Issue95 行为类 帮我看看吧~ 超时有点严重~

ally00lingUID: 178366

Issue 95 People work more productively in teams than individually. Teamwork requires cooperation, which motivates people much more than individual competition does。

正文:
I concede that in some cases, teamwork impedes individual's better performances, otherwise, I strongly believe the speaker's claim that people work much more productively in teams than individually, and cooperation required in teamwork motivates people more than individual competition does.

Generally, there are two common circumstances, under which, people will perform better individually, other than collectively with others. For example, when each member of a team works only for his/her personal purpose and ambition, other than a shared goal, maybe it is better to separate the whole task into independent shares to commission them with a segment, so that they can at least, finish their own task without feeling that they are interfered by others.

Another case is when people are of specially occupations such as writer, musician, painter, and so forth, most of whose work is accomplished through individual effort in a very personal, independent and often quiet environment, which rarely needs any interactions. Thus, teamwork and cooperation here may possibly be counterproductive.

Aside from the above and other similar circumstances, I fundamentally agree with the speaker's assertion. So long as all the people in a team are sharing a mutual goal and willing to devote, and the task is beyond individual ability that requires teamwork and cooperation, there is no doubt, teamwork results in the best performance of each member and more productivity than the total of individual's achievement. And the reasons are as follows.

Firstly, working in a team enables to explore each member's advantage, and to fairly scrutinize their shortcomings. Therefore, a team can maximize its productivity by appointing shares of the task to each member who qualifies than anyone else according to his/her capacity and personality. For example, in a basketball team, the member who is good at rebounding and blocking are arranged to be center, point guard is the one of speed, and shooting guard the person who is proficient in shooting. The more rational the arrangement of positions, the stronger team it makes, the more champions it tends to achieve. At the same time, each player can best perform on their suitable position, and are greatly inspired by other team members' devotion and excellent performances. And it is just the same case in other fields.

Secondly, a effective team usually consists of people of diversified disciplines. Cooperation among them enhances the communication between different fields, and exchanges of valuable ideas, experience, way of thinking, and spirits, which leads to creativity and vitality to the team as a whole, and ultimately results in the much more effective and more importantly, productive work. For supporting examples, one needs look no further than the successful communities and clubs on the university campus. There's a club in my university that regularly holds lectures and salons on different academic disciplines. When this club was previously in the charge of students from one department, the lectures were always on that subject, and made participants bored. Since it recruited members from all departments, diversified ideas, accumulation of knowledge, and ways of thinking have been greatly contributed to the popularity of the club and the activities it holds. Several lectures entitled "Dhyana's great impact on contemporary economic market", "The beauty of Mathematics", and so forth were especially well received. They are creative and successful combination of the merits from all disciplines.

As a matter of fact, these merits and benefits of teamwork and cooperation can hardly be achieved by individual separately. There's neither specially arranged position for him/her to encourage his/her best performance, nor abundant valuable ideas and experience he/her can refer to. Needless to mention caring and helpful teammates whose devotion and commitment to work inspires him/her when he/her is frustrated.

In sum, there really are circumstances that individual work is more productive than teamwork, and cooperation is not necessary at all. However, in most cases of this swiftly developing society where tasks are more and more impossible to be accomplished by individual effort, teamwork is highly valued to bring more productivity of work, and cooperation is badly needed for the best performance of each member.

花之颜色UID: 187195

I concede that in some cases, teamwork impedes individual's better performances, otherwise, I strongly believe the speaker's claim that people work much more productively in teams than individually, and cooperation required in teamwork motivates people more than individual competition does.

Generally, there are two common circumstances, under which, people will perform better individually, other than collectively with others. For example, when each member of a team works only for his/her personal purpose and ambition, other than a shared goal, maybe it is better to separate the whole task into independent shares to commission them with a segment, so that they can at least, finish their own task without feeling that they are interfered by others.这个观点很新鲜啊，为了迁就各怀鬼胎的个人,把任务分配给每个人?前提是这个任务可以分配,而且分配以后效果不会变差啊,请楼主论证清楚这一点

Another case is when people are of [U]specially [/U] 形容词 occupations such as writer, musician, painter, and so forth, most of whose work is accomplished through individual effort in a very personal, independent and often quiet environment, which rarely needs any interactions. Thus, teamwork and cooperation here may possibly be counterproductive.没有揭示这些工作的本质是极富创造性的,不需要合作啊,楼主可以对这一点再挖掘一下

Aside from the above and other similar circumstances, I fundamentally agree with the speaker's assertion. So long as all the people in a team are sharing a mutual goal and willing to devote, and the task is beyond individual ability that requires teamwork and cooperation, there is no doubt, teamwork results in the best performance of each member and more productivity than the total of individual's achievement. And the reasons are as follows.

