issue130 同主题写作有拍必回

猫猫624UID: 171232

这篇文章感觉比较难,请大虾们看看我这样写可以不?早晨想了很长时间,写也没有限时,大概一个多小时吧.

socialize韦式的解释是
1 to regulate according to the theory and practice of socialism
2 to adapt to social needs and uses
3 to participate actively in a social gathering

提纲: 儿童是社会的未来,effective education 决定了社会的命运.effective education 包括社会化和尊重个性两个方面, 题目中的socialization determine social denisty 不够全面,当代教育有进步,但仍然有问题!
1 socialization 对于儿童的身心发展非常重要 (a 易被社会接受,适应社会 b培养积极主动的人生态度)
2 effctive education 不仅包括socialization 还包括 encourage individuality , critical thinking.
3 不排除当代教育能够有效的培养儿童,但是在社会话和个性的平衡上很多时候做得不好.
而且effective education 的涵义随着时代的发展不是固定不变, 是人类永远关注的课题.





130 How children are socialized today determined the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

As children are the dominators and constructors of the society, how to effectively raise children who can help bring about a better society has been heatedly debated for centuries. The author claims that how children are socialized today decides the destiny of the society and human beings have not yet learned how to raise children for future. However, in my opinion this statement, while appealing in some respects, is over-generalized. Aside from socialization, there exist many other factors, including individuation, which determine the destiny of society. In addition, some effective methods of raising children have been learned by human, even through much of them needs further development.

To begin with, successful socialization help them develop the qualities of efficient cooperation with other people, adaptation to the ever-changing society and active attitudes toward the life, which are essential to further successes of children.  Maslow's theory of needs tells us that human has such social needs as need of acceptation, need of affection and need of affiliation with social groups. Therefore, socialization of children is necessary to satisfy these social needs listed by Maslow. In the process of socialization, children learn how to communicate with other persons, which involves appropriate expression of one’s own ideas, tolerance of different viewpoints and absorbing merits from opponents. Possessing these qualities is conducive for children to be accepted by other people and facilitates them to adapt to the society in the future. Furthermore, modern society requires more cooperation between people from different fields, and any of great accomplishment is hard to be achieved by individuals. Unless children are provided certain knowledge and skills about socialization, their potential could not be fully developed, exerting negative influences on their further successes both in life and career.  In a word, successful socialization of children must receive much attention from parents, schools and society.

Aside from socialization, there exist other factors, including the cultivation of individual characters and critical thinking, which is necessarily required by effective education. Undue socialization easily results in passive acceptance toward established notions of the society. In many fields, the existing truth is open to doubt, and only breaking conventions can human advance ahead. A case in point is Galileo, Italian astronomer and physician, who pointed out that the tantamount speed of falling objects in spite of their weights, disputing established theory of Aristotle asserting that falling speed of things varies according to their mass. In order to prove his own theory, Galileo made a famous experiment in the leaning Tower of Pisa. The result of experiment is two simultaneously dropped balls reached the ground at the same time just as the expectation of Galileo. Based on this experiment, Newton discovered Newton’s laws which lead to a new era of physics. As we discussed above, advancement of human beings in history is based on numerous challenges against convention, at the same time of socialization the cultivation of individual characters and critical thinking must not be overlooked by modern society.  

When it comes to the problem how to raise children effectively, nobody deny the progress and accomplishment of education. A wealth of talents possessing professional knowledge and skills has been cultivated and make contribution to the society. The rate of development cannot be matched by any epoch of human beings in history. On the other hand, the increasingly severe problems of children, such as increased rate of juvenile delinquency, addictive to drug, electric-games violence and porn message on Internet have not been handled with effectively. In addition, as for effective education, there are no certain rigid answers discovered by people, which need further analysis depending on different educational environment, religious beliefs and customs, and children’s disposition. In short, author’s second claim that how to raise children who can bring about a better society has some merits, but relatively extreme.

To sum up, the destiny of society, to a large extent, depends on effective education, involving successful socialization as well as cultivation of individual characters and skeptic thinking. Furthermore, as for the claim that how to raise children to ensure a brighter society, human beings have achieved much accomplishment, but will need continuously further exploration.

xin320UID: 165608

As children are the dominators and constructors of the [futrue]society, how to effectively raise children who can help bring about a better society has been heatedly debated for centuries.[篇结论解释论证方法的文章，这句话放在正文，分析why比较好] [第一句话有些罗嗦，直接开门见山表明自己观点比较好]The author claims that how children are socialized today decides the destiny of the society and human beings have not yet learned how to raise children for future. However, in my opinion this statement, while [是否少个动词is]appealing in some respects, is over-generalized. Aside from socialization, there exist many other factors, including individuation, which determine the destiny of society. In addition, some effective methods of raising children have been learned by human, even through much of them needs further development.

