issue10 高频限时 期待大家砍

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

Issue10  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：44分31秒     571 words
从2005年3月7日14时45分到2005年3月7日15时30分
------题目------
Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
------正文------
In mordent society, more and more governments are devoting a great deal of money to construct universities, office buildings, industry workshops, theaters and such modern establishment in major cities for them to thrive. From my point of view, since the development of large cities was once the origin of cultural traditions and now represent the level of modernization and economy of a country, they should receive enough financial support from the government.

As matter of fact, as the speaker claims, historically, a lot of cherished cultural traditions are generated and preserved in big cities. For example, Cairo, the largest and most prosperous city in Egypt, is also considered as the cradleland of ancient Egypt culture and from it we can have a complete appreciation of the Egypt traditions such as the worship of the pyramid, the beautiful girls behind purdah and so forth. A similar example is Beijing, where a great amount of culture traditions and customs are preserved, people from all over the world visit it mainly because in Beijing the quintessence of the Chinese culture is well preserved. Since the major cities are always deemed as the cradleland of a culture and they have made a lot of contribution of preserving these traditions, government should guarantee that such culture centers receive enough financial support so that the cultural treasures of a country can be passed down.

However, the reasons why large cities obtain the financial support are not that simple. In contemporary society, with the fabulous rapid globalization, the major cities of a country mostly show a country's comprehensive strength to the world, and are likely to develop into centers of economy and politics. To some extent, from the expansion of major cities, people can learn the entire economy level of a country. For instance, in Shanghai, where numerous investors and MultiNational Corporations aggregate, by obtaining the strongest financial support from Chinese government, this biggest city has become the economy centre of China and the representation of Chinese major cities, and will attract more and more investment from the foreign companies. New York, Los Angeles and such most prosperous city in the United States, which also represent the pace of how the United States develops, are receiving more and more support for them to thrive. Thus, major cities should get enough financial support in order to adapt for the globalization and the increasing demand of industry.

Admittedly, when ensuring the financial support of large cities, government should not ignore the development of rural economics and education. Since agriculture is the foundation of a country's development and it is a fact that people in a lot of rural areas are still so poor that they do not have the opportunities to enjoy higher education and modern technology, the flourish of rural areas should also be paid enough attention government are demanded to provide such areas with advanced instruments and scientific directions for people to live a comfortable life. For example, China Western Development has reached many achievements such as bringing modern technology to the rural areas and making some people rich. Government should find a balance between the growth of major cities and rural areas for the further advancement of a country.

All in all, governments should take complete considerations in making their economic plans so that a country can thrive for a long time. When focusing concentration on the development of major cities, governments ought not to neglect the demand of rural areas and give them support for the progress of education and agriculture and so forth so that the whole nation can enjoy comfortable lives.

改了一下语法和几个用的不好的地方。
我觉得写的挺破的，尤其B2，貌似把问题说出来了，又说的很不透，关键是不知道如何透，例子也只是个陪衬，好像起的作用不大。不知道该怎么用才好，写完了看见小鬼的例子那个文章了，但是觉得到自己身上还是难以解决。
还有啊，一到限时，就什么词也想不出来，写的无比那义务，例子都是乱凑的。愁 :mad:  各位有虾米好办法？
先给大家砍一下，还要改。 :mad:

oegUID: 193649

In general,很佩服楼主的文章，不过既然是拿来改的我还是提几点建议吧。
１，第二段的例子与主题句间没有衔接。
２，四段举西部大开发的例子，会不会说服力不足？毕竟看卷的都是美国人。
３，在文章总体的段落连接上我觉得也是有点欠缺，中间几段与首段呼应的不是很好。
　　虽然我提了几点东西，但我还是不得不承认，我是写不出这个水平的文章的。还要向你学习，希望楼主也能看看我发的一篇作文，恨批一下。不胜感激！

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

诶 我就四说 例子都像是陪衬 硬塞进去的 一到限时就手忙脚乱的
谢谢你的建议 我一会看看你写的

oegUID: 193649

我觉得我很应该向你学习，我感到自己最欠缺的就是例子。

龙非UID: 193190

taken

龙非UID: 193190

In mordent society, more and more governments are devoting a great deal of money to construct universities, office buildings, industry workshops, theaters and such modern establishment in major cities for them to thrive. From my point of view, since the development of large cities was once the origin of cultural traditions and now represent the level of modernization and economy of a country,主语是development，与后面宾语不一致
they should receive enough financial support from the government.


