Issue23 处女作 请各位指点

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

23,Contemporary technology makes available many small pieces of factual information.As a result,people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information that they pay too little attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives.
现代技术使得大量细节信息成为可能．其结果是人们全神贯注于七零八碎的信息而很少去注意更大的问题和全局．

Cerrently,telephone,internet,satellite,facsimile,etc,which are the products of the development of the technology,produce a more convenient access for people to collect  various information.Thus,some people hold the opinion that they will pay too little attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives While I insist that comtemporary technology makes a lot of benefit for people to pay attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives.

On the one hand,sophisticated technology saves a large amount of time and effort on searching for information and thereby offers a greater part of time for people to deal with important issues.Take Colubum's sailing for example,it takes them approximate two years to travel around the earth,during which the seamen overcame various difficulties ,even some lose their lives.At last,they indicated to the world the fact that the earth is round.Comparingly,at present time,it is much easier for people to appear in different places in a very short time.For instance,a businessman is able to adress everyday deals in the corporation setted in New York in the morning ,attand a international conference in France in the afternoon and meet an important client in Shanghai in the evening.Thanks to the convenient vehicle,efficiency is greatly increased,therefore,time and effort are placed to more valuable issues and overall perspectives.

On the other hand,however small,more pieces of fratual information help people make decisions with sureness.For example,making an investment in the past time probably depend only on the experience of people themselves,while in nowadays,through internet,they can search out a large quantity of relevant information,similar investments under different circumstances and what their results are,with the help of certain program ,the computer can even offer a best choice,which in many important decisions making enbodies a comprehensive ability.  

Admittedly,are there too much fragmented information,it will be difficult to evaluate their importance,but it is not wise to deny the the benefit brought by contemporary technology.If one is not sure which pair of shoes fits him best,is it too many beautiful shoes in the store to complaint?On the contrary,people should take steps to strengthen their own ability to manipulate overall perspectives.

To sum up,technology developing makes it easier to get increasingly amount of information,at the same time,people should keep their pace and cultivate themselves in order to deal with things better.

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

仔细研究了一下，我这篇文章的思路是：
１，现代技术确实使人们更易获得大量信息（现象），但不同意题目中的结论，我的观点是……
２，为什么我会有这样的观点：（原因）
　　（１）……
　　（２）……
３，让步段，提出改进措施

结构应该还算标准，似乎没有跑题的说

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

不过确实有很多拼写错误，而且例子举得不少太单一了
非常感谢　山涧风笛　的仔细修改！：）

lululiu8412UID: 195354

23,Contemporary technology makes available many small pieces of factual information.As a result,people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information that they pay too little attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives.
现代技术使得大量细节信息成为可能．其结果是人们全神贯注于七零八碎的信息而很少去注意更大的问题和全局．

Cerrently,telephone,internet,satellite,facsimile,etc,which are the products of the development of the technology,produce a more convenient access for people to collect various information.Thus,some people hold the opinion that they will pay too little attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives While I insist that comtemporary technology makes a lot of benefit for people to pay attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives.

On the one hand,sophisticated technology saves a large amount of time and effort on searching for information and thereby offers a greater part of time for people to deal with important issues.topic sentenceTake Colubum's sailing for example,it takes them approximate two years to travel around the earth,during which the seamen overcame various difficulties ,even some lose their lives.At last,they indicated to the world the fact that the earth is round.Comparingly,at present time,it is much easier for people to appear in different places in a very short time.For instance,a businessman is able to adress everyday deals in the corporation setted in New York in the morning ,attand a international conference in France in the afternoon and meet an important client in Shanghai in the evening.Thanks to the convenient vehicle,efficiency is greatly increased,therefore,time and effort are placed to more valuable issues and overall perspectives.

On the other hand,however small,more pieces of fratual information help people make decisions with sureness.这和你的主题句有关系么，主体句说科技使人受益，去解决大的问题和关注全局，而你这说的是细节怎么怎么　For example,making an investment in the past time probably depend only on the experience of people themselves,while in nowadays,through internet,they can search out a large quantity of relevant information,similar investments under different circumstances and what their results are,with the help of certain program ,the computer can even offer a best choice,which in many important decisions making enbodies a comprehensive ability.

Admittedly,are there too much fragmented information,it will be difficult to evaluate their importance,but it is not wise to deny the the benefit brought by contemporary technology.If one is not sure which pair of shoes fits him best,is it too many beautiful shoes in the store to complaint?On the contrary,people should take steps to strengthen their own ability to manipulate overall perspectives.

To sum up,technology developing makes it easier to get increasingly amount of information,at the same time,people should keep their pace and cultivate themselves in order to deal with things better.
楼主继续加油啊，其实你的处女作比我的强多了呵呵。

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

谢谢ＬＵＬＵ！你也要加油啊！
^_^