文章的时候，就已经看出楼主语言的功力了。赞一个先！

总体上来看，我觉得楼主应该在写之前明确知道自己要表达一个什么观点。后边写的时候要紧紧抓住你的观点论证，使它有足够的说服力。这才是一篇文章的主线。而感觉楼主这篇，没有充分地抓住你的观点：法律不仅限制，而且改变人们的内心。反而在外围做了很多工作，没有抓住重点。“为什么不仅限制了，还改变了”这样的问题楼主并没有充分的论述。这是这篇最大的问题。

第一部分，法律使人类社会有了规范。实际上我的理解是把人类与野兽区分。我认为按照你的意思应该在这个方面多展开点。这段问题在于，在段末，你又提出了“In some sense, laws are the embodiment of people’s minds and hearts.”这样一个观点。首先，在一个论点的论述段中，不要出现一个还没有论证的新观点，其实，中文写作也是这样。其次，你仅仅是提出而已，没有任何的论述。如果你觉得这和你的主观点无关，那么你还不如不写。

在第二部分中，对你的TS支持不够有力。这些都是比较空泛的语言，如果用事例来证明，将会生动起来。

万事开头难。楼主有什么不同意见，尽管回拍。大家共同进步。向楼主的语言学习。


这是我最新的文章。来看看吧。谢谢。
http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthread...threadid=244748

lujing819UID: 178978

Nowadays, laws not only put restriction on people’s behaviors, but also protect people from being infringed. As the product of the society, laws have come through a way from faulty to mature. Undoubtedly, they have gradually changed people’s hearts and minds as a criterion that measures people’s behavior.

Ever since the society came into being, laws have made the world different from the natural one. Far away from the ancient time when people remain in an uncivilized stage, the weak groups were killed by the strong ones which finally controlled the society and formed their own country. To ensure their government, they set up the regulations for better control of the public, （. At）at that time, laws were only the tools for the controlling authority。In some sense, laws are the embodiment of people’s minds and hearts.（laws are the embodiment of those governor’s minds and hearts.似乎更符合上下文）

As the development of the civilization and the democracy，law systems have been better improved and became more mature and flexible。In most of the democracies，laws represent the rights of the majority。People are securely living under the protection by legal system, they do not feel nervous as it was in the ancient time，（. All ） all their private properties and personal rights are well ensured, （. Once）once they got violated, they will resort law to punish the violators. On the contrary, for those wrongdoers, it is no longer a world that they can do what ever they want to do, （. They）they need always （to）consider if it would break the law or not before take action[B]（正式场合一般使用whether ...or not 句型）[/B] . People are awed by the power of the laws. More and more learners devote to law research to improve the legal system; more and more students choose law as their major to protect their surrounding world.

Breadthwise comparing from the angle of geography，laws are not consistent in different countries, （. Each）each country has their own legal system, （. Some）some items that are illegal in this country but legal in that country. Apparently, people from Las Vegas would differ a lot with the people in other countries regarding gambling and strip shows. From this, we can see people’s viewpoint, criterion of thinking and behavior are deeply affected by laws.

To sum up, （it）It is laws that help the society walking from barbarism to civilization, （. As）as the criterion of people’s behavior, laws not only place limits on people’s behavior, they also change people’s minds and hearts, （. To）to some extent, laws reform human nature.

有许多comma splice problems 不知道是不是不拘小节之故？内容我没资格评论，其实我产来欣赏佳作来的，很高兴能读到这样好的文章，我认为你的文笔真是太好了。提的不对之处请多包涵。