issue130同主题写作,写了时间短,改的时间长,请大家猛拍,谢谢,偶是group4

kkytUID: 188814

How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
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观点：反对the destiny of society 同意we have not yet learned how to raise children
TS1 让步确实社会化有助于孩子成长为一个好的社会公民。
TS2 社会化只是孩子能力培养的一部分，孩子还应该培养智力，毅力等这些来源与内心和个人决定的能力
TS3我们确实还存在着一些教育的问题。
例子：马加爵，陈景瑞 爱因斯坦

Nowadays, it is well known that children are the future of society. More and more people pay attention to children education. How to raise the children who can contribute to society has become a hot issue. The speaker claims that society’s destiny hinges on how children are socialized. I concede that a good socialization education of children will impel the development of society, but in my idea, the speakers’ claim is overstatement and ignores qualities that come from inner such as intelligence, skepticism and diligence etc, which are also indispensable factor for children to bring about a better society.         

Admittedly, the socialization of children helps children to grow up to be good citizens and effective leaders as well as tolerant and respectful members of society. As the term of socialization is concerned, it refers to the general process of acquiring culture. Only through this process, children will learn the norms which our society cherishes such as cooperation, humility, and effective communication with each other etc. In fact, abiding these norms, children will learn how to work together with classmates, teachers and friends. All this qualities that children own will contribute to their future work and thus promote the progress of society. To the contrary, if they are lack of these tenets, they may grow into ineffectual and even anti-social boys/girls who inevitably do harm to society. Take Ma Jiajue the student of YunNan University in China as example, his isolation from society when he was a child lead him to be a aloof, taciturn bigot and finally he murdered his four roommates merely due to some trifles. Therefore, it is necessary to improve the socialization of children for their healthy growth.  

However, socialization is only one factor influencing the extent to which individual will ultimately facilitate the society. In fact, some other qualities which mainly spring from one’s internal such as intelligence, diligence, conviction, and innovation also play an important role on children’s ability to promote the society. One need look no further than certain prominent leaders who have contribute profoundly to a better society. Chen Jinrui’s contribution to mathematics was primarily the result of his intelligence and diligence though he was poor in rhetorical skills. With his skepticism and innovation, Einstein broke out the traditional physical theory and developed the relativity. In fact, Einstein might be a weird person from our common perspective. Hence, we should not overstate the importance of socialization of children.

Nowadays, it is no denying that we have not yet learned how to raise children. We may usually go to two extreme sides. Sometimes, we may overstate the importance of socialization of children. That may lead children to be loafers who can only cajole and flaunt without knowledge and ability. It is obvious that this kind of children will even cause damage to our society. To the same, sometimes, we may overemphasize the crucial role of intelligence. Only infusing knowledge and ignoring students' other ability such as tolerance and respectful will incite children into complaisant and repetition machine. All these problems restrict the development of children education and finally limit the progress of society.

In sum, when it comes to whether a child grows up to contribute to a better society, the determinant is not only socialization but also other factors—raw intelligence, person conviction, one’s diligence or innovation. Facing to these problems exist in our children education, the only way is to keep balance between children's development of socialization and other indispensable abilities.

anthraxUID: 176473

啊，终于写完作文了上来献丑回拍，水平那个有限，不知道意见对你来说有没有用？


Nowadays, it is well known that children are the future of society. More and more people pay attention to children education. How to raise the children who can contribute to society has become a hot issue.改为heated debate吧。感觉好点，以下改动都是针对文字进行的…… The speaker claims that society’s destiny hinges on how children are socialized. I concede that a good socialization education（这句改为 adequate socialization） of children will impel the development of society, but in my ideaopinion, the speakers’ claim is overstatement 直接用动词overestimates似乎更灵动一点and ignores qualities that come from inner （加一个名词personalilty or character?） such as intelligence, skepticism and diligence etc, which are also indispensable factor for children to bring about a better society.

Admittedly, the socialization of children helps children themto grow up to be 四个词变成一个become会不会好点？good citizens and effective leaders as well as tolerant and respectful members of society. As the term of socialization is concerned, it refers to the general process of acquiring culture. Only through this process, children will learn the norms which our society cherishes such as cooperation, humility, and effective communication with each other etc（不用整天出现etc吧？）. In fact, abiding these norms, children will learn how to work together with classmates, teachers and friends. All this qualities that children own will contribute to their future work and thus promote the progress of society. （感觉前面冗长了点……如果想增加字数就多用漂亮的排比句吧）To the contrary, if they are lack of these tenets, they may grow into ineffectual and even anti-social boys/girls who inevitably do harm to society. Take Ma Jiajue the student of YunNan University in China as example, his isolation from society when he was a child lead him to be a aloof, taciturn bigot and finally he murdered his four roommates merely due to some trifles. Therefore, it is necessary to improve the socialization of children for their healthy growth. （Therefore, the societal well-being ultimately suffers from ignoring necessity to socialize the next generation.这样会不会好点？）

However, socialization is only one factor influencing the extent to which individual will ultimately facilitate好像还没用过contribute哦，这里用会比较合适 the society. In fact, some other qualities which mainly spring from one’s internal such as intelligence, diligence, conviction, and innovation（前面列举过了，这里还是节省一点不要用的太过于泛滥） also play an important role on children’s ability to promote the society. One need look no further than certain prominent leaders who have contribute profoundly to a better society. Chen Jinrui's（该为同位语从句，a renowed and distinguished master of mathematics, whose） contribution to mathematics was primarily the result of his intelligence and diligence though he was poor in rhetorical skills. With his skepticism and innovation, Einstein broke outbreak out?不太准确，用went beyond the limit of the traditional physical theory and developed the relativity. In fact, Einstein might be a weird person from our common perspective. Hence, we should not overstate the importance of socialization of children.

