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[i习作temp] issue61 二月机经,还有4天就要考了,请拍砖,谢谢~~~ [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-2-25 09:50:44 |只看该作者

issue61 二月机经,还有4天就要考了,请拍砖,谢谢~~~

------题目------
High-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition.
------正文------
Are high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize actually damaging to society? I do not agree, although only a few people deserve them. In my opinion, these high-profile awards are indeed improving the society.

First of all, high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are presented to the whole period, not just for a few people. When we look back, I pay attention to the achievements of a particular time. We can learn how the society improved and developed at that time, instead of noticing who actually won the Nobel Prize. In other words, what we notice is the winners' achievements, not the particular winners. In this case, the high-profile awards are actually symbols of the human accomplishments, not somebody's own honors. Therefore, high-profile awards are not damaging to society, instead they are the sighs of a particular period.

Furthermore, those who have made much contribution to our society deserve the high-profile awards such as Nobel Prize. Some Nobel Prize winners devote their whole life in their fields. For example, Mandela, the Nobel Peace Prize winner, contributes his lifetime to the antiracism and equality of human kind. Although kept in prison for more than a quarter a century, he is world-wide revered for his fight against the racism. Mandela deserves the Nobel Prize for his much contribution to his country. Moreover, some scientists win the Nobel Prize, for their researches have changed people's ideas in some fields. These scientists are involving some fields that others all have much different opinions. In this case, they may encounter a lot of frustrations and misunderstanding from others. For instance, Sidney, the Nobel Biology Prize winner, spent a lot time to prove RNA also plays a vital role in inheritation, although the other scientists all hold the opposite ideas. Nevertheless, Sidney's success has changed the ideas of his field and what he has done deserves the Nobel Prize. Thus, these who have won the high-profile awards deserve the prize in that their contribution has changed the world.

Finally, the high-profile awards rewarded to a few people may stimulate others to make contribution in their work or field. In most cases, we consider the Nobel Prize winners as our model and their behaviors and contribution may encourage us to work harder and conquer the frustration we meet. Take Stephen Hawking as an example. He has explained the origin of the universal and many phenomena of the outer space. However, he is seriously disabled. He do everything only through his two fingers. Under such condition, he still tries to be engaged in his researches and travels around the world to spread his theory. His values and spirits may stimulate others and give others courage to confront whatever they meet in their work or life. Also after Einstein won the Nobel Prize, he still lived in his old house and do his researches there. He was not excessive pride, in other words, he still behaved as before winning the Nobel Prize. Einstein's values of life may help us to be calm no matter we have achieved great success or we occasionally meet serious frustration. Hence, the high-profile awards winners' behaviors and values may help us a lot in our lifetime.

To sum up, high-profile awards are not damaging to society. Instead, these prizes have improved society. Additionally, the prize winners, in fact, deserve the prizes for their great contribution and we can gain much benefit from their behaviors and values toward life.

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Aquarius水瓶座 荣誉版主

沙发
发表于 2005-2-25 11:36:59 |只看该作者
我占一个
Ghost
Ravine
Elite

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板凳
发表于 2005-2-25 12:03:45 |只看该作者
Stephen Hawking hasn't won Nobel Prize

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地板
发表于 2005-2-25 13:29:06 |只看该作者
我说2句,不妥处请见谅,整个层次分明,读着很流畅,有些小问题.
第2段第2-3句改为When we look back, I pay attention to the achievements of a particular time by which we can learn how the society improved and developed at that time, instead of noticing who actually won the Nobel Prize.
第3段应强调无论谁,只要贡献足够就有资格获奖, 不会有不平等,那些例子说明获奖者的资格, inheritation拼错,改为inheriting好点.
第4段he后应是does不是do,很小的语法错,不过最好整个例子都用过去时.
Liberty is not easy,but far better to be an unfettered fox,hungry and threatened on its hill,than a well-fed canary, safe and secure in its cage.

