Issue162 同主题写作作业 本人第二篇

MadheroUID: 125272

题目
162"One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed

正文
Is there a overwhelming circumstance that could get rid of the choices of people, and force them to react in a specific way? I don't think so. One can always perform his will through what he has done, thus it is unwise to attenuate the importance of personal responsibility, and the concept of personal responsibility is as clear as it always is. That is, in my opinion, achieve one's aim and insist the principle he had.

Although it is true that the initial condition of an individual varies from richness to poverty,  it cannot be the excuse to avoid his responsibility for himself. A hasher situation may need him to work harder then his peers to achieve his aim, but this does not necessarily lead to failure. Difficulty is a barrier to be overcome, rather than a marsh could not be come across. Through out history, there are plenty of great people born in a poor or at the most ordinary family. Rather than lucky, their effort- a sign that they were responsible for themselves- is they key to their success. Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the USA, was born in a humble backwoods family but ended up to be one of the greatest presidents of the USA. Bill Gates, rose up in an ordinary family, now is the richest man in the world. The situation around people is not the decisive factor of their life, but the sense of responsible for themselves is.

Furthermore, one can show his will even in a extreme external pressure. One should stick to his principles no matter how strong the conditions force him to give up. Of course, it is not saying to stick some dogma blindly, in the case of knowing his belief was wrong, one should give it up without hesitation. Individual's principle should lie on the full recognition of its righteousness. For instance, during World War II, German government persecuted Jews severely, and it was breaking law to protect Jews. However, many people tried their best to save Jews, although it would make themselves in danger. The most famous person among them is Schindler, a German industrialist, who had saved more than 1000 Jews. The well-known film "Schindler's List" was based on his story, and he is still respected by most people.

In sum, personal responsibility is not a complicated and unrealistic conception, but a consolidate and clear one. No matter what circumstances one confronts, he should not give up trying, or disobeying the principle he believes.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

把你的想法思路提纲和文章链接发到同主题的帖子里面吧
跟大家讨论一下

MadheroUID: 125272

收到~

boyjimUID: 125249

会不会字数太少~ 来一点让步感觉会更加严密！

MadheroUID: 125272

最初由 boyjim 发布
[B]会不会字数太少~ 来一点让步感觉会更加严密！ [/B]

是啊，我也觉得我的字数少，怎么写也写不多，怎么办？
关于让步，我有个疑问，让步用一整段来让，会不会削弱全文？我总觉得让步是说有某种情况存在，表面上与主题观点矛盾，但实际上并不矛盾，然后就转到用主题观点解释这种情况，是这样么？

鬼谷子UID: 159645

占座
吃饭去，晚上改

鬼谷子UID: 159645

题目
162"One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed

正文
Is there a overwhelming circumstance that could get rid of the choices of people, 【摆脱人们的选择？表达不当】and force them to react in a specific way? 【specific way？】I don't think so. One can always perform his will through what he has done, thus it is unwise to attenuate the importance of personal responsibility, and the concept of personal responsibility is as clear as it always is. That is, in my opinion, achieve one's aim and insist the principle he had. 【这样的解释似乎不恰当，如果说坚持原则还算是跟责任有点联系，但是实现目标怎么会是个人责任呢？本题第一句所指的责任是对于生活的责任。如果你有其他的见解可以同意complicated，然后否定个人责任仅仅是对于生活而言，然后提出你的看法。而且，从你的开头没有看出对于题目结论的看法】

Although it is true that the initial 【指什么？】condition of an individual varies from richness to poverty, 【太局限了，环境还包括很多内容和可能】 it cannot be the excuse to avoid his responsibility for himself. 【对自己的责任？】A hasher 【厨师？？】situation may need him to work harder then his peers to achieve his aim, but this does not necessarily lead to failure. 【题目没有说failure，而你这里也没把目标的成功联系到责任上】Difficulty is a barrier to be overcome, rather than a marsh could not be come across. Through out history, there are plenty of great people born in a poor or at the most ordinary family. Rather than lucky【luck】, their effort- a sign that they were responsible for themselves- is they key to their success. Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the USA, was born in a humble backwoods family but ended up to be one of the greatest presidents of the USA. Bill Gates, rose up in an ordinary family, now is the richest man in the world. The situation around people is not the decisive factor of their life, but the sense of responsible for themselves is. 【整段的论述都在于成功，环境不能影响成功，责任没有论述】

Furthermore, one can show his will even in 【under】a【an】 extreme external pressure. One should stick to his principles no matter how strong the conditions force him to give up. Of course, it is not saying to stick some dogma blindly, in the case of knowing his belief was wrong, one should give it up without hesitation. Individual's principle should lie on the full recognition of its righteousness. For instance, during World War II, German government persecuted Jews severely, and it was breaking law to protect Jews. However, many people tried their best to save Jews, although it would make themselves in danger. The most famous person among them is Schindler, a German industrialist, who had saved more than 1000 Jews. The well-known film "Schindler's List" was based on his story, and he is still respected by most people. 【同样与责任无关，偏离题目】

In sum, personal responsibility is not a complicated and unrealistic conception, but a consolidate and clear one. No matter what circumstances one confronts, he should not give up trying, or disobeying the principle he believes.
【应该说你立论上面就存在问题，以至于后面的论述都没有靠在题目讨论的问题上面。重新考虑一下吧。加油！】

MadheroUID: 125272

确实我对题目的理解出了问题，只好重写一篇了，谢谢鬼鬼帮我改作文~