To begin with, successful socialization help them develop the qualities of efficient cooperation with other people, adaptation to the ever-changing society and active attitudes[是否有s] toward[s?] the life, which are essential to further successes of children. Maslow's theory of needs tells us that human has such social needs as need of acceptation, need of affection and need of affiliation with social groups. Therefore, socialization of children is necessary to satisfy these social needs listed by Maslow. In the process of socialization, children learn how to communicate with other persons, which involves appropriate expression of one’s own ideas, tolerance of different viewpoints and absorbing merits from opponents. Possessing these qualities is conducive for children to be accepted by other people and facilitates them to adapt to the society in the future. Furthermore, modern society requires more cooperation between people from different fields, and any of great accomplishment is hard to be achieved by individuals. Unless children are provided certain knowledge and skills about socialization, their potential could not be fully developed, exerting negative influences on their further successes both in life and career. In a word, successful socialization of children must receive much attention from parents, schools and society.[最后这句总结不是必须的，而且和TS也不对应阿]

Aside from socialization, there exist other factors, including the cultivation of individual characters and critical thinking, which is necessarily required by effective education. Undue socialization easily results in passive acceptance toward established notions of the society. In many fields, the existing truth is open to doubt, and only breaking conventions can human advance ahead. A case in point is [from]Galileo, Italian astronomer and physician, who pointed out that the tantamount speed of falling objects in spite of their weights, disputing established theory of Aristotle asserting that falling speed of things varies according to their mass. In order to prove his own theory, Galileo made a famous experiment in the leaning Tower of Pisa. The result of experiment is two simultaneously dropped balls reached the ground at the same time just as the expectation of Galileo. Based on this experiment, Newton discovered Newton’s laws which lead to a new era of physics. As we discussed above, advancement of human beings in history is based on numerous challenges against convention, at the same time of socialization the cultivation of individual characters and critical thinking must not be overlooked by modern society.[写的挺不错的，就是感觉例子描述有点多]

When it comes to the problem how to raise children effectively, nobody deny the progress and accomplishment of education. A wealth of talents possessing professional knowledge and skills has been cultivated and make contribution to the society. The rate of development cannot be matched by any epoch of human beings in history.[感觉突然冒出这一句，是不是想做个比较] On the other hand, the increasingly severe problems of children, such as increased rate of juvenile delinquency, addictive to drug, electric-games violence and porn message on Internet have not been handled with effectively. In addition, as for effective education, there are no certain rigid answers discovered by people, which need further analysis depending on different educational environment, religious beliefs and customs, and children’s disposition. In short, author’s second claim that how to raise children who can bring about a better society has some merits, but relatively extreme.[此处的总结和TS又感觉不对应]

To sum up, the destiny of society, to a large extent, depends on effective education, involving successful socialization as well as cultivation of individual characters and skeptic thinking. Furthermore, as for the claim that how to raise children to ensure a brighter society, human beings have achieved much accomplishment, but will need continuously further exploration.[结尾写的不错，不过也可以一句话逆否结束，似乎更具有变化感]
[总体来说，这个题目很难写啊。这篇文章总体是正反论证结构，主要是反面的观点，而且反对的是作者statement的第一句话。我觉得statement的重点似乎在第二句，第一句话只是个前提条件。社会化也是个很宽泛的范畴，包括了教育，沟通，建立个性等等。作为结论解释论文，正文可以用正反论证来说明为什么说我们没有很好的培养儿童——沟通作的不够、抹杀了个性，正面的说-教育怎么样，对儿童重视教育等等。]

猫猫624UID: 171232

谢谢作者的意见.
while appealing in some respects, 北美范文里的句子
B2 只出socialization很重要,值得重视,总结我的第一个观点,没有可能说不清楚,可能要改个说法
B4的总结句明确指出我对作者第二个论点的有保留反对,表明观点.你指的和ts不对应我不太明白.
我是按照鬼骨子分析的1+1模式写的,我的观点是对第一个论述的反对,因为社会的命运不单单在children socialization上,还应该包括个性培养等很多方面.  对第二个论题有保留的反对,承认进步但仍存在问题
我想我们的意见分歧主要在socialization上.
socialization 我认为主要是去适应社会被社会接受的意思(从韦士字典看,而不是中文社会化的意思,中文的社会话可能包括的内容很多),而它的反面是培养个性

