Issue70 俺的Issue处女作，谢谢请大家看着拍点砖

TommUID: 177042

呵呵，终于写完俺的第一篇Issue了，请大家看见了，提点建议，多少都行，让俺完善完善。在这里先多谢了！

Issue70  
------题目------
In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership.

------提纲------
1.总论不一定当权者五年后就应该下台，并且通往成功的道路不一定是更换新的领导人
2.论长期的当权者也仍然能够胜任他的领导职位
3.论新的领导人不一定能够带来成功
4.总结全文


------正文------
It is true that when we look back on the history of human society, we can easily conclude the fact that among all the people pursuing any vocation that has ever existed in all times, very few of them could for always keep staying on the top of his career which means stable progress of the organization under his leadership or continual creation and inspiration. But this fact does not mean that we have to revitalize the enterprise through new leadership for a secured success and also does not mean that we have to make it a rule that one who is in power of his enterprise should step down after five years in his position.

The standard we judge whether a man in power is qualified and appropriate for his post should not be based on how long he has been in his position, but on the base of whether or how much he could benefit the enterprise under his leadership. Like Mr. Franklin Roosevelt who has been the President of the United States for a span of time from 1933 to 1945 totally summing up to 13 years which even we today still consider it to be too long for the tenure of a nation's president. But during his time he and his consultants successfully led the people of America went through the great depression and World War 2 and finally led the United States to the super powerful country in the world of postwar. Also like Plato of Athens, he had been the head of his Academy for more than 40 years and his Academy was always the center of learning in Greek world in his time attracting students from all places around Greek. The above two facts definitely tell us that one who has been in power of their enterprise for a long time can still be competent.

Meanwhile, the new leadership of an enterprise does not necessarily result in success. When we look back through years when reforms were carried on in Russia at the end of 20th century and Yeltsin was the new leader of this old great country, he did not bring much happiness to his people and on the contrary the economy of the country fell plumb down and the national revenue shrank to about 40% of it was in the year of 1990.  It is also a fact that the president election held every four years in the United States, in which a new president can be generated, but not every new president was able to bring enough satisfaction to the people of the States, like the one president of Mr. Herbert Hoover in his power from 1929 to 1932. However, we do need and only then we do need a new leadership when the old one does not work out, although it does not promise a bright future.  

What we need for an enterprise is success but not a new leadership. If the old leadership could bring continuous success then it is reasonable for us to just let it stay on its way, and if the old leadership once stops working things out then it is now the proper time to revitalize the enterprise with a new leadership. But this new leadership is not a guarantee for a secured success although it might be.

TommUID: 177042

自己顶一下，看我文章的人，拍我转的人，小弟先谢过了！

snowyfxUID: 189264

先占座了
呵呵

TommUID: 177042

呵呵，多谢多谢！终于有人愿意看俺的文章了，幸福得俺直哆嗦！snowfx的文章俺给你贴你那边了，有什么问题只管讨论！

TommUID: 177042

今天回扫了一下我对你的文章的拍砖，发现几处拍的不妥。做了Debug。贴在你那边了。

snowyfxUID: 189264

这几天刚回学校，寝室的网断了，上网不方便了。现在就给你看

TommUID: 177042

你14号考是吧？时间也挺紧的。我23号考。真是晕，二月怎么才二十八天？如果你时间紧张就不用给我改了，上论坛还是蛮浪费时间的。无论如何，还是谢谢你。抓紧一下，好好利用一下剩下的时间。祝你祝我都靠个好成绩。

snowyfxUID: 189264

昨天在教研室给你改的，没改完，就被老师抓去干活了。今天完工。你看看吧。
以后上网的机会可能少了。考完作文会多些吧。
Issue70
------题目------
In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership.

------提纲------
1.总论不一定当权者五年后就应该下台，并且通往成功的道路不一定是更换新的领导人
2.论长期的当权者也仍然能够胜任他的领导职位
3.论新的领导人不一定能够带来成功
4.总结全文


------正文------
It is true that when we look back on the history of human society, we can easily conclude the fact that among all the people pursuing any vocation that has ever existed in all times, very few of them could [for always不知道用法是否对，用always就行了吧] keep staying on the top of his career[，] which means stable progress of the organization under his leadership or continual creation and inspiration. But this fact does not mean that we have to revitalize the enterprise through new leadership for a secured success and also does not mean that we have to make it a rule that one who is in power of his enterprise should step down after five years in[用from好点吗] his position.

The standard we judge whether a man in power is qualified and appropriate for his post should not be based on how long he has been in his position, but on the base of whether or how much he could benefit the enterprise under his leadership. Like Mr. Franklin Roosevelt who has been the President of the United States for a span of time from 1933 to 1945 totally summing up to 13 years which even we today still consider [it不是定语从句吗？不能再用这个it了吧] to be too long for the tenure of a nation's president. But during his time he and his consultants successfully led the people of America went through the great depression and World War 2 and finally led the United States to[be] the super powerful country in the world of postwar. Also like Plato of Athens, he had been the head of his Academy for more than 40 years and his Academy was always the center of learning in Greek world in his time[，] attracting students from all places around Greek. The above two facts definitely tell us that one who has been in power of their enterprise for a long time can still be competent.

