argument4 ,请拍砖,有拍必回!

猫猫624UID: 171232

argument4从2005年2月17日20时8分到2005年2月17日20时30分
------题目------
The following was posted on an Internet real estate discussion site.
'Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams.'
------正文------
In this argument, the author recommends that in order to sell home quickly and at a good price, Asams Reality (AR)should be the better choice than Fitch Realty(FR). In order to substantiate this recommendation the author claims that AR have more agents than FR and many agents of FR  work only part-time. Furthermore the revenue and average home sales of AR last year is higher than FR. Finally the author cites his/her own experience to prove that AR can sell homes quickly than FR. Close scrutiny of this evidence , however, reveals that it lends little credible support for the author's assertion.

To begin with, the evidence that FR has fewer agents, many of who are part-time job, compared with AR, does not necessarily indicate that the quality of AR is more desirable the FR. It is entirely possible that the efficiency of FR is higher. Or perhaps the agents of FR have more professional skills than AR, therefore each of them could handle the problems which require several agents of FR. Without ruling out there alternative possibilities, the spear’s recommendation about higher quality of AR is unfounded.

To further support her claim the author claims that the revenue last year and average of home sales of AR is higher than FR. However, this evidence lends no credibility to author's recommendation. Perhaps, the revenue of last year is only an exception and that in most other years AR has actually sold fewer homes than FR. Or perhaps, the homes sold by AR are more valuable than those of FR, which is unrelated to the reason of AR's effectiveness. Lacking such evidence, the speaker's cannot defend the conclusion that AR is superior to FR.

Finally, the author's own experience that AR sold homes quickly than FR proves little about his/her own recommendation. However, there is no causal relationship between effectiveness and speed. Perhaps, the home listed FR lied in a relatively undesirable site, or was less valuable than one listed by AR. Or perhaps the author's experience is not typical of the real situation of two companies. Furthermore, due to the change of economic and social factors, the experience of ten years would be little informative to guide today's situation. Without ruling out these alternative possibilities, the author's of conclusion that AF can sell properties more quickly than FR is undermined.

In conclusion, the author's conclusion is logically flawed, which lends it unconvincing as it stands. To better evaluate this argument, the author would provide clear information to substantiate the effectiveness of AR is superior to that of FR. Also useful is the evidence that author’s experience last is reliable and informative.

zhoulin00001UID: 189304

In this argument, the author recommends that in order to sell home quickly and at a good price, Asams Reality (AR)should be the better choice than Fitch Realty(FR). In order to substantiate this recommendation the author claims that AR have more agents than FR and many agents of FR work only part-time. Furthermore the revenue and average home sales of AR last year is higher than FR. Finally the author cites his/her own experience to prove that AR can sell homes quickly than FR. Close scrutiny of this evidence , however, reveals that it lends little credible support for the author's assertion.

To begin with, the evidence that FR has fewer agents, many of who are part-time job, compared with AR, does not necessarily indicate that the quality of AR is more desirable the->than FR. It is entirely possible that the efficiency of FR is higher. Or perhaps the agents of FR have more professional skills？ than AR, therefore， each of them could handle the problems which require several agents of FR. Without ruling out there alternative possibilities, the spear’s recommendation about higher quality of AR is unfounded.

To further support her claim the author claims that the revenue last year and average of home sales of AR is higher than FR. However, this evidence lends no credibility to author's recommendation. Perhaps, the revenue of last year is only an exception and that in most other years AR has actually sold fewer homes than FR. Or perhaps, the homes sold by AR are more valuable than those of FR, which is unrelated to the reason of AR's effectiveness. Lacking such evidence, the speaker's cannot defend the conclusion that AR is superior to FR.

Finally, the author's own experience that AR sold homes quickly than FR proves little about his/her own recommendation. However, there is no causal relationship between effectiveness and speed. Perhaps, the home listed FR lied in a relatively undesirable site, or was less valuable than one listed by AR. Or perhaps the author's experience is not typical of the real situation of two companies. Furthermore, due to the change of economic and social factors, the experience of-> before ten years would be little informative to guide today's situation. Without ruling out these alternative possibilities, the author's of conclusion that AF can sell properties more quickly than FR is undermined.