猫猫624UID: 171232

xin320写了吗?   写了给连接,报仇呀!!呵呵

枫丹UID: 166492

130 How children are socialized today determined the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

As children are the dominators and constructors of the society, how to effectively raise children who can help bring about a better society has been heatedly debated for centuries. The author claims that how children are socialized today decides the destiny of the society and human beings have not yet learned how to raise children for future. However, in my opinion this statement, while appealing in some respects, is over-generalized.（前面罗嗦了，最好把时间放在后面的论证上） Aside from socialization, there exist many other factors, including individuation, which determine the destiny of society. （是不是应该说也决定了社会的未来）In addition, some effective methods of raising children have been learned by human, even through much of them needs （单复数）further development.

To begin with, successful socialization help （单数）them develop the qualities of efficient cooperation with other people, adaptation to the ever-changing society and active attitudes toward the life, which are essential to further successes of children. Maslow's theory of needs tells us that human has such social needs as need of acceptation, need of affection and need of affiliation with social groups. Therefore, socialization of children is necessary to satisfy these social needs listed by Maslow. （这句结论好象有些蹊跷，你前面说社会化使人们学会合作，能适应改变，然后又说一个理论人们学要被接受，感情，然后就得结论，社会化可以给人们这些东东。他们之间到底是什么关系？？）In the process of socialization, children learn how to communicate with other persons, which involves appropriate expression of one’s own ideas, tolerance of different viewpoints and absorbing merits from opponents. Possessing these qualities is conducive for children to be accepted by other people and facilitates them to adapt to the society in the future. Furthermore, modern society requires more cooperation between people from different fields, and any of great accomplishment is hard to be achieved by individuals. Unless children are provided （with ）certain knowledge and skills about socialization, their potential could not be fully developed,(potential 是怎么出来的？) exerting negative influences on their further successes both in life and career. In a word, successful socialization of children must receive much attention from parents, schools and society.

Aside from socialization, there exist other factors, including the cultivation of individual characters and critical thinking, which is necessarily required by effective education. Undue socialization easily results in passive acceptance toward established notions of the society. In many fields, the existing truth is open（opened） to doubt, and only（不能这样用的，中间要加副词介词或状语） breaking conventions can human advance ahead. A case in point is Galileo, Italian astronomer and physician, who pointed out that the tantamount speed of falling objects in spite of their weights, disputing established theory of Aristotle asserting that falling speed of things varies according to their mass. In order to prove his own theory, Galileo made a famous experiment in the leaning Tower of Pisa. The result of experiment is two simultaneously dropped balls reached the ground at the same time just as the expectation of Galileo. Based on this experiment, Newton discovered Newton’s laws which lead to a new era of physics. As we discussed above, advancement of human beings in history is based on numerous challenges against convention, at the same time of socialization the cultivation of individual characters and critical thinking must not be overlooked by modern society. （例子论述的罗嗦了些，把你要说的讲清楚就好了,牛顿的狸子作用不大）

When it comes to the problem how to raise children effectively, nobody deny the progress and accomplishment of education. A wealth of talents possessing professional knowledge and skills has been cultivated and make contribution to the society. The rate of development cannot be matched by any epoch of human beings in history. On the other hand, the increasingly severe problems of children, such as increased rate of juvenile delinquency, addictive to drug, electric-games violence and porn message on Internet have not been handled with effectively. In addition, as for effective education, there are no certain rigid answers discovered by people, which need further analysis depending on different educational environment, religious beliefs and customs, and children’s disposition. In short, author’s second claim that how to raise children who can bring about a better society has some merits, but relatively extreme.（最后这半部分还是比较清晰的）

