Issue 5教育类，我的第一篇，希望大家多来拍砖！

staralwaysUID: 193479

“A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer.”

We all know that when a child is being beared, both the parents’ participation and endeavour are of great importance. The mother can bring about the child the character of diligence, while the father can set up an example of a hard-working man pursuing his future. So is to the disposition of the curriculum. While the state above asserts that all that the students learn before entering college should be the same national curriculum, the fast developing society, full with fierce competition, calls for a mixture of the national curriculum and the local ones.

Despite its goodness, it is essential for the students to require them to learn the same national courses before entering college. Within the more and more competitive world, education, by many countries, has been lifted up to as the most constructive strategy for a nation’s prosperity. Therefore there’s increasing involvement of the government in the education, as well as in the setting of the curriculum. The government wants to assure that all the students get proper education, and it strives for this goal through the national curriculum because the well-designed national courses display the common interests of all aspects, as well as the basic requirements for a student. A good example of this is the teaching of reading, writing and the ability of arithmetic during the primary education phase, which are the footstones for further learning. The national curriculum can serve as a guidance for all the educators throughout the nation for what should mastered by the students and how they are taught.

Simply put, without the uniform national curriculum, then it will be the responsibility for each part of the country to determine which academic courses to offer. Since we all know that the culture heritages, economic prosperity, ecological environment, as well as the social stability differ from each part to another, hence the outcome curriculum will of great differences. This may probably lead to the unbalanced level of education around the nation, which will hamper the nation’s step to common prosperity that the government is surely not willing to see. And this will be the reason for a call for uniform national courses.

However, learning the same national curriculum dose not necessarily mean that there cannot be local ones. Actually, local curriculum will also do a lot of goodness to the students who study those courses. Schools, in different parts of the country, probably know local characteristics better than the central government. Many cultural heritages, recorded by the local documents and passed down from generation to generation by its people, which, if consolidated into the curriculum and taught to the students, will make them know better of the activities of their ancestors, the moral and social standards, as well as the root of the home. The natural interest sites should be known by the students there too, for this may evoke their enthusiasm to work for their home. There’s no doubt that this kind of curriculum, say, the local curriculum will help to enrich a student’s knowledge and capability.

Moreover, there’ll be circumstances that some particular parts of the nation, subject to some limitations, cannot offer some of the national curriculum or cannot meet the standards of them, though provided. Then the local state must take over the responsibility to offer some complementary, yet useful and necessary for the good development of the students. Still more, as the students grow, it’s creditable that many of them become aware of what they are interested in and what they actually need right before they become freshmen in college, probably during the secondary education phase. Hence the schools must provide some extra courses of diverse range for the students to choose their favorite ones. We just cannot overlook the importance of the local curriculum.

If, the national curriculum serve as the father in the process of nurturing a child, then the local ones the mother. Without the same national curriculum, the students won’t get a teaching of overall skills and knowledge which are basically needed; while the lack of local curriculum will make the students not having a view of their home and even their country. Therefore, in order to bring up a competitive student, the two should work as one.


花了一个多小时。第一次写真是难以下手，还是希望大牛们多帮忙看看，多谢多谢！

sblbaslerUID: 175229

文章感觉不错，语言比较到位，个人认为最精彩的就是开头结尾的那个类比，不仅恰如其分而且首尾呼应，但整个的bodies只有一个事实在在的例子，说理太多，即使精彩也不免缺乏说服力，注意你是在对一个社会问题做一个讨论，你要说服别人就要有充分的证据，还是那句话，用事实说话是老美的value之一

staralwaysUID: 193479

首先要谢谢楼上的评论！
关于例子的问题我写的时候也有在想，实在是不太想得出。版上的那个微软百科全书上的摘录都是相关的法律，不知楼上的有否好李子共享啊

sblbaslerUID: 175229

所谓的例子个人认为能写出好的当然好，但实在没有的时候就用新东方课上讲的类似与模版的东西凑也比没有强

staralwaysUID: 193479

哎，距离上课的时间长了……
仍然要谢谢sblbasler。但是例子是不就一定要是example, instance之类的词明确表达出来呢？我自己paragragh4里的cultural heritage和natural interest sites也能算是个例子了。望sblbasler继续指正。

G猫UID: 192988

We all know that when a child is being beared, both the parents’ participation and endeavour are of great importance. The mother can bring about the child the character of diligence, while the father can set up an example of a hard-working man pursuing his future. So is to the disposition of the curriculum. While the state above asserts that all that the students learn before entering college should be the same national curriculum, the fast developing society, full with [of] fierce competition, calls for a mixture of the national curriculum and the local ones. [这种开头挺新颖的，但个人觉得这个类比不合适]