In conclusion, the author's conclusion is logically flawed, which lends it unconvincing as it stands. To better evaluate this argument, the author would provide clear information to substantiate the effectiveness of AR is superior to that of FR. Also useful is the evidence that author’s experience last is reliable and informative.
不错，错误都一一批到了，只是感觉模版痕迹太重了，呵呵， 这好象不是毛病？
真的不错！！

xin320UID: 165608

In this argument, the author recommends that in order to sell home quickly and at a good price, Asams Reality (AR)should be the better choice than Fitch Realty(FR). In order to substantiate this recommendation the author claims that AR have more agents than FR and many agents of FR work only part-time. Furthermore the revenue and average home sales of AR last year is higher than FR. Finally the author cites his/her own experience to prove that AR can sell homes quickly than FR. Close scrutiny of this evidence , however, reveals that it lends little credible support for the author's assertion. 开头写的很好，很稳妥地开头，就是长了点

To begin with, the evidence that FR has fewer agents, many of who are part-time job, compared with AR, does not necessarily indicate that the quality of AR is more desirable the FR. It is entirely possible that the efficiency of FR is higher. Or perhaps the agents of FR have more professional skills than AR, therefore each of them could handle the problems which require several agents of FR. Without ruling out there alternative possibilities, the speark’s recommendation about higher quality of AR is unfounded.驳斥的很到位

To further support her? claim ,the author claims that the revenue last year and average of home sales of AR is higher than FR. However, this evidence lends no credibility to author's recommendation. Perhaps, the revenue of last year is only an exception and that in most other years AR has actually sold fewer homes than FR. Or perhaps, the homes sold by AR are more valuable than those of FR, which is unrelated to the reason of AR's effectiveness. Lacking such evidence, the speaker's cannot defend the conclusion that AR is superior to FR. 意思说出来了，不过不到位，revenue只说出了收入，而cost没有说，所以profits不明。另外有个非常重要的数字对比的错误没有说出来，这个168000/144000的对比是无效的，与上边类似，没有说profits,关于数据的驳斥是非常重要的

Finally, the author's own experience that AR sold homes quickly than FR proves little about his/her own recommendation. However, there is no causal relationship between effectiveness and speed. Perhaps, the home listed FR lied in a relatively undesirable site, or was less valuable than one listed by AR. Or perhaps the author's experience is not typical of the real situation of two companies. Furthermore, due to the change of economic and social factorswith the time going, the experience of ten years would be little informative to guide today's situation. Without ruling out these alternative possibilities, the author's of conclusion that AF can sell properties more quickly than FR is undermined.

In conclusion, the author's conclusion is logically flawed, which lends it unconvincing as it stands.最好指出最主要错误所在 To better evaluate this argument, the author would provide clear information to substantiate the effectiveness of AR is superior to that of FR. Also useful is the evidence that author’s experience last is reliable and informative.
总体不错，比较重要的错误都找出来了，只是数据的对比错误一定要指出，在说明第3段指出文中具体的错误应该是最好的了，就题论题很重要。别的都很好，值得我学习。不妥之处多包涵

猫猫624UID: 171232

谢谢两位大虾拍砖和鼓励.意见提的很好.zhoulin00001现在去报仇,呵呵
xin320期待你的大作

寻梦UID: 171591

In this argument, the author recommends that in order to sell home quickly and at a good price, Asams Reality (AR)should be the better choice than Fitch Realty(FR). In order to substantiate this recommendation the author claims that AR have more agents than FR and many agents of FR work only part-time. Furthermore the revenue and average home sales of AR last year is higher than FR. Finally the author cites his/her own experience to prove that AR can sell homes quickly than FR. Close scrutiny of this evidence , however, reveals that it lends little credible support for the author's assertion.[开头有点多,虽然是弄字数的好方法,但和后面的攻击部分重复,可不可以在这些攻击缺陷的前面加上数字,后面的攻击就用数字加几个关键词带过,也可节约时间狂砍]

To begin with, the evidence that FR has fewer agents, many of who are part-time job, compared with AR, does not necessarily indicate that the quality of AR is more desirable the FR. It is entirely possible that the efficiency of FR is higher. Or perhaps the agents of FR have more professional skills than AR, therefore each of them could handle the problems which require several agents of FR. Without ruling out there alternative possibilities, the spear’s recommendation about higher quality of AR is unfounded. [第一个攻击点还有一个就是他没有给出AR有多少员工是part-time job,然后用流氓假设狂砍]

