Issue162 同主题写作()超时两分三秒钟请留下连接,必回该

iverUID: 198348

Issue162  同主题写作()超时两分三秒钟请留下连接,必回该
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：47分3秒     371 words
从2005年2月10日8时15分到2005年2月10日9时45分
------题目------
One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.

------提纲------
A the conditions have been largely established long before poeple become aware of them.

B the responsibility sometimes are not determined by the conditions
C if everyone consider the responsibility are complicated and unrealistic, it will have an bad effect on thedevelopment of the society

------正文------
Does people should take responsibility for their own lives? Because the conditions, which people live in, have been largely determined long before people are aware of them, the speaker think that the essence of personal responsibility is increasingly complicated and unrealistic than is always assumed. As far as I am concerned, I fundamental agree with the speaker; however, the speaker still overlooks the importance of emphasizing the responsibility of people.

Firstly, as the human beings' long history, almost all aspects of the conditions around people have already been established; however, the responsibility is determined, to some extent, by the condition around them. Take the agriculture for an example, farmers have to plant the rice, corn, or potato according to the local current conditions, while the conditions have nearly been limited by the former the climate and the former generations. So, the responsibility of farmers is determined long before they are aware of them. In addition, the conditions of education are also determined by the policy that which has been used for a long period, the custom and so on. Therefore, the teachers have to always play am important role according to the responsibility constructed long before. Moreover, the conditions in nearly every field have been established before long, therefore, the responsibility of people becomes so complicated that sometimes seems unrealistic.

Secondly, other aspects can also judge the concept of personal responsibility. In fact, there are many cases that can illustrate this standpoint. Such as, the student who try his best to learn and achieve great performance is an excellent one; it is that kind of teacher who can qualify teaching and edifying students that become popular regardless of the conditions around him or her. So, sometimes, the concept of people's responsibility is to complete the tasks.

Finally, if the speaker's standpoint is completely correct, it will cause bad impact on people everyday life and set an obstacle on the development of society. If human beings consider that the responsibility is complicated and unrealistic, they will escape to compete them. Just if farmers refuse to plant because the bad conditions in the land, and the worker hesitated to go to work because of the small company, the development of agriculture and industry will inevitably become slowly.

In sum, although the conditions are established long before people become aware of them, there still exist some fields that individuals should also exert to analyze their responsibility and make full use of the current conditions in order to complete their responsibility. Only by this way, can people get rid of the bad conditions and utilize the good conditions, therefore, they can qualify the responsibility successfully.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=254079

同主题第三期已经发布了，把链接和想法发到同主题的帖子里面吧
你的文章我看看

鬼谷子UID: 159645

------题目------
One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.

------提纲------
A the conditions have been largely established long before poeple become aware of them.

B the responsibility sometimes are not determined by the conditions
C if everyone consider the responsibility are complicated and unrealistic, it will have an bad effect on thedevelopment of the society

------正文------
Does people should【啊啊啊？Should people take。。。！！！】 take responsibility for their own lives? Because the conditions, which people live in, have been largely determined【这个词决定不妥，还是用establish或者同义词比较好，因为你还没有论证，所以不能随便更改题目的本意】 long before people are aware of them, the speaker think 【这个词太口语了，换】that the essence 【同determine的问题】of personal responsibility is increasingly 【这个错误，根本没有说到时间的问题，怎么会日益增加呢？】complicated and unrealistic than is always assumed. As far as I am concerned, I fundamental agree with the speaker; however, the speaker still overlooks the importance of emphasizing the responsibility of people. 【强调人们的责任？你指什么？】

Firstly, as the human beings' long history, 【as？？in！】almost all aspects of the conditions around people have already been established; 【时态不对了，在历史中，又怎么能用have been呢？感觉你这么表达就是有问题的。应该是把establish和aware从时间上对比，用前，后，before，after的语言就可以了】 however, the responsibility【what responsibility？不能让读者去猜，论述要仔细谨慎】 is determined, to some extent, by the condition around them. 【这个论点我有点疑惑，个人的责任由环境决定？我觉得正应该反过来，是个人能够决定环境决定生活（题目第一句的内容）才算是存在个人的责任】 Take the agriculture for an example, farmers have to plant the rice, corn, or potato according to the local current【？current你指什么？具体一点，weather， soil，humidity，sunshine等】 conditions, while the conditions have nearly been limited by the former the【the去掉】 climate and the former generations. 【你要是这样说的话正是证明了前代人的责任，还是存在个人责任的】So, the responsibility of farmers is determined long before they are aware of them. 【aware的问题呢？】 In addition, the conditions of education are also determined by the policy that which has been used for a long period, the custom and so on. Therefore, the teachers have to always play am important role according to the responsibility constructed long before. Moreover, the conditions in nearly every field have been established before long, therefore, the responsibility of people becomes so complicated that sometimes seems unrealistic. 【第一，例子不好，第二，就算例子正确，你结论的complicated和unrealistic也没有根据。第三，你没有注意到第一句的their own lives的问题，种地还算是勉强可以，但是教育的例子就不对了】

