argument242 第二篇argument，超时两分钟并修改，哭啊

thminUID: 192642

argument244，写的时候超时两分钟，光看题目就看了好久，感觉题目异常地长啊－－－－只写了不到四百字，然后又改了些小错误。希望大家赐砖！
题目：
The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.
'To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without.'

正文：
In this editorial, the arguer recommend that colleges and universities which have reported increased cases of students cheating on their academic endeavors should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton’s college. To substantiate the recommendation, the arguer cites the statistics of Groveton’s college of reported cheating cases before and after the adoption of honor codes and students’ attitude in a survey to demonstrate the success of honor codes in controlling cheating. The editorial may seem reasonable at first glance, however, careful scrutiny reveals it renders little credible support to the conclusion.

First, the arguer fails to convince us that the honor code is successful in controlling students’ cheating in academic endeavors. Compared with the old-fashioned system, the fact that reported cheating cases has increased does not ensure that the actual cheating behaviors have decreased. It is entirely possible that the honor code has failed in detecting students who are cheating thus less cheating cases could be discovered. Or perhaps the students had developed more effective cheating methods that difficult to be discovered. Therefore, the decreased number of reported cheating cases tells little about the real condition of students’ cheating behaviors after the honor code is adopted.

In the second place, even if the actual number is cheating has decline, the arguer unfairly assumes this change is all due to honor code’s adoption. During five years the outer environment of Groveton College might change a lot. Students themselves may not be willing to cheat in examination as they were in the past for the reason of better education of honesty or maybe the examinations are easier to pass. In the absence of information indicating the outer environment and other factors that might affect students’ intention of cheating, the arguer could hardly convince me honor code is the right way that has successfully avoided the occurrence of cheating.

Finally, the editorial indicates that the majority of students would less likely to cheat according to a survey conducted by Groveton’s honor council. However, this may not the case. The arguer provides little information that how many students had participated the survey and how many of them had responded to the survey. It is in all likelihood that the students in the survey are not representative of all the students in the Groveton’s college and that only a few of them had responded to it. All these possibilities had prevented the argument far from reliable.

In sum, the argument is inconvincible as it stands. To bolster the recommendation, the arguer must provide clearer evidence and ruling out other possible reason in decline cheatings to prove that the honor code is actually successful in controlling students’ cheating behaviors. In addition to that, the arguer also should provide more information about the effectiveness of the survey to ensure that most students of Groveton were confined to discipline by adopting the honor code. Otherwise I will suspend my judgment to the editorial.

猫猫624UID: 171232

In this editorial, the arguer recommend(S) that colleges and universities which have reported increased cases of students cheating on their academic endeavors should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton’s college. To substantiate the recommendation, the arguer cites the statistics of Groveton’s college of reported cheating cases before and after the adoption of honor codes and students’ attitude in a survey to demonstrate the success of honor codes in controlling cheating. The editorial may seem reasonable at (THE) first glance, however, careful scrutiny reveals it renders little credible support to the conclusion.

First, the arguer fails to convince us that the honor code is successful in controlling students’ cheating in academic endeavors. Compared with the old-fashioned system, the fact that reported cheating cases has increased does not ensure that the actual cheating behaviors have decreased. It is entirely possible that the honor code has failed in detecting students who are cheating thus less cheating cases could be discovered. Or perhaps the students had developed more effective cheating methods that difficult to be discovered. Therefore, the decreased number of reported cheating cases tells little about the real condition of students’ cheating behaviors after the honor code is adopted.

In the second place, even if the actual number is cheating has decline(D), the arguer unfairly assumes this change is all due to honor code’s adoption. During five years the outer environment of Groveton College might(HAVE BEEN CHANGED 好一些) change a lot. Students themselves may not be willing to cheat in examination as they were in the past for the reason of better education of honesty or maybe the examinations are easier to pass. In the absence of information indicating the outer environment and other factors that might affect students’ intention of cheating, the arguer could hardly convince me honor code is the right way that has successfully avoided the occurrence of cheating.

Finally, the editorial indicates that the majority of students would less likely to cheat according to a survey conducted by Groveton’s honor council. However, this may not the case.( this is not necessarily this case) The arguer provides little information that how many students had participated (in)the survey and how many of them had responded to the survey. It is in all likelihood that the students in the survey are not representative of all the students in the Groveton’s college and that only a few of them had responded to it. All these possibilities had prevented the argument far from reliable.

In sum, the argument is inconvincible as it stands. To bolster the recommendation, the arguer must provide clearer evidence and ruling(rule) out other possible reason(s) in decline(declining) cheatings to prove that the honor code is actually successful in controlling students’ cheating behaviors. In addition to that, the arguer also should provide more information about the effectiveness of the survey to ensure that most students of Groveton were confined to discipline by adopting the honor code. Otherwise I will suspend my judgment to the editorial.
( 这篇作文比上篇我感觉作者的进步挺大,加油!!有一个逻辑错误可以再批判一下.whether Groveton is typical in all the institutions or not 以小推大的概念差异)

thminUID: 192642

谢谢猫猫624帮我看,我才发现我有这么多的低级错误限时的时候可能是因为紧张吧,又是打字错误,又是语法错误的.
呵呵,你最后的意见很好,我后来也发现了这个逻辑漏洞,一般这种错误我在列提纲的时候都会一眼看出来,今天那会写的时候可能被题目的长度吓了一跳,以至于没能发现,呵呵.