To further support her claim the author claims that the revenue last year and average of home sales of AR is higher than FR. However, this evidence lends no credibility to author's recommendation. Perhaps, the revenue of last year is only an exception and that in most other years AR has actually sold fewer homes than FR. Or perhaps, the homes sold by AR are more valuable than those of FR, which is unrelated to the reason of AR's effectiveness. Lacking such evidence, the speaker's cannot defend the conclusion that AR is superior to FR.[此处除了楼上的意见还有一点就是这两家公司本身对市场的定位]

Finally, the author's own experience that AR sold homes quickly than FR proves little about his/her own recommendation. However, there is no causal relationship between effectiveness and speed. Perhaps, the home listed FR lied in a relatively undesirable site, or was less valuable than one listed by AR. Or perhaps the author's experience is not typical of the real situation of two companies. Furthermore, due to the change of economic and social factors, the experience of ten years would be little informative to guide today's situation. Without ruling out these alternative possibilities, the author's of conclusion that AF can sell properties more quickly than FR is undermined.[

In conclusion, the author's conclusion is logically flawed, which lends it unconvincing as it stands. To better evaluate this argument, the author would provide clear information to substantiate the effectiveness of AR is superior to that of FR. Also useful is the evidence that author’s experience last is reliable and informative.
[大侠的不错,但总喜用or,如能加入evev assuming.....之类的让步假设就会更好,但记住用虚拟]

athiferUID: 199136

In this argument, the author recommends that in order to sell home quickly and at a good price, Adams Reality (AR)should be the better choice than Fitch Realty(FR). In order to substantiate this recommendation the author claims that AR have more agents than FR and many agents of FR work only part-time. Furthermore the revenue and average home sales of AR last year is higher than FR. Finally the author cites his/her own experience to prove that AR can sell homes quickly than FR. Close scrutiny of this evidence , however, reveals that it lends little credible support for to the author's assertion.

To begin with, the evidence that FR has fewer agents, many of whom? are part-time job 是work only part time吧, compared with AR, does not necessarily indicate that the quality 用quality修饰公司合适吗 of AR is more desirable the than FR. It is entirely possible that the efficiency of FR is higher. Or perhaps the agents of FR have more professional skills than AR, therefore each of them could handle the problems which require several agents of FR AR. Without ruling out these alternative possibilities, the speaker’s recommendation about higher quality of AR is unfounded.

To further support her 如果是男士…呵呵 claim the author claims that the revenue last year and average of home sales of AR is higher than FR. However, this evidence lends no credibility to author's recommendation. Perhaps, the revenue of last year is only an exception and that in most other years AR has actually sold fewer homes than FR. Or perhaps, the homes sold by AR are more valuable than those of FR, which is unrelated to the reason of AR's effectiveness. Lacking such evidence, the speaker 's cannot defend advocate the conclusion that AR is superior to FR. 说理显得单薄了一些，可作修改之处三楼五楼说得很好

Finally, the author's own experience that AR sold homes quickly than FR proves little about his/her own recommendation. However, there is no causal relationship between effectiveness and speed. 这里如果有个衔接会更好些 Perhaps, the home listed FR lied in a relatively undesirable site, or was less valuable than one listed by AR. Or perhaps the author's experience is not typical of the real situation of two companies. Furthermore, due to the change of economic and social factors, the experience of before ten years would be little informative to guide today's situation. Without ruling out these alternative possibilities, the author's of conclusion that AF can sell properties more quickly than FR is would be undermined.

In conclusion, the author's conclusion is logically flawed, which conclusion?? lends it unconvincing as it stands. thus (it is) unconvincing as it stands. To better evaluate this argument, the author would provide clear information to substantiate the effectiveness of AR is superior to that of FR. Also useful is the evidence that author’s experience last cited is reliable and informative.

三个evidence得到反驳，觉得一些表述上有些随意，改进一下就更好了
第一次看到把arguer's只说成her的（he/his倒有不少）呵呵

911tgUID: 172901

马上考了没时间帮你改了顶一个吧，谁有空帮我改一下吧，十分感谢。。。。
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=255906