issue38 关于读书,高频;请拍,必回复.

Mars3000UID: 198477

[B]In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books. [/B]  

论点：在电视时代，即便人们拥有了更多的学习手段，读书的地位及作用仍是毋庸置疑的。
A．读书是无可替代的学习手段。
1．书籍能提供大量专业知识。
2．书籍的知识函盖各个领域。
B．读书比看电视更方便
C．让步，承认电视的优势所在
结论：归结出读书的地位无可替代

In an age with television dominating people's home lives, quite a few tasks can be solved by simply pushing the power of a television, and thus, reading books, as a method to study, is gradually getting out the sight of people. As far as I am concerned, however, although people own more choices for learning, the significance of reading remain unquestionable, for a number of advantages of it over television.

To begin with, reading books is an indispensable means to people who favor learning even in modern society. That is to say, while people can approach some knowledge from television, books are still their first choice. In the first place, compared with watching television, one can receive more professional knowledge .For example, a professor in computer science could look up the latest technology of database in a professional book, while hardly is he able from television, which offers something general. In the second place, books nearly cover knowledge of every realm, including science, physics, archeology, etc, and therefore people can learn more any information by means of reading From books, for instance, a doctor could find the certain medicine used during surgery ;An artist comprehends a different style of art in his time; A lawyer forms his concept on various bills. Nevertheless, television, with an aim to entertain its audience, can never provide knowledge of every field, even though with a few educational channels. What is stated above illustrates a fact that even after the popularity of television, reading books could not be replaced yet.

Further more, reading books is far more convenient than watching television, no matter for learning or for fun. On one hand, people can read wherever they are and whenever they like, whereas watching television is confined in certain places. In other words, people are able to read fictions or poems, whether in the morning or at night, whether on a bus or in their beds, only depending their inclination. The games of television, however, are received only at home or in some public places in certain time, leaving audiences few choices. On the other hand, people are free to decide the contents of reading materials by themselves, but a in front of a television, they lose this freedom, since people have to abide by opinions of other with only a channel on one time. A typical case is that, time and time again, my families quarrel on which game to watch, that I insist, my parents like or my sister favors. Thus it easily comes to a conclusion that the convenience of reading is obvious.

Admittedly, television has credible advantages in lots of spheres as well. As one of multimedia, television bears colorful pictures, authentic sounds, and continuous figures, which give great shocks to its audiences, therefore leaving marked impression to them. Moreover, games provided by TV station are produced to cater the tastes of various classes ,so people could always choose one they like best to enjoy, calming themselves down after the hard work of a day.

In sum, from what has been stated above, the advantages of reading books is obvious and still maintain even after the appearance of television, based on which, we can deduce a conclusion that even in the age of television, the importance of reading books is not lessened as assumed, and television, as another tool for study or for entertainment, would not replace the role of reading books in the near future, though will some merits as well.

kkytUID: 188814

不好意思,来晚了,学习ing

kkytUID: 188814

Mars3000
No.1 issue38 关于读书,高频;请拍,必回复.
In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.

论点：在电视时代，即便人们拥有了更多的学习手段，读书的地位及作用仍是毋庸置疑的。
A．读书是无可替代的学习手段。
1．书籍能提供大量专业知识。
2．书籍的知识函盖各个领域。
B．读书比看电视更方便
C．让步，承认电视的优势所在
结论：归结出读书的地位无可替代

In an age with television dominating people's home lives, quite a few tasks can be solved by simply pushing the power of a television, and thus, reading books, as a method to study, is gradually getting out the sight of people.[背景陈述比较好]As far as I am concerned, however, although people own more choices for learning[have more choices to do, own 不常用 ], the significance of reading remain unquestionable, for a number of advantages of it over television.

To begin with, reading books is an indispensable means to people who favor learning even in modern society. That is to say, while[while 在句首，表转折的比较少用，用though吧] people can approach some knowledge from television, books are still their first choice. In the first place, compared with watching television, one can receive more professional knowledge .For example, a professor in computer science could look up the latest technology of database in a professional book, while hardly is he able from television, which offers something general. In the second place, books nearly cover knowledge of every realm, including science, physics, archeology, etc, and therefore people can learn more any information by means of reading. From books, for instance, a doctor could find the certain medicine used during surgery; an artist comprehends a different style of art in his time; A lawyer forms his concept on various bills. Nevertheless, television, with an aim to entertain its audience, can never provide knowledge of every field[太绝对了，好多科普节目含有好多knowledge,你可以说systematical knowledge], even though with a few educational channels. What is stated above illustrates a fact that even after the popularity of television, reading books could not be replaced yet.

Furthermore, reading books is far more convenient than watching television, no matter for learning or for fun[表这么绝对~要是要学习个时事新闻，那television 更好吧，最好用to some extent]. On one hand, people can read wherever they are and whenever they like, whereas watching television is confined in certain places.[不错，读书确实很方便] In other words, people are able to read fictions or poems, whether in the morning or at night, whether on a bus or in their beds, only depending their inclination. The games [programs表老用games哈哈] of television, however, are received only at home or in some public places in certain time, leaving audiences few choices. On the other hand, people are free to decide the contents of reading materials by themselves, but a in front of a television, they lose this freedom, since people have to abide by opinions of other with only a channel on one time. A typical case is that, time and time again, my families quarrel on which game to watch, that [that 用的不对吧 which]I insist, my parents like or my sister favors. Thus it easily comes to a conclusion that the convenience of reading is obvious.
[这两段论证书的优点，都注意了和television 的比较，不错~]

Admittedly, television has credible advantages in lots of spheres as well. As one of multimedia, television bears colorful pictures, authentic sounds, and continuous figures, which give great shocks[震惊？impress 较好] to its audiences, therefore leaving marked impression to them. Moreover, games provided by TV station are produced to cater the tastes of various classes, so people could always choose one they like best to enjoy, calming themselves down after the hard work of a day[选择喜欢的节目来relaxing 还是claming?].

