同主题写作－issue162

harmony-amoyUID: 115914

issue162
"One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed."

人们常听说个人需要为他们自己的生活负责任。然而，人们发现自己所在的环境在人们认识到之前早已经建立了。因此，个人责任的概念要比通常人们想象的要更复杂和不切实际。
The author states that the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed because of the conditions of people have been largely established long before their awareness,and then the author means that taking self-responsibility is not so meaningful for individuals.As I am concerned,though we cannot decide the exsited codition passed down from our ancestors、society ect,it never mean we could discard self-responsibility.
  One can not escape from personal responsibility for any excuse.although
different people have different conditions, some of which we can not choose like our parents,the economic situation,the nationality,we have to
remember our responsibility both for ourselves and our society. the self-responsibility to some extent is not so much related with the unchangable conditions but with the individual's own concept,that is,their own measurement of value.we can say this society compose of two kinds of person,one is the common,and another is those who are deeply remembered by the society for their achivehment out of their self-responsibilities.some of them are rich,some are poor;some pepole are in big empires,some in small countries.Hence the self-responsibility has not to do with the surroundings which have been estabilished.
   Only through taking personal responsibilties can this world run forward,I can not imagin the nigthtmare of the society in which  everyone abandons seif-responsibility.most of the inventionts are  based on the inventors' responsibility for themselvesIt or the society.The concept of responsibility gives them the motion of thinking and hard work,which lead to the new tech to promote the development of the society.so it  is just the concept of self-responsibility that our human civilization develops.
It is just because of the complication of the concept of self-responsibility that it becomes meaningful and realistic.admittedly people  from different conditions have unlike pursuit.for example,the biggest desire of a poor person may peceive earning much money to make ends meet to be his
/her responsibility,while the rich one may refer getting better reputation as his/her responsibility.But whatever,the most important thing is that one can not depressed for their poverty or depraved out of richness.the complication of responsibility makes this society  full of aspirant people with colorful dreams.which are not unrealistic but ready to realize.
   To sum up,we can not deny the complication of personal responsibility arised from the various conditions of different people,but we can never
discard our responsibilities both for our own lives and the society,the most important things for us is to locate ourselves and engrave our own responsibilities in our hearts, plunge into the future.

harmony-amoyUID: 115914

The author states that the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed because of the conditions of people have been largely established long before their awareness,and then the author means that taking self-responsibility is not so meaningful for individuals.As I am concerned,though we cannot decide the exsited codition passed down from our ancestors、society ect,it never means we could discard self-responsibility.
One can not escape from personal responsibility for any excuse.althoughdifferent people have different conditions, some of which we can not choose like our parents,the economic situation,the nationality,we have to remember our responsibility both for ourselves and our society. the self-responsibility to some extent is not so much related with the unchangable conditions but with the individual's own concept,that is,their own measurement of value.we can say this society compose of two kinds of person,one is the common,and another is those who are deeply remembered by the society for their achivehment out of their self-responsibilities.some of them are rich,some are poor;some pepole are in big empires,some in small countries.Hence the self-responsibility has not to do with the surroundings which have been estabilished.
Only through taking personal responsibilties can this world run forward,I can not imagin the nigthtmare of the society in which  everyone abandons seif-responsibility.most of the inventionts are based on the inventors' responsibility for themselvesIt or the society.The concept of responsibility gives them the motion of thinking and hard work,which lead to the new tech to promote the development of the society.so it  is just the concept of self-responsibility that our human civilization develops.It is just because of the complication of the concept of self-responsibility that it becomes meaningful and realistic.admittedly people  from different conditions have unlike pursuit.for example,the biggest desire of a poor person may peceive earning much money to make ends meet to be his/her responsibility,while the rich one may refer getting better reputation as his/her responsibility.But whatever,the most important thing is that one can not depressed for their poverty or depraved out of richness.the complication of responsibility makes this society  full of aspirant people with colorful dreams.which are not unrealistic but ready to realize.
To sum up,we can not deny the complication of personal responsibility arised from the various conditions of different people,but we can never discard our responsibilities both for our own lives and the society,the most important things for us is to locate ourselves and engrave our own responsibilities in our hearts, plunge into the future.

kkytUID: 188814

一回偶来看以下

kkytUID: 188814

变色前的文字。例如：<br>
A good tool.[不如改为A useful/helpful tool.]The author states that the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed because of the conditions of people have been largely established long before their awareness, and then the author means that taking self-responsibility is not so meaningful for individuals. As I am concerned, though we cannot decide the exsited[existed] codition[conditions] passed down from our ancestors, society ect[etc], it never means we could discard self-responsibility.

One can not escape from personal responsibility for any excuse. Although different people have different conditions, some of which we can not choose like our parents, the economic situation, the nationality, we have to remember our responsibility both for ourselves and our society. The self-responsibility to some extent is not so much related with the unchangable[unchangeable] conditions but with the individual's own concept, that is, their own measurement of value. [We can say this society compose[composes] of two kinds of person, one is the common, and another is those who are deeply remembered by the society for their achivehment [achievement] out of their self-responsibilities. Some of them are rich, some are poor; some pepole [people] are in big empires[?], some in small countries.][这些在说什么？] Hence the self-responsibility has not to do with the surroundings which have been established.[论证不足，你是要论证one can not escape from personal responsibility for any excuse这个TS的, 但是却从你的这段中得不出这样的结论，可能是我没看明白你的意思]

Only through taking personal responsibilities can this world run forward,[这个TS不错啊] I can not imagin[imagine] the nigthtmare [nightmare]of the society in which everyone abandons seif[self]-responsibility. Most of the inventionts[inventions] are based on the inventors' responsibility for themselves it[it去掉] or the society. The concept of responsibility gives them the motion of thinking and hard work, which lead[leads] to the new tech to promote the development of the society. so it is just the concept of self-responsibility that our human civilization develops. It is just because of the complication of the concept of self-responsibility that it becomes meaningful and realistic.[你是怎么论证他是复杂的？] Admittedly people from different conditions have unlike pursuit. For example, the biggest desire of a poor person may peceive [?]earning much money to make ends meet to be his/her responsibility, while the rich one may refer getting better reputation as his/her responsibility. But whatever, the most important thing is that one can not depressed [depress]for their poverty or depraved out of richness. the [The]complication of responsibility makes this society full of aspirant people with colorful dreams, Which are not unrealistic but ready to realize. [偶不理解你对responsibility 的理解是什么，the rich 的责任是？][还有本题你只是再论证个人责任不应该丢，相当于回应了unrealistic 这个观点，but 题目的第一句个人对自己的生活负责，你没回应吧，而只是笼统的讲了个人的责任，好象只是社会责任]

To sum up, we can not deny the complication of personal responsibility arised [arising] from the various conditions of different people, but we can never discard our responsibilities both for our own lives and the society, the most important things for us is to locate ourselves and engrave our own responsibilities in our hearts, plunge into the future.[结论段不错啊，很好结尾，中间论述不好]
[BTW你发的时候最好每段间空一行，用word检查以下你的拼写，写完一句要空一个格的。你打字比较容易漏字母，和我一样呵呵]

harmony-amoyUID: 115914

thanks a lot!改的很中肯。
我觉得个人责任就是指他对别人或者这个社会负责任，所以第三段是说，不管条件如何（比如贫穷富裕）都应该有抱负，有责任感，为家庭和社会。

smartyrUID: 169453

偶先占个！1