ISSUE130 同主题写作 限时已修改

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

130,How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
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The Chinese leader Chairman Mao had ever said that(and I paraphrase):Children are the sun at eight or nine in the morning,［这种表述对吗?］which means that they are the future the country. However, though people have realized the importance, they have not yet learned how to raise children in an effective way.

To begin with, it is the truth that how children are socialized today determines the tomorrow of the society. It is known to all that with the time goes by, the adult will become old and the young will take over their responsibility to manage, to develop and to guarantee the country. In this case, for a stable transfer of the power, the society should focus on how the young generation can be brought up in a better way. Actually, the ability of socialization plays a crucial role. For instance, a leader without the ability of socialization is not able to obtain enough support from the mass in order to better practice his project though it is good to the country; a scientist who cannot interact fluently with others is difficult to take up the duty to make his sophisticated theory clear to the public, which is of little use to the promotion of the cognition of the mass. Thus, the ability of socialization is important for the person himself and for the destiny of the society as well.

However, there is no denying that in China, it is still a problem on how to raise children who can contribute a lot to the society in the future. Take the summer camp several years ago, which was participated in by the children from China and Japan for example, in that camp, Japanese children, other than sport, displayed a stronger ability in any field, such as the ability of accomplishing the assignment all by themselves, interacting with others and working together to overcome the difficult when facing the problems and sticking to the end with steely nerve. On the contrary, the Chinese children, often followed by a large group of relatives, lacked a lot of social ability to solve whatever they faced. This camp reveals the weakness of the way that how Chinese children were brought up, which is common in the contemporary society. It is true that the mass lacks the cultivation of socialization to their children, which results in that the children are not able to fit the society, let alone take up the responsibility to manage, to develop and to guarantee the country in the future.

Therefore, facing the problem, the public should pay attention to the education of the children in order to guarantee the future well-being and strength of the country［祖国的强大是这样表达吗？］. Not only the parents, but also the teachers and the society should take steps to have a serious thinking and work out a better way to raise the children, which is of great importance to the destiny of the society.

To sum up, children will be the host of the country tomorrow. As a result, it is urgent to pay attention to how they can be brought up in a more effective way, which connects the destiny of themselves as well as the society.

山涧风笛UID: 196557

The Chinese leader Chairman Mao had ever said that(and I paraphrase):Children are the sun at eight or nine in the morning,［这种表述对吗?］[B]可以， 官方的翻译好象是like the sun at eight or nine in the morning[/B] which means that they are the future of the country. However, though people have realized the importance, they have not yet learned how to raise children in an effective way.

To begin with, it is the truth that how children are socialized today determines the tomorrow of the society. It is known to all that with the time goes by, the adult will become old and the young will take over their responsibility to manage, to develop and to guarantee the country. In this case, for a stable transfer of the power, the society should focus on how the young generation can be brought up in a better way. Actually, the ability of socialization plays a crucial role. For instance, a leader without the ability of socialization is not able to obtain enough support from the mass in order to better practice his project though it is good to the country; a scientist who cannot interact fluently with others is difficult to take up the duty to make his sophisticated theory clear to the public, which is of little use to the promotion of the cognition of the mass. Thus, the ability of socialization is important for the person himself and for the destiny of the society as well.

However, there is no denying that in China, it is still a problem on how to raise children who can contribute a lot to the society in the future. Take the summer camp several years ago, which was participated in by the children from China and Japan for example, in that camp, Japanese children, other than sport, displayed a stronger ability in any field, such as the ability of accomplishing the assignment all by themselves, interacting with others and working together to overcome the difficult when facing the problems and sticking to the end with steely nerve. On the contrary, the Chinese children, often followed by a large group of relatives, lacked a lot of social ability to solve whatever they faced. This camp reveals the weakness of the way that how Chinese children were brought up, which is common in the contemporary society. It is true that the mass lacks the cultivation of socialization to their children, which results in that the children are not able to fit the society, let alone take up the responsibility to manage, to develop and to guarantee the country in the future.