Secondly, other aspects can also judge【aspects不能说是judge，你只能说从其他方面的证据之上，我们可以judge什么什么】 the concept of personal responsibility. In fact, there are many cases that can illustrate this standpoint. Such as, the student who try his best to learn and achieve great performance is an excellent one; it is that kind of teacher who can qualify teaching and edifying students that become popular regardless of the conditions around him or her. So, sometimes, the concept of people's responsibility is to complete the tasks. 【例子和论述都不清楚，这里你的other aspects是要做什么用，要证明个人责任的存在？你的观点是什么？？自相矛盾啊】

Finally, if the speaker's standpoint is completely correct, it will cause bad impact on people everyday life and set an obstacle on the development of society. If human beings consider that the responsibility is complicated and unrealistic, they will escape to compete them【指谁？要清楚明确】. Just if farmers refuse to plant because the bad conditions in the land, and the worker hesitated to go to work because of the small company, the development of agriculture and industry will inevitably become slowly. 【论证的不到位。而且，你B2B3两段都是反驳题目，那么你又为什么在开头说I fundamental agree呢？】

In sum, although the conditions are established long before people become aware of them, there still exist some fields that individuals should also exert to analyze their responsibility and make full use of the current conditions in order to complete their responsibility. Only by this way, can people get rid of the bad conditions and utilize the good conditions, therefore, they can qualify the responsibility successfully.【结论真的是反驳题目了。】

【一些词句运用的有问题，思路上面很多题目的关键没有考虑到，their own lives，aware的问题没有回应，complicated和unrealistic论述的不清。例子都不是很贴切。论述上面脱离了你的观点，用一段支持两段反驳，最后又总结成反驳了。理清思路再写。加油！】

tcaactUID: 186901

------题目------
One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.

------提纲------
A the conditions have been largely established long before poeple become aware of them.

B the responsibility sometimes are not determined by the conditions
C if everyone consider the responsibility are complicated and unrealistic, it will have an bad effect on thedevelopment of the society

------正文------
Does people should take responsibility for their own lives? Because the conditions, which people live in, have been largely determined long before people are aware of them, the speaker think that the essence of personal responsibility is increasingly complicated and unrealistic than is always assumed. As far as I am concerned,[in balance,因为还有转折么，呵呵] I fundamental[fundamentally] agree with the speaker; however, the speaker still overlooks the importance of emphasizing the responsibility of people.[感觉有点含糊~~，可以在阐述清楚些~~]

Firstly, as the human beings' long history, almost all aspects of the conditions around people have already been established; however[thus?], the responsibility is determined, to some extent, by the condition around them. Take the[删] agriculture for an example, farmers have to plant the rice, corn, or potato according to the local current conditions, while the conditions have nearly been limited by the former the [删]climate and [the former，删] generations. So, the responsibility of farmers is determined long before they are aware of them. In addition, the conditions of education are also determined by the policy that which has been used for a long period[教育的例子似乎没有太大的说服力哦], the custom and so on. Therefore, the teachers have to always play am important role according to the responsibility constructed long before. Moreover, the conditions in nearly every field have been established before long, therefore, the responsibility of people becomes so complicated that sometimes seems unrealistic.

Secondly, other aspects can also judge the concept of personal responsibility. In fact, there are many cases that can illustrate this standpoint. Such as, the student who try[tries] his best to learn and achieve great performance is an excellent one; it is that kind of teacher who can qualify teaching and edifying students that become popular regardless of the conditions around him or her. So, sometimes, the concept of people's responsibility is to complete the tasks.

Finally, if the speaker's standpoint is completely correct, it will cause bad impact on people[‘s] everyday life and set an obstacle on the development of society. If human beings consider that the responsibility is complicated and unrealistic, they will escape to compete them. Just if farmers refuse to plant because the bad conditions in the land, and the worker hesitated to go to work because of the small company, the development of agriculture and industry will inevitably become slowly[decresing…].

In sum, although the conditions are established long before people become aware of them, there still exist some fields that individuals should also exert to analyze their responsibility and make full use of the current conditions in order to complete their responsibility. Only by this way, can people get rid of the bad conditions and utilize the good conditions, therefore, they can qualify the responsibility successfully.

感觉第一段论述得比较全面，很好~~
但后面两段似乎总缺点什么，纯属个人意见~~
谢谢你给我改文章，才发现原来我们写了相同的主题，呵呵，这样好，可以互相借鉴~~

iverUID: 198348

谢谢 鬼谷子,tcaact. 大家加油啊!

smartyrUID: 169453

最初由 iver 发布
[B]Issue162  同主题写作()超时两分三秒钟请留下连接,必回该
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：47分3秒     371 words
从2005年2月10日8时15?.

以下省略...... [/B]

我刚写过，先占一个！