issue136 第三次，请猛拍，必回拍

crazyfox3UID: 171430

题目：College students should be encouraged to pursue subjects that interest them rather than seek programs that promise entry into the job market。

正文：

The speaker claims that “College students should be encouraged to pursue subjects that interest them rather than seek programs that promise entry into the job market.” I agree with the speaker’s view partially. The students’ aim to study in the college is not only to learn the knowledge but also to be able to enter the society. So the programs of the job are important to the students as same as the subjects that interest them.

The first and most, the student must study the programs for the job seriously. Students will live in the society alone and earn themselves rather than depend on their parents and use parents’ money when they graduate from the college. So, the function of the college is to help the student how to go in to the society step by step. Seeking programs for the job, the student can learn the knowledge and skill that he or she need such as using the computer, computing the dates and so on.

However, some people do not need to study the program in the college. For instance, the Bill Gates who is the CEO of the Microsoft and the king of the field of the software. In fact, he did not finish his college life and devote himself into the business .why can he success without studying enough seek program. Because he love what he do and he is interest in his job.

So, studying the subjects that students are interest in is also very important to them. At first, the interesting subjects can help some students find their job in the future. Students learn a lot of basic courses for many years until they enter in the college. When they finish their high school life, some of them have the direction of the studying, but most other guys do not know which job they will take and which field they will work in so they . For instance, my brother, he has no idea about the job that he will apply for when he graduate. And my families were very worry about his future. However, he found the real field of studying that he was interest in when he study few months in the college eventually. He told me that the interesting courses in the college help he to find out his direction of the study. At second, the subject that the students are interest in can make the students relax. The interesting class can help the people throw out the trouble they have let their brain have a rest. After a whole day’s hard work, if the students take the courses of basketball or football. Not only they can exercise their body but also release the press. That is very helpful for them.

In conclusion, either the subjects that interest students or the programs that promise them to entry into the job market is so important to the students that they should not ignore each of them. Only if students pursue both of them can students succeed easily in the society. So the college not only lets the student study the program for the job but also sets the interesting program for the students.   

还想请教指点一下，关于如何让论证语言丰富起来

crazyfox3UID: 171430

不会是太烂的，连拍的懒得拍了吧

chrisyUID: 160364

第一段   我个人觉得照抄原题不太好 你可以用转述的方式 虽然八成照搬 但是效果好一点
as same as 没有这种表达 as well as


B1 the first and most 表达地道吗 楼主自己再确认一下吧
earn themselves 也有点别扭
the function of the college is to help the student how to go in to the society step by step. 去掉how



  B2 For instance, the Bill Gates who is the CEO of the Microsoft and the king of the field of the software.这是整句吗? 谓语呢?  还有后面那句的时态是现在过去混用的 望注意

B3  For instance, my brother, he has no idea about the job that he will apply for when he graduate. 这句话的语法实在是有点问题
was interest in     应该是be interested in

最后一段 So the college not only lets the student study the program for the job but also sets the interesting program for the students.  lets改成 should let



总体来说最大的问题出现在语法上 楼主对一些基本的语法规则不是很注意 三单 时态的问题都有混淆 而句法结构也相当胡乱 应当在联系中多加注意

结构上有点失衡  一目了然的是B1,2几乎就没怎么展开 应该用事例多支持一下

批改完毕 楼主多加油吧 大家一起努力:)