Despite its goodness [despite是让步,应该与后面的意思相反], it is essential for the students to require them [有点罗嗦]to learn the same national courses before entering college. Within the more and more competitive world, education, by [in] many countries, has been lifted up to as the most constructive strategy for a nation’s prosperity. Therefore there’s increasing involvement of the government in the education, as well as in the setting of the curriculum. The government wants to assure that all the students get proper education, and it strives for this goal through the national curriculum because the well-designed national courses display the common interests of all aspects, as well as the basic requirements for a student. A good example of this is the teaching of reading, writing and the ability of arithmetic during the primary education phase, which are [is]the footstones for further learning. The national curriculum can serve as a guidance for all the educators throughout the nation for what should mastered by the students and how they are taught. [这段的ts是统一课程是必要的,后面都应该围绕这个来写. 我只从well-designed 这句看到了可以支持ts的重点, 你提出了是必要的,后面就应该紧接着说为什么是必要的,因为是well-designed, 那为什么是well-designed,这才应该说政府把教育提到展略高度,所以怎么怎么样,就是你一开始说的这些,这样才可以有效地证明ts, 例子不好,就算不是统一课程,就不学这些基础了么?最后一句不能作为总结,作为一个分论点还可以]

Simply put, without the uniform national curriculum, then it will be the responsibility for each part of the country to determine which academic courses to offer. Since we all know that the culture heritages, economic prosperity, ecological environment, as well as the social stability differ from each part to another, hence the outcome curriculum will [be]of great differences [感觉这样说怪怪的]. This may probably lead to the unbalanced level of education around the nation, which will hamper the nation’s step to common prosperity that the government is surely not willing to see[这个因果关系跨度太大,仅仅unbalanced就hamper prospetity了?显然不具有说服力]. And this will be the reason for a call for uniform national courses [因为上面两段都是写必要性,而这个reason让人感觉好像就这么一个原因一样].


However, learning the same national curriculum dose not necessarily mean that there cannot be local ones. Actually, local curriculum will also do a lot of goodness to the students who study those courses [只是对学生有好处么]. Schools, in different parts of the country, probably know local characteristics better than the central government. Many cultural heritages, recorded by the local documents and passed down from generation to generation by its people, which, if consolidated into the curriculum and taught to the students, will make them know better of the activities of their ancestors, the moral and social standards, as well as the root of the home [这句太长,重新组织一下吧]. The natural interest sites [这个想说什么风景名胜?不对吧]should be known by the students there too, for this may evoke their enthusiasm to work for their home. There’s no doubt that this kind of curriculum, say, the local curriculum will help to enrich a student’s knowledge and capability.

Moreover, there’ll be circumstances that some particular parts of the nation, subject [due] to some limitations, cannot offer some of the national curriculum or cannot meet the standards of them, though provided [句子组织得有点怪,尽量还是用简洁一些得,用长句容易出错]. Then the local state must take over the responsibility to offer some complementary[根据前面得意思,应该是"有所取舍"比较合适吧], yet [yet???]useful and necessary for the good [better]development of the students. Still more, as the students grow, it’s creditable that many of them become aware of what they are interested in and what they actually need right before they become freshmen in college, probably during the secondary education phase [因为学生对什么有兴趣学校就要设置相应得课程?]. Hence the schools must provide some extra courses of diverse range for the students to choose their favorite ones. We just cannot overlook the importance of the local curriculum.

If, the national curriculum serve as the father in the process of nurturing a child, then the local ones the mother. Without the same national curriculum, the students won’t get a teaching of overall skills and knowledge which are basically needed; while the lack of local curriculum will make the students not having a view of their home and even their country. Therefore, in order to bring up a competitive student [对于这道题来说,这样的目标狭隘了点], the two should work as one [可以这样说呀?].

[第一次写用了一个小时,写了这么多,还是很不错的.我第一次写了好久呢.
刚刚也写了这篇文章,所以就选了你的来改,我限时写的,才写了500多字,你的文章也给我一些启发呢,多谢:)]

staralwaysUID: 193479

严重感谢G猫的批改！
首先是例子问题。就像前面几贴说的那样，感觉不好找。你说的那几个basic的课程不恰当，我又想了下，那些有关学生思想心理健康教育的课程，能不能算呢？其实说白了就是我们都在上的那些毛概、马哲、邓论之类的，呵呵。G猫对于这段逻辑顺序上的说明让我明白不少。
其次是第三段（就是simply put）那段，由于在列提纲时并没有，是写的时候临时加上去的，所以思维就不够严密了。
"因为学生对什么有兴趣学校就要设置相应得课程?"这句启发比较大，G猫的意思是应该马上接下去展开例子这样就更有说服力了是吧？

呵呵，我文章长的原因，其实你也看到了啦，都是长句……
G猫既然也写了这篇，发上来看看啊！：）

G猫UID: 192988

马上要出去,晚上来给你回复:)

staralwaysUID: 193479

好，我等着。

G猫UID: 192988

The government wants to assure that all the students get proper education, and it strives for this goal through the national curriculum because the well-designed national courses display the common interests of all aspects, as well as the basic requirements for a student.

