issue161,媒体类，修改过！

will_foreverUID: 193568

Issue161  第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分28秒     550 words
从2005年2月2日8时31分到2005年2月2日9时58分
------题目------
In this age of intensive media coverage, it is no longer possible for a society to regard any woman or man as a hero. The reputation of anyone who is subjected to media scrutiny will eventually be diminished.
------正文------
Nowadays, we can see the news increasing in amount, exaggerating in description, and expanding in span. Everyone cannot get rid of the intruding of the media into our daily life due to its intensive coverage, and as a result, we can observe every aspect of our public figures from the internet, newspaper or other means of media easily and quickly. Under such great media scrutiny, the heroes we have ever admired barely survive and mostly lose their reputation.

Owning to current intensive media coverage, it is difficult for us to regard somebody as hero. Let us see the first factor, media, which leads to this result. In our society, once a man or woman becomes a public figure, such as a singer star, a political leader, whoever we can regard as our idol for some certain reasons, his or her privacy will be digged out as one of arresting topics or scandals for public. It is quite easy to be well-known for the ubiquitous media. Moreover, we public almost have a mind of prying into others privacy and innermost secrets, especially those misdeeds and misfortune than those good deeds and accomplishment of the public figures. Meanwhile, the media, as a profit-seeking organization, wants to make the maxim profit itself, thus they will do their best to discover the unbeknown anecdotes or resounding issues, anything that can catch the eyebrows of the public, to cater to our mind. What is more, the media will exaggerate their presumption, which we public will take it for granted and deem that our so-called hero is just so so and fallen his or her reputation. Take into consideration the factor of the public figures who we regard as heroes, they are common indeed. Inevitably, they will do something wrong or absurd, something that will do harm to their reputation, while pardonable if they were ordinary. Another factor I would like to bring forward is just ourselves,. We just rely on the media and accept the information passively without critical reasoning thinking and analyse whether it is wrong or right, which is unfair to our public fingers. For us, it is just an recreation and relaxation, while it is an adversity for them. From the three factors that have been discussed above, we can arrive at the agreement that it is difficult for a society to consider any woman or man as a hero.

Through the intensive media coverage, we public will cast of the illusion of the heroes and be more realistic. Some public fingers we take them as our heroes do not deserve the appellation, for their misdeeds or bad hobbies, such as alcoholism, drug use, reckless driving, violence and so forth. Via the media, we can burnish our eyes and find the truth. The more we get to know, the soberer we will become. In short, in this realistic society, it is important for us to recognize the truth and make our own judge.

However, the reputation of a real respectful person will not be diminished by the media, on the contrary, they will be admired more and more widespread. Let us see the example of the basketball player Michael Jordern, who is famous for his exquisite skills in the basketball. Through the media, covering that Jordern had done many good deeds to the philanthropy and donated money and clothing to the slum, he enjoys tremendous popularity and is adored by rich and poor alike. [ 例子不好，但实在想不起来了，大家帮帮忙]
       
Taking into account the factors that have been discussed above, it is not difficult to say that though the intensive media and our realistic eyes, it is not easy to consider somebody as our heroes, but the reputation of a real hero will not be diminished under the scrutiny.

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

Nowadays, we can see the news increasing in amount, exaggerating in description, and expanding in span. Everyone cannot get rid of the intruding of the media into our daily life due to its intensive coverage, and as a result, we can observe every aspect of our public figures from the internet, newspaper or other means of media easily and quickly. Under such great media scrutiny, the heroes we have ever admired barely survive and mostly lose their reputation.

