ISSUE93 同主题 欢迎拍砖

comingsoonUID: 175137

ISSUE93: "The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."

8:45--9:29   sigh，字数太少了，实在挤不出来了。

Individual responsibility has been a hot issue these days. From the view of the speaker, he/she deem individual responsibility a necessary fiction since  forces have largely determined people's behavior. I agree insofar as individual responsibility is necessary, at some point, however, I consider it not a fiction in that people's inner judgment is the cause of their behavior instead of outer forces.

Needless to say, everyone in the society should take his/her own responsibility, in other words, to be responsible to whatever he or she does in order to make the whole society steady and healthy. As is known, the human race is a type of social animal and people's behavior has more or less some impact on themselves and others and to some extent, the society. Therefore individual responsibility stands for the level of the development and civilaztion of a country, and moreover, behaviors without responsibility would have very bad effect on the society. Take Clinton and Lewinsky's love affairs for example. The scandal not  only has severely hurt the feelings of his wife and two daughters but also  make the impression of the government especially the president even worse in the minds of ordinary people. Therefore, individual responsibility is necessary due to its great connotation.

Furthermore, the concept of  individual responsibility is not a ficition since almost everyone has impervious judgement and clear conscious with which people can easily tell what is right for him/her from wrong. Although  some may argue that outer forces and so forth have been established and force them to do so, things are not really so bad so they think. Admittedly, we do not have chance to choose our enrivoment, but that is not to say that we have little power to change these. Sometimes we have infinite choices though some of which may be unappealling to us and make us to feel that no choise exist. In another word, outer forces indeed have great effect on our behavior, but not the determinant factor. Furthermore, recent science experiment has made a profound discovery that people's hehavior has to some point a close relationship with the genes, thus provide persuasive on the relationship between people and their behaviors.

To sum up, without necessary individual responsibility, the whole society would become a anachist one and outer forces have some impact on people' behavior, it is people's obligation and duty to take individual responsibility since it is not just a fiction.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

ISSUE93: "The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."

8:45--9:29 sigh，字数太少了，实在挤不出来了。

Individual responsibility has been a hot issue 【有人用过，你可以试试buzzword 之类的】these days. From the view of the speaker, he/she【罗嗦，the speaker】 deem individual responsibility a necessary fiction since forces have largely determined people's behavior. I agree insofar as individual responsibility is necessary, at some point, however, I consider it not a fiction in that people's inner judgment is the cause of their behavior instead of outer forces. 【开头的起手，不知道你是想从背景引入还是想restate，而且第一句的背景和第二句的restate之间感觉缺少衔接】

Needless to say, everyone in the society should take his/her own responsibility, in other words, to be responsible to whatever he or she does in order to make the whole society steady and healthy. As is known,【？】 the human race is a type of 【？】social animal and people's behavior has more or less some impact on themselves and others and to some extent, the society. Therefore individual responsibility stands for the level of the development and civilaztion 【civilization】of a country, and moreover, behaviors without responsibility would have very bad effect on the society. Take Clinton and Lewinsky's love affairs for example. The scandal not only has severely hurt the feelings of his wife and two daughters but also make the impression of the government especially the president even worse in the minds of ordinary people. Therefore, individual responsibility is necessary due to its great connotation. 【论述不清，我觉得你可以从两个方面来论述，一是个人对于自己行为要负责，二是，个人责任对于社会发展的影响和重要性。】

Furthermore, the concept of individual responsibility is not a ficition【fiction】 since almost everyone has impervious judgement 【judgment】and clear conscious with which people can easily tell what is right for him/her from wrong. Although some may argue that outer forces and so forth have been established and force them to do so【do what？】, things are not really so bad so they think. 【这个不是good和bad的问题】 Admittedly, we do not have chance to choose our enrivoment, 【environment】 but that is not to say that we have little power to change these. Sometimes we have infinite choices though some of which may be unappealling【unappealing】 to us and make us to feel that no choise 【choice】exist. In another 【other】word, outer forces indeed have great effect on our behavior, but not the determinant factor. Furthermore, recent science experiment has made a profound discovery that people's hehavior 【behavior】has to some point a close relationship with the genes, thus provide persuasive on the relationship between people and their behaviors. 【论述还是不够清晰，层次不清，缺少具体例子】

To sum up, without necessary individual responsibility, the whole society would become a anachist 【an anarchist】one and outer forces have some impact on people' behavior, it is people's obligation and duty to take individual responsibility since it is not just a fiction.
【首先要说你的低级错误的问题，要注意检查。然后，结构上的层次可以仔细一点的，B1似乎包括了两方面的内容，可以分开论述，B2也似乎包括了一个应该拿出来的让步。最后就是论证上面的问题，要注意论证的前后联系，层次，逻辑。加油！】

comingsoonUID: 175137

谢谢鬼鬼,看来差距仍然很大啊.