As matter of fact, as the speaker claims, historically, a lot of cherished cultural traditions are generated and preserved in big cities. For example, Cairo, the largest and most prosperous city in Egypt, is also considered as the cradleland of ancient Egypt culture and from it we can have a complete appreciation of the Egypt traditions such as the worship of the pyramid, the beautiful girls behind purdah and so forth. A similar example is Beijing, where a great amount of culture traditions and customs are preserved, people from all over the world visit it mainly because in Beijing the quintessence of the Chinese culture is well preserved. Since the major cities are always deemed as the cradleland of a culture and they have made a lot of contribution of preserving these traditions, government should guarantee that such culture centers receive enough financial support so that the cultural treasures of a country can be passed down

However, the reasons why large cities obtain the financial support are not that simple. 提出问题，下面应该紧接着点出来原因，why？怎么就不simple？但是没看出来In contemporary society, with the fabulous rapid globalization, the major cities of a country mostly show a country's comprehensive strength to the world, and are likely to develop into centers of economy and politics. To some extent, from the expansion of major cities, people can learn the entire economy level of a country. For instance, in Shanghai, where numerous investors and MultiNational Corporations aggregate, by obtaining the strongest financial support from Chinese government, this biggest city has become the economy centre of China and the representation of Chinese major cities, and will attract more and more investment from the foreign companies. New York, Los Angeles and such most prosperous city in the United States, which also represent the pace of how the United States develops, are receiving more and more support for them to thrive. Thus, major cities should get enough financial support in order to adapt for the globalization and the increasing demand of industry. 这就是开头说的不简单吗，扣得不是很紧，这一段也没有明确的TS，最后一句话的结论从上面的一大堆例子也推导不出来，写得不好

Admittedly, when ensuring the financial support of large cities, government should not ignore the development of rural economics and education. Since agriculture is the foundation of a country's development and it is a fact that people in a lot of rural areas are still so poor that they do not have the opportunities to enjoy higher education and modern technology, the flourish of rural areas should also be paid enough attention government are demanded to provide such areas with advanced instruments and scientific directions for people to live a comfortable life. For example, China Western Development has reached many achievements such as bringing modern technology to the rural areas and making some people rich. Government should find a balance between the growth of major cities and rural areas for the further advancement of a country.

All in all, governments should take complete considerations in making their economic plans so that a country can thrive for a long time. When focusing concentration on the development of major cities, governments ought not to neglect the demand of rural areas and give them support for the progress of education and agriculture and so forth so that the whole nation can enjoy comfortable lives.



主题句：因为大城市曾经是文化传统的中心，现在又代表着一个城市现代化和经济水平，所以应当有足够的财政支持。
从这个主题句来看，论证可以从下面五方面进行，算是基本全面：
1)论证确实大城市曾经是文化传统的中心
2)论证确实大城市现在代表着一个城市现代化和经济水平
3)论证为什么有上面的两点就要给足够的支持
4)论证如果不给为怎么样
5)让步
其中第四、五点不要也可以接受

再来看看你各个分论点
B1：历史上，珍贵的文化在大城市发源与保留
B2：没有明确的分论点，但是基本上是想说大城市的现代化和经济水平高
B3：让步。

也就是说，最关键的第三点没能进行论证，整篇文章一下就没了重心，说了B1、B2那么多是为了第三点服务的，但是文章到了这嘎然而止，怎么能说服人家应当给足够的支持呢？
从阿狗的角度来批判的话，谁说曾经是现在也就是文化中心啦？即使现在是文化中心，为什么就要给足够的钱啦？谁说代表着现代化和经济水平就要给你钱吗？你不是说大城市有钱吗，投资大把吗，那么有钱了还要给你干吗呀？不给你你就会饿死吗，不能自己想办法吗？文化就会消亡吗？资源有限，有没有其它地方更需要钱呢？

flyingwindUID: 189320

语言功底很强啊，总的很不错，用词厉害，词组的使用

但是我想在题目的意思上面商榷一下

题目的意思我觉得主要要放在“传统”上面，而不该放在该不该投资，投资于社么地方上面，应为社么而投资
文中有些我也提到了，我觉得你的b2可以作为对立面来阐述，同时b3可以考虑是不是必须要政府来资助，自己发展或者民间艺术，医学（可以作为例子）等的发展可以自己来的吧
同时b1还有个缺点，例子不具体，提到了城市，但是关键的例子还要提到社么传统，pyriads的例子不知道贴切不，但是beijing 你没有提到一个tandition

In mordent society, more and more governments are devoting a great deal of money to construct加ing universities, office buildings, industry workshops, theaters and such modern establishment in major cities for them to thrive. From my point of view, since the development of large cities was once the origin of cultural traditions and now represent the level of modernization and economy of a country, they should receive enough financial support from the government.