Owning to current intensive media coverage, it is difficult for us to regard somebody as hero. Let us see the first factor, media, which leads to this result.let us see这句有些口语化，和前后不协调，也没多大作用 In our society, once a man or woman becomes a public figure, such as a singer star, a political leader, whoever we can regard as our idol for some certain reasons, his or her privacy will be digged dugout as one of arresting topics or scandals for public. It is quite easy to be well-known for the ubiquitous media. Moreover, we public almost have a mind of prying into others privacy and innermost secrets, especially those misdeeds and misfortune than those good deeds and accomplishment of the public figures. Meanwhile, the media, as a profit-seeking organization, wants to make the maxim profit itself, thus they will do their best to discover the unbeknown anecdotes or resounding issues, anything that can catch the eyebrows of the public, to cater to our mind. What is more, the media will exaggerate their presumption, which we public will take it for granted and deem that our so-called hero is just so so and fallen his or her reputation. Take into consideration the factor of the public figures who we regard as heroes, they are common indeed. Inevitably, they will do something wrong or absurd, something that will do harm to their reputation, while pardonable if they were ordinary. Another factor I would like to bring forward is just ourselves,. We just rely on the media and accept the information passively without critical reasoning thinking and analyse whether it is wrong or right, which is unfair to our public fingers. For us, it is just an recreation and relaxation, while it is an adversity for them. From the three factors that have been discussed above, we can arrive at the agreement that it is difficult for a society to consider any woman or man as a hero.
这段好长呀！HOHO~ 先写当了名人隐私少，又写公众爱探究别人的隐私，又写媒体有时候夸张，又写了名人实际是普通的，最后又写我们缺乏思考….是不是很乱？当然，对于题目，你能从这么多角度入手很厉害啊，说明有很多东西可以写，但是要在有限的字数和时间表达，要分一下条例和轻重，比如名人普通和媒体夸张是不是可以联系起来？公众爱探究和名人隐私少不是因果关系嘛？是不是也可以综合起来？这样你这段可以拆成2段就说明白啦，还可以加点事例。而你一会一个观点，每个都论证一个头就转走了，也没有事例支持。然后公众缺乏思考我觉得有些有悖你的论点，正是缺乏思考才容易盲目把人当hero，之所以没有当hero是因为现在的公众善于思考辨别是非，个人意见。

Through the intensive media coverage, we public will cast of the illusion of the heroes and be more realistic. Some public fingers we take them as our heroes do not deserve the appellation, for their misdeeds or bad hobbies, such as alcoholism, drug use, reckless driving, violence and so forth. Via the media, we can burnish our eyes and find the truth. The more we get to know, the soberer we will become. In short, in this realistic society, it is important for us to recognize the truth and make our own judge.这段写的不错，不过如果按我上段的理解，还可以和名人很普通，有的甚至还比较恶劣分配安排一下。加个例子啦，比如杰克逊猥亵男童，娃哈哈哈（我以前的偶像啊，真不忍心在作文批判），换一个好啦，什么科比强奸案(ft，怎么都是我稀饭的明星？)你自己想点好了，网上丑闻了犯罪了多的是

However,不建议让步用这么强烈的词 the reputation of a real respectful person will not be diminished by the media, on the contrary, they will be admired more and more widespread. Let us see the example of the basketball player Michael Jordern, who is famous for his exquisite skills in the basketball. Through the media, covering that Jordern had done many good deeds to the philanthropy and donated money and clothing to the slum, he enjoys tremendous popularity and is adored by rich and poor alike. [例子不好，但实在想不起来了，大家帮帮忙]例子OK啦！只是例子要分析一下下比较好。

Taking into account the factors that have been discussed above, it is not difficult to say that though the intensive media and our realistic 界个词这里不合适eyes, it is not easy to consider somebody as our heroes, but the reputation of a real hero will not be diminished under the scrutiny.结尾的but使得你强调的重点跑后面去了，修改一下

will_foreverUID: 193568

嗯，第二段是写的很乱，本来是想分成三个因素来说，就是媒体，公众人物和我们自身来说，这样分成三段会不会好一些？
谢谢修改：）

will_foreverUID: 193568

Nowadays, we can see the news increasing in amount, exaggerating in description, and expanding in span. Everyone cannot get rid of the intruding of the media into our daily life due to its intensive coverage, and as a result, we can observe every aspect of our public figures from the internet, newspaper or other means of media easily and quickly. Under such great media scrutiny, the heroes we have ever admired barely survive and mostly lose their reputation.

Owning to current intensive media coverage, it is difficult for us to regard somebody as hero. Let us see the first factor, media, which leads to this result.let us see这句有些口语化，和前后不协调，也没多大作用 In our society, once a man or woman becomes a public figure, such as a singer star, a political leader, whoever we can regard as our idol for some certain reasons, his or her privacy will be digged dugout as one of arresting topics or scandals for public. It is quite easy to be well-known for the ubiquitous media. Meanwhile, the media, as the profit-seeking entity, want to make the maxim profit itself, thus they will do their best to discover or focus on the unbeknown anecdotes or resounding issues, anything that catch the eyebrows of our audiences, to cater to our needs. What is more, the media will exaggerate the presumption, which we public will take it for granted and deem that our so-called heroic public figure is guilty of some sort of character flaw or misdeed, and as a result fallen his reputation. Moreover, we public almost have a mind of prying into others privacy and innermost secrets, especially those misdeeds and misfortune than those good deeds and accomplishment of the public figures.