Therefore, facing the problem, the public should pay attention to the education of the children in order to guarantee the future well-being and [B]the[/B] strength of the country［祖国的强大是这样表达吗？］. Not only the parents, but also the teachers and the society should take steps to have a serious thinking and work out a better way to raise the children, which is of great importance to the destiny of the society.

To sum up, children will be the host of the country tomorrow. As a result, it is urgent to pay attention to how they can be brought up in a more effective way, which connects the destiny of themselves as well as the society.

harmony-amoyUID: 115914

130,How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
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The Chinese leader Chairman Mao had ever said that(and I paraphrase):Children are the sun at eight or nine in the morning,［这种表述对吗?］which means that they are the future the country. However, though people have realized the importance, they have not yet learned how to raise children in an effective way.【开头太简单，而且你没有谈到你对“孩子的socialization决定社会命运”认同与否，你只说了孩子是社会的未来，有点偏离】

To begin with, it is the truth that how children are socialized today determines the tomorrow of the society. It is known to all that with the time goes by, the adult will become old and the young will take over their responsibility to manage, to develop and to guarantee the country. In this case, for a stable transfer of the power, the society should focus on how the young generation can be brought up in a better way. Actually, the ability of socialization plays a crucial role. For instance, a leader without the ability of socialization is not able to obtain enough support from the mass in order to better practice his project though it is good to the country; a scientist who cannot interact fluently with others is difficult to take up the duty to make his sophisticated theory clear to the public, which is of little use to the promotion of the cognition of the mass. 【这两个例子不是很恰当，因为题目是说孩子的socialization，你要从这点出发阐述,你如果举成人的例子，应该有所过渡，这样可能跟主题联系起来】Thus, the ability of socialization is important for the person himself and for the destiny of the society as well.

However, there is no denying that in China, it is still a problem on how to raise children who can contribute a lot to the society in the future. Take the summer camp several years ago, which was participated in by the children from China and Japan for example, in that camp, Japanese children, other than sport, displayed a stronger ability in any field, such as the ability of accomplishing the assignment all by themselves, interacting with others and working together to overcome the difficult when facing the problems and sticking to the end with steely nerve. On the contrary, the Chinese children, often followed by a large group of relatives, lacked a lot of social ability to solve whatever they faced. This camp reveals the weakness of the way that how Chinese children were brought up, which is common in the contemporary society. It is true that the mass lacks the cultivation of socialization to their children, which results in that the children are not able to fit the society, let alone take up the responsibility to manage, to develop and to guarantee the country in the future.【这个例子是否妥当，你只是说中国的小孩在那些方面比不上日本小孩，然后就得到结论，社会缺少cultivation of socialization to their children,说不通】
Therefore, facing the problem, the public should pay attention to the education of the children in order to guarantee the future well-being and strength of the country［祖国的强大是这样表达吗？］【个人觉得不太好。祖国的力量？prosperity of the country】. Not only the parents, but also the teachers and the society should take steps to have a serious thinking and work out a better way to raise the children, which is of great importance to the destiny of the society.

To sum up, children will be the host of the country tomorrow. As a result,【因果关系没这么强烈】 it is urgent to pay attention to how they can be brought up in a more effective way, which connects the destiny of themselves as well as the society.
我觉得整篇文章缺乏对孩子socialization与社会命运关系的深入剖析，并且举例不太恰当，不能局限于讨论中国的孩子；还有就是太Chinglish（呵呵，我也有这毛病），你可以去看看第五期同主题学作对socialization的解释，可能有用。
以上纯属个人观点，呵呵，加油！

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

130,How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
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The Chinese leader Chairman Mao had ever said that(and I paraphrase):Children are the sun at eight or nine in the morning,［这种表述对吗?］which means that they are the future the country. However, though people have realized the importance, they have not yet learned how to raise children in an effective way.【开头太简单，而且你没有谈到你对“孩子的socialization决定社会命运”认同与否，你只说了孩子是社会的未来，有点偏离】

