argument 64 限时成功 欢迎拍砖

sunnypurpleUID: 170801

题目：

64The following appeared in a memo from the Dean of the College of Education at Omni State University.
'Only seven of our state's high schools offer even one course in Latin, but over 80 percent of the graduates who study Latin at those seven schools enroll in college. Furthermore, a recent study shows that students who have mastered Latin perform much better in logic and critical thinking. Thus, in order to increase the percentage of our high school students who graduate from college as well as to ensure that they receive a better education in critical thinking, Omni State University should begin an intensive program to prepare our future teachers to teach high school Latin.'

作文：

In this memorandum, the dean recommends Omega University to cancel student evaluation of professors. To support this recommendation, the author points out the inflation of overall student grades, as he or she claims, after the evaluation beginning 15 years ago. In addition, the author also provides the example of Alpha University to support the conclusion that the evaluation is a failure. At first glance, the author's conclusion appears to be somehow plausible, but further reflection reveals that the argument suffers from several logical fallacies.

To begin with, the author concludes that the rise of student grades is due to the students' evaluation of professors. However, the only evidence offered to support this claim is that the former occurred after the latter. Though it might be admitted that there are some correlations between this two events, this simple evidence is insufficient to draw a causal relationship between these two events. For instance, it is possible that professors in general have taken the students' advice and have made their courses better meet the students' needs, thus the grades increase.

In the second place, even if it is granted that the grade is overrated, without further analysis, Omega students' difficulty in job finding cannot be explained on the only fact of the grade inflation. Many factors, besides grade, can contribute to whether a student can successfully find a job-- for example, the relation between supply and demand in job market, or the student's ability in social activity. Lacking a detailed analysis and elimination of these factors, the claim that grade prevents the success of job finding is oversimplified.

Last but not the lease, the author makes a false analogy between Omega University and Alpha University. There may be some similarities between these two universities, but the differences might outweigh the similarities. For example, Alpha University maybe a leading university in the area, which helps its students to find jobs, while Omega University is only an ordinary one. Without considering the differences between these two universities, the conclusion based upon the analogy between them is unconvincing.

To sum up, without providing further evidence, the author has failed to establish a causal connection between the increase in grades and the student evaluation of professors. Moreover, grade might not be the cause, at least not the only cause of the students' difficulty in finding jobs. What's more, a hasty analogy between Omega University and Alpha University is insufficient to sustain the author's recommendation.

thiohuUID: 193100

文章总体感觉不错。
我觉得文章中例子for example是不是显得有点空，太少了，大多停留在指出错误，分析可能存在的情况显得有些不够， 可能是由于套话太花时间的缘故吧

可能水平有限，修改可能不妥，但我市认真修改的，希望能有谁帮助

thiohuUID: 193100

In this memorandum, the dean recommends Omega University to cancel student evaluation of professors[evaluation of professors by students]]. To support this recommendation, the author points out the inflation of overall student grades, as he or she claims, after the evaluation beginning 15 years ago[after the evaluation began 15 years ago]]. In addition, the author also[[also 不要]] provides the example of Alpha University to support the conclusion that the evaluation is a failure. At first glance, the author's conclusion appears to be somehow plausible, but further reflection reveals that the argument suffers from several logical fallacies.

To begin with, the author concludes that the rise of student grade is due to the students' evaluation of professors. However, the only evidence offered to support this claim is that the former occurred after the latter. Though it might be admitted that there are some correlations between this two events, this simple evidence is insufficient to draw a causal relationship between these two events. For instance, it is possible that professors in general have taken the students' advice and have made their courses better meet the students' needs, [and]thus the grades increase[d].[这个理由好像有点牵强，理由可以这样：15年时间可能是这个学校找的学生更出色了，这个学校排名飙升了]]

In the second place, even if it is granted that the grade is overrated, without further analysis, Omega students' difficulty in job finding cannot be explained on the only fact of the grade inflation. Many factors, besides grade, can[用表推测地词如might较好] contribute to whether a student can successfully find a job[语法上好像不对，改为to the job landing rate of students] -- for example, the relation between supply and demand in job market, or the student's ability in social activity. Lacking a detailed analysis and [改为without eliminating]elimination of these factors, the claim that grade overating prevents the success of job finding is oversimplified.

Last but not the lease, the author makes a false analogy between Omega University and Alpha University. There may be some similarities between these two universities, but the differences might outweigh the similarities. For example, Alpha University maybe a leading university in the area, which helps its students to find jobs, while Omega University is only an ordinary one. Without considering the differences between these two universities, the conclusion based upon the analogy between them is unconvincing.

To sum up, without providing further evidence, the author has failed[fails就好了吧]] to establish a causal connection between the increase in grades and the student evaluation of professors. Moreover, grade might not be the cause, at least not the only cause of the students' difficulty in finding jobs. What's more, a hasty analogy between Omega University and Alpha University is insufficient to sustain the author's recommendation.