In sum, from what has been stated above, the advantages of reading books is [are] obvious and still maintain even after the appearance of television, based on which, we can deduce a conclusion that even in the age of television, the importance of reading books is not lessened as assumed, and television, as another tool for study or for entertainment, would not replace the role of reading books in the near future, though will some merits as well.[结尾不错]

[总的来说你的文章写的很流畅，没有什么大的错误，加油，快成功了]

boyjimUID: 125249

In an age [epoch/era/course] with television dominating people's home lives, quite a few [a myriad of/immense] tasks can be solved by simply pushing [overwhelming power] the power of a television, and thus [as a consequence] , reading books, as a method to study, is gradually getting out the sight of people. [建议可以分成两句话] As far as I am concerned, however, although people own [could be engaged in] more choices for learning, the significance of reading remain unquestionable [这句话中文思维了~] , for a number of [可以找找表示“很多”还有什么短语或者词汇！] advantages [merit] of it over [outweight/weight/be superior to] television.

To begin with [强烈建议把这个词换掉~我改了N篇文章N-10片都是这么开头的] , reading books is an indispensable means [来押运means and modes] to people who favor [提示：显示极大兴趣有什么词？] learning even in modern society. That is to say [能不用最好不用] , while people can approach some knowledge from television, books are still their first choice [这句话你没有论证~你把它当成理所当然的了] . In the first place, compared with watching television, one can receive more professional knowledge .For example [举例的时候可以不用说这么的一个套话] , a professor in computer science could look up the latest technology of database in a professional book, while hardly is he able from television, which offers something general [这么好的hardly把它提前到句子最前面~倒装的话就要给人看见] . In the second place, books nearly cover knowledge of every realm [有every的地方可以用双重否定] , including science, physics, archeology, etc, and therefore people can learn more any information by means of reading From books, for instance, a doctor could find the certain medicine used during surgery ;An artist comprehends a different style of art in his time; A lawyer forms his concept on various bills. Nevertheless, television, with an aim to entertain its audience [为什么？不能理所当然的就这么说它是娱乐大众的] , can never provide knowledge of every field [never又可以来一个倒装~提前放到句首] , even though [suppose/ granted 既然有although的话~可以把although让步放到前面~省略although进行一个倒装] with a few educational channels. What is stated above illustrates a fact that even after the popularity of television, reading books could not be replaced yet. [结尾句写的一般~你这一段是说电视不能取代书本主要是学术方面的~但是主题句没有点透]

Further more, reading books is far more convenient than watching television, [不敢苟同~继续看下去再说] no matter for learning or for fun. On one hand, people can read wherever they are and whenever they like, whereas watching television is confined in certain places [地点上的优越] . In other words, people are able to read fictions or poems, whether in the morning or at night, whether on a bus or in their beds, only depending their inclination [比如in bed they read 可以倒装] . The games of television, however, are received only at home or in some public places in certain time, leaving audiences few choices. On the other hand, people are free [换表达~] to decide the contents [内容即类别~换词] of reading materials by themselves, but a in front of a television [面对in the face of/ encounter/ confront...] , they lose this freedom [夸张了有点] , since people have to abide by opinions of other with only a channel on one time [这个不一定~现在视频点播也很方便啊] . A typical case is that, time and time again, my families quarrel on which game to watch, that I insist, my parents like or my sister favors. [你的例子本身是你自己的生活中的东西~显得有力支持就把它写漂亮点] Thus it easily comes to a conclusion that the convenience of reading is obvious. [obviously and explicitly,nothing can compare with reading in terms of convenience]

Admittedly, television has credible advantages in lots of spheres as well [换表达~] . As one of multimedia, television bears colorful pictures, authentic sounds, and continuous figures, which give great shocks to its audiences [ths shock us for its ....] , therefore leaving marked impression to them [没读明白] . Moreover, games provided by TV station are produced to cater the tastes of various classes [你的文章说的是要学习不是玩] ,so people could always choose one they like best to enjoy, calming themselves down after the hard work of a day.

In sum, from what has been stated above, the advantages of reading books is obvious and still maintain even after the appearance of television, based on which, we can deduce a conclusion that even in the age of television, the importance of reading books is not lessened as assumed, and television, as another tool for study or for entertainment, would not replace the role of reading books in the near future, though will some merits as well. [句子过程~成份却非常简单~语法没问题~考虑分割成三个小句子~功能分别为：1回应主题2适当跑题3是当抒情煽情~
整篇来说~优点就不说了~精彩的地方不多~论证比较平实~例子也不算非常精彩~稍微增加文章文采可以提高一个层次！加油努力]

Mars3000UID: 198477

首先对kkyt兄致以最真诚的歉意！
由于小弟前几天没有登陆论坛您日前的批改没有看到
谢谢您的回批
未能有所回应，尤为失礼，万望兄台见谅。
您的文章小弟一定会在第一时间拜读学习。

Mars3000UID: 198477

JIM兄确实说到了我的问题所在：
语言贫乏而少变化，论证平淡且欠深刻。
我一定会在这方面多加努力。
老兄真可谓文采飞扬啊
时来有点睛之词不说，句式变化上亦多神来之笔，而且看得出对倒装倍加推崇。
这些都记下了，自己下面偷着练，还请JIM兄多加指正。

boyjimUID: 125249

拿一些给anthranx改~她的文章比我的要好！至少我给她改的时候我连句子都看不懂~因为成分看不懂~嘿嘿嘿:D

Mars3000UID: 198477

好，这就联系神仙姐姐。 :)