As matter of fact, as the speaker claims, historically, a lot of cherished cultural traditions are generated and preserved in big cities.如果说preserv可信的话，generate就有点疑问了 For example, Cairo, the largest and most prosperous city in Egypt, is also considered as the cradleland of ancient Egypt culture and from it we can have a complete appreciation of the Egypt traditions such as the worship of the pyramid这个不知道可以用不，不在城市里面把, the beautiful girls behind purdah这个不算社么，哪里都有，没有generate也没有preserve and so forth. A similar example is Beijing, where a great amount of culture traditions and customs are preserved, people from all over the world visit it mainly because in Beijing the quintessence of the Chinese culture is well preserved这个贴切. Since the major cities are always deemed as the cradleland of a culture and they have made a lot of contribution of preserving these traditions, government should guarantee that such culture centers receive enough financial support so that the cultural treasures of a country can be passed down.

However, the reasons why large cities obtain the financial support are not that simple. In contemporary society, with the fabulous rapid globalization, the major cities of a country mostly show a country's comprehensive strength to the world, and are likely to develop into centers of economy and politics. To some extent, from the expansion of major cities, people can learn the entire economy level of a country. For instance, in Shanghai, where numerous investors and MultiNational Corporations aggregate, by obtaining the strongest financial support from Chinese government, this biggest city has become the economy centre of China and the representation of Chinese major cities, and will attract more and more investment from the foreign companies. New York, Los Angeles and such most prosperous city in the United States, which also represent the pace of how the United States develops, are receiving more and more support for them to thrive. Thus, major cities should get enough financial support in order to adapt for the globalization and the increasing demand of industry. 这段总的不知道算偏题目没有，issue里面有的题目就是这样总给人这样的感觉。globalization带来的同化反而说明contraryside保留更多纯粹的传统，这样反而是why not 而不是why

Admittedly, when ensuring the financial support of large cities, government should not ignore the development of rural economics and education你的整个文章主要说政府该不该投资，why投资，投资在哪里. Since agriculture投资农业 is the foundation of a country's development and it is a fact that people in a lot of rural areas are still so poor that they do not have the opportunities to enjoy higher education and modern technology, the flourish of rural areas should also be paid enough attention government are demanded to provide such areas with advanced instruments and scientific directions for people to live a comfortable life. For example, China Western Development has reached many achievements such as bringing modern technology to the rural areas and making some people rich. Government should find a balance between the growth of major cities and rural areas for the further advancement of a country.整段立意有待商榷

All in all, governments should take complete considerations in making their economic plans最后立意到了确立经济目标了 so that a country can thrive for a long time. When focusing concentration on the development of major cities, governments ought not to neglect the demand of rural areas同样是关注城市和郊区的发展 and give them support for the progress of education and agriculture and so forth so that the whole nation can enjoy comfortable lives.语言流畅

我的一点看法，一家之言，多多讨论哈

可以帮我看看一个文章吗，同主题的issue36，我又修改了贴在后面了的

https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&postid=1295589#post1295589

谢谢

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

哇 333 谢谢大家修改
先给flyingwind看 issue36 待会认真研究回复

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

TO 龙非

In mordent society, more and more governments are devoting a great deal of money to construct universities, office buildings, industry workshops, theaters and such modern establishment in major cities for them to thrive. From my point of view, since the development of large cities was once the origin of cultural traditions and now represent the level of modernization and economy of a country,主语是development，与后面宾语不一致they should receive enough financial support from the government.


