argument 4 限时的，请大侠们评评！必回改， 请将链接挂后

jaojieUID: 195494

第三篇，就要考了，不知还差多远？不盛感激，有恩必报！
Argument4: 358 words   30 minutes


The following was posted on an Internet real estate discussion site.
'Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams.'

In the statement, the speaker suggests that people should better choose Adams to sell their homes as it can sell the house more quickly and at a high price. In order to prove the conclusion , the speaker used some figures and facts like own experience, but thorough examination reveals that the conclusion is unconvincing for several reasons.

In the first place, the speaker concludes  that the Adams is superior than the Fitch on a fact that the A has 40 real estate while the F has only 25 including some part workers. This fact may has some meaning but it can not prove the A is better. This fact can only give us the quantity but not quality. Maybe the 40 real estates of A are all very small and the employers are not very enthusiastic while the F's statement is on the contrary. The number of the agents is not an effective evidence to  support the conclusion.

In the second place, the speaker also cites some data which is not sufficient to support the conclusion. Though the A's revenue are much greater than the F's, it does not warrant the customers can benefit from this ,it is probable that the A always receive more commission  from the client. Also, the average price can not be the strong evidence. The A's Price is high , it may because that the houses sold by A are almost valuable  and new while the F's houses may be old and poor .Without ruling out such possibilities , the speaker fails to convince that the A can sell the house at a high price than the F.

In addition ,the speaker want to demonstrate that the A's speed of selling houses is more quickly than the F's, Using the speaker's own experience ten years ago and one month ago. However, the speaker fails to prove that the situations during these years are not changing. Ten years ago, many factors may influence  the speed of selling , like economic conditions, but now with the internet the information can be distributed more faster and quickly , may be all real estates can sell the house quickly including the F.  Moreover, the speaker's experience is not representitive enough , we can not known the other clients' situations to make a judge.

In sum, the speaker's suggestion is not convincing as it stands , based on some problematic reasoning and insufficient figures. To better demonstrate the conclusion, the speaker should provide more evidence about the kinds of houses the two have sold, and the overall sell speed of these estates with more economic information..

mythztUID: 162409

In the statement, the speaker suggests that people should better choose Adams to sell their homes as it can sell the house more quickly and at a high price. In order to prove the conclusion , the speaker used some figures and facts like (his/her)own experience, but thorough examination reveals(reveal是否没主语？) that the conclusion is unconvincing for several reasons.

In the first place, the speaker concludes that the Adams is superior than(to) the Fitch (based on)on a fact that the A has 40 real estate (agents)while the F has only 25 including some part(part-time) workers. This fact may has(have) some meaning but it can not prove the A is better. This fact can only give us the quantity but not quality. Maybe the 40 real estates of A are all very small and the employers are not very enthusiastic while the F's statement(?) is on the contrary. (最好有个承接的词)The number of the agents is not an effective evidence to support the conclusion.

In the second place, the speaker also cites some data which is not sufficient to support the conclusion. Though the A's revenue are(is) much greater than the F's, it does not warrant the customers can benefit from this ,it is probable that the A always receive(receives) more commission from the client. Also, the average price can not be the strong evidence. The A's Price is high , it may because(感觉这里读得不大顺，有点chinglish的味道) that the houses sold by A are almost valuable and new while the F's houses may be old and poor(可换个词，poor修饰house不大贴切) .Without ruling out such possibilities , the speaker fails to convince(me) that the A can sell the house at a high(higher) price than the F.

In addition ,the speaker want(wants) to demonstrate that the A's speed of selling houses is more quickly(more去掉，改为quicker) than the F's, Using the speaker's own experience ten years ago and one month ago. However, the speaker fails to prove that the situations during these years are not changing. Ten years ago, many factors may(might) influence the speed of selling , like economic conditions, but now with the internet the information can be distributed more faster and quickly(faster and more quickly，感觉两个词表达同一个意思，有点重复) , may be all real estates can sell the house quickly including the F. Moreover, the speaker's experience is not representitive enough , we can not known(know) the other clients' situations to make a judge(judgment).

In sum, the speaker's suggestion is not convincing as it stands , based on some problematic reasoning and insufficient figures. To better demonstrate the conclusion, the speaker should provide more evidence about the kinds of houses the two have sold(此句啥意思？), and the overall sell speed of these estates with more economic information..

三个攻击点都抓住了，但希望楼主在语法和表达上在下点功夫。欢迎交流！PS:我可不是什么大侠，冒犯之处请包涵

以下是我的文章，如有空的话就帮帮忙吧！多谢！
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=250911

jaojieUID: 195494

切中要害, 谢了,
先去吃饭了, 晚上回来一定帮你看:)

will_foreverUID: 193568

taken