issue130 有劳斑竹和各位Ｇ友了

ouenoUID: 194212

------题目------
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
------正文------
Children are the hope of society, and how they are socialized and educated determine the future of society. I agree with the author that children account for the destiny of society and therefore we should better equip them mentally and productively.

To begin with, children decide the future of the society, prosper or poor. On the one hand, their value systems will be the main value systems in the society, which contribute greatly to the development of society. If they value wealth, property, fame, reputation while ignore any other important parts of life, such as love, benevolence, morality and responsibility, it is probably that our society may become a source of evil: wars, diseases, crimes, and violence will disperse in every corner of the society, which may greatly hinder the advancement of the society.   On the contrary, if they care mentally property far more essential than material property, our society may be full of love, charity and the society will prosper in other fields as well.  On the other hand, the capability of the children reveals the competence of the nation with others nations. Suppose that our children are equipped with various kinds of knowledge and have extraordinary ability in settling problems in reality, in research work, or in international deals, then, it is quite sure that our nation will advance in the worldwide competition on economy and science.

If this is the case, children should be socialized at first. As members of the world children ought to know the basic moral requirements for qualified members. People in the world all seek peace, development, charity, and mutual help while they abhor wars, violence, terrorism, and slaughter. Children should be taught in their school or family education of the benefits of the former and the detriment of the latter. As members of the society, children should be equipped with the basic skills to communicate with other people, to form affirmative attitudes toward the problems they will face in their life, and to some extent, to learn to be competitive to survive in the society. No one can live in the society without any connection with other members. The connection brings people wealth as well as pains. If children fail to acquire these skills, they are likely to feel themselves in the world and are eliminated by the society, even worse, may lose their hope for life and go to the extreme. Therefore, neither the national trait nor social trait of the children should be overlooked to promote the success of the future generation, at the same time, a flourishing  society.

Moreover, children should also be equipped technically and theoretically, so that they can be productive workers in fierce competition. We should instruct them the basic knowledge in mathematics, physics, chemistry, computer, philosophy, humanity, navigation, and so forth, all to enhance their capability to make breakthrough in their fields in the future. Japan government set us a good example on this point: Japanese realized the importance of education and allocated a large sum of money to support it so that every individual in the country has access to schools and knowledge. They succeed on the policy, as can be seen that the country turns from ruin to one of the most developed countries in the world, both economically and scientifically.

In sum, we must recognize the importance of children in the determination of the destiny of society, and therefore we should pay more attention to raise them socially and technically, so that our society may thrive in the competitive world.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

刚刚改了一个130
给你看看

suckdogUID: 172480

More importantly, you can demonstrate some of your personal viewpoints by supporting evidence.

Many experts suggest that the child raised in an environment where there are many stimuli which develop his capacity for appropriate responses will experience greater intellectual development. .......you can discuss how social environment affects the growth of children as well as involves the better future of our society.

Again, being free to claim what you want to argue instead following some claims from someone else. Hope it helps.

墨斗鱼UID: 177024

就这个issue 发表一些我的看法
楼主的b1  说明了孩子们决定了将来社会的发展， 但是b2 讲的是孩子应该社会化 b3 讲了应该去教育孩子to 建设美好社会   
我觉的题目主要讲下面的观点：
1.孩子的社会化，使得孩子们决定了将来社会的发展（楼主的b1）
2.人们至今没有好的方法去教育孩子 使他们能够创造一个美好的社会。
我们应该就这两个方面发表评论，而且我觉得重点尤其在第二个上,是说有没有的问题
而不是楼主b2 和b3的应不应该的问题

ouenoUID: 194212

to suckdog:
谢谢你的指点
你列的模式很应该会很有用，可以把自己的观点作为引用论据，应该很有说服力的
谢谢你的独特见解

还有第一段我是根据１＋１模式写的，就是先讨论前半句是否同意
后面好象写得有点乱

ouenoUID: 194212

to墨斗鱼:
看了你的建议发觉自己好象确实犯了事实和倾向的错误
第二,三段本意想写已经learned how to raise children,
通过二三两个方面教育, 不过居然表述成should了, 汗!

