Issue162 同主题写作第三期(本人第三篇) 大家批批吧！

boancquUID: 165060

Issue162  同主题写作第三期(本人第三篇) 大家批批吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：41分2秒     492 words
从2005年2月10日13时19分到2005年2月10日13时51分 然后用word改了语法错误，大概用了四五分钟
------题目------
One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.
------正文------
I strongly agree that personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than it often assumed. However, in my opinion, human beings still need try their best to take responsibility for their own lives although the conditions we live are largely established long before people become aware of them.

Admittedly, the conditions where people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them.  It is obvious that the environments human beings live in seem, to some degree, out of the control of us. Every people have no ability to decide or select the environments around us. For example, when a baby bored in a poor family, he or she should face many serous problems during his or her growing up, such as, unable to go to school, no money to see a doctor, even no chance to survive. In such kind of situations, people may find it is very hard to achieve individual responsibility since the achievement of responsibility is based on certain conditions just like a farmer can not get satisfactory harvest in a thin farmland.

Undoubtedly, lacking of personal responsibility is detrimental to the nation, society, family and people themselves. Take the former America president Bill Clinton’s "inappropriate" relation with the former White House’s intern Lewinsky as the example. To the nation, Clinton’s behavior had very bad influence on the fame of government; to the society, the scandal resulted in the waver of the society; to his family, his wrong behavior deeply injured his wife and his two daughters; to himself, the scandal decreased his reputation in the public, almost resulting in his stepping down. From Clinton’s scandal and some other examples, we can find that, as social animals, people should take for responsibility for their own lives.

Therefore, although we have no chance to select and decide the conditions around us, we human beings should do our best to achieve personal responsibility. Every people living in our society has the responsibility to contribute to the society. Accordingly, everyone should take responsibility for his or her own life because it is the least and most fundamental contribution he can do to the society. Martin Luther King, the most famous civil-rights leader for the past century, bored in a rich family and served good education. When he grew up, he faced two chances, one is to stay in the south, where is rich and the Negro enjoy a happy life; the other is to go to the north, where the Negro have a very bad life and is still struggle to have civil rights. Finally, he decided to go to the north and took actions against the governments to get more civil rights for the Negro.

In sum, no matter how serious the conditions in which people find themselves are,  people should try there best to establish their personal responsibility. Only in this way, people can contribute more to the nation, the society, their families and themselves.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

把你的想法和文章的链接发到同主题的帖子里面吧

boancquUID: 165060

没有人批，只好自己ding了！

MadheroUID: 125272

I strongly agree that personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than it often assumed. However, in my opinion, human beings still need to try their best to take responsibility for their own lives although the conditions we live are largely established long before people become aware of them.

Admittedly, the conditions where people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them.和第一段最后一句几乎一样，没必要的重复，我觉得应该删掉第一段那半句 It is obvious that the environments human beings live in seem, to some degree, out of the control of us. Every people have no ability to decide or select the environments around usthem. For example, when a baby boredborn in a poor family, he or she shouldwould face many serous problems during his or her growing up, such as, unable to go to school, no money to see a doctor, even no chance to survive. In such kind of situations, people may find it is删掉is very hard to achieve individual responsibility since the achievement of responsibility is based on certain conditions just like a farmer can not get satisfactorysatisfied harvest in a thin farmland.

Undoubtedly, lacking of personal responsibility is detrimental to the nation, society, family and people themselves. Take the former America president Bill Clinton’s "inappropriate" relation with the former White House’s intern Lewinsky as the 去掉theexample. To the nation, Clinton’s behavior had very bad influence on the fame of the government; to the society, the scandal resulted in the waver of the society; to his family, his wrong behavior deeply injured心灵伤害好像用hurt较好 his wife and his two daughters; to himself, the scandal decreased his reputation into the public, almost resulting in his stepping down. From Clinton’s scandal and some other examples, we can find that, as social animals, people should take for responsibility for their own lives.

