issue114 humanity and technological innovations.

jorgeUID: 108878

114."Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity."

In the modern society, people always come into contact with the conundrum of whether technology could change the condition of humanity. Some people claim that overall condition of humanity is not better when the technology innovations take place while others hold their opposite attitude that humanity has made much real progress. As far as I concerned, I believe that technology has made much real progress when technological innovations take place.

In the first place, technology innovations provide people the opportunities to change the state of humanity. When people live in the primitive society, they even fight with each other in order to fetch the foods. When people get development, people have known how to gather together to hunt the animals. Later, people begin to make friends with each other after entering the feudal society. Even more, when technological innovations take place in past century, people have more time thinking about the humanity for that technology free their minds;

In the second place, war, violence and poverty have decreased into a lower level over the past century when technological innovations have happened. People may produce more products in the same time due to the innovations and technology gives more convenience and comfortableness to human beings. Consequently, people do not fight for foods because they can produce them and even sell them. Wars, violence and poverty are becoming less and less since. A case in point is the statistic conducted by Chinese Academic of Society (Based on the condition of Chinese situation). At the end of 19th, 75% Chinese people lead a poor live, and along with the development of technology, the rate reduces to 65% at the end of 20th. Currently, this rate has come to 13%. These statistics illustrate that the poverty in China has been reducing due to the technology innovations. War and violence are as can.

What’s more, the civilization develops together with the innovations by technology and people realize the importance of humanity and promote the humanity. For example, when people face the tsunami which happened in the Indian Ocean and caused a large number of deaths, people donate money to reconstruct the homes lost during this disaster, and also, many countries send medicine groups to help these people who get injured during this tsunami and control the after-diseases. People represent like they are families with these people who lost homes and families, and try their best to help these people out of morass. Absolutely, it is the results of civilization with the innovations of technology.

To sum up, the humanity has made great advancement when technological innovation takes place in the past century. Meanwhile, War, violence, and poverty have decreased dramatically as well. Along with the development of our modern society, I believe that humanity will change more in the future, and our society will be more prosperous.

乒乓球爱上九月UID: 162925

114."Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity."

In the modern society, people always come into contact with the conundrum of whether technology could change the condition of humanity. [B]Some people claim that overall condition of humanity is not better when the technology innovations take place while others hold their opposite attitude that humanity has made much real progress. [/B]鄙视你,每次都这么说,你管别人怎么说?   As far as I concerned, I believe that technology?是humanity吧 has made much real progress when technological innovations take place.

In the first place, technology innovations provide people the opportunities to change the stateto be specific: what state?  of humanity. When people live in the primitive society, they even fight with each other in order to fetch the foods. When people get developmentwhat development? you should say get developed , people have known how to [B]gather together [/B]错   to hunt the animals.句型单调:一句话就可以说的非要掰成两句: With the development of tools, no longer would people kill each other to obtain food when they learn to use several tools.  Later, people begin to make friends with each other after entering the feudal society. [B]Even more, when technological innovations take place in past century, people have more time thinking about the humanity for that technology free their minds; [/B]延伸的观点不取证明?删去.

这一段例子举得不好，让人觉得离technology远了点.此外你没有好好扣住你自己的ts,要强调人类的状态如何变化了,而不是仅仅说原来怎样,后来就怎样了  你要有这样一个信念:你是在说服一个人,你在推销一个叫technology的产品,如何如何improve人的state.点到为止是不对的.

In the second place, war, violence and poverty have decreased into a lower level over the past century when technological innovations have happened. 科技减少战争和贫穷?好象一般观念中刚好相反,看你怎么说. People may produce more products in the same time due to the innovations and technology gives more convenience and comfortableness to human beings. Consequently, people do not fight for foods 人们现在不为食物打架,为石油. because they can produce them and even sell them. Wars, violence and poverty are becoming less and less since. A case in point is the statistic conducted by Chinese Academic of Society (Based on the condition of Chinese situation). At the end of 19th, 75% Chinese people lead a poor live, and along with the development of technology, the rate reduces to 65% at the end of 20th. Currently, this rate has come to 13%. These statistics illustrate that the poverty in China has been reducing due to the technology innovations. War and violence are as can. sorry,your words are not pursuasive. It seems that you believe that war and poverty are caused by the less-developed technology, but do you prove that? The more i read the more of the opposite i think.I suggest you change this point.

