issue51 同主题写作6 照例回拍，陷入语言干瘪的怪圈中……

anthraxUID: 176473

限时Pp摸考 550字

提纲 大体不赞同
1 兴趣易变且不甚理智
2 经济开支太大不可行
3 让步承认个性化教育的好处和统一教育的坏处
4 定义教育的目标和如何达成（effective）

By the time a first primitive school-academy opened in Athens, the great philosopher Aristotle began to pursue true mission of education. Till nowadays, controversies rise involving how should we effectively cultivate the next generation. Though some voice to offer specific curriculum for every single student whose interest and needs varies, just as the statement above, I cling to the belief that education is not obliged to individual concerns, rather it should combine general programs with moderate diverse courses aimed to personal interest as well.

To begin with, one must be aware of the whim and transience of students' interest and needs, which may not be beneficial to their long-term careers. So many external factors exerts impact on their inclination towards different disciplines that neither can these academic choices last for long nor can they reflect genuine craving innate. In the late 20th century and the beginning of new millennium, a flourishing IT market appeals to numerous college and high school youth, who therefore rush in colleges and enroll in the computer courses. Yet, a considerable number of those students later realize where their true interest lies and change their major, while many others also get frustrated in a declining market struggling for limited occupations. Should the trained educators and professional staffs succumb to those evanescent, whimsical demands from their students, more chaos will undoubtedly follow, and efforts to educate might proved futile.

In the second place, financial expenditure must be numbered when making decision about specified courses. Can the state-sponsored schools and universities afford prohibitive costs to provide a variety of programs? Consider; when one ask for pottery training, it demands professionals in the area recruited and a set of equipments as well as exclusive classroom set up.
A principle may encounter hundreds of such applications from his industrious students. Thus the financial feasibility is open to doubt.

Nonetheless, the specific programs advocators may argue that neglecting the craving and desire of those young learners can be detrimental. True, when a over-specified education cause chaos and help little, another extreme in cultivating children and teenagers, a unified education system permits no individualistic also remains undesirable. So creative are the minds of the youth, the deprived chance for them to develop and to thrive seems brutal and unimaginable. Hence, we are here to strike a balance between personal needs and general curriculum.

The process of educating serves its noble goals, that is, to transmit the profound knowledge accumulated over centuries, to enlighten naive minds with methodology and a set of values, finally to cultivate the hidden passion and to unearth innate genius of every single person.-- in short, to replace an empty mind with one rich in ideas, thoughts, inspirations. By no means can the mission fulfilled unless a general program including essential knowledge is provided as basis for one to build up his / her mansion of specific interest, unless enough emphasis stressed on the unique talents and gift bestowed to a certain minds.

Fortunately, a deluge of empirical success already proved how effective the current education systems are. While more steps advanced to seek for balance between individual needs and provide the essence of human knowledge, we are expecting the fruitful and prosperous future brought about by the ceaseless effort to cultivate, to enlighten, to educate our next generation