To sum up, the destiny of society, to a large extent, depends on effective education, involving successful socialization as well as cultivation of individual characters and skeptic thinking. Furthermore, as for the claim that how to raise children to ensure a brighter society, human beings have achieved much accomplishment, but will need continuously（will去掉） further exploration.
总的来说，思路比较清晰，其他好地方我就不多说了。
你语法用的有点乱，还有第一段的思路要理清楚一些，刚才看了你以前写的文章，感觉你进步了，继续加油。多多交流：）

xin320UID: 165608

我写了一些，笔写得。有机会就贴出来，希望能多提意见，谢谢！

xin320UID: 165608

看了你对文章的解释，我收获很大。这个题目的破题多点可能，主要是2句话不知道怎么来写。哪个是论点呢，这点还需要再查一下怎么破题，还要在看看。我觉得是个结论解释性的论文。
另外在B4种，TS是说education重要，你的结尾说的是对作者观点的看法，此处不妥。原因是issue作为立论文主要目的是表达自己的对一个问题观点，而原文给出的作者有倾向性的观点，稍作评价即可，没有必要全文都围绕作者的view来写，这也正是issue与argu的区别。你可以在结尾总结自己的观点——说明education的确重要。

猫猫624UID: 171232

枫丹,谢谢拍砖..
正文第一段开始我想用maslow的理论证明children socialization 的必要性,要改进一下

To begin with, successful socialization helps children develop the qualities of efficient cooperation with other people, adaptation to the ever-changing society and active attitudes toward the life. Malsow’s Theory of Needs tells us that human has such social needs as acceptation, affection and affiliation. In the process of socialization education, children learn how to communicate with other persons, which involves appropriate expression of one’s own ideas, tolerance of different viewpoints and absorbing merits of opponents. Possessing these qualities is conducive for children to be accepted by other people and facilitates them to adapt to the society in the future, therefore better satisfy social needs listed by Maslow.
这样清楚吗?
and only（不能这样用的，中间要加副词介词或状语） breaking conventions can human advance ahead  
only后加by ,可以吧

意见提得很好,谢谢鼓励,现在去报仇!!!哈哈

sailing_yfUID: 150982

B2说得好，学习
B3只讲教育，没有社会好吗？

寻梦UID: 171591

As children are the dominators and constructors of the society, how to effectively raise children who can help bring about a better society has been heatedly debated for centuries. The author claims that how children are socialized today decides the destiny of the society and human beings have not yet learned how to raise children for future. However, in my opinion this statement, while appealing in some respects, is over-generalized. Aside from socialization, there exist many other factors, including individuation, which determine the destiny of society. In addition, some effective methods of raising children have been learned by human, even through much of them needs further development.没有太大的问题,只是结论给出的过于拖沓,我记得这次新东方校长在班上作演讲时说,鬼子的思维是直线的,先给他一个结论再慢慢绕他,以此看来,第一句放在结论给出后应该较妥

To begin with, successful socialization help them develop the qualities of efficient cooperation with other people, adaptation to the ever-changing society and active attitudes toward the life, which are essential to further successes of children. Maslow's theory of needs tells us that human has such social needs as need of acceptation, need of affection and need of affiliation with social groups. Therefore, socialization of children is necessary to satisfy these social needs listed by Maslow. In the process of socialization, children learn how to communicate with other persons, which involves appropriate expression of one’s own ideas, tolerance of different viewpoints and absorbing merits from opponents. Possessing these qualities is conducive for children to be accepted by other people and facilitates them to adapt to the society in the future. Furthermore, modern society requires more cooperation between people from different fields, and any of great accomplishment is hard to be achieved by individuals. Unless children are provided certain knowledge and skills about socialization, their potential could not be fully developed, exerting negative influences on their further successes both in life and career. In a word, successful socialization of children must receive much attention from parents, schools and society.此段觉得作者的说理分量不够,我个人认为作者可以从儿童对这个社会的正负两方面信息的处理着手,正的方面很多,就负的方面,老罗和我们现在的老师都提到了乱伦这个方面(当然此例就是我想到了也是要慎用的).单从这一类问题来说,对于孩子的教育是远远不够的,去年好像是菲律宾就有学校建造了可供有穿着异性服装嗜好的学生使用的卫生间,据当时的评论说是人们对个人爱好和隐私保护的更加理性的思考,还有对于同性恋和吸毒是否合法化的思考,这些方面都是孩子应该给与充分的引导并且是的的确确关系到社会命运的事,socialization的重要一面我个人认为是让孩子们能够在一个有限的度内接受这个社会的信息以及正确地去面对和处理他们

