issue19 各体与整体 自己觉得写的还行！ 拍者必回拍！：）

zhangqiang928UID: 188538

Issue19  第4篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户   624 words
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If a society is to thrive, it must put its own overall success before the well-being of its individual citizens.
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In this era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing income of citizens, society also have more thriving than before. Everyone of the society feel that our life change quickly, and we all believe that our salary will increase much more through working hard.

What is the definition for the society's own success? As far as I am concern, the prosperity of the society should definition that it have a strong economic, finance and powerful national defence or democracy.

In the first place, well-being of individual citizens can promote the thriving economic. As we know, only when the citizen of the country live well, they will take the money to consume for changing their condition of their lives. Take my family for instance, when I was young my family was very poor, so my father and mother had neither money nor plan to make them decide to consume, for my family have three children. Nowadays, it is not case at all, with the development of the society and my father and mother's effort my family have more wealth than before, so we have moved a larger home and brought many new furniture , maybe that we will buy a car in the future. In a word, our family have contribute to the economy of society, for my family do shopping everyday and sometime we also buy a large electrical machine such as air-conditioning ,all these action will promote the economy of the society. Furthermore, only when the society have strong economy ,it can make the finance strongly by taxing to develop national defence and science. At this perceive, well-being will promote prosperity of society by consuming.

In the second place, the only way a society put own overall success before the well-being of its individual citizens is to increase the tax in every field of the economy or not only make the people work more time but also get the low salaries. In order to thrive, the society don't allocate money for changing the citizen's condition and giving them welfare, which must lead to instability of society and dissatisfaction of citizens. Moreover, if a society do that, it is possible that the worker will strike for the little salary and the dairy farmer will not product for heavy tax, saying nothing of democracy and freedom. Many history story tell us a conclusion that when almost all the citizens dissatisfy to their society they will be against the policy of their society, so it would lead to take place a revolution.

Admittedly, if a society put its own overall success before the well-being of its citizens, it must lead to the society under the autarchy and corruption. Take the Helter for example, we can read of things that happened tens years ago, where the leader the Germany whose name is  Helter want to make his country success than others. He consider that he could make his country thriving by governing all the world so he make the country under autarchy and later he launch the second word war. On the other hand, we all know that corruption puzzles almost all the country, if a society consider its own behalf before the well-being of its individual citizens, corruption will become a more difficult problem for the action of the society. Thus it will lead the society to degenerate instead of thriving.

To the sum, to a society the most efficient way to thrive is that making its individual citizens benefit from its development by increasing the well-being and changing the condition of lives. In other words, a society is made up of its individual citizens, individual citizens becoming well-being is eaqual to the prosperity of the society.


谢谢批我的文章,交个朋友一起改文章


有机会请多拍砖,每拍必回拍,多谢

第一篇https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=250654 issu121
第二篇https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=250916 argument120
第三篇https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=251025 issue122
第四篇https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=251374 issue3@^@#####改一改这篇吧######



当阳光照遍每个角落
心情像风般漂泊不停留
抛开界限 快乐行走
我有属于自己的方式做梦

西安外国语学院 3月25日

hardbeaverUID: 197443

第一个论点不错，但第二个分论点太绝对了一点吧，换个角度试试。
另外开头段不点题，需要修改一下。

我也是新手，大家互相帮助吧。

zhangqiang928UID: 188538

意见很中肯，多谢了！

zhangqiang928UID: 188538

六级成绩出来了， 很惨！郁闷！

zhangqiang928UID: 188538

顶一下！

jaojieUID: 195494

开头新颖,
B1论证不错
B2 段落组织应换一下，把论点房前面
是不是做一格社会成功与个人幸福的比较会更好会应题目，既然你是反对的，就先驳倒它！