What’s more, the civilization develops together with the innovations by technology and people realize the importance of humanity and promote the humanity.和你body第一段结尾的观点很象.  For example, when people face the tsunami which happened in the Indian Ocean and caused a large number of deaths, people donate money to reconstruct the homes lost during this disaster, and also, many countries send medicine groups to help these people who get injured during this tsunami and control the after-diseases. People represent like they are families with these people who lost homes and families, and try their best to help these people out of morass. Absolutely, it is the results of civilization with the innovations of technology. 看来你无话可说:我想到几个理由,你看看能不能扩展: 因为科技,人们解决了温饱,有可能对自身的生存状态进行思考;因为科技,人们摆脱了地域,民族的限制,从而了解了外面的世界,开阔了思维,世界也因为交融而壮大;因为科技进步,人类被战争折磨,对于科技的进一步的认识使人类在新世纪跨入新的台阶(这个貌似有点偏 针对你body第二段说的而已)

To sum up, the humanity has made great advancement when technological innovation takes place in the past century. Meanwhile, War, violence, and poverty have decreased dramatically as well. Along with the development of our modern society, I believe that humanity will change more in the future, and our society will be more prosperous.

4分吧.22我给你改的第一篇 可能也是最后一篇 不管好坏收下吧 语气不好见谅 来北京记得找我玩

jorgeUID: 108878

谢谢小小 :)  记得每天开心。

dotmanUID: 193231

我的建议：
People always think that technology play a neutral role in the  progressing of the humainity. however its advance really contribute to the  development of humanity, though lleaving us more time to consider and observe our slef and  changing our haibits  in life, even  romving certain foibles in birth  forever .

For example, From the nomadic society to the sellted agricultural society, then into the industry society.

second, anyone should agree it is the deveoplement such as the inventor of the paper and print technology  bring the arts  and education to a new stage that most people even the poorest can benefit from it.

thirdly as the technology's development,  we are left more time to consider our sleves, the relationship between peopel such as eqaulity, and of course our altitude toward the  war and  tother atocities.

imongUID: 140258

In the first place, technology innovations provide people the opportunities to change the state of humanity. When people live in the primitive society, they even fight with each other in order to fetch the foods. When people get development, people have known how to gather together to hunt the animals. Later, people begin to make friends with each other after entering the feudal society. Even more, when technological innovations take place in past century, people have more time thinking about the humanity for that technology free their minds; （每个句子都太独立 claim without support了吧。如果说they even fight with each other的话 下面是不是应该写 with the development they stop fighting 而不是顾左右言其它呢？）

In the second place, war, violence and poverty have decreased into a lower level over the past century when technological innovations have happened（还是took place更合适）. People may produce more products in the same time due to the innovations and technology gives more convenience and comfortableness to human beings. Consequently, people do not fight for foods because they can produce them and even sell them. Wars, violence and poverty are becoming less and less since. A case in point is the statistic conducted by Chinese Academic of Society (Based on the condition of Chinese situation). At the end of 19th, 75% Chinese people lead a poor live, and along with the development of technology, the rate reduces to 65% at the end of 20th. Currently, this rate has come to 13%. These statistics illustrate that the poverty in China has been reducing due to the technology innovations. War and violence are as can.（war 和violence的example在哪里 恐怕说到war 很没底气。另外，this humanity is not Chinese priveleged. Why cite China as the only, and particular, example? 难让人信服。）

