argument32 处女作 望达人指教，拍砖必复，TOEFL670+4，作文亟待提高中

beatleslwqUID: 178933

题目
32.Until recently, people in Hiparia did most of their shopping by driving to shopping malls. They are beginning, however, to do more of their shopping by ordering merchandise from mail-order catalogs and the Internet. These purchases are delivered to them by mail or by a delivery service. For many purchases, Hiparians no longer need to drive to and from shopping malls; there will therefore be a resulting reduction in the consumption of vehicle fuel in Hiparia.
直到最近，Hiparia的居都开车到商场购物。然而，他们现在开始更多地通过邮寄订货目录和互联网定购商品。这些商品通过邮寄或快递服务递送到他们手中。对很多商品来说，Hiparia居不再需要开车往来于商场；因而将会导致Hiparia汽车燃油消费量的下降。


正文

This argument is seemingly strong at the first glance, but suffers from several obvious flaws. The arguer fails to mention the proportion of indirect shopping in all kinds of  shopping in Hiparia. Another aspect that should be included is that there are many other facts that may prompt the Hiparians to  prefer mall-shopping to online and mail-order shopping. Also, there are not enough clues showing that the mail-order and online shopping will actually save the consumption of fuel.

Though there is evidence indicating  that more habitants begin to go shopping indirectly, there is no accurate figure about the percentage of that kind of consumers both before and now. It is possible that there are 5% habitants there shopping indirectly now, in comparison to 1% last year. Although the rise is quite significant, it is still a small proportion which will not affect the traditional ways of shopping. It is equally possible that more people realize the benefits of indirect shopping, they still want to go to the mall, perhaps for fun or for the special crowding  feeling there. Then the total amount of the mall-shopping consumers is not decreasing.

In addition, there are a few reasons that may prevent the consumers to do the mail-ordered or online shopping. Maybe the cost for delivery is too high to encourage them choose these ways. Or perhaps people in Hiparia don not  like to wait a relatively long period to get the commodities. It is also likely that the commodities purchased online or by mail-order are not as high-quality as they seemed on the catalogs. Given those possibilities, the prospective of the mail-order and online shopping is not that optimistic.  


Granted that there are fewer people driving to the mall for shopping, the argument still fails to provide enough evidence to prove that it will save the consumption of petroleum. It is quite possible that habitants there go shopping not very frequently, therefore the fuel that used for shopping is only a tiny part of all the consumption involved automobile. Or people there prefer to share a car to go shopping. Or though fewer people shopping in the mall but  the convience of online shopping drives them to purchase more commodities, which may result in a increasing of   petroleum used by the delivery automobiles. In all the cases mentioned before, the total consumption of petroleum will only decrise slightly, if it will anyway.

In conclusion, the argument can not provide information persuasive enough  to prove that fewer people driving to shopping in the mall as a result of the seemingly bourgening ways of indirect shopping, nor include other possibilities that will affect the development of mail-order and online shopping in Hiparia, nor establish a causal relationship between the decline of driving to mall and the fall in the consumption of petroleum. The argument need further inspections before it will be taken as a reliable analysis and prediction.

mariaUID: 197971

楼主的托福成绩好高啊 其实twe和gre 作文还是有很大差别的
加油吧！bless

beatleslwqUID: 178933

谢谢鼓励：）

mariaUID: 197971

正文

This argument is seemingly strong at the first glance, but suffers from several obvious flaws. The arguer fails to mention the proportion of indirect shopping in all kinds of shopping in Hiparia. Another aspect that should be included is that there are many other facts that may prompt the Hiparians to prefer mall-shopping to online and mail-order shopping.这一句和你反驳的主体有什么关系？ Also, there are not enough clues showing that the mail-order and online shopping will actually save the consumption of fuel.

Though there is evidence indicating that more habitants begin to go shopping indirectly, there is no accurate figure about the percentage of that kind of consumers both before and now. It is possible that there are 5% habitants there shopping indirectly now, in comparison to 1% last year. Although the rise is quite significant, it is still a small proportion which will not affect the traditional ways of shopping. It is equally possible that more people realize the benefits of indirect shopping,but they still want to go to the mall, perhaps for fun or for the special crowding feeling there. Then the total amount of the mall-shopping consumers is not decreasing.

