issue87 藐视权威的一篇文章，拍者必回拍

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题目
87"In any field of inquiry, the beginner is more likely than the expert to make important discoveries."

正文
It seems apparent that important discoveries of any field are no more likely to be made by anyone else other than experts. Surprisingly enough, this is not always the truth. Instead, many of the ground breaking findings are brought about by beginners. Generally speaking, it is true that the beginners are more likely to make breakthroughs in any field of inquiry.

Doubtlessly, beginners have intense curiosity about the unknown and great courage to try new things, while experienced experts tend to be more conservative. These experts are more likely to keep the traditional method and do not dare to make the novel discoveries. On the contrast, the beginners are not confined by the old ideas and more easily to accept and build up the new. For instance, Einstein, the best theoretical physicist in the last century, theorized special relativity when he was just a functionary in Switzerland. As a beginner, he was very interested in the physics and once found the distortion of the rays during an observation for a solar eclipse. This discovery made him think over the nature of space and time and put forward the audacious idea to challenge the authority. At that time, the experts, who were still so immersed in the classical theoretical physics, rarely accepted this revolutionized theory. Finally, the experiments demonstrated the fact that Einstein’s theory was correct. We can elicit the fact from this example that it is the beginners who are more courageous and curious to break the obsolete chains and make innovations.

Furthermore, beginners are highly motivated and enthusiastic people who are eager to establish their career and fame. People as novices in his field are often wistful to acquire more unfamiliar knowledge and information. And they are longing to get some opportunities to continue their research and work out some surprising findings to set up their status in the domains. The famous biologist Darwin, for example, the author of The Origin of Species, revealed the basic principle as natural selection to the world. His theory was based on a voyage which took him five years and was full of perils, when he was very young and inexperienced. Nevertheless, Darwin was very eager to participate in this expedition around the world for he desired to collect a great deal of specimens for further research. After this voyage, he conducted thorough research of his notes and data to put forward his revolutionized theory. If Darwin were craven to tolerate the difficulty or unambitious to reform the old thinking, he would not succeed finally and be considered as a great scientist. So it is the motivation and passion to begin new projects that make the beginners more likely to make important discoveries.

Admittedly, the weakness of beginners is lack of experience, while the experts are really seasoned. However, the empiricism could not always be helpful for the scientists to innovate. At the even worse, considering the experience excessively often makes obstacle to the important discovery. If a scientist is overcautious for the result of his research because of the old experience, he would not draw the audacious but crucial conclusion from it. In 1818, while many scientists including the famous mathematician Poisson held an optic contest in Paris, the noteless engineer Fresnel brought a paper about wavy theory. Poisson deduced the conclusion from Fresnel’s paper that a macula would exist in the shade if this theory was tenable. He considered it as an absurd conclusion because of his experience. Nevertheless, another scientist substantiated with experiments that Fresnel’s idea was right. From then on, that macula was named after a Poisson bright disc to remind people that the experience should not be casually used in the scientific fields. We can see that the experts are easily to believe their experience more than the reality.

To sum up, professional knowledge and ample experience are, to some extend, like the amplifier, the more one understand, the more detail one can see. Yet when details are discernable, one may neglect the whole picture. Beginners with their naked eyes may see the picture from a different aspect and thus find new features which are invisible to those scrutinize it with microscopes. Therefore, the experts are less likely than the beginners to make important discoveries.

naiba369UID: 131655

题目
87"In any field of inquiry, the beginner is more likely than the expert to make important discoveries."

正文
It seems apparent that important discoveries of any field are no more likely to be made by anyone else other than experts.这句话太长了，不适合阅读，建议拆开。Surprisingly enough, this is not always the truth. Instead, many of the ground breaking findings breakthroughs are brought about discovered by beginners. Generally speaking, it is true that the beginners are more likely to make breakthroughs in any field of inquiry.

【庖奶解鼠】
It seems apparent that important discoveries of any field are no more likely to be made by anyone else other than experts.想采用“欲左先右”式的开头，但实际效果不是很好。造句过于倾向于往“长，难、绕”发展，没有什么必要，句子简洁、清晰、易懂就好

Surprisingly enough, this is not always the truth. 转折

Instead, many of the ground breaking findings are brought about by beginners.提出beginner的优势

Generally speaking, it is true that the beginners are more likely to make breakthroughs in any field of inquiry.给出了一个thesis，告诉判官，你的论点就是这个

