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[a习作temp] Argument 38 高频 盼砖!!!! [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-3-24 11:37:45 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
'An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.'

In this argument, the arguer concludes that in order to prevent colds and lower absenteeism effectively, people should use Ichthaid daily. Although the argument provides evidence that seems plausible, after careful examination, we may find apparent flaws in its reasoning.

To begin with, the arguer fails to convince us that the fact that people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds is caused by their high consumption of fish, without provide any other information about behaviors of people in East Meria. For one thing, the fact that people visit a few times for the treatment of colds per year to doctors does not mean they do not often catch colds. It is possible that prices of treatment in hospitals is so high that people would rather stay alone if their colds are not serious enough and only when cold are very heavy they go to see the doctors. It is also possible that the medical level of hospitals in East Meria is bad; most people there often go to nearby cities for treatment when they catch colds or have other illness. Granted people in that city indeed seldom catch colds per year, we cannot rule out it is other fact rather than high fish consumption that attains this effect. If people there like exercising everyday, it is possible that it is this habit makes them sound. In addition, since the arguer does not tell us the climate there, it is possible that East Meria is very hot the whole year and it is not possible for people there to catch colds easily.  Furthermore, the argument only mentions that people there eat a high quantity of fish, and how about other foods are consumed? It is possible that other foods that take the effect of reducing rate of catch colds. Therefore, only by virtue the evidence that people rarely go to hospital for treatment of colds and their high fish consumption is not sufficient enough to convince us eating a sufficient amount of fish can prevent colds.

Furthermore, although colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, if colds rarely happened in the future, whether absenteeism will be prevented is open to doubt. Because we cannot rule out the possibility that people who are absent only mention catching colds as a pretend, in fact, they spend that time to do personal things, even if colds are prevented by eating high amount of fish, absenteeism will not be reduced.

Last but not least, even if fish indeed can prevent colds enough, there is no evidence to indicate that Ichthaid will be effective to prevent colds. It is possible that other content of fish help prevent cold rather than fish oil. If the arguer can provide a further survey about how often people eat Ichthaid go to hospitals for treatment of colds, the result may be more interesting.

In conclusion, this argument is specious. Unless the arguer provides more relevant information, his conclusion is unconvincing.
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沙发
发表于 2005-3-25 09:23:53 |只看该作者
In this argument, the arguer concludes that in order to prevent colds and lower absenteeism effectively, people should use Ichthaid daily. Although the argument provides evidence that seems plausible, after careful examination, we may find apparent flaws in its reasoning.

To begin with, the arguer fails to convince us that the fact that people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds is caused by their high consumption of fish,fails to establish causal relationship without provideing/ed any other不用other 吧? information about behaviors of people in East Meria. For one thing, the fact that people visit a few times for the treatment of colds per year to doctors does not mean they do not often catch colds. It is possible that prices of treatment in hospitals is so high that people would rather stay alone if their colds are not serious enough and only when cold are very heavy they go to see the doctors这句话有点太复杂了,读起来不怎么顺,看看是不是可以让句子结构更清晰一些. It is alsoequally possible that the medical level of hospitals in East Meria is bad; most people there often go to nearby cities for treatment when they catch colds or have other illness. Granted people in that city indeed seldom catch colds per year, we cannot rule out it is other facts rather than high fish consumption that attains this effect. If people there like exercising everyday, it is possiblelikely吧,possible用太多了 that it is this habit makes them sound. In addition, since the arguer does not tell us the climate there, it is possible that East Meria is very hot the whole year and it is not possible for people there to catch colds easily. Furthermore, the argument only mentions that people there eat a high quantity of fish, and how about other foods are consumed? It is possible that other foods that taketake effect of 用法确定么? effect on比较确定 the effect of reducing rate of catch colds. Therefore, only by virtue the evidence that people rarely go to hospital for treatment of colds and their high fish consumption is not sufficient enough to convince us eating a sufficient amount of fish can prevent colds.

Furthermore, although colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, if colds rarely happened in the future, whether absenteeism will be prevented is open to doubt. Because we cannot rule out the possibility that people who are absent only mention catching colds as a pretend反驳的好, in fact, they spend that time to do personal things, even if colds are prevented by eating high amount of fish, absenteeism possibly,此处语气太强了will not be reduced.