Take into consideration the factor of the public figures who we regard as heroes, they are common indeed. Inevitably, they will do something wrong or absurd, something that will do harm to their reputation, while pardonable if they were ordinary.

Another factor I would like to bring forward is just ourselves. What if we public do not have the mind of prying into others’ privacy and innermost secrets, especially those misfortune and misdeeds far more than those good deeds and accomplishments of the public figures, the media entity will not thrive as now. We public just rely on the media and are lack of the objectivity and critical reasoning thinking skills whether it is exaggerated or actual, which is unfair to our public fingers. For us, after all, it is just a recreation and relaxation out of work, while it is an adversity for those public figures. From the three factors that have been discussed above, we can arrive at the agreement that it is difficult for a society to consider any woman or man as a hero.
这段好长呀！HOHO~ 先写当了名人隐私少，又写公众爱探究别人的隐私，又写媒体有时候夸张，又写了名人实际是普通的，最后又写我们缺乏思考….是不是很乱？当然，对于题目，你能从这么多角度入手很厉害啊，说明有很多东西可以写，但是要在有限的字数和时间表达，要分一下条例和轻重，比如名人普通和媒体夸张是不是可以联系起来？公众爱探究和名人隐私少不是因果关系嘛？是不是也可以综合起来？这样你这段可以拆成2段就说明白啦，还可以加点事例。而你一会一个观点，每个都论证一个头就转走了，也没有事例支持。然后公众缺乏思考我觉得有些有悖你的论点，正是缺乏思考才容易盲目把人当hero，之所以没有当hero是因为现在的公众善于思考辨别是非，个人意见。我的想法是将这三个因素分成三段来写，不知这样好一些，还是像你那样说的好一些，另外，我想表达的是公众只是把这些消息当做工作以外的娱乐所以不会去分析也不会用太多时间去思考，而为什么没有成为hero我把他主要归结于是媒体的因素

Through the intensive media coverage, we public will cast off the illusion of the heroes and be more realistic. Some public fingers we take as our heroes do not deserve the appellation, for their misdeeds or bad hobbies, such as alcoholism, drug use, reckless driving, violence and so forth. Via the media, we can burnish our eyes and find the truth. The more we get to know, the soberer we will become. For example, Bill Clinton, the former American president, committed a sexual scandal, which destroyed his resputation in the hearts of the public and provoked a widespread loss of confidence of temporal government. In short, in this realistic society, it is important for us to recognize the truth and make our own judge.这段写的不错，不过如果按我上段的理解，还可以和名人很普通，有的甚至还比较恶劣分配安排一下。加个例子啦，比如杰克逊猥亵男童，娃哈哈哈（我以前的偶像啊，真不忍心在作文批判），换一个好啦，什么科比强奸案(ft，怎么都是我稀饭的明星？)你自己想点好了，网上丑闻了犯罪了多的是我举了一个简单的克林顿的，可以吗？

However,不建议让步用这么强烈的词同意，换成Admittedly怎么样？ the reputation of a real respectful person will not be diminished by the media, on the contrary, they will be admired more and more widely. Let us see the example of the basketball player Michael Jordern, who is famous for his exquisite skills in the basketball. Through the media, covering that Jordern had done many good deeds to the philanthropy and donated money and clothing to the slum, he enjoys tremendous popularity and is adored by rich and poor alike. What he did makes us see a respectable personality that we intend or hope for. 例子不好，但实在想不起来了，大家帮帮忙例子OK啦！只是例子要分析一下下比较好。

