aregument44 超时 拍砖必回

poqmarsUID: 175401

Argument44 限时第一篇失败 望大家批评 谢谢

The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.

"Monarch Books should open a cafè in its store to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened a cafè. Monarch, which has been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer following because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Opening the cafè would clearly attract more customers. The cafè would require relatively little space. Space could be made for the cafè by discontinuing the children's book section, which will likely become less popular given that the last national census indicated a significant decline in the percent of the population who are under age ten."

Granted that, the conclusion in this argument is relatively sound, that opening the café would clearly attract more customers. To support the conclusion, the arguer lists several reasons: Regal Books has opened a café; Monarch Book scan offer the space for café by discontinuing the children’s book section. However, this argument is, in fact, several critical flaws.

In the first place, the comparison between Monrach Books and Regal Books is not valid without the evidence given to prove that both bookstores have same customers, books on same subjects, and is located in same position. Maybe the customers in Regal Books are most of white-collar people, but the clients of Monrach include all sorts of invidious. Furthermore, the arguer dose not provide us any information about how Regal Books’ sale increase. Perhaps, the café in Regal Books does not attract more people.

Secondly, the arguer presents that because children’s book will become less popular, the store must replace the children’s book section by café. To justify this presentation, the arguer also offer national census indicated a significant decline in the percent of the population who are under age ten. However, the arguer could not conclude that what is true of a group as a whole is necessarily true of each member of that group by giving us a national data. Perhaps, the percent of the population who are under ten is increasing in the area Monrach Books located. Moreover, if closing the children’s book sections, the result of that is that customer will decline with children customer’ declining, because usually children do not go to bookstore only by own lonely also with heir parent. Losing children maybe means missing more adult’s customers

Finally, the speaker assumes that the café must take more customers to the bookstore. But no evidence is provided to prove that there is causal relationship between the café and the number of customers. The arguer overlook many other factors which can influence the number of customer, such as the position of the bookstore, the prices of book and the subjects of books. So there are lots ways to attract customer not only by opening the café.

To sum up, the argument given merely scratches the surface of what must be said about opening the café. To better convice us to believe doing a café can catch the attention of more customer by substituting the children’s book sections, the arguer must offer more compelling evidences.

poqmarsUID: 175401

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晨曦UID: 177893

如果没人看，试试看多改两篇别人的，既是借鉴学习，也是熟悉人口，才能有人来帮你呢。

作文论坛强调的是互动，而不是义务啦。认真就会有进步哦，不管是改别人的还是写自己的

偶是局外人，说这个话可能方便些。勿见怪。错了算我的。

PS:可以利用页面下方的工具条来找 0回复 的文章的 —— 按照 “回复数量” 以 “降序” 排列......

mariaUID: 197971

The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.

"Monarch Books should open a cafè in its store to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened a cafè. Monarch, which has been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer following because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Opening the cafè would clearly attract more customers. The cafè would require relatively little space. Space could be made for the cafè by discontinuing the children's book section, which will likely become less popular given that the last national census indicated a significant decline in the percent of the population who are under age ten."

Granted that, the conclusion in this argument is relatively sound, that opening the café would clearly attract more customers. To support the conclusion, the arguer lists several reasons: Regal Books has opened a café; Monarch Book scan offer the space for café by discontinuing the children’s book section. However, this argument is,has in fact, several critical flaws.

In the first place, the comparison between Monrach Books and Regal Books is not valid without the evidence given to prove that both bookstores have thesamesame 前面必须加the 希望楼主注意 customers, books on same subjects, and is located in same position. Maybe the customers in Regal Books are most of white-collar people,是否应该说明他们喜欢喝咖啡那？ but the clients of Monrach include all sorts of invidious. Furthermore, the arguer dose not provide us any information about howwhether 是不是更好点那？ Regal Books’ sale increase. Perhaps, the café in Regal Books does not attract more people.第一段搂住是想写错误类比，我觉得应该先写稳重并未提到regal books 确实盈利了， 然后让步说即使盈利了未必适应他们书店感觉你这样写逻辑有点混乱

Secondly, the arguer presents that because children’s book will become less popular, the store must太绝对了原文不是这个意思 replace the children’s book section by café. To justify this presentation, the arguer also？ offer national census indicated a significant decline in the percent of the population who are under age ten. However, the arguer could not conclude that what is true of a group as a whole is necessarily true of each member of that group by giving us a national data. Perhaps, the percent of the population who are under ten is increasing in the area Monrach Books located. Moreover, if closing the children’s book sections, the result of that is that customer will decline with children customer’ declining,这据说的罗嗦了 because usually children do not go to bookstores only by own lonely 重复 直接用lonely 就可以了also with heir parent. Losing children maybe means missing more adult’s customers

Finally, the speaker assumes that the café must take more customers to the bookstore. But no evidence is provided to prove that there is causal relationship between the café and the number of customers. The arguer overlook many other factors which can influence the number of customer, such as the position of the bookstore, the prices of book and the subjects of books. So there are lots ways to attract customer not only by opening the café.觉得这段写得还不错

To sum up, the argument given merely scratches the surface of what must be said about opening the café. To better conviceconvince us to believe doing a café can catch the attention of more customer by substituting the children’s book sections, the arguer must offer more compelling evidences.
以上纯属个人观点，不当之处再讨论

chinhoiUID: 173262

Granted that, the conclusion in this argument is relatively sound, that opening the café would clearly attract more customers. To support the conclusion, the arguer lists several reasons: Regal Books has opened a café; Monarch Book scan offer the space for café by discontinuing the children’s book section. However, this argument is, in fact, several critical flaws.

In the first place, the comparison between Monrach Books and Regal Books is not valid without the evidence given to prove that both bookstores have same customers, books on same subjects, and is located in same position. Maybe the customers in Regal Books are most of white-collar people, but the clients of Monrach include all sorts of invidious. Furthermore, the arguer dose not provide us any information about how Regal Books’ sale increase. Perhaps, the café in Regal Books does not attract more people.感觉这段可以再展开一下，是论证更充分，比如这里可以来个such as

Secondly, the arguer presents that because children’s book will become less popular, the store must replace the children’s book section by café. To justify this presentation, the arguer also offers national census indicatedindicating a significant decline in the percent of the population who are under age ten. However, the arguer could not conclude that what is true of a group as a whole is necessarily true of each member of that group by giving us a national data.这句……我读不顺，可能是我的问题 Perhaps, the percent of the population who are under ten is increasing in the area Monrach Books located. Moreover, if closing the children’s book sections, the result of that is that customer will decline with children customer’ declining, because usually children do not go to bookstore only by own lonely also with their parent. Losing children maybe means[s不要] missinglosing更好，我觉得 more adult’s customers

Finally, the speaker assumes that the café must这个must是不是有点歧义？must也有必须的意思啊，可能是我不懂…… take more customers to the bookstore. But no evidence is provided to prove that there is causal relationship between the café and the number of customers. The arguer overlooks many other factors which can influence the number of customer, such as the position of the bookstore, the prices of book and the subjects of books. So there are lots of ways to attract customer not only by opening the café.

To sum up, the argument given merely scratches the surface of what must be said about opening the café. To better convi[n]ce us to believe [that] doing[opening] a café can catch the attention of more customer by substituting the children’s book sections, the arguer must offer more compelling evidences.

总体感觉还可以，逻辑错误都找到了
不过在语言上最好能再加强一下，语法错误也要注意
加油加油

帮我也看看吧
a65 关于奶酪的 https://bbs.gter.net/showthread....threadid=252957