偶下了狠心写的第一篇issue，请各位指教

leonhillUID: 180388

一直感觉issue很恐怖，再加上自己的文字功底并不是很好，况且一直没有把题库看完，所以只是一直在看题库。今天终于看完了，所以下了狠心终于硬者头皮写了一篇，毕竟离考试不远了（偶4.11济南）！主要参考了孙远的《GRE写作》和XDF的内部资料，开头部分参考了ETS的一篇6分范文（sample one）和XDF黄予的一个模板，中间部分思路参考XDF修锐老师给的思路（正，负，负），结尾除了In conclusion是很多模板都有的其他都是自己瞎编的。写完以后才发现有些句子自己都不是特别明白，跟阅读里面的BT句子有些象，看来自己也开始BT了。只是不知道句法和词的用法对不对。无论如何，作为第一篇习作还算比较满意。望各位多多指点，不留情面，批评指正。在此谢过！


issue 18.

"In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was.People can learn much by watching television as    they can by reading books."

偶的第一篇习作（整整四个小时！！！:(）：

In the era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing information innumerably and complexity. The issue of whether to get information more from reading books or watching television is a complex one, since it involves a conflict between detail and speed. In my view, the final judegement should depend on a case-by-case analysis of several key factors.

The fast development of the information technology give us more chances to get into some novel information and knowledge, even is simple, which can not be touched previously.Example is the act of researching pyramid in 2002 was reported via telecommunication technology to transform the vivid images and voice to televisions of common families.Even the movement and dialogue of the sicentists could been seen or heard by us from the television, which could not be imagined formerly.It is impossible that an individual assimilate those information from reading books. This illustrate the point that television is one , not only one, important instrument for us to attain a large number of information.

However,it is because the television offer us a masses of new information which is not depend on our purpose that cause a large waste of time.For the sake of hunting something useful, we should pay more times on unuseful things such as commercial advertisement. For instance, Discovery channel is full of knowledge, but not all them are usful to us.Have we to sit in front of television waiting for what we want and put many important things aside? Certainly the answer is no.Although television could indeed supply us many information, we should not always rely on it to gain whatever knowledge we want forgetting many other access,such as reading books, which could reflect our inclination.

To obtain more detailed knowledge determined our wish, we should search for them on our own initiative.Reading books is one of the most important and traditional ways to accomplish this.History tell us that for nearly all the brilliant individuals, only after reading a great deal of books could they gain succeess.It illustrate that reading books symbolize knowledge. While reading books is not as important as it once was, it still play an important in shaping our thinking and attitude such as some voluminous composings of philosophical and psychological which could not be really understood without the reading books,for example the composings of Plato and Aristotle.Only from reading books may we comprehend the original idea of the author, this could not be attained by watching television.

In conclusion, we must make a multianalysis to the way in which we aquire knowledge.Neither reading books nor watching television is an absolutely perfecte method.Since they both have their advantages and disadvantages, we should use right method in right time rather than choose only one giving up another completely.

dlmingjnUID: 163437

看了一点就看不下去了，怎么总觉得有点别扭呢。建议看一下ets第一篇范文。technology开头的那篇。很有节奏感，句子也不是都那么长，很有启发。

In the era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing information innumerably and complexity （怎么觉得这么别扭）.The issue of whether to get information more from reading books or watching television is a complex one, since it involves a conflict between detail and speed. In my view, the final judegement（错） should depend on a case-by-case analysis of several key factors.

The fast development of the information technology give us more chances to get into some novel information and knowledge, even is simple, which can not be touched previously.Example is the act of researching pyramid in 2002 was reported via telecommunication technology to transform the vivid images and voice to televisions of common families.Even the movement and dialogue of the sicentists could been seen or heard by us from the television, which could not be imagined formerly.It is impossible that an individual assimilate those information from reading books. This illustrate the point that television is one , not only one, important instrument for us to attain a large number of information.

However,it is because the television offer us a masses of new information which is not depend on our purpose that cause a large waste of time.For the sake of hunting something useful, we should pay more times on unuseful things such as commercial advertisement. For instance, Discovery channel is full of knowledge, but not all them are usful to us.Have we to sit in front of television waiting for what we want and put many important things aside? Certainly the answer is no.Although television could indeed supply us many information, we should not always rely on it to gain whatever knowledge we want forgetting many other access,such as reading books, which could reflect our inclination.

To obtain more detailed knowledge determined our wish, we should search for them on our own initiative.Reading books is one of the most important and traditional ways to accomplish this.History tell us that for nearly all the brilliant individuals, only after reading a great deal of books could they gain succeess.It illustrate that reading books symbolize knowledge. While reading books is not as important as it once was, it still play an important in shaping our thinking and attitude such as some voluminous composings of philosophical and psychological which could not be really understood without the reading books,for example the composings of Plato and Aristotle.Only from reading books may we comprehend the original idea of the author, this could not be attained by watching television.