In addition, there are a few reasons that may prevent the consumers to dofrom doing the mail-ordered or online shoppingin the future. Maybe the cost for delivery is too high to encourage them choose these ways. Or perhaps people in Hiparia dondo not like to wait a relatively long period to get the commodities. It is also likely that the commodities purchased online or by mail-order are not as high-quality as they seemed on the catalogs. Given those possibilities, the prospective of the mail-order and online shopping is not that optimistic.


Granted that there are fewer people driving to the mall for shopping, the argument still fails to provide enough evidence to prove that it will save the consumption of petroleum. It is quite possible that habitants there go shopping not very frequently,； therefore the fuel that used for shopping is only a tiny part of all the consumption involved automobile. Or people there prefer to share a car to go shopping.这个可能行你不细说别人看不出他对节省汽油的否定 Or though fewer people shopping in the mall but the convience of online shopping drives them to purchase more commodities, which may result in an increasing of petroleum used by the delivery automobiles. In all the cases mentioned before, the total consumption of petroleum will only decriesdecrease slightly, if it will anyway.

In conclusion, the argument can not provide information persuasive enough to prove that fewer people driving to shopping in the mall as a result of the seemingly bourgening ways of indirect shopping, nor include other possibilities that will affect the development of mail-order and online shopping in Hiparia, nor establish a causal relationship between the decline of driving to mall and the fall in the consumption of petroleum. The argument needs further inspections before it will be taken as a reliable analysis and prediction.
个人觉得你这篇写的可能性已经很多了，论述的也挺好，在注意下细节吧，不管怎样比我写的是好多了。如果有空帮我看看这篇
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=256737

beatleslwqUID: 178933

This argument is seemingly strong at the first glance, but suffers from several obvious flaws. The arguer fails to mention the proportion of indirect shopping in all kinds of  shopping in Hiparia. Another aspect that neglected in the article is that there are many other facts that may prompt the Hiparians to  prefer mall-shopping to online and mail-order shopping as the.change to this Also, there are not enough clues showing that the mail-order and online shopping will actually save the consumption of fuel.

Though there is evidence indicating  that more habitants begin to go shopping indirectly, there is no accurate figure about the percentage of that kind of consumers both before and now. It is possible that there are 5% habitants there shopping indirectly now, in comparison to 1% last year. Although the rise is quite significant, it is still a small proportion which will not affect the traditional ways of shopping. It is equally possible that more people realize the benefits of indirect shopping,but they still want to go to the mall, perhaps for fun or for the special crowding  feeling there. Then the total amount of the mall-shopping consumers is not decreasing.

In addition, there are a few reasons that may prevent the consumers from doing the mail-ordered or online shopping in the future. Maybe the cost for delivery is too high to encourage them to choose these ways. Or perhaps people in Hiparia do not  like to wait a relatively long period to get the commodities. It is also likely that the commodities purchased online or by mail-order are not as high-quality as they seemed on the catalogs. Given those possibilities, the prospective of the mail-order and online shopping is not that optimistic.  


Granted that there are fewer people driving to the mall for shopping, the argument still fails to provide enough evidence to prove that it will save the consumption of petroleum. It is quite possible that habitants there go shopping not very frequently, therefore the fuel that used for shopping is only a tiny part of all the consumption involved automobile. Or people there prefer to share a car to go shopping, which is in fact quite petroleum-saving.is this OK? Or though fewer people shopping in the mall but  the convience of online shopping drives them to purchase more commodities, which may result in a increasing of   petroleum used by the delivery automobiles. In all the cases mentioned before, the total consumption of petroleum will only decrease slightly, if it will anyway.

In conclusion, the argument can not provide information persuasive enough  to prove that fewer people driving to shopping in the mall as a result of the seemingly bourgening ways of indirect shopping, nor include other possibilities that will affect the development of mail-order and online shopping in Hiparia, nor establish a causal relationship between the decline of driving to mall and the fall in the consumption of petroleum. The argument needs further inspections before it will be taken as a reliable analysis and prediction.

beatleslwqUID: 178933

自己UP
请留下连接，拍砖24小时内必复！

beatleslwqUID: 178933

自己UP
请留下连接，拍砖24小时内必复！

mariaUID: 197971

不好意思，昨天完了一天没有写作文也没有看你的这篇作文
现在该的已经很好了
加油把