anthraxUID: 176473

钟声老找不到你这家伙的文章，干脆发在我的帖子算了，你自个来看哦，反正同一主题阿

Issue51  第10篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！ ------摘要------ 作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：44分43秒     445 words  ------题目------ Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. ------正文------ Will education be truly effective when it is particularly designed to fit the individual needs and interests of each student? The speaker confirms that it is a positive（改为justifiable goal吧。因为好像在讲教育的目的噢 ） means. However, I have my reservation.（指向不明，对什么有保留？reservation towards the alleged mission） In my opinion, an overall and general education might be a more effective and efficient way for students.  First of all, general education makes students to develop (表述不大对劲：facilitate students with development in many aspects.)in many aspects. Education's purpose is to cultivate and foster the student in different areas. Thus there are courses and subjects in the school from math to music, spanning physics to astronomy, including many disciplines.(此句多余阿，应该删去) I remember that when I was in high school, I had nine courses. Except those major courses such as math, Chinese, and I still attend some course about computer, chemistry, and art. Today, I recall these courses which I took, I feel that they helped me a lot in developing my perspective and insights to the world. (一个句子里只能有一个谓语动词吧？recall改为分词引导的从句好了)I recognized many rich and colorful segments and details in the world which would not come to me if in the （这里用一个分词：given就可以解决问题拉。哈哈，是不是写的头晕脑胀了？)circumstance of single and confined education. Thus I always believe that the education should be opened to all the students in various and common (感觉用common不太好噢)means.  Furthermore, a general and overall education can congregate the society resource efficiently. As we know, education, as an important enterprise of a country, costs a lot of money of the government and society. Designing an integral system of education is based on the reasonable consideration. First, it is convenient for teacher to impart knowledge and technique to the class. If every individual need a special teacher to teach them, just imaging, how many teachers our school need to satisfy each student's interest? It is impossible to carry out such special education for individual need. Second, different school or institution functions in different fields. Take colleges for example, there are many diverse colleges in the country, even in a university consists of medical college, computer department etc. These colleges can just do research for specific purpose. It is beneficial for searching advanced science and technology. (你的第二个论点看的不是很明白阿……是想说教育也有细分化来满足不同的需求吗？另起一段会比较好点噢。)Therefore the speaker's assertion suffers apparent fallacies.  Admittedly, designing special education to each student may have some advantage. Each student can focus on his or her interest. Study can be a quite pleased procedure. And teacher can spend all his or her time on one student. However, the single education will lead to the problem that the student lack discussion with other students. Similarly, without competition and communication, the student may progress slowly, and lose impetus and inspiration. Adding the analysis and example I mentioned above, single education engenders a great waste of national source. (这里倒是看的明白，原来你采用一边倒的形势阿，也好，只要论证有力就好了。可是好像平衡观点会比较好一点……个人愚见) In conclusion, to a little extent, education may effective when it is designed to individual sometimes. Yet considering the whole society and most cases, it is not a justifiable option to the speaker's recommendation in contrast with the overall and general education. (星星眼，最后一句好有气势哦……你是不是用了argument的一点东西啊？称赞下！)  
这一篇我感觉质量好了很多，除了不同的院校分工那里有点混乱外我认为基本上逻辑严密了，我给4.5分哦~~加油！

shengzhongbellUID: 199083

------题目------
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

提纲 大体不赞同
1 兴趣易变且不甚理智
2 经济开支太大不可行
3 让步承认个性化教育的好处和统一教育的坏处
4 定义教育的目标和如何达成（effective）
提纲比以前好点了，HOWEVER，第3点让步承认几个字去掉，考试时没时间列那么详细，且我觉得第三点中心不够明确，一段最好只有一个中心。而且提纲最好是三个

By the time a first primitive我觉得是不是用primary更好 school-academy opened in Athens, the great philosopher Aristotle began to pursue true mission of education. Till nowadays, controversies rise involving how should we effectively cultivate the next generation. Though some voice to offer specific curriculum for every single student whose interest and needs varies, just as the statement above, I cling to the belief that education is not obliged to individual concerns, rather it should combine general programs with moderate diverse courses aimed to personal interest as well.开头不错

To begin with, one must be aware of the whim and transience of students' interest and needs, which may not be beneficial to their long-term careers. So many external factors exerts impact on their inclination towards different disciplines that neither can these academic choices last for long nor can they reflect genuine craving innate. In the late 20th century and the beginning of new millennium, a flourishing IT market appeals to numerous college and high school youth, who therefore rush in colleges and enroll in the computer courses. Yet, a considerable number of those students later realize where their true interest lies and change their major, while many others also get frustrated in a declining market struggling for limited occupations. Should the trained educators and professional staffs succumb to those evanescent, whimsical demands from their students, more chaos will undoubtedly follow, and efforts to educate might proved futile.个人感觉本段有点和中心无关，初了最后一句话，办法可在第一句前加个总括的语句就好多了例如：Individual interest is often frustrated itself, which weaken the specific education.

In the second place, financial expenditure must be numbered用will sharply raise,因为被动被建议少用，特别是在TP里面，直接明了点好 when making decision about specified courses. Can the state-sponsored schools and universities afford prohibitive costs to provide a variety of programs? Consider; when one ask for pottery training, it demands professionals in the area recruited and a set of equipments as well as exclusive classroom set up.本段TP是个很容易扩写的论点，你的提纲分多了，导致本段论述不完满
A principle may encounter hundreds of such applications from his industrious students. Thus the financial feasibility is open to doubt.

Nonetheless, the specific programs advocators may argue that neglecting the craving and desire of those young learners can be detrimental. True, when a over-specified education cause chaos and help little, another extreme in cultivating children and teenagers, a unified education system permits no individualistic also remains undesirable. So creative are the minds of the youth, the deprived chance for them to develop and to thrive seems brutal and unimaginable. Hence, we are here to strike a balance between personal needs and general curriculum.