Therefore, although we have no chance to select and decide the conditions around us, we human beings should do our best to achieve personal responsibility. Every people living in our society has the responsibility to contribute to the society. Accordingly, everyone should take responsibility for his or her own life because it is the least and most fundamental contribution he can do to the society.to the society连续看见好几次了-_-; Martin Luther King, the most famous civil-rights leader for the past century, boredborn in a rich family and served觉得这个词不太合适 good education. When he grew up, he faced two chances, one is to stay in the south, where is rich and the Negro这个词不好吧？ enjoyed a happy life; the other is to go to the north, where the Negro have a very bad life and is still struggle to have civil rights. Finally, he decided to go to the north and took actions against the governments to get more civil rights for the Negro.

In sum, no matter how serious the conditions in which people find themselves are, people should try there best to establish their personal responsibility. Only in this way, people can contribute more to the nation, the society, their families and themselves.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

看到了
我来批作业

boancquUID: 165060

谢谢Madhero！

comingsoonUID: 175137

第一句I strongly agree that personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than it often assumed.
但是好像文中并没有将其体现出来呢。

鬼谷子UID: 159645

------题目------
One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.
------正文------
I strongly agree that personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than it often assumed. However, in my opinion, human beings still need【to】try their best to take responsibility for their own lives although the conditions we live are largely established long before people become aware of them. 【三句全部赞同的观点】
Admittedly, 【从论证的角度来看，重要的内容应该放在前面，而让步的内容应该放在后面；从你开头观点的角度来看，这个问题也是最后提出的内容，还是应该放在最后比较好的】 the conditions where people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. It is obvious that the environments human beings live in seem, to some degree, 【seem that/seem to be】out of the control of us. Every people have no ability to decide or select the environments around us. For example, when a baby bored【is born】 in a poor family, he or she should face many serous problems during his or her growing up, 【这个句子有问题，不能用when，应该用if】such as, unable to go to school, no money to see a doctor, even no chance to survive. In such kind of situations, people may find it is very hard to achieve individual responsibility since the achievement of responsibility is based on certain conditions just like a farmer can not get satisfactory harvest in a thin farmland. 【例子还是符合论点的，论述的也可以】

Undoubtedly, lacking of personal responsibility is detrimental to the nation, society, family and people themselves. Take the former America president Bill Clinton’s "inappropriate" relation with the former White House’s intern Lewinsky as the example. To the nation, Clinton’s behavior had very bad influence on the fame of government; to the society, the scandal resulted in the waver of the society; to his family, his wrong behavior deeply injured his wife and his two daughters; to himself, the scandal decreased his reputation in the public, almost resulting in his stepping down. From Clinton’s scandal and some other examples, we can find that, as social animals, people should take for responsibility for their own lives. 【从题目第一句来看，个人责任指的是对于生活的责任，而不是像93那样的对于行为的责任，所以这里的论述和例子似乎没有扣到这个问题上面】

Therefore, although we have no chance to select and decide the conditions around us, we human beings should do our best to achieve personal responsibility. 【这里应该加上for their own lives】 Every people living in our society has the responsibility to contribute to the society. Accordingly, everyone should take responsibility for his or her own life because it is the least and most fundamental contribution he can do to the society. Martin Luther King, the most famous civil-rights leader for the past century, bored 【was born】in a rich family and served good education. When he grew up, he faced two chances, one is to stay in the south, where is rich and the Negro 【这个是贬义词，甚至有侮蔑的性质】enjoy a happy life; the other is to go to the north, where the Negro have a very bad life and is still struggle to have civil rights. Finally, he decided to go to the north and took actions against the governments to get more civil rights for the Negro. 【这个例子首先就不符合你的论点，他选择了去北方，但是哪里体现责任了呢？没有说明白。而且，你的开头对于这个分论点的论述还有for their own lives，这里就忘记了】

In sum, no matter how serious the conditions in which people find themselves are, people should try there best to establish their personal responsibility. Only in this way, people can contribute more to the nation, the society, their families and themselves.

【首先我觉得让步的B1应该放在后面，然后就是lives的问题，题目第一句说的就是这个，当然你完全可以从同意complicated的角度来反对这一点，来论述个人责任不只是对于lives，但是，第一，你开头的论点中已经同意了lives，第二，你对于complicated和unrealistic的问题后面就没有论述了。还是应该好好分析题目，然后根据你自己的中心来论述的，加油！】

boancquUID: 165060

谢谢鬼鬼！