Firstly, [U]working in a team enables to explore each member's advantage, and to fairly scrutinize their shortcomings. [/U]  意思懂,表达别扭Therefore, a team can maximize its productivity by appointing shares of the task to each member who qualifies than anyone else [U]according to his/her capacity and personality. [/U] 搁在这里容易引起歧义 For example, in a basketball team, the member who is good at rebounding and blocking are arranged to be center, point guard is the one of speed, and shooting guard the person who is proficient in shooting. The more rational the arrangement of positions, the stronger team it makes, the more champions it tends to achieve. At the same time, each player can best perform on their suitable position, and are greatly inspired by other team members' devotion and excellent performances. And it is just the same case in other fields.

Secondly, a effective team usually consists of people of diversified disciplines. Cooperation among them enhances the communication between different fields, and exchanges of valuable ideas, experience, way of thinking, and spirits, which leads to creativity and vitality to the team as a whole, and ultimately results in the much more effective and more importantly, productive work. For supporting examples, one needs look no further than the successful communities and clubs on the university campus. There's a club in my university that regularly holds lectures and salons on different academic disciplines. When this club was previously in the charge of students from one department, the lectures were always on that subject, and made participants bored. Since it recruited members from all departments, diversified ideas, accumulation of knowledge, and ways of thinking have been greatly contributed to the popularity of the club and the activities it holds. Several lectures entitled "Dhyana's great impact on contemporary economic market", "The beauty of Mathematics", and so forth were especially well received. They are creative and successful combination of the merits from all disciplines.

As a matter of fact, these merits and benefits of teamwork and cooperation can hardly be achieved by individual separately. There's neither specially arranged position for him/her to encourage his/her best performance, nor abundant valuable ideas and experience he/her can refer to. Needless to mention caring and helpful teammates whose devotion and commitment to work inspires him/her when he/her is frustrated.

In sum, there really are circumstances that individual work is more productive than teamwork, and cooperation is not necessary at all. However, in most cases of this swiftly developing society where tasks are more and more impossible to be accomplished by individual effort, teamwork is highly valued to bring more productivity of work, and cooperation is badly needed for the best performance of each member.

总体感觉还行啊,个别点挖掘不够,语言基本通顺,但不算特别优美(其实我也做不到,只是看过一些牛牛的文章觉得很漂亮)

bcomerUID: 182621

……大致一看觉得结构挺好的 studying^^

花之颜色：你知道老外280篇在哪里下吗？

现在我还没有找到：）

花之颜色UID: 187195

坛子里面有啊,精华区吧?

ally00lingUID: 178366

非常感谢！~~ ;)
语言的提高似乎很难了，没两天了 :rolleyes:
你觉得自己瞎编的例子放里面可行吗？？

LSDUID: 157855

占座！

flyingwindUID: 189320

最初由 ally00ling 发布
[B]非常感谢！~~ ;)
语言的提高似乎很难了，没两天了 :rolleyes:
你觉得自己瞎编的例子放里面可行吗？？ [/B]

每人知道吧，只要不犯常识错误

LSDUID: 157855

Issue 95 People work more productively in teams than individually. Teamwork requires cooperation, which motivates people much more than individual competition does。

正文:
I concede that in some cases[这里要是具体点可能会更好些啊，呵呵，个人意见], teamwork impedes individual's better performances, otherwise, I strongly believe the speaker's claim that people work much more productively in teams than individually, and cooperation required in teamwork motivates people more than individual competition does.

Generally, [there are two common circumstances, under which, people will perform better individually, other than collectively with others.][问题和上次naiba给我提得一样就是ts后面没有引子，直接就是例子] For example, when each member of a team works only for his/her personal purpose and ambition, other than a shared goal, maybe it is better to separate the whole task into independent shares to commission them with a segment, so that they can at least, finish their own task without feeling that they are interfered by others.[看完了觉得后面说的内容不是example阿]

Another case is when people are of specially occupations such as writer, musician, painter, and so forth, most of whose work is[these works are] accomplished through individual effort in a very personal, independent and often quiet environment, which rarely needs any interactions. Thus, teamwork and cooperation here may possibly be counterproductive. [最后这句话感觉没什么里有的说，前面只写了个人工作是需要，但并没有说teamwork and cooperation 会引起副作用阿]

[Aside from the above and other similar circumstances, I fundamentally agree with the speaker's assertion. ]So long as all the people in a team are sharing a mutual goal and willing to devote, and the task is beyond individual ability that requires teamwork and cooperation, there is no doubt, teamwork results in the best performance of each member and more productivity than the total of individual's achievement. And the reasons are as follows.