鬼谷子UID: 159645

No.1 issue130 有劳斑竹和各位Ｇ友了
------题目------
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
------正文------
Children are the hope of society, and how they are socialized and educated determine the future of society. I agree with the author that children account for the destiny of society and therefore we should better equip them mentally and productively. 【题目后一句你没有回应，我们是否有能力把儿童教育成为可以建立更好社会的人呢？】

To begin with, children decide the future of the society, 【这句就偏了，仔细看题目，是How children are socialized 决定了社会的命运，不是说儿童决定社会命运】prosper【这是动词，形容词是prosperous】 or poor. On the one hand, their value systems will be the main value systems in the society, which contribute greatly to the development of society. If they value wealth, property, fame, reputation while ignore any other important parts of life, such as love, benevolence, morality and responsibility, it is probably that our society may become a source of evil: wars, diseases, crimes, and violence will disperse in every corner of the society, which may greatly hinder the advancement of the society. On the contrary, if they care mentally property far more essential than material property, our society may be full of love, charity and the society will prosper in other fields as well. On the other hand, the capability of the children reveals the competence of the nation with others nations. 【the ability of competing with other nations?】 Suppose that our children are equipped with various kinds of knowledge and have extraordinary ability in settling problems in reality, in research work, or in international deals, then, it is quite sure that our nation will advance in the worldwide competition on economy and science. 【你论述的内容没有错误，方向是对的，不过你论证的是儿童的value将来对社会的影响，而不是在论证how children are socialized对社会的影响。改进的方法是，先论证socialize的过程让儿童获得他们的value，然后论证儿童的value对于社会的命运的影响，然后得出结论，儿童怎么被socialize决定社会命运。】

If this is the case, children should be socialized at first. 【你是要先论证儿童决定社会的命运，再证明因此儿童需要被socialize。那你前面的一段都是铺垫吗？这样是可以的，但是我感觉占用的篇幅太多，可能后面会没有时间展开，而且，要看到这里才能知道你的观点。另外，前面你已经证明了，这里不应该用if了，应该直接说】As members of the world children ought to know the basic moral requirements for qualified members. People in the world all seek peace, development, charity, and mutual help while they abhor wars, violence, terrorism, and slaughter. Children should be taught in their school or family education of the benefits of the former and the detriment of the latter. 【觉得这些是品德、基本素质教育的问题，不是socialize，socialize应该是教儿童怎么与人交往，竞争，合作等等】 As members of the society, children should be equipped with the basic skills to communicate with other people, to form affirmative attitudes toward the problems they will face in their life, and to some extent, to learn to be competitive to survive in the society. No one can live in the society without any connection with other members. 【这里说的接近了】The connection brings people wealth as well as pains. If children fail to acquire these skills, they are likely to feel themselves in the world 【你的意思是什么？】 and are eliminated by the society, even worse, may lose their hope for life and go to the extreme. Therefore, neither the national trait nor social trait of the children should be overlooked to promote the success of the future generation, at the same time, a flourishing society. 【首先，你这段前面的内容跟socialize关系不大。然后，你论证的是儿童应该被教育的问题，不是证明儿童被socialize对于社会未来的必要性的问题，所以，有点偏离。】

Moreover, children should 【还是should，你一直是在说儿童应该被怎么教育，但是就题目来说，你应该论证儿童的socialize对于社会的命运是起决定性作用的，而不是把这个你应该证明的结论当作一个已知的原因来用，进而说因此儿童应该被怎么教育】also be equipped technically and theoretically, so that they can be productive workers in fierce competition. We should instruct them the basic knowledge in mathematics, physics, chemistry, computer, philosophy, humanity, navigation, and so forth, all to enhance their capability to make breakthrough in their fields in the future. Japan government set us a good example on this point: Japanese realized the importance of education and allocated a large sum of money to support it so that every individual in the country has access to schools and knowledge. They succeed on the policy, as can be seen that the country turns from ruin to one of the most developed countries in the world, both economically and scientifically.

In sum, we must recognize the importance of children in the determination of the destiny of society, and therefore we should pay more attention to raise them socially and technically, so that our society may thrive in the competitive world.
【主要的问题在文章中都已经指出了，还有一个问题就是你没有回应题目的后一句，就是“我们”是否能够成功的把儿童教育成为能够建立更好社会的人的问题。觉得你应该仔细研究一下题目。加油！】

ponponUID: 181304

ghost's idea are so good!