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发表于 2005-2-25 17:27:46 |只看该作者
------题目------
High-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition.
------正文------
Are high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize actually damaging to society? I do not agree, although only a few people deserve them. In my opinion, these high-profile awards are indeed improving the society.
【开头言简意赅,表达了作者的观点,分析了题目并预测了文章的结构,即反对题目的第一句话,而同意题目的第二句话】

First of all, high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are presented【rewarded】 to the whole period【这句话没有看得太懂】, not just for a few people. When we look back, I 【tend to】pay attention to the achievements of a particular time. We can learn how the society improved and developed at that time, instead of noticing who actually won the Nobel Prize. In other words, what we notice is the winners' achievements, not the particular winners.【这句话的论证真好】 In this case, the high-profile awards are actually symbols of the human accomplishments, not somebody's own honors. Therefore, high-profile awards are not damaging to society, instead they are the sighs of a particular period.【重新照应主题,很规范】

Furthermore, those who have made much contribution to our society deserve the high-profile awards such as Nobel Prize. Some Nobel Prize winners devote their whole life in their fields. For example, Mandela, the Nobel Peace Prize winner, contributes his lifetime to the antiracism and equality of human kind. Although kept in prison for more than a quarter a century, he is world-wide revered for his fight against the racism. Mandela deserves the Nobel Prize for his much contribution to his country.【如果能进一步explain the contribution 就更好了】 Moreover, some scientists win the Nobel Prize, for their researches have changed people's ideas in some fields. These scientists are involving some fields that others all have much different opinions. In this case, they may encounter a lot of frustrations and misunderstanding from others. For instance, Sidney, the Nobel Biology Prize winner, spent a lot time to prove RNA also plays a vital role in inheritation, although the other scientists all hold the opposite ideas. Nevertheless, Sidney's success has changed the ideas of his field and what he has done deserves the Nobel Prize.【这个例子跟为什么他们值得获奖好像关系不大呀】 Thus, these who have won the high-profile awards deserve the prize in that their contribution has changed the world.【我觉得这个段落的位置和下一段的关系不大清楚,是不是考虑调换一下】

Finally, the high-profile awards rewarded to a few people may stimulate others to make contribution in their work or field. In most cases, we consider the Nobel Prize winners as our model and their behaviors and contribution may encourage us to work harder and conquer the frustration we meet. Take Stephen Hawking as an example. He has explained the origin of the universal and many phenomena of the outer space. However, he is seriously disabled. He do everything only through his two fingers. Under such condition, he still tries to be engaged in his researches and travels around the world to spread his theory. His values and spirits may stimulate others and give others courage to confront whatever they meet in their work or life. Also after Einstein won the Nobel Prize, he still lived in his old house and do his researches there. He was not excessive pride, in other words, he still behaved as before winning the Nobel Prize. Einstein's values of life may help us to be calm no matter we have achieved great success or we occasionally meet serious frustration.【Einstein的例子好像与本主题段关系不是很相关】  Hence, the high-profile awards winners' behaviors and values may help us a lot in our lifetime.

To sum up, high-profile awards are not damaging to society. Instead, these prizes have improved society. Additionally, the prize winners, in fact, deserve the prizes for their great contribution and we can gain much benefit from their behaviors and values toward life.【个人认为如果在结尾用一些without的并列句,或假设会更好的深化主题,这样比单纯的recapitulate要好】

经常看你的作文,觉得你的作文思路清晰,语言流畅,值得我学习,最后祝你考试成功!

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发表于 2005-2-26 08:46:20 |只看该作者
谢谢chenh1207的修改,都记下了,你也加油,呵呵,我马上就要考了。还有zsy95ld的意见,非常感谢~~~Stephen Hawking hasn't won Nobel Prize吗?我自己都忘记了~~~

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RE: issue61 二月机经,还有4天就要考了,请拍砖,谢谢~~~ [修改]

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issue61 二月机经,还有4天就要考了,请拍砖,谢谢~~~
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