As matter of fact, as the speaker claims, historically, a lot of cherished cultural traditions are generated and preserved in big cities. For example, Cairo, the largest and most prosperous city in Egypt, is also considered as the cradleland of ancient Egypt culture and from it we can have a complete appreciation of the Egypt traditions such as the worship of the pyramid, the beautiful girls behind purdah and so forth. A similar example is Beijing, where a great amount of culture traditions and customs are preserved, people from all over the world visit it mainly because in Beijing the quintessence of the Chinese culture is well preserved. Since the major cities are always deemed as the cradleland of a culture and they have made a lot of contribution of preserving these traditions, government should guarantee that such culture centers receive enough financial support so that the cultural treasures of a country can be passed down

However, the reasons why large cities obtain the financial support are not that simple. 提出问题，下面应该紧接着点出来原因，why？怎么就不simple？但是没看出来诶，我是想说的不仅仅是题目说的文化方面那么简单，现代社会大城市的发展代表着国家的水平可以推动经济之类，又没说明白，唉In contemporary society, with the fabulous rapid globalization, the major cities of a country mostly show a country's comprehensive strength to the world, and are likely to develop into centers of economy and politics. To some extent, from the expansion of major cities, people can learn the entire economy level of a country. For instance, in Shanghai, where numerous investors and MultiNational Corporations aggregate, by obtaining the strongest financial support from Chinese government, this biggest city has become the economy centre of China and the representation of Chinese major cities, and will attract more and more investment from the foreign companies. New York, Los Angeles and such most prosperous city in the United States, which also represent the pace of how the United States develops, are receiving more and more support for them to thrive. Thus, major cities should get enough financial support in order to adapt for the globalization and the increasing demand of industry. 这就是开头说的不简单吗，扣得不是很紧，这一段也没有明确的TS，最后一句话的结论从上面的一大堆例子也推导不出来，写得不好这段写完了就发觉了，但是不知道怎么弄，所以没太改就发上来了

Admittedly, when ensuring the financial support of large cities, government should not ignore the development of rural economics and education. Since agriculture is the foundation of a country's development and it is a fact that people in a lot of rural areas are still so poor that they do not have the opportunities to enjoy higher education and modern technology, the flourish of rural areas should also be paid enough attention government are demanded to provide such areas with advanced instruments and scientific directions for people to live a comfortable life. For example, China Western Development has reached many achievements such as bringing modern technology to the rural areas and making some people rich. Government should find a balance between the growth of major cities and rural areas for the further advancement of a country.

All in all, governments should take complete considerations in making their economic plans so that a country can thrive for a long time. When focusing concentration on the development of major cities, governments ought not to neglect the demand of rural areas and give them support for the progress of education and agriculture and so forth so that the whole nation can enjoy comfortable lives.



主题句：因为大城市曾经是文化传统的中心，现在又代表着一个城市现代化和经济水平，所以应当有足够的财政支持。
从这个主题句来看，论证可以从下面五方面进行，算是基本全面：
1)论证确实大城市曾经是文化传统的中心
2)论证确实大城市现在代表着一个城市现代化和经济水平
3)论证为什么有上面的两点就要给足够的支持
4)论证如果不给为怎么样
5)让步
其中第四、五点不要也可以接受

再来看看你各个分论点
B1：历史上，珍贵的文化在大城市发源与保留
B2：没有明确的分论点，但是基本上是想说大城市的现代化和经济水平高
B3：让步。

也就是说，最关键的第三点没能进行论证，整篇文章一下就没了重心，说了B1、B2那么多是为了第三点服务的，但是文章到了这嘎然而止，怎么能说服人家应当给足够的支持呢？其实在B1,B2的过程中写到了，只是没说透，我就这个毛病，可愁死了
从阿狗的角度来批判的话，谁说曾经是现在也就是文化中心啦？即使现在是文化中心，为什么就要给足够的钱啦？谁说代表着现代化和经济水平就要给你钱吗？你不是说大城市有钱吗，投资大把吗，那么有钱了还要给你干吗呀？不给你你就会饿死吗，不能自己想办法吗？文化就会消亡吗？资源有限，有没有其它地方更需要钱呢？啊啊啊啊  无语了 这多问题我不知道啦 哭了

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

TO flyinwind


题目的意思我觉得主要要放在“传统”上面，而不该放在该不该投资，投资于社么地方上面，应为社么而投资
文中有些我也提到了，我觉得你的b2可以作为对立面来阐述，同时b3可以考虑是不是必须要政府来资助，自己发展或者民间艺术，医学（可以作为例子）等的发展可以自己来的吧
同时b1还有个缺点，例子不具体，提到了城市，但是关键的例子还要提到社么传统，pyriads的例子不知道贴切不，我也不知道，写的时候顾不上想那么仔细呀，觉得基本可以就写了，你限时的时候东西都怎么想着能用上啊？快帮帮我把，我刚练习限时，一写就脑袋秀豆思维呆滞了，哭但是beijing 你没有提到一个tandition噢？我以为这个很著名中国文化中心几千年各种传统，就没罗索

In mordent society, more and more governments are devoting a great deal of money to construct加ing universities, office buildings, industry workshops, theaters and such modern establishment in major cities for them to thrive. From my point of view, since the development of large cities was once the origin of cultural traditions and now represent the level of modernization and economy of a country, they should receive enough financial support from the government.

