Argument4 第4篇拍我必回大石头

ponponUID: 181304

------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分47秒     377words
从2005年1月27日16时7分到2005年1月27日16时45分
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The following was posted on an Internet real estate discussion site.
'Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams.'
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In this argument, the arguer recommends that we should use Adams if we want to sell your home quickly and at a good price. To substantiate to conclusion, the arguer cites two leading real estate firms' comparison, but the conclusion is convincing for several critical fallacies. My reasons are as follows:

In the first place, the comparison between the numbers of real estate agents can not prove that Adams is better than Fitch. Larger does not automatically means good profits, moreover, although Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and included home sales higher compared to Fitch's, for one thing, it is can not the rule out the possibility that the number of workers of Fitch is just one third of the Adams’, hence the average salaries of the workers would be higher than that of Adams, for another thing, the saying that Adams's home sales is higher means the quality of home resource is better, the good price and quickly sold is unwarranted.


In the second place, the arguer make a untenable comparison between situation of Fitch ten years ago and situation of Adams last year. It is too vague to be informative and unfairly to Fitch, the common sense tells us that ten years is a long time that many things can be changed including the efficiency of the selling home, it took more than four months to sell ten years ago when the arguer listed with Fitch while it is likely that his home can sell in 20 days last year, thus, we should learn more about recent comparisons of efficiency of selling home before we draw the judgement..

In the end, the most significant factor of deciding a house' price and time of selling is the quality of house itself. Provided that you list the home with Adams, without good quality and suitable location it is not guaranteed that your home would sell quickly and at a good price.

To sum up, the argument is well presented but not well reasoned and the evidences could not strongly support the conclusion. To make it logical, the arguer should supply some evidences about the detailed comparisons between these two firms such as the recent comparison of time of selling home.

nightsky2004UID: 155946

我来看看

nightsky2004UID: 155946

In this argument, the arguer recommends that we should use Adams if we want to sell your home quickly and at a good price. To substantiate to conclusion, the arguer cites two leading real estate firms' comparison, but the conclusion is convincing应该是unconvincing吧 for several critical fallacies. My reasons are showed as follows:

In the first place, the comparison between the numbers of real estate agents can not prove that Adams is better than Fitch. Larger这里最好说清楚，比如说Large agents，而且你没法确定是否是large，改为more agents，而且后面的语言应当对应着用比较及，但是你似乎忽略了 does not automatically means good前面说过了，要用比较及，而且用good 来形容profit不太合适 profits, moreover, although Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and included home sales higher compared to Fitch's,although这一句好像没有说完呀 for one thing, it is can not the rule out the possibility that the number of workers of Fitch is just one third of the Adams’, hence the average salaries of the workers would be higher than that of Adams,我明白你的意思，但是你确实没写清楚 for another thing, the saying that Adams's home sales is higher means the quality of home resource is better, the good price and quickly sold is unwarranted.这里不太对，你要记住argument里面最好用maybe，因为真实情况你不知道也不可能知道
本段论述得不清楚，其实你说到了两个flaws（就是第二、三句话）但是都没有深入批驳，而是浅尝辄止，很遗憾，要注意

In the second place, the arguer make a untenable comparison between situation of Fitch ten years ago and situation of Adams last year. It is too vague to be informative and unfairly to Fitch, the common sense tells us that ten years is a long time that many things can be changed including the efficiency of the selling home, it took more than four months to sell ten years ago when the arguer listed with Fitch while it is likely that his home can sell in 20 days last year, thus, we should learn more about recent comparisons of efficiency of selling home before we draw the judgment..
本段的批驳忽略了一个最关键的问题，就是房子的问题，由题目可知，两家公司都是做房屋生意的（就是地产啦），卖出房子的价格和时间同样和房子本身的大小及地理位置有很重要的关系，若比较两家地产公司，应该以销售同一套房子的表现来说，可是作者没有说明这个问题，这才是最有力的驳斥点
In the end, the most significant factor of deciding a house' price and time of selling is the quality of house itself. Provided that you list the home with Adams, without good quality and suitable location it is not guaranteed that your home would sell quickly and at a good price.
本段的驳斥也不好，应该在前面一段基础上在说说看假如真如作者所说，还有房子本身的问题
To sum up, the argument is well presented but not well reasoned and the evidences could not strongly support the conclusion. To make it logical, the arguer should supply some evidences about the detailed comparisons between these two firms such as the recent comparison of time of selling home.
楼主驳斥点找得不错（基本上都找到了），但是驳斥的方法还不好，而且组织上也有些问题，最好看看范文，再好好修改，加油呀

imjasonUID: 176604

In this argument, the arguer recommends that we should use Adams if we want to sell yourcolor=blue"our" may be better here/color home quickly andcolor=blue"and" is not needed/color at a good price. To substantiate to conclusion, the arguer cites two leading real estate firms' comparison, but the conclusion is convincing for several critical fallacies.color=blue?/color My reasons are as follows:
color=blue时间很紧么？掉了很多词啊，意思都变了/color
In the first place, the comparison between the numbers of real estate agents can not prove that Adams is better than Fitch. Larger does not automatically meancolor=blues?/color good profits,color=blue还应该继续展开，比如说A公司兼职的人数呢？/colorcolor=blue. M/colororeover, although Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and included home sales higher compared to Fitch's,color=blue这个句子好象有点问题哦/color for one thing, it is can not the rule out thecolor=blue语法？/color possibility that the number of workers of Fitch is just one third of the Adams’, hence the average salaries of the workers would be higher than that of Adams,color=blue;/color for another thing, the saying that Adams's home sales is higher means the quality of home resource is possibly better, the good price and quickly sold is unwarranted.color=blue这些分开论述可能更好些/color


In the second place, the arguer make a untenable comparison between situation of Fitch ten years ago and situationcolor=bluecan be replace by "that" here/color of Adams last year. It is too vague to be informative and unfairly to Fitch,color=blue./color the common sense tells us that ten years is a long time that many things can be changed including the efficiency of the selling home, it took more than four months to sell ten years ago when the arguer listed with Fitch while it is likely that his home can sell in 20 days last year,color=blue.标点很不正常啊/color thus, we should learn more about recent comparisons of efficiency of selling home before we draw the judgement..

In the end, the most significant factor of deciding a house' price and time是time么？我觉得应该是效率方面的 of selling is the quality of house itself. Provided that you list the home with Adams, without good quality and suitable location it is not guaranteed that your home would sell quickly and at a good price.

To sum up, the argument is well presented but not well reasoned and the evidences could not strongly support the conclusion. To make it logical, the arguer should supply some evidences about the detailed comparisons between these two firms such as the recent comparison of time of selling home.
全篇文章感觉都说得不够充分，错误很多同时也有很多是一笔带过了。可能是时间紧的原因吧