Aside from socialization, there exist other factors, including the cultivation of individual characters and critical thinking, which is necessarily required by effective education. Undue socialization easily results in passive acceptance toward established notions of the society. In many fields, the existing truth is open to doubt, and only breaking conventions can human advance ahead. A case in point is Galileo, Italian astronomer and physician, who pointed out that the tantamount speed of falling objects in spite of their weights, disputing established theory of Aristotle asserting that falling speed of things varies according to their mass. In order to prove his own theory, Galileo made a famous experiment in the leaning Tower of Pisa. The result of experiment is two simultaneously dropped balls reached the ground at the same time just as the expectation of Galileo. Based on this experiment, Newton discovered Newton’s laws which lead to a new era of physics. As we discussed above, advancement of human beings in history is based on numerous challenges against convention, at the same time of socialization the cultivation of individual characters and critical thinking must not be overlooked by modern society.这段又觉得大侠是在就一个事例进行堆词,讲述的过分的详细,可以列举多个名人的例子来支持,比如正是由于剑桥大学在关闭的两年间使得牛顿的思维充分的得以张扬,使得这名无名的剑桥学生在以后的日子里的得以辉煌,又如爱因斯坦和爱迪生的早期的自我教育都是很好的例子,再不行就举老罗吗....开玩笑了

When it comes to the problem how to raise children effectively, nobody deny the progress and accomplishment of education. A wealth of talents possessing professional knowledge and skills has been cultivated and make contribution to the society. The rate of development cannot be matched by any epoch of human beings in history. On the other hand, the increasingly severe problems of children, such as increased rate of juvenile delinquency, addictive to drug, electric-games violence and porn message on Internet have not been handled with effectively. In addition, as for effective education, there are no certain rigid answers discovered by people, which need further analysis depending on different educational environment, religious beliefs and customs, and children’s disposition. In short, author’s second claim that how to raise children who can bring about a better society has some merits, but relatively extreme.我说不上该段的弱点,但就觉得不爽,感觉作者用这一段来对前两段进行了总结

To sum up, the destiny of society, to a large extent, depends on effective education, involving successful socialization as well as cultivation of individual characters and skeptic thinking. Furthermore, as for the claim that how to raise children to ensure a brighter society, human beings have achieved much accomplishment, but will need continuously further exploration.
总体看大侠的论述可行,思路很有条理,可能是例证和论述的搭配不平衡使得此文逊色了不少,另外,语言方面,大侠有时长句到底,有时短句一堆,若能把长短句连起来用的话,起到的效果将会十分的明显.

gehaifengUID: 189090

As children are the 以后的统治者吧dominators and constructors of the societyin the future, how to effectively raise children who can help bring about a better society has been heatedly debated for centuries. The author claims that how children are socialized today decides the destiny of the society and human beings have not yet learned how to raise children for future这个没有必要都写上去吧. However, in my opinion this statement, while appealing in some respects, is over-generalized. Aside from socialization, there exist many other factors, including individuation, which determine the destiny of society. In addition, some effective methods of raising children have been learned by human, even through much of them needs further development. 鬼子说首段简明扼要，这里可以压缩压缩。

To begin with, successful socialization help them develop the qualities of efficient cooperation with other people, adaptation 并列结构adapt吧 to the ever-changing society and active attitudes toward the life, which are essential to further successes of children. Maslow's theory of needs tells us that human has such social needs as need of acceptation, need of affection and need of affiliation with social groups. 好例子，Therefore, socialization of children is necessary to satisfy these social needs listed by Maslow. In the process of socialization, children learn how to communicate with other persons, which involves appropriate expression of one’s own ideas, tolerance of different viewpoints and absorbing merits from opponents排比工整，修辞方面很好. Possessing these qualities is conducive for children to be accepted by other people and facilitates them to adapt to the society in the future. Furthermore, modern society requires more cooperation between people from different fields, and any of great accomplishment is hard to be achieved by individuals. Unless children are provided certain knowledge and skills about socialization, their potential potential ability吧，比如 innovation could not be fully developed, exerting negative influences on their further successes both in life and career. In a word, successful socialization of children must receive much attention from parents, schools and society. 这一段的例子都是在写，socializaiton 的出现对于children的要求，所有我觉得TS应该该一下。 不过我每次都没有时间回去改TS