Firstly, [working in a team enables to explore each member's advantage, and to fairly scrutinize their shortcomings. ]Therefore, a team can maximize its productivity by appointing shares of the task to each member who qualifies than anyone else according to his/her capacity and personality. For example, in a basketball team, the member who is good at rebounding and blocking are arranged to be center, point guard is the one of speed, and shooting guard the person who is proficient in shooting. The more rational the arrangement of positions, the stronger team it makes, the more champions it tends to achieve. At the same time, each player can best perform on their suitable position, and are greatly inspired by other team members' devotion and excellent performances. And it is just the same case in other fields.[这里说理少点了，最好在后面写写这样是怎么使全队的工作more productively可能更突出中心一些]

Secondly, [a effective team usually consists of people of diversified disciplines.] Cooperation among them enhances the communication between different fields, and exchanges of valuable ideas, experience, way of thinking, and spirits, which leads to creativity and vitality to the team as a whole, and ultimately results in the much more effective and more importantly, productive work. For supporting examples, one needs look no further than the successful communities and clubs on the university campus. There's a club in my university that regularly holds lectures and salons on different academic disciplines. When this club was previously in the charge of students from one department, the lectures were always on that subject, and made participants bored. Since it recruited members from all departments, diversified ideas, accumulation of knowledge, and ways of thinking have been greatly contributed to the popularity of the club and the activities it holds. Several lectures entitled "Dhyana's great impact on contemporary economic market", "The beauty of Mathematics", and so forth were especially well received. They are creative and successful combination of the merits from all disciplines.

As a matter of fact, these merits and benefits of teamwork and cooperation can hardly be achieved by individual separately. There's neither specially arranged position for him/her to encourage his/her best performance, nor abundant valuable ideas and experience he/her can refer to. Needless to mention caring and helpful teammates whose devotion and commitment to work inspires him/her when he/her is frustrated.

In sum, there really are circumstances that individual work is more productive than teamwork, and cooperation is not necessary at all[这里有点绝对了]. However, in most cases of this swiftly developing society where tasks are more and more impossible to be accomplished by individual effort, teamwork is highly valued to bring more productivity of work, and cooperation is badly needed for the best performance of each member.

naiba369UID: 131655

1。你的开头表述的不是很好。既然后面还要说individual 有其好处，自然在你的第一段里最好有所体现。而那个otherwise，似乎也不是很好，换成什么furthermore，moreover，besides都是不错的选择。
2．个人觉得你这篇文章开始对individual优点的论述过于详细，毕竟从你的主导思想来看，你是想说teamwork比较好。鉴于此，建议把文中的第2～4段和为一段，既从结构上不冲淡了主题，而且可以是你的论证更充分。而你现在的这种段落层次，看上去似乎结构清晰，但每段论证的很不充分。
3．中间那个“转”的段落，我觉得不是很必要，可以放到后面主题段落的第一句，你的段落太多了。
4关于teamwork 的论述，我觉得你想的不是很全面：1。的确，以团队的形式可以集思广益，提高效率。2。但是，为了让这个团队很好的运转，必然有一些规定，这样会抑制个人的创造力。比如，当年IBM的官僚主义就很盛行，很多优秀人才都跳了。这就是teamwork限制效率的例子。
5．如果想论述的比较全面，建议还是要全面考虑，最简单的方法就是conditioning一下。在什么领域，individual比较好，而其他领域，teamwork比较好。
6．任何事物都有一个“度”的问题，超过了“度”了，都会有它的弊端的，请记住!
加油了

sailing_yfUID: 150982

I concede that in some cases, teamwork impedes individual's better performances, otherwise, I strongly believe the speaker's claim that people work much more productively in teams than individually, and cooperation required in teamwork motivates people more than individual competition does.[同意9楼的，照你的写法应该用一个让步状语从句although individual has his advantage, I strongly belive......]

teachercaomingUID: 152124

I concede that in some cases, teamwork impedes individual's better performances, otherwise, I strongly believe(用strongly其实就是多了一个词，但显得多余) the speaker's claim that people work much more productively in teams than individually, and cooperation required in teamwork motivates people more than individual competition does.（题目可以改以下啊，照抄原题不好）

Generally, there are two common circumstances（generally和common 是一个意思）, under which（没有这样的表达法）, people will perform better individually, other than collectively with others. For example, when each member of a team works only for his/her personal purpose and ambition, other than a shared goal, maybe it is better to separate the whole task into independent shares to commission them with a segment, so that they can at least, finish their own task without feeling that they are interfered by others.