Taking into account the factors that have been discussed above, it is not difficult to say that via the intensive media, it is not easy to consider somebody as our heroe. Meanwhile, it goes without saying that the reputation of a real hero will not be diminished under the scrutiny.结尾的but使得你强调的重点跑后面去了，修改一下呵呵，简单修改了一下

will_foreverUID: 193568

简单修改了一下，请愿意帮忙修改的同志从4楼拿文章，thx！

鬼谷子UID: 159645

我占一个

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

抱歉 没有太仔细看
感觉分开之后比你那一长段各个方面都说要清晰的 多
但是B1还有个问题，那个公众人物要意识到他们的隐私 会被公开 又说被dug out当成丑闻，有些不妥，而且这个和不看作英雄感觉 还是远了点 有的偏偏是因为私生活很检点很有品质反而得到人们的尊敬
B3说到 大众探究 媒体才报道 是不是和B1还是有差不多的地方呢 B1也提到了媒体为了盈利要满足大众的要求
上面说的其实也都只是现象 主要问题还是大众自己对名人的看法如何 才导致他们不会轻易就成为偶像 这个要多说一下
祝进步！偶第一篇限时的破文章 诶 正郁闷中 看的不太细致 抱歉

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Nowadays, we can see the news increasing in amount, exaggerating in description, and expanding in span. Everyone cannot get rid of the intruding of the media into our daily life due to its intensive coverage, and as a result, we can observe every aspect of our public figures from the internet, newspaper or other means of media easily and quickly. Under such great media scrutiny, the heroes we have ever admired barely survive and mostly lose their reputation. 【不错的开头！】

Owning to current intensive media coverage, it is difficult for us to regard somebody as hero. Let us see the first factor, media, which leads to this result.let us see这句有些口语化，和前后不协调，也没多大作用【同吱吱的意见，这里怎么没改一下呢】 In our society, once a man or woman becomes a public figure, such as a singer star【famous singer】, a political leader, whoever we can regard as our idol【这个就有点问题了，题目说的是hero，可不仅仅是idol而已的】 for some certain reasons, his or her privacy will be digged dug【这个怎么也没改过来呢？】out as one of arresting topics or scandals【185呵呵】 for public. 【这个论断说whoever有点绝对，应该说经常，语言要有分寸，绝对性的语言要避免】It【what？】 is quite easy to be well-known for the ubiquitous media. Meanwhile, the media, as the profit-seeking entity, want to make the maxim profit itself, thus they will do their best to discover or focus on the unbeknown anecdotes or resounding issues, anything that catch the eyebrows of our audiences, to cater to our needs. 【这里有两个问题，首先，应该在先交代了这个前提之后再说名人的隐私常被揭露比较通顺，其次，这个前提也应该有一个人们对于隐私丑闻的强烈兴趣的前前提，提一下比较好】What is more, the media will exaggerate the presumption, which we public will take it for granted and deem that our so-called heroic public figure 【从idol到hero再衔接一下比较好】is guilty of some sort of character flaw or misdeed, and as a result fallen his reputation. Moreover, we public almost have a mind of prying into others privacy and innermost secrets, 【呵呵，这里才说到人们的兴趣啊，全部的顺序正好反了】especially those misdeeds and misfortune than those good deeds and accomplishment of the public figures. 【每个论据论述的都是可以的，只是，顺序反了，其实，你用argument的思维考虑一下就能发现自己的问题的。】

Take into consideration the factor of the public figures who we regard as heroes, they are common indeed. 【主语不一致，前面take的主语是谁？我们？后面的主语是谁？名人？】Inevitably, they will do something wrong or absurd, something that will do harm to their reputation, while pardonable if they were ordinary. 【主语似乎又不一致了，前面主语是名人，后面主语是谁？什么是pardonable的？显然是something wrong or absurd，表达上面要仔细谨慎一点。】
【这段我感觉作用不大，你想说明什么？想说明他们确实犯错，但如果是普通人的话就可以理解？那么你说的factor就是名人common的本质了，没表达清楚。而且，题目的重点是媒体揭露，名声败坏的问题，这里你说的跟这个中心似乎关系不大。如果要进一步的修改，应该说，上段从客观来说，这段从主观来说，名人本质是普通人，固然会犯错；而身份是公众人物，所以错误会被媒体咬住不放，会被公众无法原谅（还可以论述公众心中对于hero的完美形象），所以名声败坏了。呵呵感觉我说的也不清楚，最好还是只从媒体大众等客观因素来说吧】