首先,这个论点有点问题. 这道题是统一课程和地方安排的选择, 你应该抓住统一课程具有而地方不具有的优势作为分论点,而非get proper education,basic requirements for a student. 因为这些是地方安排课程也可以做到的. 所以你找不到合适的例子.

"因为学生对什么有兴趣学校就要设置相应得课程?"这句启发比较大，G猫的意思是应该马上接下去展开例子这样就更有说服力了是吧？

我倒不是这个意思,而是对你所说的表示质疑. 我觉得学校不是因为某某学生对什么感兴趣就设置什么课,之所以设置这些课程是教育的需要,而不是由个别学生决定的,学校不可能去迎合每个学生的兴趣,也不可能做到去洞察每个学生的兴趣.

staralwaysUID: 193479

[B]我觉得学校不是因为某某学生对什么感兴趣就设置什么课,之所以设置这些课程是教育的需要,而不是由个别学生决定的,学校不可能去迎合每个学生的兴趣,也不可能做到去洞察每个学生的兴趣.[/B]

这个观点我也是同意的。学校当然不可能针对每个学生的兴趣去安排课程，这是不实际的。我的本意是讲的一些选修课，兴趣小组之类的，学校可以通过这些课程供学生选择，作为其他课程的补充。可能是水平不够没有讲清楚。

Thanks a lot!

staralwaysUID: 193479

有没有哪位大牛再帮我看看啊？感激不尽啊！

staralwaysUID: 193479

We all know that when a child is being beared, both the parents’ participation and endeavour are of great importance. The mother can bring about the child the character of diligence, while the father can set up an example of a hard-working man pursuing his future. So is to the disposition of the curriculum. While the state above asserts that all that the students learn before entering college should be the same national curriculum, the fast developing society, full with fierce competition, calls for a mixture of the national curriculum and the local ones.

Besides its goodness, it’s essential for the students to learn the same national curriculum before entering colleges. We all know that the central concern of education is its students. In order to cultivate them to stand the fierce competition in the society, the government, education organizations and educators pay great attention to the setting of curriculum. They know there is a need for a curriculum which can reflect the common interests of all aspects, as well as the basic requirements to the students. And that’s the uniform national curriculum. For example, all the students are required to learn reading, writing, mathematics, etc. during the primary education phase, since these are the footstones of their future study. Further more, as the students grow, new things, diverse phenomenon, rush towards them while their perspective of life, value and the world have not firmed yet. They need guidance to help shape their minds, and that’s will again the same national curriculum’s responsibility and effect. For instance, we learn to know that we shouldn’t commit theft, loot and other crimes through the citizenship course. We get to be taught that we should be honest, credit, helpful during the moral course. There’s no doubt of the importance of this uniform national curriculum, it is through which that students can master some basic skills and knowledge, as well as well-formed mind for further education in colleges.

Simply put, without the uniform national curriculum, then it will be the responsibility for each part of the country to determine which academic courses to offer. This may lead to the situation that students from throughout the nation will differ in educational level, skills and knowledge greatly. And this can further prevent the professors in colleges from effective teaching. They may struggle in the dilemma which they feel difficult deciding what to offer when facing a class with half already know a lot of certain subject while the other half know little. This dilemma will vanish when a same national curriculum is required. This curriculum will serve as a framework for the pre-college education, which guarantees the students get a relatively same level of education that can be regarded as a common start point in the college and a convenience for the colleges to carry out their teaching activities.

However, learning the same national curriculum dose not necessarily mean that there cannot be local ones. Schools, in different parts of the country, probably know local characteristics better than the central government. Many cultural heritages, such as racial songs and folklores, passed down from generation to generation, if consolidated into the curriculum and taught to the students, will make them know better of the cultural root of their home and may evoke their enthusiasm to work for their home. It will do a lot of good to the students for them to learn this kind of curriculum. There’s no doubt that local curriculum will help to enrich a student’s knowledge and capability.

Moreover, there’ll be circumstances that some particular parts of the nation, subject to some limitations, cannot offer some of the national curriculum or cannot meet the standards of them, though provided. Then the local state must take over the responsibility to offer some complementary, yet useful and necessary for the good development of the students. Still more, as the students grow, it’s creditable that many of them become aware of what they are interested in and what they actually need right before they become freshmen in college, probably during the secondary education phase. Hence the schools must provide some extra courses of diverse range for the students to choose their favorite ones. We just cannot overlook the importance of the local curriculum.

If, the national curriculum serve as the father in the process of nurturing a child, then the local ones the mother. Without the same national curriculum, the students won’t get a teaching of overall skills and knowledge which are basically needed; while the lack of local curriculum will make the students not having a view of their home and even their country. Therefore, in order to bring up a competitive student, the two should work as one.

根据G猫等人的意见作了修改，不知道怎么样。恳请大家继续拍砖！
还有好象字数越来越多了，怎么办啊。