To begin with, it is the truth that how children are socialized today determines the tomorrow of the society. It is known to all that with the time goes by, the adult will become old and the young will take over their responsibility to manage, to develop and to guarantee the country. In this case, for a stable transfer of the power, the society should focus on how the young generation can be brought up in a better way. Actually, the ability of socialization plays a crucial role. For instance, a leader without the ability of socialization is not able to obtain enough support from the mass in order to better practice his project though it is good to the country; a scientist who cannot interact fluently with others is difficult to take up the duty to make his sophisticated theory clear to the public, which is of little use to the promotion of the cognition of the mass. 【这两个例子不是很恰当，因为题目是说孩子的socialization，你要从这点出发阐述,你如果举成人的例子，应该有所过渡，这样可能跟主题联系起来】Thus, the ability of socialization is important for the person himself and for the destiny of the society as well. harmony-amoy思维很敏锐的说！这一段确实想说成人的这些社会能力是从小培养的，写着写着就忘了，呵呵 :p

However, there is no denying that in China, it is still a problem on how to raise children who can contribute a lot to the society in the future. Take the summer camp several years ago, which was participated in by the children from China and Japan for example, in that camp, Japanese children, other than sport, displayed a stronger ability in any field, such as the ability of accomplishing the assignment all by themselves, interacting with others and working together to overcome the difficult when facing the problems and sticking to the end with steely nerve. On the contrary, the Chinese children, often followed by a large group of relatives, lacked a lot of social ability to solve whatever they faced. This camp reveals the weakness of the way that how Chinese children were brought up, which is common in the contemporary society. It is true that the mass lacks the cultivation of socialization to their children, which results in that the children are not able to fit the society, let alone take up the responsibility to manage, to develop and to guarantee the country in the future.【这个例子是否妥当，你只是说中国的小孩在那些方面比不上日本小孩，然后就得到结论，社会缺少cultivation of socialization to their children,说不通】应该把例子再展开一下说得更清楚些？
Therefore, facing the problem, the public should pay attention to the education of the children in order to guarantee the future well-being and strength of the country［祖国的强大是这样表达吗？］【个人觉得不太好。祖国的力量？prosperity of the country】祖国的繁荣？ :confused: . Not only the parents, but also the teachers and the society should take steps to have a serious thinking and work out a better way to raise the children, which is of great importance to the destiny of the society.

To sum up, children will be the host of the country tomorrow. As a result,【因果关系没这么强烈】 it is urgent to pay attention to how they can be brought up in a more effective way, which connects the destiny of themselves as well as the society.

harmony-amoy的意见很中肯啦！眼光也很犀利！自己写的文章经过你的剖析反而看得更透彻了！
多谢多谢啦！ :D

llamasUID: 200435

The Chinese leader Chairman Mao had ever said that(and I paraphrase):Children are the sun at eight or nine in the morning,［这种表述对吗?］呵呵which means that they are the future the country. However, though people have realized the importance, they have not yet learned how to raise children in an effective way.

To begin with, it is the truth that how children are socialized today determines the tomorrow of the society. It is known to all that with the不应该有the吧 time goes by, the adult will become old and the young will take over their responsibility to manage, to develop and to guaranteedefend这个是保证萨 the country. In this case, for a stable transfer of the power, the society should focus on how the young generation can be brought up in a better way. Actually, the ability of socialization plays a crucial role. For instance, a leader without the ability of socialization is not able to obtain enough support from the mass in order to better practice his project though it is good to the country; a scientist who cannot interact fluently with others is difficult to take up the duty to make his sophisticated theory clear to the publicit is difficult for sb. to do, which is of little use to the promotion of the cognition of the mass. Thus, the ability of socialization is important for the person himself and for the destiny of the society as well.

