Issue130 同主题5 来拍吧,回拍留连接

xuding_godUID: 179213

------题目------
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
------正文------
  People are always talking about the children. Just like the author suggest that the future of our society have not yet to be well educated with the now day’s social system. In my point of view that I tend to agree what the speaker says, and I think that there must be some innovations for the children who will determine the destiny of the society with such system.

  Undoubtedly, the youth play so a vital role in the society, they are the determinations for the development of the society. The olds, like their grandfathers, created the environment and the basic substance we live in. The adulates, like their parents, steady the situations from the olds and make opportunities for the children. What those people do is to lead the youth to develop the society, just like a brilliant novel, before the climax; there is always some wateriness to give the reader transition. So after the transitions, the children, like the climax, finally come into the stage. With the experiences and works inherit from the seniors; with the new knowledge they have learned, they become the mainstream in the society for the future. When the time past by, they become more and more mature and experienced, but all they used is almost they were taught when they were young, so how are the children socialized today indeed determines the destiny of the society.

  Usually, The youth have an air of freedom, and they have not a dreary commitment to mean ambitions or love of comfort. They are not anxious social climbers, and they have no devotion to material thing. How exciting the young people are!  But unfortunately, still now, we seem not to find a effective way to raise children who can bring about a better society, more worse, we are digging a hole to bury their advantages. In the society, we have schools even as colleges and universities, which seem to give a better education for the children. But how many of it real works, most schools any let the students learn how to get a high masks during their exams, the teachers not teach the people how to discover and analysis the questions but only teach them how to do with the exercises and the textbooks. If the situation still unchanged, with these who be taught in such dull system we are not going to forward a better future but only worried about the destiny of monotonous society.

    Further more, now the children are told to be more competetive and individual than ever, it is indeed do harm for they also for the future of the society. Because of the spoiling from more and more parents, some of the children become flabbily and cowardly. To the opposite, some of them become pugnacity and can put up with failures. Both of them are disadvantages for the youth, they should know that cooperate together rather than do thing individual, friendly to others rather than competitive, help each other rather than rival in trickery. But the family and the society seem to pay few attentions to these basic problems, that's why we cannot learned how to raise sensible children.

    In sums, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that since we still not find a effective way to raise children who can help bring about a better society, we must solve this problem quickly because how they are socialized today do determine the destiny of our society.
        
觉得都是在说理,没什么狸子,大家拍拍吧,要回拍流连接,必回

zhoulin00001UID: 189304

先占了
呵呵

zhoulin00001UID: 189304

People are always talking about the children. Just like the author suggests that the future of our society have not yet to be well educated with the now day’s social system. In my point of view that I tend to agree what the speaker says, and I think that there must be some innovations for the children who will determine the destiny of the society with such system.

Undoubtedly, the youth play so a vital role in the society, they are the determinations for the development of the society. The olds, like their grandfathers, created the environment and the basic substance we live in. The adulates??, like their parents, steady the situations from the olds and make opportunities for the children. What those people do is to lead the youth to develop the society, just like a brilliant novel, before the climax; there is always some wateriness to give the reader transition. So after the transitions, the children, like the climax, finally come into the stage. With the experiences and works inherit from the seniors; with the new knowledge they have learned, they become the mainstream in the society for the future. When the time past by, they become more and more mature and experienced, but all they used is almost they were taught when they were young, so how are the children socialized today indeed determines the destiny of the society.感觉类比不太好，按你的意思那现在的成人也是以前的顶点啊，为什么等长大了就变成别人的铺垫了？

Usually, The youth have an air of freedom, and they have not a dreary commitment to mean ambitions or love of comfort. They are not anxious social climbers, and they have no devotion to material thing. How exciting the young people are! But unfortunately, still now, we seem not to find a effective way to raise children who can bring about a better society, more worse, we are digging a hole to bury their advantages. In the society, we have schools even as colleges and universities, which seem to give a better education for the children. But how many of it？ real works, most schools any？ let the students learn how to get a high masks during their exams, the teachers not teach the people how to discover and analysis the questions but only teach them how to do with the exercises and the textbooks. If the situation still unchanged, with these who be taught in such dull system we are not going to forward a better future but only worried about the destiny of monotonous society.