Another case is when people are of specially occupations such as writer, musician, painter, and so forth, most of whose work is accomplished through individual effort in a very personal, independent and often quiet environment, which rarely needs any interactions. Thus, teamwork and cooperation here may possibly be counterproductive.

Aside from the above and other similar circumstances, I fundamentally agree with the speaker's assertion. So long as all the people in a team are sharing a mutual goal and willing to devote（这句挺好的）, and the task is beyond individual ability that requires teamwork and cooperation, there is no doubt, teamwork results in the best performance of each member and more productivity than the total of individual's achievement. And the reasons are as follows.

Firstly, working in a team enables to explore each member's advantage, and to fairly scrutinize their shortcomings. Therefore, a team can maximize its productivity by appointing shares of the task to each member who qualifies than anyone else according to his/her capacity and personality. For example, in a basketball team, the member who is good at rebounding and blocking are arranged to be center, point guard is the one of speed, and shooting guard the person who is proficient in shooting. The more rational the arrangement of positions, the stronger team it makes, the more champions it tends to achieve. At the same time, each player can best perform on their suitable position, and are greatly inspired by other team members' devotion and excellent performances. And it is just the same case in other fields.

Secondly, a effective team usually consists of people of （用with）diversified disciplines. Cooperation among them enhances the communication between different fields  (in different fields)   , and exchanges of valuable ideas, experience, way of thinking, and spirits, which leads to creativity and vitality to the team as a whole, and ultimately results in the much more effective and more importantly, productive work. For supporting examples, one needs look no further than the successful communities and clubs on the university campus. There's a club in my university that regularly holds lectures and salons on different academic disciplines. When this club was previously in the charge of students from one department, the lectures were always on that subject, and made participants bored. Since it recruited members from all departments, diversified ideas, accumulation of knowledge, and ways of thinking have been greatly contributed to the popularity of the club and the activities it holds. Several lectures entitled "Dhyana's great impact on contemporary economic market", "The beauty of Mathematics", and so forth were especially well received. They are creative and successful combination of the merits from all disciplines.

As a matter of fact, these merits and benefits of teamwork and cooperation can hardly be achieved by individual separately. There's neither specially arranged position for him/her to encourage his/her best performance, nor abundant valuable ideas and experience he/her can refer to. Needless to mention caring and helpful teammates whose devotion and commitment to work inspires him/her when he/her is frustrated.

In sum, there really are circumstances that individual work is more productive than teamwork, and cooperation is not necessary at all. However, in most cases of this swiftly developing society where tasks are more and more impossible to be accomplished by individual effort, teamwork is highly valued to bring more productivity of work, and cooperation is badly needed for the best performance of each member.

teachercaomingUID: 152124

总体来说你的文章表达挺混乱的，我后面的旧没有看下去了
比如each player can best perform on their suitable position
你用了太多的定语从句，状语从句，
多用同位语从句，避免句子读起来太拗口，
就给这些建议吧，

ally00lingUID: 178366

最近根本没进入状态，越想考试近了越着急。。
昨天居然没来，刚刚看到大家都那么好，太感动了！
抱歉没有及时回复，马上研究去！！
再次谢谢楼上所有人！ :D

ally00lingUID: 178366

To LSD: 很好的建议！我总结如下：
      1 再交待position时简要给出要点；
      2 body部分的顺序应由：TS,简要分析，例证，简要支持TS；
      3 分析应该做到focus,自己提到的观点一定能找到支持；


To Naiba369: 受益，本来没想重写的，现在觉得不行了

  我原来一直以为，clear position就是观点很强，几乎站在一边，不应该有太多balance的东西在里面。可能是受了一个外教的影响，（而且可能是我自己没有领会人家的准确意思），只记得他说中国学生喜欢写两边都不得罪的观点 （traditional Chinese "fair" position），所以看到issue里有两方比较或选择的，总力图站在一边，用一些可能的情况让一下步，然后主要支持另一方面。

比如这个issue，看了你的意见，我意识到我的这种想法实际限制了我去全面思考，最后的下场是观点似乎有，但是论证不可能有力度。
      
所以非常感谢，看来我得摒弃这个错误观点了。
既然事物都有适度原则，position里说两种观点需要balance应该是没有任何问题的。
      
是这样吧？希望听听大家的意见！


To sailing_yf:  不好意思哦，我还是不大明白， :D  :confused:
               
我如果想说“我同意有些情况合作不好，除此意外，合作好”,到底应该用什么词呢？？
你用although和我表达的意思有区别吗？
还有naiba 推荐的besides, furthermore表示的“除此以外”应该是前后意思一致的阿？
比如：A is resonable, besides, B is reasonable.   
可是这不是我本意啊~

To Teachercaoming:
说的对，把语言变简练！