As matter of fact, as the speaker claims, historically, a lot of cherished cultural traditions are generated and preserved in big cities.如果说preserv可信的话，generate就有点疑问了 For example, Cairo, the largest and most prosperous city in Egypt, is also considered as the cradleland of ancient Egypt culture and from it we can have a complete appreciation of the Egypt traditions such as the worship of the pyramid这个不知道可以用不，不在城市里面把, the beautiful girls behind purdah这个不算社么，哪里都有，没有generate也没有preserve and so forth. A similar example is Beijing, where a great amount of culture traditions and customs are preserved, people from all over the world visit it mainly because in Beijing the quintessence of the Chinese culture is well preserved这个贴切. Since the major cities are always deemed as the cradleland of a culture and they have made a lot of contribution of preserving these traditions, government should guarantee that such culture centers receive enough financial support so that the cultural treasures of a country can be passed down.

However, the reasons why large cities obtain the financial support are not that simple. In contemporary society, with the fabulous rapid globalization, the major cities of a country mostly show a country's comprehensive strength to the world, and are likely to develop into centers of economy and politics. To some extent, from the expansion of major cities, people can learn the entire economy level of a country. For instance, in Shanghai, where numerous investors and MultiNational Corporations aggregate, by obtaining the strongest financial support from Chinese government, this biggest city has become the economy centre of China and the representation of Chinese major cities, and will attract more and more investment from the foreign companies. New York, Los Angeles and such most prosperous city in the United States, which also represent the pace of how the United States develops, are receiving more and more support for them to thrive. Thus, major cities should get enough financial support in order to adapt for the globalization and the increasing demand of industry. 这段总的不知道算偏题目没有，issue里面有的题目就是这样总给人这样的感觉。globalization带来的同化反而说明contraryside保留更多纯粹的传统，这样反而是why not 而不是why我一直很困惑的一个问题，下篇帖子专门说

Admittedly, when ensuring the financial support of large cities, government should not ignore the development of rural economics and education你的整个文章主要说政府该不该投资，why投资，投资在哪里. Since agriculture投资农业 is the foundation of a country's development and it is a fact that people in a lot of rural areas are still so poor that they do not have the opportunities to enjoy higher education and modern technology, the flourish of rural areas should also be paid enough attention government are demanded to provide such areas with advanced instruments and scientific directions for people to live a comfortable life. For example, China Western Development has reached many achievements such as bringing modern technology to the rural areas and making some people rich. Government should find a balance between the growth of major cities and rural areas for the further advancement of a country.整段立意有待商榷这个看时间不足了，就呼呼往上写了。是想说帮助乡村脱贫致富啦呵呵，为了结尾点到投资资助的最终目的是让国民都有幸福生活，所以顾着大城市的时候还是要注意均衡一下下

All in all, governments should take complete considerations in making their economic plans最后立意到了确立经济目标了 so that a country can thrive for a long time. When focusing concentration on the development of major cities, governments ought not to neglect the demand of rural areas同样是关注城市和郊区的发展 and give them support for the progress of education and agriculture and so forth so that the whole nation can enjoy comfortable lives.语言流畅


PS 你的作文我大概改了一下下 写太好不敢乱改呀

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

下面说我上文提到的困惑

就是关于issue题目 很多时候它先说一个观点，然后后面跟着自己解释了个原因。
在我看来这根本不存在因果关系，于是我写的时候就想着既要先对他的观点作出反映发出自己的观点，同时还要批驳他的原因提出自己的原因，于是这样的写出来总是乱糟糟的。

大家赐教

龙非UID: 193190

其实这种问题（因果关系）我觉得还是比较好解决的，字数也好凑。
有因果关系的，就将因果分开论述。论证对因的看法（同意或不同意），然后论证果的看法（依然是同意或不同意，而依据标准就是对因的论述），而总的看，因果看法的组合就成了完全同意、部分同意和完全不同意。
回到这道题，你就是同意因又同意果，那么需要将之间的关系说清楚就可以了，并不需要节外生枝，再提个自己认为的原因，没必要，言多必失。
比如说：
B1：论证文化是在大城市发源和保留
B2：论证给了他们就有什么好处
B3：论证不给会怎么样
B4：让一下步

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

嗯 有收获 谢过龙非GG

flyingwindUID: 189320

最初由 victoriazhizhi 发布
[B]下面说我上文提到的困惑

就是关于issue题目 很多时候它先说一个should或者is的问题，然后后面跟着自己解释了个原因。
在我看来这根本不存在因果关系，于是我写的时候就..

