argument38 继续砍砍砍！！！

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
'An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.'

正文~~~~~~~~~~~

This news concludes that recommending people the daily use of Ichthaid is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To support this conclusion, the author points out that in East Meria, where fish consumption is high, people do not visit doctors much for treatment of colds. However, careful scrutiny of the author's evidence reveals that it lends no creditable support to the author's conclusion.

A threshold problem with the argument is that the author draws a cause-and-effect relationship between how many times people visit doctor and whether they have lower the rate of catching cold. As we all know, catching cold is so popular and normal that many people have prepared relevant medicines for sudden colds and at most times people can get through the disease without doctor's help. Thus, the author cannot draw a reliable conclusion that people in East Meria have find ways to prevent colds according to the times that people visit doctors.

Next, even if people in East Meria are immune from colds and they need not to visit doctors many times during a year, the author could neither cite a assertion that it is the fish that help them prevent from colds. Although fish consumption in East Meria is high, it is possible that people keep healthy by many other means, such as frequent exercises, agreeable weather in that area, eating other food which contains some useful component to prevent cold and so forth. Unless other factors are eliminated, the author can hardly attribute people's immunity of colds to the diet of fish.

Moreover, even though people's immunity of colds are resulted from eating much fish, it is not convincing that the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, has the function to prevent people from colds. Since no evidence has been presented to prove which component of fish has the function to keep people away from colds, the author could not make sure it is the Ichthaid that prevent people from colds and recommend people to take the Ichthaid everyday. In addition, before recommending people to make daily use of Ichthaid, it is unknown yet whether the Ichthaid has some side-effect, which might cause some serious diseases.

Finally, suppose that eating Ichthaid everyday is an effective way to prevent colds, the assertion that absenteeism will lower is also weakened by some logical flaws. As the author claims, the reason of absence is frequently given for colds, it also might be the case that people pretend to be catching cold to escape the presence, or people might have some other reasons or diseases beside colds. Without showing that explanations on these factors, the author could not draw the conclusion that daily use of Ichthaid can effectively lower absenteeism.

Given above, the article in the newsletter is undermined by various logical fallacies. To better support the arguments, it is necessary for the author to provide more information and warrant his/her diverse assumptions.

boyjimUID: 125249

占位置来了~啊狗其实不用改了我觉得哦~姑且看看吧~

boyjimUID: 125249

靠。。。我今天也写了这篇。。。。咱么真有缘阿~~~~

boyjimUID: 125249

This news concludes that recommending people the daily use of Ichthaid is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To support this conclusion, the author points out that in East Meria, where fish consumption is high, people do not visit doctors much for treatment of colds. However, careful scrutiny of the author's evidence reveals that it lends no creditable support to the author's conclusion. [zhizhi我建议你换换这个开头阿~~~我现在也开始讨厌这种长气的开头了~上次看ETS的例文~有一个文章说the author should lose his job这样的开头多cool阿！！！哈哈]

A threshold problem with the argument is that the author draws a cause-and-effect relationship between how many times people visit doctor and whether they have lower the rate of catching cold. As we all knows, catching cold is so popular and momentously that many people have prepared relevant medicines for sudden colds and at most times people can get through the disease without doctor's help. Thus, the author cannot draw a reliable conclusion that people in East Meria have find ways to prevent colds according to the times that people visit doctors.

Next, even if people in East Meria are immune from colds and they need not to visit doctors many times during a year, the author could neither [！good] cite a assertion that it is the fish that help them prevent from colds. Although fish consumption in East Meria is high, it is possible that people keep healthy by many other means, such as frequent exercises, agreeable weather in that area, eating other food which contains some useful component to prevent cold and so forth. Unless other factors are eliminated, the author can hardly attribute people's immunity of colds to the diet of fish.