In conclusion, we must make a multianalysis to the way in which we aquire knowledge.Neither reading books nor watching television is an absolutely perfecte method.Since they both have their advantages and disadvantages, we should use right method in right time rather than choose only one giving up another completely.
我3月底在济南考，可以交流一下qq 1133676311

leonhillUID: 180388

回复NO2：谢谢！！

leonhillUID: 180388

请各位指教！

leonhillUID: 180388

顶一下。

xuding_godUID: 179213

老兄，开头这个模板太明显了，这样我觉得不是很好！

thminUID: 192642

唉，第一次给人家改文章，终于改好了，差不多是逐句改的。我没有上过新东方，不知道什么＂套路＂，只是看着觉得不顺就改啦。呵呵，我和你一天考，在西安，大家一起努力吧！

In the era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing information innumerably and complexity.(这个句子是个fragment，只有状语啊……应该把句末的句号改成逗号，下面的The改成the吧) The issue of whether to(to有点别扭，用we代替吧) get information more(我觉得more information好像更顺一些吧) from reading books or watching television is a complex one, since it involves a conflict between detail and speed（我不太明白conflict以后的内容）. In my view, the final judegement(是judgment) should depend on a case-by-case analysis of several key factors.

The fast development of the information technology give（gives或has given） us more chances to get into(去掉into) some novel information and knowledge, even is simple, which can not be touched previously(可以改成simple but unattainable before.不知你是不是这个意思？).Example is the act of researching pyramid(改成the exploration of pyramid得了，省得这么别扭) in 2002 (加which)was reported via telecommunication technology (我个人感觉这个句子到这里就可以结束了，不然的话后面太重，让人感到很不平衡)to transform the vivid images and voice to televisions of common families(断开的这一部份可以这样表达：The vivid images and voice of the exploration were easily transformed to televisions of common families).Even the movement and dialogue of the sicentists could been seen or(and) heard by us(by us完全可以去掉) from the television, which could not be imagined formerly(这个which引导的定语从句放在这里不太好，到底修饰这种现象无法想象还是电视本身无法想象？不如去掉吧).It is impossible that an individual assimilate those information from reading books. This illustrate the point that television is one , not (加the)only one, important instrument for us to attain a large number of information.

However,it is because the television offer us a(去掉a) masses of new information which is(does) not depend on our purpose that(that?换成and，和前面which引导的内容连成一句吧) cause a large waste of time.For the sake of hunting something useful, we should(语气不对，不是应该，而是常常有这种可能性，可以说it’s much likely that we would…) pay(花时间的动词是cost) more times(time) on unuseful things(这样说太泛，不如改成useless information或information of no use) such as commercial advertisement. For instance, Discovery channel is full of knowledge(不是频道本身有知识，而是节目，可说the programs provided by DC are informative), but not all them are usful(useful) to us.Have we to sit in front of television waiting for what we want and put many important things aside? Certainly the answer is no.Although television could indeed supply us many(much) information, we should not always rely on it to gain whatever knowledge we want (这里是忘点逗号了吧)forgetting(用neglecting更好些) many other access,such as reading books, which could reflect our inclination.

To obtain more detailed knowledge determined our wish(不明白determined our wish什么意思), we should search for them on our own initiative.Reading books is one of the most important and traditional ways to accomplish this.History tell(s) us that for(for是什么意思) nearly all the brilliant individuals, only after reading a great deal of books could they gain succeess (success). It illustrate(s) that reading books symbolize knowledge.(不太懂这句话，而且为什么从前一句话得出这个结论呢？) While reading books is not as important as it once was(这个观点又从何说起呢？), it still play an important (what?) in shaping our thinking and attitude (这个句子到这里也可以结束了，因为后边谈的著作本身不能用来说明这句话)such as(去掉such as,) some voluminous composings of philosophical(philosophy) and psychological(psychology) which(去掉which) could not be really understood without the reading books(直接是without reading them就可以了),for example the composings of Plato and Aristotle.Only from reading books may we comprehend the original idea of the author, this(改成which,不然改逗号为句号，大写This) could not be attained by watching television.

In conclusion, we must make a multianalysis to the way in which(in which去掉更简洁) we aquire knowledge.Neither reading books nor watching television is an absolutely perfecte(perfect) method.Since they both have their advantages and disadvantages, we should use right method in right time rather than choose only one giving up another completely.

leonhillUID: 180388

回复：No.6 谢谢！！
      No.7十分感谢，有耐心看完我这么烂的作文，还修改的这么仔细。真的太谢谢了！！

sleepyhollowUID: 198215

李杉，你好，我是杨鹏。我看了你的作文，我觉得整体还是凑合。但是细节确实还有很多地方值得发掘。比如说在第三段，你说For the sake of hunting something useful, we should pay more times on unuseful things such as commercial advertisement. For instance, Discovery channel is full of knowledge, but not all them are usful to us.我觉得这两句之间的连贯就不是很强，你举的例子就不太足以支持前面一句话的观点。你前面在说unuseful things such as commercial advertisement，后面举例说Discovery channel is full of knowledge（我个人觉得老外不会认为knowledge是没有用的吧），所以这里可以具体的说tv确实很多垃圾信息，etc。还有，就是，你这两句就用了三个useful，看起来有点不舒服。
其实，我觉得你写出来的真的很不错了（套路真的是很清晰的），毕竟是第一篇嘛。再多背背范文，看的写作素材，多积累一些闪光句型吧。加油吧，还有一个月，来的及
ps：我决定定在4月20号左右考，到时候你先考完了，给我点经验哈