小结：
这个开头基本可以达到统领全文的作用，可以说是成功的。但问题有1、开头句过于冗长，其实没有必要。2。你用Generally speaking,来代替，In my view不是不可，但用in my view,可以很清晰的让判官看到这是你的thesis，这是个“标志词”，建议还是这么用

【解毕】



Doubtlessly, beginners have intense curiosity about the unknown beginners are curious about the unknown and great courage to try new things, while experienced experts tend to be more conservative. These experts are more likely to keep the traditional method and do not dare to make the novel new discoveries. On the contrast, the beginners are not confined by with the old ideas and more easily to accept and build up the new ones. For instance, Einstein, the best theoretical physicist in the last century, theorized special relativity when he was just a functionary in Switzerland. As a beginner, he was very interested in the physics and once found the distortion of the rays during an observation for a solar eclipse. This discovery made him think over the nature of space and time and put forward the audacious idea to challenge the authority. At that time, the experts, who were still so immersed in the classical theoretical physics, rarely accepted this revolutionized theory. Finally, the experiments demonstrated the fact that Einstein’s theory was correct. We can elicit the fact from this example that it is the beginners who are more courageous and curious to break the obsolete chains and make innovations.

【庖奶解鼠】
Doubtlessly, beginners have intense curiosity about the unknown and great courage to try new things, while experienced experts tend to be more conservative. Ts句，内含着beginner和expert的对比

These experts are more likely to keep the traditional method and do not dare to make the novel discoveries. On the contrast, the beginners are not confined by the old ideas and more easily to accept and build up the new. 理论上的关于beginner和expert的对比

For instance, Einstein, the best theoretical physicist in the last century, theorized special relativity when he was just a functionary in Switzerland. As a beginner, he was very interested in the physics and once found the distortion of the rays during an observation for a solar eclipse. This discovery made him think over the nature of space and time and put forward the audacious idea to challenge the authority. 举例。分析的不够到位。没有将beginner的那种curiosity表现出来。表达的过于记叙化，细节处没有体现。对于爱氏的成就、头衔叙述的有点多，毕竟已经是为世人很熟悉的人物了，所以在这方面的笔墨耗的有点过了。  

At that time, the experts, who were still so immersed in the classical theoretical physics, rarely accepted this revolutionized theory.对比的例子有点不充分。其实，那时候，洛轮兹公式已经推出来了，而从后面的历史资料得知，当时比爱氏早很多年，已经有很顶尖的科学家将狭义相对论的观点得出，但他们没有冲破自己思维的禁锢，而错过这个机遇。这里你没有再展开对比很可惜

Finally, the experiments demonstrated the fact that Einstein’s theory was correct.知识错误。这里不是experiment而是observation。光线扭曲那是observation不是experiment

We can elicit the fact from this example that it is the beginners who are more courageous and curious to break the obsolete chains and make innovations.举例分析后，回应ts句

小结：基本已经将body论述展开的结构有很好的把握。不错！

【解毕】



Furthermore, beginners are highly motivated and enthusiastic people who are eager to establish their career and fame. People as novices in his field their fields are often wistful to acquire more unfamiliar knowledge and information. And they are longing to get some opportunities to continue their research and work out some surprising findings work out 和finding搭配不是很好。Work out problems. Make…findings to set up their status in the domains. The famous biologist Darwin, for example, the author of The Origin of Species, revealed the basic principle as natural selection to the world. His theory was based on a voyage which took him five years and was full of perils, when he was very young and inexperienced. Nevertheless, Darwin was very eager to participate in this expedition around the world for he desired to collect a great deal of specimens for further research. After this voyage, he conducted thorough research of his notes and data to put forward his revolutionized theory. If Darwin were craven to tolerate the difficulty or unambitious to reform the old thinking, he would not succeed finally and be considered as a great scientist. So it is the motivation and passion to begin new projects that make the beginners more likely to make important discoveries.

【庖奶解鼠】
Furthermore, beginners are highly motivated and enthusiastic people who are eager to establish their career and fame.从立论的角度而言，这种说法显得很功利。但只要你自圆其说就行，以后要注意了

People as novices in his field are often wistful to acquire more unfamiliar knowledge and information.“beginners have intense curiosity about the unknown and great courage to try new things”这是你BODY1 ts句后面的第一句理论分析，再放到这里一看。觉的思路有点重复。

And they are longing to get some opportunities to continue their research and work out some surprising findings to set up their status in the domains. 理论分析

The famous biologist Darwin, for example, the author of The Origin of Species, revealed the basic principle as natural selection to the world.

His theory was based on a voyage which took him five years and was full of perils, when he was very young and inexperienced.