Last but not least, even if fish indeed can prevent colds enoughenough?, there is no evidence to indicate that Ichthaid will be effective to prevent colds. It is possible that other content of fish help prevent cold rather than fish oil. If the arguer can provide a further survey about how often people eat Ichthaid go to hospitals for treatment of colds, the result may be more interesting.interesting的用法?

In conclusion, this argument is specious. Unless the arguer provides more relevant information, his conclusion is unconvincing.结尾过于简单了,通用性太强,不够具体
全文总体把握的比较好,主要错误批驳的很充分有力,开头结尾过于简单了一点。反驳的方法有点单一,大多是它因法——possible...,可以多用些条件假设法——even if, granted that...。语法错误比较少,应该是我需要认真学习的。你对我作文的批改已经看到了,的确指出了我的问题,我会努力改正的,你的建议很有价值,非常感谢!

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板凳
发表于 2005-3-25 12:08:02 |只看该作者
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
'An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.'

In this argument, the arguer concludes that in order to prevent colds and lower absenteeism effectively, people should use Ichthaid daily. Although the argument provides evidence that seems plausible, after careful examination, we may find apparent flaws in its reasoning.

To begin with, the arguer fails to convince us that the fact that people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds is caused by their high consumption of fish, without provide[ing] any other information about behaviors of people in East Meria. [The arguer ungroundedly connects the fact fish consumption with that people visit the doctor.注意把第一局写得稍微简单一点,然后第二句可以具体解释。 ]For one thing, the fact that people visit a few times for the treatment of colds per year to doctors does not mean they do not often catch colds. It is possible that prices of treatment in hospitals is so high that people would rather stay alone if their colds are not serious enough and only when cold are very heavy they go to see the doctors. It is also possible that the medical level of hospitals in East Meria is bad; most people there often go to nearby cities for treatment when they catch colds or have other illness. Granted people in that city indeed seldom catch colds per year, we cannot rule out it is other fact rather than high fish consumption that attains this effect. If people there like exercising everyday, it is possible that it is this habit makes them sound. In addition, since the arguer does not tell us the climate there, it is possible that East Meria is very hot the whole year and it is not possible for people there to catch colds easily. Furthermore, the argument only mentions that people there eat a high quantity of fish, and how about other foods are consumed? It is possible that other foods that take the effect of reducing rate of catch colds. Therefore, only by virtue the evidence that people rarely go to hospital for treatment of colds and their high fish consumption is not sufficient enoug每段120个字左右,把问题说清楚就可以了。另外注意段落分配,别第一段太长,而后面太短,让人感觉你没有一个整体概念。]

Furthermore, although colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, if colds rarely happened in the future, whether absenteeism will be prevented is open to doubt.[我总是觉得你的意思表达得不够清楚。] Because we cannot rule out the possibility that people who are absent only mention catching colds as a pretend, in fact, they spend that time to do personal things, even if colds are prevented by eating high amount of fish, absenteeism will not be reduced.

Last but not least, even if fish indeed can prevent colds enough, there is no evidence to indicate that Ichthaid will be effective to prevent colds. It is possible that other content of fish help prevent cold rather than fish oil. If the arguer can provide a further survey about how often people eat Ichthaid go to hospitals for treatment of colds, the result may be more interesting.

In conclusion, this argument is specious. Unless the arguer provides more relevant information, his conclusion is unconvincing.
[错误找的基本可以,但是问题表述得不够准确。语言尚需锤炼。]

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地板
发表于 2005-3-26 10:03:36 |只看该作者
谢谢 xin320 你说的都是我没注意的问题,竟然全用的他因法
在下面的文章中一定注意

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发表于 2005-3-26 10:06:30 |只看该作者
to xiaoxiao
although colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, if colds rarely happened in the future, whether absenteeism will be prevented is open to doubt
我的意思是,尽管感冒是用的最频繁的缺席理由,但是及时将来感冒真的少了,缺席能否阻止是值得怀疑的,因为感冒可能仅仅是这些人的一个借口

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RE: Argument 38 高频 盼砖!!!! [修改]

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Argument 38 高频 盼砖!!!!
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