Moreover, even though people's immunity of colds are resulted from eating much fish, it is not convincing that the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, has the function to prevent people from colds. [这里还可以抓毛病~people不等于students，上面可以不要说得那么绝对又可以变出来一段] Since no evidence has been presented to prove which component of fish has the function to keep people away from colds, the author could not make sure it is the Ichthaid that prevent people from colds and recommend people to take the Ichthaid everyday. In addition, before recommending people to make daily use of Ichthaid, it is unknown yet whether the Ichthaid has some side-effect, which might cause some serious diseases. [不单单是这个药~吃鱼也可能有副作用哦]

Finally, suppose that eating Ichthaid everyday is an effective way to prevent colds, the assertion that absenteeism will lower is also weakened by some logical flaws. As the author claims, the reason of absence is frequently given for colds, it also might be the case that people pretend to be catching cold to escape the presence, or people might have some other reasons or diseases beside colds. Without showing that explanations on these factors, the author could not draw the conclusion that daily use of Ichthaid can effectively lower absenteeism.

Given above, the article in the newsletter is undermined by various logical fallacies. To better support the arguments, it is necessary for the author to provide more information and warrant his/her diverse assumptions.
[不错，思路很清晰！完全5分以上！！！]

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

晕，我上篇刚被人说了没观点 开头
于是就改了这个开头

另外，题目没有说student和people的问题，没有范围的区别啊 就是说学校和工作 应该是所有人

开头到底要虾米样子啊   哭

boyjimUID: 125249

最初由 victoriazhizhi 发布
[B]晕，我上篇刚被人说了没观点 开头
于是就改了这个开头

另外，题目没有说student和people的问题 ，没有范围的区别啊 就是说学校和工作 应该是所有人

开头到底要虾米样..

以下省略...... [/B]

不好意思阿~~~早上写的时候我看花眼了。。。
快点给我改阿zhizhi~~~

鬼谷子UID: 159645

The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
'An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.'

正文~~~~~~~~~~~

This news concludes that recommending people the daily use of Ichthaid is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To support this conclusion, the author points out that in East Meria, where fish consumption is high, people do not visit doctors much for treatment of colds. However, careful scrutiny of the author's evidence reveals that it lends no creditable support to the author's conclusion. 【不还是模板。。。】

A threshold problem with the argument is that the author draws a cause-and-effect relationship between how many times people visit doctor and whether they have lower the rate of catching cold. As we all knows, catching cold is so popular and momentously that many people have prepared relevant medicines for sudden colds and at most times people can get through the disease without doctor's help. Thus, 【我觉得这个thus应该具体为unless rule out other possibilities或者是provide more evidence to substantiate the causality】 the author cannot draw a reliable conclusion that people in East Meria have find ways to prevent colds according to the times that people visit doctors.

Next, even if people in East Meria are immune from colds and they need not to visit doctors many times during a year, the author could neither cite【是cite的吗？】 a【an】 assertion that it is the fish that help them prevent from colds. Although fish consumption in East Meria is high, it is possible that people keep healthy by many other means, such as frequent exercises, agreeable weather in that area, eating other food which contains some useful component to prevent cold and so forth. Unless other factors are eliminated, the author can hardly attribute people's immunity of colds to the diet of fish.

Moreover, even though people's immunity of colds are resulted from eating much fish, it is not convincing that the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, has the function to prevent people from colds. Since no evidence has been presented to prove which component of fish has the function to keep people away from colds, the author could not make sure it is the Ichthaid that prevent people from colds and recommend people to take the Ichthaid everyday. In addition, before recommending people to make daily use of Ichthaid, it is unknown yet whether the Ichthaid has some side-effect, which might cause some serious diseases.

Finally, suppose that eating Ichthaid everyday is an effective way to prevent colds, the assertion that absenteeism will lower is also weakened by some logical flaws. As the author claims, the reason of absence is frequently given for colds, it also might be the case that people pretend to be catching cold to escape the presence, or people might have some other reasons or diseases beside colds. Without showing that explanations on these factors, the author could not draw the conclusion that daily use of Ichthaid can effectively lower absenteeism.

Given above, the article in the newsletter is undermined by various logical fallacies. To better support the arguments, it is necessary for the author to provide more information and warrant his/her diverse assumptions.
【基本上还不错，比上一篇好多了，注意到了层次和逻辑。不过，开头没有改善。另外，东部和西部的地区性差异没有论述。还要加油！】

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

我狂晕！！！！！！！！！！！！！
我压根没看见题目上面的引言说的West！！！！！！！写的时候还纳闷呢
天啊~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~哭了哭了

开头到底要虾米样啊？？？？啊啊啊？？？
给点主意

boyjimUID: 125249

the author should lose his job due to the following reason.这个是我见过的最好的开头