Nevertheless, Darwin was very eager to participate in this expedition around the world for he desired to collect a great deal of specimens for further research.

After this voyage, he conducted thorough research of his notes and data to put forward his revolutionized theory.

If Darwin were craven to tolerate the difficulty or unambitious to reform the old thinking, he would not succeed finally and be considered as a great scientist.前面的4句话都是在叙述Darwin，而这里只有一个反面假设就结束了分析，几乎就没有什么分析。而你的ts句是“ beginners are eager to establish their career and fame”但在这里的分析里和上面的叙述中你基本没有体现。你最总分析的落脚点是be considered as a great scientist“，这里远离你ts了。

So it is the motivation and passion to begin new projects that make the beginners more likely to make important discoveries.这里不是对ts的深化，而是令起炉灶，跑了

小结：
这个BODY基本得不上什么分了。1。开始的立论不高。2。例子的讲述没有“扣“住你的ts句，也就是不fit。3。分析单薄，只有1句话，且没分析到应该的地方。4。结尾又跑回到BODY1的观点了。

【解毕】



Admittedly, the weakness of beginners is lack of experience, while the experts are really seasoned. However, the empiricism could not always be helpful for the scientists to innovate. At the even worse似乎没有这种用法，直接说even worse即可, considering the experience excessively often makes obstacle to the important discovery. If a scientist is overcautious for the result of his research because of the old experience, he would not draw the audacious but crucial 个人感觉用词不准，你自己在斟酌一下conclusion from it. In 1818, while many scientists including the famous mathematician Poisson held an optic contest in Paris, the noteless engineer Fresnel brought a paper about wavy theory. Poisson deduced the conclusion from Fresnel’s paper that a macula would exist in the shade if this theory was tenable. He considered it as an absurd conclusion because of his experience. Nevertheless,老用这个词了。该换了。 another scientist substantiated with experiments that Fresnel’s idea was right. From then on, that macula was named after a Poisson bright disc to remind people that the experience should not be casually used in the scientific fields. We can see that the experts are easily to believe their experience more than the reality.

【庖奶解鼠】
Admittedly, the weakness of beginners is lack of experience, while the experts are really seasoned.这种用admittedly的开头会给人以错觉。还以为你开始讲expert的好处了呢。建议直接说:experts, may have a lot of experience.

However, the empiricism could not always be helpful for the scientists to innovate.At the even worse, considering the experience excessively often makes obstacle to the important discovery. Ts意群

If a scientist is overcautious for the result of his research because of the old experience, he would not draw the audacious but crucial conclusion from it. overcautious和experience之间的联系不是太紧密，从这里分析有点偏了。应该说，expert由于过分依赖经验而“忽略”或者“没有胆量”去认为那些原本正确的试验结论

In 1818, while many scientists including the famous mathematician Poisson held an optic contest in Paris, the noteless engineer Fresnel brought a paper about wavy theory.

Poisson deduced the conclusion from Fresnel’s paper that a macula would exist in the shade if this theory was tenable.

He considered it as an absurd conclusion because of his experience.

Nevertheless, another scientist substantiated with experiments that Fresnel’s idea was right.

From then on, that macula was named after a Poisson bright disc to remind people that the experience should not be casually used in the scientific fields.举例后的分析还是不够深入。和BODY2犯的毛病一样。

We can see that the experts are easily to believe their experience more than the reality.扣ts句

小结：
问题还是举例后没有深入的分析，分析太少。

【解毕】



To sum up, professional knowledge and ample experience are, to some extend, like the amplifier, the more one understand, the more detail one can see. Yet when details are discernable, one may neglect the whole picture. Beginners with their naked eyes may see the picture from a different aspect and thus find new features which are invisible to those scrutinize it with microscopes. Therefore, the experts are less likely than the beginners to make important discoveries.这种结尾的意境很不错，但问题是，你没有将你的3个ts整合起来，所以话很好听，但比较空洞

总结：
1。有很大的提高。特别是对BODY的展开，基本结构的运用上表现的尤为显著！！！
2。这篇文章2个BODY里都暴露出了，“只有举例，没有分析” 的毛病，下次绝对应该注意。
3。细节方面：如遣词造句，我个人觉得，不要过分苛求，而应该偏向于“平时，准确，简洁”
4。对于例子的叙述应该更有侧重点，要往你的ts句上“靠套”，否则就显的例子的针对性很差。

davidjackyUID: 135962

87"In any field of inquiry, the beginner is more likely than the expert to make important discoveries."