Nowadays, it is no denying undeniablethat we have not yet learned how to raise children. We may usually go to two extreme sides. Sometimes, we may overstate the importance of socialization of children. That may lead children to be loafers who can only cajole and flaunt without knowledge and ability. It is obvious that this kind of children will even cause damageundesirable result to our society. To the samesimilarly, sometimes, we may overemphasize the crucial role of intelligence. Only infusing knowledge and ignoring students' other ability such as tolerance and respectful will incite children into complaisant and repetition machine. All these problems restrict the development of children education and finally limit the progress of society.这几句虽用了不错的暗喻，可是好像有点离题，教育的缺陷还是专门谈谈socialization吧。因为题目的意思是我们不懂得如何去社会化下一代

In sum, when it comes to whether a child grows up to contribute to a better society, the determinant is not only socialization but also other factors—raw intelligence, person conviction, one’s diligence or innovation. Facing to these problems exist in our children education, the only way is to keep balance between children's development of socialization and other indispensable abilities.（感觉结尾没有力度，加一个句子好了）Thus we can expect the future of more prosperity, peace as well as freedom ushered in by these incessant effort.

anthraxUID: 176473

嗯？好像变色工具使用的不灵便，颜色变了可是括号没了……

restartingUID: 195448

How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

Nowadays, it is well known that children are the future of society. More and more people pay attention to children education. How to raise the children who can contribute to society has become a hot issue. The speaker claims that society’s destiny hinges on how children are socialized. I concede that a good感觉用good太平常了，改成successful 如何？ socialization education of children will impel the development of society, but in my idea, the speakers’ claim is overstatement and ignores qualities that come from inner 改成other inner qualities如何？加上other是因为我觉得social ability 也是一种内在素质啊，与外表相对而言。such as intelligence, skepticism and diligence etc, which are also indispensable factors for children to bring about a better society.

Admittedly, the socialization of children helps children to grow up to be good citizens and effective leaders as well as tolerant and respectful members of society. As the term of socialization is concerned, it refers to the general process of acquiring culture. Only through this process, children will learn the norms which our society cherishes such as cooperation, humility, and effective communication with each other etc. In fact, abiding these norms, children will learn how to work together with classmates, teachers and friends. All this qualities that children own will contribute to their future work and thus promote the progress of society. To the contrary, if they are lack of these tenets, they may grow into ineffectual and even anti-social boys/girls who inevitably do harm to society. Take Ma Jiajue the student of YunNan University in China as example, his isolation from society when he was a child lead him to be a aloof, taciturn bigot and finally he murdered his four roommates merely due to some trifles. Therefore, it is necessary to improve the socialization of children for their healthy growth. 语言好流畅哦，学习中。。。

However, socialization is 少了一个not？only one factor influencing the extent to which individual will ultimately facilitate the society. In fact, some other qualities which mainly spring from one’s internal such as intelligence, diligence, convictionconfidence自信心吧？, and innovation also play an important role on children’s ability to promote the society. One need look no further than certain prominent leaders who have contribute profoundly to a better society. Chen Jinrui’s contribution to mathematics was primarily the result of his intelligence and diligence though he was poor in rhetorical skills. With his skepticism and innovation, Einstein broke out the traditional physical theory and developed the relativity. In fact, Einstein might be a weird person from our common perspective. Hence, we should not overstate the importance of socialization of children.考虑比较全面，呵呵，看到这里，我都想去修改我的论点了。嘻嘻

Nowadays, it is no denying that we have not yet learned how to raise children. We may usually go to two extreme sides. Sometimes, we may overstate the importance of socialization of children. That may lead children to be loafers who can only cajole and flaunt without knowledge and ability. It is obvious that this kind of children will even cause damage to our society. To the same, sometimes, we may overemphasize the crucial role of intelligence. Only infusing knowledge and ignoring students' other ability such as tolerance and respectful will incite children into complaisant and repetition machine. All these problems restrict the development of children education and finally limit the progress of society.

In sum, when it comes to whether a child grows up to contribute to a better society, the determinant is not only socialization but also other factors—raw intelligence, person conviction, one’s diligence or innovation. Facing to these problems exist in our children education, the only way is to keep balance between children's development of socialization and other indispensable abilities.
语言很流畅，思路也很清晰，赞一把。。。。。对比我自己写的，唉，汗死了。。。。