argument25 还剩3天,大家看看能不能上5分

ryanqUID: 154025

Argument25
The following appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.
'Two years ago, the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. The best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View.'


In the memo, the mayor concludes that the best way to improve Hopewell's economy is to build a golf course and resort hotel. The memo sounds reasonable in the skin deep, a closer examination will reveal ample logic flaws in the reasoning process.

In the first place, the assumption that Ocean View 's increased economy is due to the building of golf course and resort hotel is not convincing. Probably the golf course and resort's management does not go well. It is entirely possible that there are other places attracting the tourists and raise the tax revenue. Therefore, without further information about the condition of golf course and resort hotel and the composition of the whole revenue of Ocean View, the mayor can not conclude that the booming economy of Ocean View is due to the building golf course and resort hotel.

In the second place, even if the hotel management goes well resulting in the improvement of Ocean View's economy, it is not fairly to assert that Hopewell can also increase the economy in the same way. No evidence shows that the other situations of Hopewell and Ocean View is the same. Perhaps, the Ocean View is near the sea and it can attract tourists to the beautiful beach while Hopewell is just a town locating inner land. Without considering and ruling out the this factor and other different factors between the Ocean View and Hopewell, the advice of building a Hopewell to generate additional tax revenue is not founded.

Last but not least, the feasibility of the advice is open to doubt. It is possible that the entire incomes are not well in Hopewell. They can not afford the expense of building such a place for entertainment. And there may exists more important things requiring money. More information about the present condition of Hopewell should be provided.

To sum up, this memo is groundless as it stands. More information should be collected along with a more logic reasoning to make the memo’s advice persuasive and feasible.

希望提点改进的意见，谁提俺就拍谁（这两天有点忙，考完以后 :D ）

crystal_shenUID: 158842

the bodies are short and anylysis is not developed fully at first glance

it seems that you have used "tamplet"

I will read it later more carefully and try to give some suggestions

^_^

lunaticUID: 150745

总的来看还是不错的，但第二段和第三段都可以进一步说的，比如第二段“other places attracting the tourists and raise the tax revenue”可以进一步举例说明具体那些方卖弄会吸引游客
第三段“other situations of Hopewell and Ocean View is the same. ”可以用排比举例，这样更有说服力更有气势，文中只说是否在“海边”这个太淡薄了
驳斥点找的还是不错的，限时写成这样也不容易了，5分还是很有希望的
另外我觉得题中说“the best way”是有逻辑错误的，即使证明这项措施是有效的也不能没有比较就说是“the best way”
一点拙见，不知道说的对不对

ryanqUID: 154025

感谢点评，提得都对。
别人看和自己看就是不一样。

flyingwindUID: 189320

In the memo, the mayor concludes that the best way to improve Hopewell's economy is to build a golf course and resort hotel. The memo sounds reasonable in the skin deep, a closer examination will reveal ample logic flaws in the reasoning process.这个开头还是比较利索的，最后一句不知道ets是不是看烦了

In the first place, the assumption that Ocean View 's increased economy is due to the building of golf course and resort hotel is not convincing. Probably the golf course and resort's management does not go well. It is entirely possible that there are other places attracting the tourists and raise the tax revenue. Therefore, without further information about the condition of golf course and resort hotel and the composition of the whole revenue of Ocean View, the mayor can not conclude that the booming economy of Ocean View is due to the building golf course and resort hotel.这个长句子是总结句，虽然是必要的，但是你看占了多大的篇幅。实际上开头点题目错误-中间分析说明-结尾总结是很好的。但是中间的肚子应该大一点。从你的分析看是远远不够的，这里的他因可以多说几个。

In the second place, even if the hotel management goes well resulting in the improvement of Ocean View's economy, it is not fairly to assert that Hopewell can also increase the economy in the same way.这1段可以多说说，比如，需要吗？也许这个城市本来就有很多的##，发展的比较多了，再建造没必要。 No evidence shows that the other situations of Hopewell and Ocean View is the same. Perhaps, the Ocean View is near the sea and it can attract tourists to the beautiful beach while Hopewell is just a town locating inner land. Without considering and ruling out the this factor and other different factors between the Ocean View and Hopewell, the advice of building a Hopewell to generate additional tax revenue is not founded.这里和body1同样的毛病,可以再来个Perhaps

Last but not least, the feasibility of the advice is open to doubt. It is possible that the entire incomes are not well in Hopewell. Theywho？指明：政府？民众？哪个城市？ can notcannot afford the expense of building such a place for entertainment. And there may exists more important things requiring money. 缺少连接：thus, so , for this matter, in this caseMore information about the present condition of Hopewell should be provided.这1段不饱满，其实就这个题目可以在说个缺点：时间的变化。2年前的形式是不是和现在不一样了。没有与时俱进。

To sum up, this memo is groundless as it stands. More information should be collected along with a more logic reasoning to make the memo’s advice persuasive and feasible.平实的结尾

限时不错，结构清晰，看的出看了不少的范文吧。

最后1段表达不清楚，句子写的不好。i rate 4 ！

共同努力!!!

superyq507UID: 196247

我也有这个dilemma，范文看论文以后就会不由自主地用里面的句子啊，ETS看这些句子估计真的要看晕了

ijwtbkUID: 172334

开头写的不错，除了最后一句。第三个错误我感觉不是很切中要害，比如说你可以说Ocean View多赚的钱不一定是来自高尔夫球场什么的，或是时间上的错误。这样可能更有说服力。还有就是结尾太短了，有点头中脚轻的意思。

shangyan84UID: 193229

我仔细拜读了，我觉得你写的很好，用词等都不错。
但是338字是不是太单薄了？
开头是不是还可以再扩展一下，中间好像还可以扩展，两个城市的税收有没有可比性。
以上纯属个人意见，希望对你有帮助。
最重要的
祝你好运，拿6分！

ryanqUID: 154025

感动ing，这么多人帮忙