正文
It seems apparent that important discoveries of any field are no more likely to be made by anyone else other than experts. Surprisingly enough, this is not always the truth. Instead, many of the ground breaking findings are brought about by beginners. Generally speaking,从instead那个地方到speaking和你的观点是重复的，可以合并为in fact, in my point of view, beginners are more likely to make breakthroughs in any filed of inquiry it is true that the beginners are more likely to make breakthroughs in any field of inquiry.
开头很好，只是我把没有必要重复的地方合并，并用一些“稳重的”词汇in my point of view等来取代general speaking之类的大词

Doubtlesslyundoubtedly, beginners have intense curiosity about the unknown and great courage to trychallenge old rules new things, while experienced experts tend to be more conservative. These experts are more likely to keep the traditional method and do not dare to make the novel discoveries. On the contrast, the beginners are not confined by the old ideas and more easily to accept and build up the new. 这里将TS进行拓展，这个比较很好
For instance, Einstein, the bestone of the best theoretical physicists theoretical physicist in the last century, theorized special relativity when he was just a functionary in Switzerland. As a beginner, he was very interested in the physics and once found the distortion of the rays during an observation for a solar eclipse. This discovery made him think over the nature of space and time and put forward the audacious idea to challenge the authority. At that time, the experts, who were still so immersed in the classical theoretical physics, rarely accepted this revolutionized theory. Finally, the experiments demonstrated the fact that Einstein’s theory was correct.这个地方小爱的例子显得有些没有分析透，我想了一下，你试着这么改一下：小爱同学就是在他当junior researcher的时候对物理的时空充满好奇并且提出了著名的狭义相对论，这个理论置疑并打倒了经典力学的统治地位；纳什同学也是在普林斯顿念书的时候提出了博弈论；但是我总感觉这样的改写又不能和TS很好的结合，TS含有对比，我的改写没有，你的论述也不突出，与其这样，你不如改写一下TS，只突出是因为新手的好奇和大胆
We can elicit the fact from this example that这样的总结句有些复杂，可以略微改一下it is clear that beginners it is the beginners who are more courageous and curious to break the obsolete chains and make innovations.

Furthermore, beginners are highly motivated and enthusiastic people who are eager to establish their career and fameestablish their business and gain some fame as well. People as novices in histheir field are often wistful to acquire more unfamiliar knowledge and information. And they are longing to get some opportunities to continue their research and work out some surprising findings to set up their status in the domains. The famous biologist Darwin, for example, the author of The Origin of Species, revealed the basic principle as natural selection to the world. His theory was based on a voyage which took him five years and was full of perils, when he was very young and inexperienced. Nevertheless, Darwin was very eager to participate in this expedition around the world for he desired to collect a great deal of specimens for further research. After this voyage, he conducted thorough research of his notes and data to put forward his revolutionized theory. If Darwin were craven to tolerate the difficulty or unambitious to reform the old thinking, he would not succeed finally and be considered as a great scientist. So it is the motivation and passion to begin new projects that make the beginners more likely to make important discoveries.有开头和结尾这很好，懂得呼应，但是中间的分析不是很贴切TS，达尔文同学的故事过于生动；结尾似乎又回到第二段的论述

Admittedly, the weakness of beginners is lack of experience, while the experts are really seasoned. However, the empiricism could not always be helpful for the scientists to innovate. At the even worse, considering the experience excessively often makes obstacle to the important discovery. If a scientist is overcautious for the result of his research because of the old experience, he would not draw the audacious but crucial conclusion from it. In 1818, while many scientists including the famous mathematician Poisson held an optic contest in Paris, the noteless engineer Fresnel brought a paper about wavy theory. Poisson deduced the conclusion from Fresnel’s paper that a macula would exist in the shade if this theory was tenable. He considered it as an absurd conclusion because of his experience. Nevertheless, another scientist substantiated with experiments that Fresnel’s idea was right. From then on, that macula was named after a Poisson bright disc to remind people that the experience should not be casually used in the scientific fields. We can see that the experts are easily to believe their experience more than the reality. 还是类似上述的毛病，故事很精彩，但是真正的论述不多

To sum up, professional knowledge and ample experience are, to some extend, like the amplifier, the more one understand, the more details one can see. Yet when details are discernable, one may neglect the whole picture. Beginners with their naked eyes may see the picture from a different aspect and thus find new features which are invisible to those scrutinize it with microscopes. Therefore, the experts are less likely than the beginners to make important discoveries.
结尾可以

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谢谢版主了:)