However, there is no denying that in China, it is still a problem on how to raise children who canwould contribute a lot to the society in the future. Take the summer camp several years ago, which was participated in by the children from China and Japan for example, in that camp, Japanese children, other than sport, displayed a stronger ability in any field, such as the ability of accomplishing the assignment all by themselves, interacting with others and working together to overcome the difficultdifficulties when facing the problems and sticking to the end with steely nerve. On the contrary, the Chinese children, often followed by a large group of relatives, lacked a lot of social ability to solve whatever they faced. This camp reveals the weakness of the way that how Chinese children were brought up, which is common in the contemporary society. It is true that the mass lacks the cultivation of socialization to their children, which results in that the children are not able to fit the society, let alone take up the responsibility to manage, to develop and to guarantee the country in the future.这段只举了中国的例子来论述好像不是很convincing啊，是不是再开一些

Therefore, facing the problem, the public should pay attention to the education of the children in order to guarantee the future well-being and strength of the country［祖国的强大是这样表达吗？］. Not only the parents, but also the teachers and the society should take steps to have a serious thinking and work out a better way to raise the children, which is of great importance to the destiny of the society.

To sum up, children will be the host of the country tomorrow. As a result, it is urgent to pay attention to how they can be brought up in a more effective way, which connects the destiny of themselves as well as the society.

这篇我觉得很难写，对所谓socialization到底是什么意思不是很理解
我觉得你的论述可以再展开一些：）

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

130,How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
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The Chinese leader Chairman Mao had ever said that(and I paraphrase):Children are the sun at eight or nine in the morning,［这种表述对吗?］like the sun at eight or nine in the mornig which means that they are the future the country and their abilities, including the ability of socialization, detemines the destiny of society. However, though people have realized the importance, they have not yet learned how to raise children in an effective way.

To begin with, it is the truth that how children are socialized today determines the tomorrow of the society. It is known to all that with the time goes by, the adult will become old and the young will take over their responsibility to manage, to develop and to guarantee defend the country. In this case, for a stable transfer of the power, the society should focus on how the young generation can be brought up in a better way. Actually, the ability of socialization plays a crucial role. For instance, a leader without the ability of socialization is not able to obtain enough support from the mass in order to better practice his project though it is good beneficial to the country; a scientist who cannot interact communicate fluently with others is difficult to take up the duty to make his sophisticated theory clear comprehended to (for?) the public, which is of little use to the promotion of the cognition cognitive level of the mass. Meanwhile, the ability of socialization cannot be cultivated in a day or two but to start practice from the childhood Thus, the ability of socialization is important for the person himself and for the destiny of the society as well. Thus,it is necessary to pay enough attention to the cultivation of children's ability of socialization, which has much to do with the destiny of the society.

However, there is no denying that in China, it is still a problem on how to raise children who can will contribute a lot to the society in the future. Take the summer camp several years ago, which was participated in by the children from China and Japan for example, in that camp, Japanese children, other than sport, displayed a stronger ability in any other field, such as the ability of accomplishing the assignment all by themselves, interacting with others and working together cooperating to overcome the difficult difficulties when facing the problems and sticking to the end with gritty stamina and steely nerve. On the contrary, the Chinese children, often followed by a large group of relatives, lacked a lot of social ability to solve whatever they faced encountered. This camp reveals the weakness of the way that how Chinese children were brought up, that is, as the popularization of the family planning, almost every child is spoiled excessively by their parents and grandparents, which is common in the contemporary society. It is true that the mass lacks the cultivation of socialization social ability to their children, which results in that the children are not able to deal with things by themselves and fit the society, let alone take up the responsibility to manage, to develop and to guarantee defend the country in the future.
确实觉得这个例子不太好，但暂时想不到其它的，想到了再改，哪位大侠如果能提供线索就多谢了！ :D

Therefore, facing the problem, the public should pay sufficient attention to the education and the cultivation of the ability of the children in order to guarantee the (future) well-being and hte strength of the country［祖国的强大是这样表达吗？］ in the future. Not only the parents, but also the teachers and the society should take steps to have a serious thinking and work out a better way to raise the children, which is of great importance to the destiny of the society.

To sum up, children will be the host of the country tomorrow. As a result, Realizing this, it is urgent to pay attention to attach importance to how they can be brought up in a more effective way, which connects to the destiny of themselves as well as the society.

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

这篇我觉得很难写，对所谓socialization到底是什么意思不是很理解

多谢llamas的认真修改，这篇文章是同主题写作的，你可以去https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=256227看看，鬼鬼分析得很不错，受益多多啊！ :p