Meanwhile, the new leadership of an enterprise does not necessarily result in success. When we look back through years when reforms were carried on in Russia at the end of 20th century and Yeltsin was the new leader of this old great country, he did not bring much happiness to his people and on the contrary the economy of the country fell plumb down and the national revenue shrank to about 40% of [it was 这样肯定不行了，of后面加个完整句是不行的，从句是可以的。可改为which was。或者用个that] in the year of 1990. It is also a fact that the president election [was] held every four years in the United States, in which a new president can be generated, but not every new president was able to bring enough satisfaction to the people of the States, like the one president of Mr. Herbert Hoover in his power from 1929 to 1932. However, we do need and only then we do need a new leadership when the old one does not work out, although it does not promise a bright future.

What we need for an enterprise is success but not a new leadership. If the old leadership could bring continuous success [加个and，then是副词] then it is reasonable for us to just let it stay on its way, and if the old leadership once stops working things out then it is now the proper time to revitalize the enterprise with [换成through] a new leadership. But this new leadership is [also] not a guarantee for a secured success although it might be.
论证很不错，例子很好，恰当。论证过程也很严紧。
语法我也不是很确定，我没见过的我就不能确定它对不对了，我们可以讨论，你确定的可以告诉我
呵呵，你好像给我正好相反，你很不爱用标点符号了，喜欢把句子写的长长的。我想有的还是必要的
小建议:感觉你举的大多是政治上的例子，只有一个教育上的。
建议：非不同领域讨论，怎么样？
或者论证过程不变，在不同领域都举个例子。

chenh1207UID: 182826

Issue70
------题目------
In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership.

------提纲------
1.总论不一定当权者五年后就应该下台，并且通往成功的道路不一定是更换新的领导人
2.论长期的当权者也仍然能够胜任他的领导职位
3.论新的领导人不一定能够带来成功
4.总结全文


------正文------
althoughIt is true that when we look back on the history of human society, we can easily conclude the fact that among all the people pursuing any vocation that has ever existed in all times, very few of them could for alwaysforever keep staying on the top of histheir careers which meansmean stable progress of the organization under histheir leadership or continual creations and inspirations. Buthowever更有力 this fact does not mean that we have to revitalize the enterprise through a new leadership for a secured success and also does not meanindicate that we have to make it a rule that one who is in power of his enterprise should step down after five years in his position.

The standard we judge whether a man in power is qualified and appropriate for his post should not be based on how long he has been in his position, but on the base of 应该去掉，平行结构whether or how much he could benefit the enterpriseor society under his leadership. Like Mr. Franklin Roosevelt who has been the President of the United States for a span of time from 1933 to 1945 totally summing up to 13 years which even we today still consider it to be too long for the tenure of a nation's president. But during his time he and his consultants successfully led the people of America wentgo through the great depression and World War 2 and finally ledguided the United States to the super powerful country in the world of postwar. Also like Plato of Athens, he had been the head of his Academy for more than 40 years and his Academy was always the center of learning in Greek world in his timeperiod attracting students from all places aroundtoward Greek. The above two facts definitely tell us that one who has been in power of their enterprise for a long time can still be competent.这两个例子太好了，向你学习

Meanwhile, the new leadership of an enterprise does not necessarily result in success. When we look back through years when reforms were carried on in Russia at the end of 20th century and Yeltsin was the new leader of this old great country, he did not bring much happiness to his people and on the contrary the economy of the country fell plumb down and the national revenue shrank to about 40% of it was in the year of 1990. It is also a fact that the president election held every four years in the United States, in which a new president can be generated, but not every new president was able to bring enough satisfaction to the people of the States, like the one president of Mr. Herbert Hoover in his power from 1929 to 1932. However, we do need and only then we do need a new leadership when the old one does not意思反了 work out, although it does not promise a bright future.更好的例子，佩服，而且结尾句还总结本段，精彩

What we need for an enterprise is success but not a new leadership.深化了主题 If the old leadership could bring continuous success then it is reasonable for us to just let it stay on its way, and if the old leadership once stops working things out then it is now the proper time to revitalize the enterprise with a new leadership. But this new leadership is not a guarantee for a secured success although it might be
Workout的意思好像你弄颠倒了。
你的例子太PERSUARSIVE了，要是开头更简明且预示文章结构就更好了。
我个人认为应该是篇5分的。

.

tony_chaoUID: 187700

例子什么的都比较得当,个人觉得能在倒数第二段来个counterarguement就最好了

TommUID: 177042

今天上网，一看我的贴下一溜砖头，先什么也别说....SIGH~感动的俺直哆嗦。
感谢Snowyfx, ChenH1207, 还有Tony_Chao.   
Thanks a million!
特别的感谢，Snowyfx, 其言必信，其行必果，其诺必诚。在很艰苦的条件下还是给我改了作文。感谢~~~