Further more, now the children are told to be more competitive and individual than ever, it is indeed do harm for they also for the future of the society. Because of the spoiling from more and more parents, some of the children become flabbily and cowardly. To the opposite, some of them become pugnacity and can put up with failures. Both of them are disadvantages for the youth, they should know that cooperate together rather than do thing individual, friendly to others rather than competitive, help each other rather than rival in trickery. But the family and the society seem to pay few attentions to these basic problems, that's why we cannot learned how to raise sensible children.有竞争心为什么？而且溺爱能产生竞争？？？

In sums, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that since we still not find a effective way to raise children who can help bring about a better society, we must solve this problem quickly because how they are socialized today do determine the destiny of our society.
提纲不错，只是在论证上有点小问题，加油！

combatantUID: 200023

People are always talking about the children. Just like the author suggest that the future of our society have not yet to be well educated with the now day’s social system. In my point of view that I tend to agree what the speaker says, and I think that there must be some innovations for the children who will determine the destiny of the society with such system.

Undoubtedly, the youth play so a vital role in the society, they are the determinations(这个用错了吧，determinators?) for the development of the society. 这里主题句有问题，没有搞清楚题目主要讲的是socialize,不是说children的重要性，而且偷换了children和youth的概念）The olds, like their grandfathers, created the environment and the basic substance(这里不太懂，substance这里什么意思啊，物质？) we live in. The adulates (adults), like their parents, steady(maintain) the situations from the olds and make(creacte更好一点吗？) opportunities for the children. What those people do is to lead the youth to develop the society, just like a brilliant novel, before the climax; there is always some wateriness to give the reader transition. So after the transitions, the children, like the climax, finally come into the stage. With the experiences and works inherit from the seniors; with the new knowledge they have learned, they become the mainstream in the society for the future. When the time past by, they become more and more mature and experienced, but all they used is almost （what）they were taught when they were young, so how are the children socialized today indeed determines the destiny of the society.

Usually, The youth have an air (atomsphere) of freedom, and they have not a dreary commitment to mean ambitions or love of comfort. They are not anxious social climbers, and they have no devotion to material thing. How exciting the young people are! But unfortunately, still now, we seem not to find a(an) effective way to raise children who can bring about a better society, more worse, we are digging a hole to bury their advantages. In the society, we have schools even as colleges and universities, which seem to give a better education for the children. But how many of it real works, most schools any let the students learn how to get a high masks (marks) during their exams, the teachers not teach the people how to discover and analysis the questions but only teach them how to do with the exercises and the textbooks. If the situation still unchanged, with these who be taught in such dull system we are not going to forward a better future but only worried about the destiny of monotonous society.
这一段这么论证觉得要说明一下是在中国的情况，看卷子的是老美，这些情况在美国应该不一样吧

Further more, now the children are told to be more competetive and individual（self-concerned更好点） than ever, it is indeed do harm for they(themself) also for the future of the society. Because of the spoiling from more and more parents, some of the children become flabbily and cowardly. To the opposite, some of them become pugnacity and can put up with failures. Both of them are disadvantages for the youth, they should know that cooperate together rather than do thing individual（－ly）, friendly to others rather than competitive, help each other rather than rival in trickery. But the family and the society seem to pay few attentions to these basic problems, that's why we cannot learned how to raise sensible children.

In sums, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that since we still not find a effective way to raise children who can help bring about a better society, we must solve this problem quickly because how they are socialized today do determine the destiny of our society.

觉得通篇语言问题蛮大啊。楼主要加强语言的锤炼。而且举例都是中国的情况，这样估计不容易对老美产生说服力吧

legisUID: 170621

觉得考虑的不是很深入