What’s more, the civilization develops together with the innovations by technology and people realize the importance of humanity and promote the humanity. For example, when people face the tsunami which happened in the Indian Ocean and caused a large number of deaths, people donate money to reconstruct the homes lost during this disaster, and also, many countries send medicine groups to help these people who get injured during this tsunami and control the after-diseases. People represent like they are families with these people who lost homes and families, and try their best to help these people out of morass. Absolutely, it is the results of civilization with the innovations of technology.（完全没论证 Absolutely怎么成立？If I say, absolutely, it is NOT the result of civilization with the innovation of technology, then what？是不是按照你这个段落的思路 这个absolutely NOT也应该成立呢？）

阿莱UID: 190806

斑竹改的真细致啊~~ 赞~~

兔子~~ 俺就不改了:D

鬼谷子UID: 159645

114."Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity."

In the modern society, people always come into contact with the conundrum of whether technology could change the condition of humanity. Some people claim that overall condition of humanity is not better when the technology innovations take place while others hold their opposite attitude that humanity has made much real progress. 【这里同意乒乓球的观点，感觉你的第一句是要从背景切入，第二句又开始restate了，直接从背景引出你的观点就可以了，没必要再说反面的观点了】As far as I concerned, 【 I am concerned】I believe that technology has made much real progress when technological innovations take place.

In the first place, technology innovations provide people the opportunities to change the state of humanity. When people live in the primitive society, they even fight with each other in order to fetch【？】 the foods. When people get development, 【？想说什么，题目说的是technology，你这里显然不是技术的发展】 people have known how to gather together to hunt the animals. Later, people begin to make friends with each other after entering the feudal society. 【这个是社会的发展】Even more, when technological innovations take place in past century, people have more time thinking about the humanity for that technology free their minds; 【最后才提到技术发展的问题，不过还是没有直接说出technology has made much real progress】

In the second place, war, violence and poverty have decreased into a lower level over the past century when technological innovations have happened. People may 【不应该是may，因为我们已经做到了】produce more products in the same time due to the innovations and technology gives more convenience and comfortableness to human beings. Consequently, people do not fight for foods because they can produce them and even sell them. 【没有技术的时候也可以produce也可以sell，应该说是因为技术进步了，产量提高了，我们有足够的foods了，比如，杂交水稻的例子】 Wars, violence and poverty are becoming less and less since. 【因为有了食物，战争，暴力和贫穷就减少了？？】 A case in point is the statistic conducted by Chinese Academic of Society (Based on the condition of Chinese situation). At the end of 19th, 75% Chinese people lead a poor live, and along with the development of technology, the rate reduces to 65% at the end of 20th. Currently, this rate has come to 13%. These statistics illustrate that the poverty in China has been reducing due to the technology innovations. War and violence are as can. 【为什么战争和暴力会减少呢？没有证据。而且，最后没有一个总结性的语言把你的论述归结到humanity的进步上面】

What’s more, the civilization develops together with the innovations by technology 【technological innovations】 and people realize the importance of humanity and promote the humanity. 【确实感觉这里是对B1最后一句的证明，不如把那句挪到这里】 For example, when people face the tsunami which happened in the Indian Ocean and caused a large number of deaths, people donate money to reconstruct the homes lost during this disaster, and also, many countries send medicine groups to help these people who get injured during this tsunami and control the after-diseases. People represent like they are families with these people who lost homes and families, and try their best to help these people out of morass. Absolutely, it is the results【单复数！！】 of civilization with the innovations of technology. 【没感觉出来跟技术进步有什么关系，而且感觉跟你的ts也没有什么联系，例子举的不好】

To sum up, the humanity has made great advancement when technological innovation takes place in the past century. Meanwhile, War, violence, and poverty have decreased dramatically as well. Along with the development of our modern society, I believe that humanity will change more in the future, and our society will be more prosperous.
【如果只看ts的话，感觉你的思路还可以，但是你论证的过程问题太多，没有扣住题目的中心technology，各段也没有紧紧扣住ts。加油啊！】