以下省略...... [/B]

顶一个！

这个问题在issue里面很普遍

感觉需要抓住关键的意思来展开

不染当成argument来写，一个一个的骂，可以写上100000字

不知道imong能不能看到？请他亮出追星剑吧！

我给他pm一个！

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue10 第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：44分31秒 571 words
从2005年3月7日14时45分到2005年3月7日15时30分
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Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
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In mordent society, more and more governments are devoting a great deal of money to construct【constructing，devote to后面接名词】 universities, office buildings, industry workshops, theaters and such modern establishment in major cities for them to thrive. 【应该说还有经济建设】From my point of view, since the development of large cities was once the origin of cultural traditions【大城市的发展曾经是文化传统的起源？？？】 and now represent the level of modernization and economy of a country, they should receive enough financial support from the government.

As matter of fact, as the speaker claims, historically, a lot of cherished cultural traditions are generated and preserved in big cities. For example, Cairo, the largest and most prosperous city in Egypt, is also considered as the cradleland of ancient Egypt culture and from it we can have a complete appreciation of the Egypt traditions such as the worship of the pyramid, the beautiful girls behind purdah 【第一个问题，such as后面你要说的是什么？culture？tradition？还是appreciation？第二，对于金字塔的崇拜怎么能跟美女并列呢？不是一个范畴的例子。第三，美女不是传统也不是文化，面纱才是，所以主语该是面纱。美女面纱的例子不好。】and so forth. A similar example is Beijing, where a great amount of culture traditions and customs are preserved, people from all over the world visit it mainly because in Beijing the quintessence of the Chinese culture is well preserved. 【例如呢？而且，北京的例子只是说明preserve，不能说明generate吧】 Since the major cities are always deemed as the cradleland of a culture and they have made a lot of contribution of preserving these traditions, government should guarantee that such culture centers receive enough financial support so that the cultural treasures of a country can be passed down. 【总结的不错，不过可以把这里多写一点的，说明这是为什么要资助大城市的第一个原因】

However, the reasons why large cities obtain the financial support are not that simple. 【这个不像是论点啊】In contemporary society, with the fabulous rapid globalization, the major cities of a country mostly show a country's comprehensive strength to the world, and are likely to develop into centers of economy and politics. 【或者说，已经是经济政治的中心了】To some extent, from the expansion of major cities, people can learn the entire economy level of a country. For instance, in Shanghai, where numerous investors and MultiNational【multinational】 Corporations aggregate, by obtaining the strongest financial support from Chinese government, this biggest city has become the 【one of the】economy centre of China and the representation of Chinese major cities, and will attract more and more investment from the foreign companies. New York, Los Angeles and such most prosperous city in the United States, which also represent the pace of how the United States develops, are receiving more and more support for them to thrive. Thus, major cities should get enough financial support in order to adapt for the globalization and the increasing demand of industry. 【说清楚了大城市对于国家的重要性，还要注意thrive，虽然你写到了thrive不过论述不到位】

Admittedly, when ensuring the financial support of large cities, government should not ignore the development of rural economics and education. Since agriculture is the foundation of a country's development and it is a fact that people in a lot of rural areas are still so poor that they do not have the opportunities to enjoy higher education and modern technology, the flourish of rural areas should also be paid enough attention government【嗯？该另起一句了？】 are demanded to provide such areas with advanced instruments and scientific directions for people to live a comfortable life. For example, China Western Development has reached many achievements such as bringing modern technology to the rural areas and making some people rich. Government should find a balance between the growth of major cities and rural areas for the further advancement of a country. 【还算到位】

All in all, governments should take complete considerations in making their economic plans so that a country can thrive for a long time. When focusing concentration on the development of major cities, governments ought not to neglect the demand of rural areas and give them support for the progress of education and agriculture and so forth so that the whole nation can enjoy comfortable lives.

【做为限时的写作还算是合格的，B1的例子和B2的论述要加强。加油！】