argument135 重出江湖之一

冥界星灿UID: 184746

135The following is a memorandum from the business manager of WLSS television station.

"Over the past year, our late-night news program has devoted increasingly more time to covering national news and less time to covering weather and local news. During the same time period, most of the complaints we received from viewers were concerned with the station's coverage of weather and local news. In addition, several local businesses that used to run advertisements during our late-night news program have just cancelled their advertising contracts with us. Therefore, in order to attract more viewers to our news programs and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues, we should expand the coverage of weather and local news on all our news programs."



When suggesting expanding the coverage of weather and local news on all their news programs, the author reasons a promise assuming this action can prevent the losing of audiences and the advertising revenues. The statements seem to persuasive, however, the reasons, evidences, and eventually the conclusion itself are all untenable.

To begin with, it is presumptuous to say the audiences are losing due to the time increase of national news and the time decline of local news and weather. After all, the complaints about the change took in the news cannot represent all the audiences' opinion. It is possible during the time period, the television station only received 3 complains and 2 of them are concerning the problem. No doubt, if only several audiences are complaining the change while the majority of viewers are satisfy with it, the innovation is successful and must be hold on.

Furthermore, the canceling of several local business advertisements cannot represent the all the ad revenues will drop. Perhaps these local businesses draw their advertisement out due to the high price of the advertisement in the television, the economical problems of their enterprise, and such a lot of reasons other than the change of the news. Even if the canceling are just owning to the innovation took place, it is also possible the change lead to this situation will turned over by attracting more national business advertisement. And the losing of advertising revenues, if any, will probable be reversed.

Additionally, even the complains represent all the audience's opinions and canceling indicate the losing of further advertising revenues, it is questionable to expand the coverage of whether and local news on all the news programs. Even the same audience would like to watch distinct kinds of programs in different time span, not to mention different people watch TV at various time spans. For instance, no one would like to watch a film in the early morning when he/she is busying preparing for the daily work but the situation changes after work at night. Simply put, extending a popular program to other time span is unadvisable.

All that can be conclude by assembling the evidences and reasons provided by the author is that the statements are not eloquent as it stands. To further support the conclusion, the author must deliver convincing studies results and logical reasons in an appropriate manner.

zhoulin00001UID: 189304

When suggesting expanding the coverage of weather and local news on all their news programs, the author reasons a promise assuming this action can prevent the losing of audiences and the advertising revenues. The statements seem to persuasive, however, the reasons, evidences, and eventually the conclusion itself are all untenable.开头挺简洁

To begin with, it is presumptuous to say the audiences are losing due to the time increase of national news and the time decline of local news and weather. After all, the complaints about the change took in the news cannot represent all the audiences' opinion. It is possible during the time period, the television station only received 3 complains and 2 of them are concerning the problem. No doubt, if only several audiences are complaining the change while the majority of viewers are satisfy with it, the innovation is successful and must be hold on.

Furthermore, the canceling of several local business advertisements cannot represent the all the ad revenues will drop. Perhaps these local businesses draw their advertisement out due to the high price of the advertisement in the television, the economical problems of their enterprise, and such a lot of reasons other than the change of the news. Even if the canceling are just owning to the innovation took place, it is also possible the change lead to this situation will turned over by attracting more national business advertisement. And the losing of advertising revenues, if any, will probable be reversed.

Additionally, even the complains represent all the audience's opinions and canceling indicate the losing of further advertising revenues, it is questionable to expand the coverage of whether and local news on all the news programs. Even the same audience would like to watch distinct kinds of programs in different time span, not to mention different people watch TV at various time spans. For instance, no one would like to watch a film in the early morning when he/she is busying preparing for the daily work but the situation changes after work at night. Simply put, extending a popular program to other time span is unadvisable.

All that can be conclude by assembling the evidences and reasons provided by the author is that the statements are not eloquent as it stands. To further support the conclusion, the author must deliver convincing studies results and logical reasons in an appropriate manner.

真是高手啊，不但错误都一一批到，而且很有条理，很有层次，看了收益菲浅啊，能帮我看看作文吗？
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?threadid=247907
或https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?threadid=248143
谢了

flyingwindUID: 189320

[不知道你放上来前在word里面查过没有啊？语法错误明显比较多啊]
[结构和批驳点不错]

When suggesting expanding the coverage of weather and local news on all their news programs, the author reasons a promise assuming this action can prevent the losing of audiences and the advertising revenues. The statements seem to persuasive, however, the reasons, evidences, and eventually the conclusion [itself 这个可以去掉]are all untenable.

To begin with, it is presumptuous to say the audiences are losing [这句子结构有问题to say that the decline of the audiences are due to...]due to the time increase of national news and the time decline of local news and weather. After all, the complaints about the change took in the news cannot represent all the audiences' opinion. It is possible during the time period, the television station only received 3 complains and 2 of them are concerning the problem. No doubt, if only several audiences are complaining the change while the majority of viewers are satisfy with it, the innovation is successful and must be hold on.

Furthermore, the canceling of several local business advertisements cannot represent [the去掉] all the ad revenues will drop. Perhaps these local businesses draw their advertisement out[加个标点 ，] due to the high price of the advertisement in the television [这里可以说下：恰恰是由于看的人多了，价钱提高了他们才给不起钱了的--正反驳了作者的观点], the economical problems of their enterprise, and such a lot of reasons other than the change of the news. Even if the canceling are just owning to the innovation took[？？语法] place, it is also possible the change lead[leading] to this situation will turned over[这里没必要说要好转---直接说就是可能有很多大的国际。。。来ad.] by attracting more national business advertisement. And the losing of advertising revenues, if any, will probable[？？adv] be reversed.

Additionally, even the complains represent all the audience's opinions and canceling indicate the losing of further advertising revenues, it is questionable to expand the coverage of whether and local news on all the news programs. Even the same audience would like to watch distinct kinds of programs in different time span, not to mention different people watch TV at various time spans. For instance, no one would like to watch a film in the early morning when he/she is busying preparing for the daily work but the situation changes after work at night. [这个举的例子有点离题目，不是issue]Simply put, extending a popular program to other time span is unadvisable.

All that can be conclude[？？] by assembling the evidences and reasons provided by the author is that the statements are not eloquent as it stands.[这个句子看起来很cool，其实很wordly] To further support the conclusion, the author must deliver convincing studies results[这个studies results别扭] and logical reasons in an appropriate manner.

乒乓球爱上九月UID: 162925

up 不要忘记了.

冥界星灿UID: 184746

天，这个帖子居然没回，感谢乒乓球爱上九月的提醒^_^

感谢flyingwind和zhoulin00001的批改和评价！！！

风儿的批改很细致，其实我现在最郁闷的一是时间严重超时，再就是错误连篇。WORD上有些是改不出来的。大家看到的是这个版本，刚写完时简直惨不忍睹。都怪小时候不用功，基本功差的太远。不知道大家有没有同样的问题或是好办法，看到这里的大家交流一下怎么短期提高，教教我好不好？

再次感谢仔细批改^_^！！！