Another factor I would like to bring forward is just ourselves. What if we public do not have the mind of prying into others’ privacy and innermost secrets, especially those misfortune and misdeeds far more than those good deeds and accomplishments of the public figures, the media entity will not thrive as now. 【大众兴趣，媒体利益，B1说过了啊】 We public just rely on the media and are lack of the objectivity and critical reasoning thinking skills whether it is exaggerated or actual, which is unfair to our public fingers. 【人们无法辨别真相？又跟上句的观点不同了】 For us, after all, it【what？】 is just a recreation and relaxation out of work, while it is an adversity for those public figures. 【又说回了兴趣】From the three factors that have been discussed above, we can arrive at the agreement that it is difficult for a society to consider any woman or man as a hero. 【B1就不只是一个factor了，B2的factor觉得不是很好，B3的factorB1中已经提到了，感觉还是思路不清晰。另外，觉得很有必要重视一下关于hero的证明，因为看你这几段里面说的都是名人，不是hero，要注意一下】

这段好长呀！HOHO~ 先写当了名人隐私少，又写公众爱探究别人的隐私，又写媒体有时候夸张，又写了名人实际是普通的，最后又写我们缺乏思考….是不是很乱？当然，对于题目，你能从这么多角度入手很厉害啊，说明有很多东西可以写，但是要在有限的字数和时间表达，要分一下条例和轻重，比如名人普通和媒体夸张是不是可以联系起来？公众爱探究和名人隐私少不是因果关系嘛？是不是也可以综合起来？这样你这段可以拆成2段就说明白啦，还可以加点事例。而你一会一个观点，每个都论证一个头就转走了，也没有事例支持。然后公众缺乏思考我觉得有些有悖你的论点，正是缺乏思考才容易盲目把人当hero，之所以没有当hero是因为现在的公众善于思考辨别是非，个人意见。我的想法是将这三个因素分成三段来写，不知这样好一些，还是像你那样说的好一些，另外，我想表达的是公众只是把这些消息当做工作以外的娱乐所以不会去分析也不会用太多时间去思考，而为什么没有成为hero我把他主要归结于是媒体的因素

Through the intensive media coverage, we public will cast off the illusion of the heroes and be more realistic. 【从另一面来说，这种现象的好处，消除盲目崇拜，但是，感觉跟前面的不构成对比或者并列或者递进的的关系，似乎侧重点不同，层次的问题还需要好好考虑】 Some public fingers we take as our heroes do not deserve the appellation, for their misdeeds or bad hobbies, such as alcoholism, drug use, reckless driving, violence and so forth. Via the media, we can burnish【感觉这个是用在金属上面，用sharpen吧】 our eyes and find the truth. The more we get to know, the soberer【这个词用的也不恰当】 we will become. For example, Bill Clinton, the former American president, committed a sexual scandal, 【committee 的是crime不是scandal】 which destroyed his resputation in the hearts of the public and provoked a widespread loss of confidence of temporal government. 【应该进一步解释你的例子，说明clinton本身就不是hero，scandal揭示他的本质等等】 In short, in this realistic society, it is important for us to recognize the truth and make our own judge.这段写的不错，不过如果按我上段的理解，还可以和名人很普通，有的甚至还比较恶劣分配安排一下。加个例子啦，比如杰克逊猥亵男童，娃哈哈哈（我以前的偶像啊，真不忍心在作文批判），换一个好啦，什么科比强奸案(ft，怎么都是我稀饭的明星？)你自己想点好了，网上丑闻了犯罪了多的是我举了一个简单的克林顿的，可以吗？

However,不建议让步用这么强烈的词同意，换成Admittedly怎么样？ the reputation of a real respectful person will not be diminished by the media, on the contrary, they will be admired more and more widely. Let us see the example of the basketball player Michael Jordern, 【Jordan啊！】 who is famous for his exquisite skills in the basketball. Through the media, covering that Jordern had done many good deeds to the philanthropy and donated money and clothing to the slum, he enjoys tremendous popularity and is adored by rich and poor alike. What he did makes us see a respectable personality that we intend or hope for. 例子不好，但实在想不起来了，大家帮帮忙例子OK啦！只是例子要分析一下下比较好。【Jordan的例子没有问题，不过你说的不到位，应该说即使是当年赌博的scandal被报道了也不能影响Jordan的名声，这样才符合你的观点】

Taking into account the factors that have been discussed above, it is not difficult to say that via the intensive media, it is not easy to consider somebody as our heroe. 【？】Meanwhile, it goes without saying that the reputation of a real hero will not be diminished under the scrutiny.结尾的but使得你强调的重点跑后面去了，修改一下呵呵，简单修改了一下
【能看出来你下了很大工夫，不过整体感觉有点乱。条理不清，不妨把你的思路一点一点缕出来然后再组织成一个合理的结构最后再动笔。加油！】