Aside from socialization, there exist other factors, including the cultivation of individual characters and critical thinking, which is necessarily required by effective education. Undue socialization easily results in passive acceptance toward established notions of the society. In many fields, the existing truth is open to doubt, and only breaking conventions can human advance ahead. A case in point is Galileo, Italian astronomer and physician内科医生？physical scientist更准确些吧 , who pointed out that the tantamount speed of falling objects in spite of their weights, disputing established theory of Aristotle asserting that falling speed of things varies according to their mass. In order to prove his own theory, Galileo made a famous experiment in the leaning Tower of Pisa. The result of experiment is two simultaneously dropped balls reached the ground at the same time just as the expectation of Galileo. Based on this experiment, Newton discovered Newton’s laws定律，用theory更好吧 which lead to a new era of physics. As we discussed above, advancement of human beings in history is based on numerous challenges against convention, at the same time of socialization the cultivation of individual characters and critical thinking must not be overlooked by modern society.  这一段写的好

When it comes to the problem how to raise children effectively, nobody deny the progress and accomplishment of education. A wealth of talents possessing professional knowledge and skills has been cultivated and make contribution to the society. The rate of development cannot be matched by any epoch of human beings in history. On the other hand, the increasingly severe problems of children, such as increased rate of juvenile delinquency, addictive to drug, electric-games violence and porn message on Internet have not been handled handled有把握的，solved?我也不知道其他的词了。 withwith 堕落吧 effectively!!例子非常好，你是怎么准备的，pfpf. In addition, as for effective education, there are no certain rigid answers discovered by people, which need further analysis depending on different educational environment, religious beliefs and customsculture, and children’s disposition. In short, author’s second claim that how to raise children who can bring about a better society has some merits, but relatively extreme.

To sum up, the destiny of society, to a large extent, depends on effective education, involving successful socialization as well as cultivation of individual characters and skeptic thinking. Furthermore, as for the claim that how to raise children to ensure a brighter society, human beings have achieved much accomplishment, but will need continuously further exploration.

整体表达的很好，文采感觉没有你上一篇好了些 。BUT，还是值得学习学习

枫丹UID: 166492

最初由 猫猫624 发布
[B]枫丹,谢谢拍砖..
正文第一段开始我想用maslow的理论证明children socialization 的必要性,要改进一下

To begin with, successful socialization helps children develo..

以下省略...... [/B]

恩,好多了,前后连贯了,
可能开头建议修改一下,我理解你的第一句是一个ts不知道是不是理解对了,如果是的话,那successful socialization helps children develop the qualities of efficient cooperation with other people, adaptation to the ever-changing society and active attitudes toward the life 并没有代表这一段的意思,至少active attitude没有表现出来,如果不是的话,他和后一句是什么关系呢?

猫猫624UID: 171232

我明白你的意思,第一句话想写的内容丰富一下.后面论证不够.
回头再改,谢谢!!

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

As children are the dominators and constructors of the society, how to effectively raise children who can help bring about a better society has been heatedly debated for centuries. The author claims that how children are socialized today decides the destiny of the society and human beings have not yet learned how to raise children for future. However, in my opinion this statement, while appealing in some respects, is over-generalized. Aside from socialization, there exist many other factors, 这里写的像阿狗的写法，呵呵。有个问题，题目说socialization可以决定社会命运，也没说别的不能决定丫，然后题目都是针对socialization这个方面，你指出别的因素，然后说题目over-generalize了，8知道合适不？including individuation, which determine the destiny of society. In addition,这个in addition补充的是虾米？前后接不上，还在分析题目为啥over-generalize了？ some effective methods of raising children have been learned by human, even through much of them needs further development. 开头有些长，最好简洁点straight to the point

To begin with, successful socialization help them develop the qualities of efficient cooperation with other people, adaptation to the ever-changing society and active attitudes toward the life, which are essential to further successes of children. 这要是TS的话你的基调怎么定到success of children不是说determine the society么？ Maslow's theory of needs tells us that human has such social needs as need of acceptation, need of affection and need of affiliation with social groups. Therefore, socialization of children is necessary to satisfy these social needs listed by Maslow. In the process of socialization, children learn how to communicate with other persons, which involves appropriate expression of one’s own ideas, tolerance of different viewpoints and absorbing merits from opponents.从前面到这里为虾米是这些现象和原因？觉得这篇最好前面要对sosialization进行理解和分析，这样后面才能围绕这个方向，也让读者可以跟上你的思路 Possessing these qualities is conducive for children to be accepted by other people and facilitates them to adapt to the society in the future. Furthermore, modern society requires more cooperation between people from different fields, and any of great accomplishment is hard to be achieved by individuals. Unless children are provided certain knowledge and skills about socialization, their potential could not be fully developed, exerting negative influences on their further successes both in life and career. In a word, successful socialization of children must receive much attention from parents, schools and society. in a word 的东西前面貌似米有怎么说啊，怎么就给总结了？ 关于这段，你的方位一直说的是children，看下题目，How children are socialized today determined the destiny of society 感觉有些歪。对于society的影响怎么不说捏？给我的感觉不扣题