The process of educating serves its noble goals, that is, to transmit the profound knowledge accumulated over centuries, to enlighten naive minds with methodology and a set of values, finally to cultivate the hidden passion and to unearth innate genius of every single person.-- in short, to replace an empty mind with one rich in ideas, thoughts, inspirations. By no means can the mission fulfilled unless a general program including essential knowledge is provided as basis for one to build up his / her mansion of specific interest, unless enough emphasis stressed on the unique talents and gift bestowed to a certain minds.

Fortunately, a deluge of empirical success already proved how effective the current education systems are. While more steps advanced to seek for balance between individual needs and provide the essence of human knowledge, we are expecting the fruitful and prosperous future brought about by the ceaseless effort to cultivate, to enlighten, to educate our next generation
词汇真是没得说，我要用金山词霸，就是思路问题，加油

poohUID: 146994

By the time a the first primitive school-academy opened in Athens, the great philosopher Aristotle began to pursue the true mission of education. Till nowadays, controversies rise involving how should we how we could从句用正常语序  effectively cultivate the next generation. Though some voice to offer specific curriculum for every single student whose interest and needs varies, just as the statement above从句没有谓语, I cling to the belief that education is not obliged to individual concerns什么意思？说得不明确, rather rather 是副词，不可以做连词，所以这里要改成but rather it should combine general programs with moderate应该用moderately,因为它修饰diverse, 而不是修饰course diverse courses aimed to personal interest as well.

To begin with, one must be aware of the whim and transience of students' interest and needs, which may not be beneficial to their long-term careers.这里提career也太早了吧 So many external factors exerts impact on their inclination towards different disciplines that neither  can these academic choices last for long nor can they reflect genuine craving innate用名词. In the late 20th century and the beginning of new millennium, a flourishing IT market appeals to numerous college and high school youth, who therefore rush in colleges and enroll in the computer courses. Yet, a considerable number of those students later realize where their true interest lies and change their major, while many others also get frustrated in a declining market struggling for limited occupations. Should the trained educators and professional staffs succumb to those evanescent, whimsical demands from their students, more chaos will undoubtedly follow, and efforts to educate might provedprove一般用主动  futile.

In the second place, financial expenditure must be numbered when making decision about specified courses. Can the state-sponsored schools and universities afford prohibitive costs to provide a variety of programs? Consider; when one ask for pottery training, it demands professionals in the area recruited and a set of equipments as well as exclusive classroom set up.
A principle may encounter hundreds of such applications from his industrious students. Thus the financial feasibility is open to doubt.

Nonetheless, the specific programs advocators may argue that neglecting the craving and desire of those young learners can be detrimental. True, when a over-specified education cause chaos and help little, another extreme in cultivating children and teenagers, a unified education system permits no individualistic also remains undesirable. 两套句子成分！没有连词。True 实际上是it is true的省略，所以不能因为其省略就当作不存在。So creative are the minds of the youth, the deprived chance for them to develop and to thrive seems brutal and unimaginable. 只有so, 没有that。这个句子我不理解  Hence, we are here to strike a balance between personal needs and general curriculum.

The process of educating serves its noble goals, that is, to transmit the profound knowledge accumulated over centuries, to enlighten naive minds with methodology and a set of values, finally to cultivate the hidden passion and to unearth innate genius of every single person.-- in short, to replace an empty mind with one rich in ideas, thoughts, inspirations. By no means can the mission fulfilled unless a general program including essential knowledge is provided as basis for one to build up his / her mansion of specific interest, unless enough emphasis stressed on the unique talents and gift bestowed to a certain minds.
这段放在第二段好些。放在这里根上下文的联系不紧密。另一问题是跟题目的相关性比较小



Fortunately, a deluge of empirical success already proved how effective the current education systems are. While more steps advanced to seek for balance between individual needs and provide the essence of human knowledge, we are expecting the fruitful and prosperous future brought about by the ceaseless effort to cultivate, to enlighten, to educate our next generation

可以看出基础很好，body1 不错，例子也很恰当。不过全文有些花拳绣腿，满篇的倒装，让人看起来比较费劲。因为过于看重语言，所以论证的力度不足。多琢磨琢磨文章的逻辑和分析吧。最好不要写四个body, 写三个就行了，因为你没有足够的时间都展开讨论，很难写的深入。

anthraxUID: 176473

恩纳恩啊。接受接受！一定要努力写好文章，谢谢pooh大人~~
关于逻辑，听起来好抽象阿……