argument 1,欢迎大家指导

HazeQiUID: 166446

In this argument, the author concludes that they should build their next new store in Plainsville, which has many residents who are concerned with leading healthy lives. To support the claim, the arguer points out the facts as follows: sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs; more members are in local health club and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full; Plainsville’s schoolchildren are required to participate in a ‘fitness for life’ program. The argument suffers from several critical flaws and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.

First, the facts that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs dose not prove that residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. They should conside the fashion in Plainsville and can not exclude the case that wearing running shoes and exercise clothing is popular. Running shoes and exercise clothing are also used for a gift. If Plainsville is a travel industry city, tourists can buy running shoes and exercise clothing as mementoes.

Second, the fact that Plainsville’s schoolchildren are required to participate in a ‘fitness for life’ program is insufficient to conclude that the children will become the buyers. The children have not enough money to buy health food and other health-related products. When they grows up, the habit of regular exercise might be proved because they have no time to exercise.

Last but not least, the argument fails to rule out possibility to improve the profits. As we all know, there are two factors to decide the profit. One is the revenue, the other is the cost. But there are no evidence to support they can low the cost if they build the next new store in Plainsville. The research on the price of the local house, the price of electricity and water, and the price of workforce is necessary. They also should do some researches about their competitors and the virtues and shoutcoming of the products.  

In summary there are not enough evidences to support the conclusion that Nature's Way should build the next new store in Plainsville. If they need to decide whether to build next store in Plainsville, they must do more precise research and get more valid information.

yiteng1818UID: 188639

In this argument, the author concludes that they should build their next new store in Plainsville, which has many residents who are concerned with leading healthy lives. To support the claim, the arguer points out the facts as follows: sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs; more members are in local health club and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full; Plainsville’s schoolchildren are required to participate in a ‘fitness for life’ program. The argument suffers from several critical flaws and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.restate的太严重了，我一开始也是这么写的，后来看了imong关于模板行文的帖子决定摒弃新东方的这种垃圾开头。］

First, the facts that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs dose not prove that residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. They should consideconsider the fashion in Plainsville and can not exclude the case that wearing running shoes and exercise clothing is popular there. Running shoes and exercise clothing aremay also be used for a gift. If Plainsville is a traveltourist industry city, tourists can buy running shoes and exercise clothing as mementoes.这个论据找的还不错

Second, the fact that Plainsville’s schoolchildren are required to participate in a ‘fitness for life’ program is insufficient to conclude that the children will become the buyers. The children have not enough money to buy health food and other health-related products. When they grows up, the habit of regular exercise might be proved unpractical because they have no time to exercise.这段意思晦涩，尤其最后一句，不知道是反驳不锻炼还是不买health food.如果小孩长大后没时间锻炼不是正好可以买健康食品来弥补吗？胳膊肘向外拐？］

Last but not least, the argument fails to rule out the possibility to improve the profits. As we all know, there are two factors to decide the profit. One is the revenue, the other is the cost. But there areis no evidence to support they can low the cost if they build the next new store in Plainsville. The research on the pricerent of the local house, the price of electricity and water应该用charges for electricity and water, and the price of workforce is necessary. They also should do some researches about their competitors and the virtues and shoutcomingshortcomings of the products. 新东方的所谓杀手锏，看到profit后的一致做法，原来大家都在用

In summary there areis not enough evidencesevidence to support the conclusion that Nature's Way should build the next new store in Plainsville. If they need to decide whether to build next store in Plainsville, they must do more precise research and get more valid information.

一篇模板迹象很重的文章，如果作者和我一样是个新手，应该尽快减少对模板这个东西的依赖。你说呢。

朽木白哉UID: 195804

最初由 yiteng1818 发布
[B] 新东方的所谓杀手锏，看到profit后的一致做法，原来大家都在用[B]

这个确实比较恶心。。
但也没办法啊~

我也差不多每次都写
只是放在最后就是了

不知还有没有其他好的建议？

yiteng1818UID: 188639

也不知更好的方法，不过至少不要写的那么明显吧，好家伙，在文中就直接说profit由revenu和cost组成，唯恐别人不知道上过新东方似的。

间接地来说这个点吧。

请斑竹们给我们这些在新东方长大的孩子们一点建议。