Aside from socialization, there exist other factors, including the cultivation of individual characters and critical thinking, which is necessarily required by effective education.这里就是我开头说的那个问题，题目也没说别的因素就没有作用，题目只是针对socialization这个层面让我们进行分析和探讨，这里又说别的因素，我觉得不合适。而且最后又转到required by effective education上面，更远了丫 Undue socialization 怎么又不适合了捏？easily results in passive acceptance toward established notions of the society. In many fields, the existing truth is open to doubt, and only breaking conventions can human advance ahead. A case in point is Galileo,没看你的例子，已经觉得这个例子不合适了,socialization of “children” 伽利略是个中年男子。而且说的是我们学会没学会教育小孩，你这段开头说是XXX是进行教育必须的，这个本身就不合适，人家没问你应该怎么教育丫？而且这个例子前说的是打破常规，独立思考什么的。还是socialization米有理解好 看下同主题里面的材料 Italian astronomer and physician, who pointed out that the tantamount speed of falling objects in spite of their weights, disputing established theory of Aristotle asserting that falling speed of things varies according to their mass. In order to prove his own theory, Galileo made a famous experiment in the leaning Tower of Pisa. The result of experiment is two simultaneously dropped balls reached the ground at the same time just as the expectation of Galileo. Based on this experiment, Newton discovered Newton’s laws which lead to a new era of physics. As we discussed above, advancement of human beings in history is based on numerous challenges against convention, at the same time of socialization the cultivation of individual characters and critical thinking must not be overlooked by modern society. 这段觉得开头就有些歪掉，后面的例子也有些不fit，socialization 和convention不是一回事儿，你这段一直说不合适的社会化会带来问题，因此个性的培养也是需要的。怎么说呢？几个问题：1，不合适的社会化这个东西不需要讨论（还有就是我认为社会化这个东西米怎么能说合适不合适的），因为看题目的意思，只有对社会如何影响的意思，无所谓程度。2，说教育，也要说我们会不会教育，而不是我们应该如何教育。3，打破常规独立思考和社会化不是相对的，社会化是与周围交流，具备适应社会的各种能力，成为一个社会的人之类概念，和传统观念/个性 联系不起来。

When it comes to the problem how to raise children effectively, nobody deny the progress and accomplishment of education. 貌似要开始说教育的作用了A wealth of talents possessing professional knowledge and skills has been cultivated and make contribution to the society. The rate of development cannot be matched by any epoch of human beings in history. On the other hand, the increasingly severe problems of children, such as increased rate of juvenile delinquency, addictive to drug, electric-games violence and porn message on Internet have not been handled with effectively. In addition, as for effective education, there are no certain rigid answers discovered by people, which need further analysis depending on different educational environment, religious beliefs and customs, and children’s disposition. 这里没明白In short, author’s second claim that how to raise children who can bring about a better society has some merits, but relatively extreme.这个结论如何得到？你已经把题目进行变换了，变成了how to raise children，前半句呢，我们会不会raise children怎么不说了？  从这段来看，果然说的是教育的作用和利弊，等下一起说吧

To sum up, the destiny of society, to a large extent, depends on effective education,怎么又成教育了，把socialization变成教育的一小部分 involving successful socialization as well as cultivation of individual characters and skeptic thinking. Furthermore, as for the claim that how to raise children to ensure a brighter society, human beings have achieved much accomplishment,前面可没怎么说那个chievement but will need continuously further exploration.
好话不说了，语言，用词都比较有水准。说问题：1，题目的理解有偏差。看下同主题讨论。虽然你说论题over generalized了，但是我感觉这个题目不是那样很抽象的把一个复杂的问题简单化的题，题目只是针对一个层面进行分析，你既然承认社会化可以决定社会命运，就算是对题目进行了回应，直接分析就是，再说他因没有作用。2，题目的后半截，我们学会了没有，有什么成效丫？教育出来的孩子有什么好处啊？而不是教育应该如何发展，这个两个问题要区别一下。3，例子的选取不合适。加油！

第一次砍你的作文就这么猛 呵呵 ;)  

鬼谷子UID: 159645

我来看看，很火的文章啊