Issue130 ,此等烂文，有三分吗？

ijwtbkUID: 172334

Issue130  第5篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：58分38秒     630 words
从2005年2月21日13时13分到2005年2月21日14时58分
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How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
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In the modern society, represented by the rapid development of science and technology, education has become more and more complex and controversial. How should parent raise the children, do school have some efficient methods to cultivate them? Different people may have different ideas because of their respective angles. In my opinion, I tend to agree with the speaker that school and parent have not yet find the efficient way to raise the children who can help bring about a better society, although the children's socialized level determines the destiny of society.

To begin with, the family education has become more and more confused for parents. Firstly, with the high speed of the working rate, they have not enough time to stay at home with the children. Although they have high enough education level to teach the children, the time separate this communication which is most important in the children's early time, not to mention the moral and ethic education. Secondly, the children today are influenced much by the mass media such as newspaper and television. Teenage crime and violate are so commonly reported that the children may just mimic as a joke. Under either scenario, the home education may seem as a failure one.

Furthermore, the school education are also becoming more difficult than before. One reason may be the emphasis on the personality which is the top popular word among school students. They thinks that personality is the obvious character to differ themselves from others, thus they spend much time on the clothes, hair style, and behavior manner. what the teacher told them may be thought as the out-of date doctrine that are not suitable the modern time. For example, one of my high school students, a girl, who is interested in chemistry and very good at it--her chemistry course score are always the top one of our school. when we pass the examination of the college, many persons, including her parents, her teachers and classmates suggest her to choose the chemistry as her major, but unexpectedly, she chose computer eventually because she though that the students who study were the most popular ones and represent more personality than others. What a pity, she regretted her choice two years later, but she had no choice but to leave school. We cannot deny the personality is the a unearth concept rather than pragmatic sense, however, it is still valued to put much time and energy in pursuing it.

However, we would not be frustrated before so much failure of home and school education. The children are the future of a country and the newly developed vigor to keep prosperous, so what we can do is to mobilize the whole society to take part in this significant affair. Not only the parents and the society but also the community and the society must unit together to help the education of children become more efficient and perfect. The government may control the culture direction, eliminate the negative information like scandal sheet away from the keen of the children; the community may construct a peaceful and warm living environment, separated with  the violation and crime; the parents and school should put even more recognition on the children education, maybe through more communication which can help exchange the newest change and state of the students,  find problems in a least time and direct them to the correct way as quickly as possible.

To sum up, the education of children should always the most important affair of a country because of the momentous influence of the children to the future of the country. Moreover, the education also cannot be seem only belonged to the parents and school. Only if the whole society gathers all its capacity, the education problem can reach a pleasure level.

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

以我不成熟的观点来看，你的文章有点偏题了尤其是B3 Furthermore, the school education are also becoming more difficult than before. One reason may be the emphasis on the personality which is the top popular word among school students. 你的TS和你后面的例子关系好象不大吧. 而且你这段和题目的关系也让人觉得困惑.
然后你彻底藐视了题目里的How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. 全文压根没提,不是很好吧.
最后我彻底被你的段落结构给弄昏了.你的段落开头的句子,和你后面的展开感觉根本没有逻辑上的联系.e.g To begin with, the family education has become more and more confused for parents. Firstly, with the high speed of the working rate, they have not enough time to stay at home with the children. 刚才才说confused 困惑,马上就说没时间,昏了.
建议你加强逻辑.我刚刚做了逻辑测试属于优秀,(所以我想我应该不是因为没有逻辑才看不懂你的文章吧)
以上是个人不成熟的意见,参考.

ijwtbkUID: 172334

天哪，问题怎么这么严重。我28号就要考了，这可怎么是好！

山涧风笛UID: 196557

最初由 ijwtbk 发布
[B]天哪，问题怎么这么严重。我28号就要考了，这可怎么是好！ [/B]

放宽心,会有3分的 ;) 我一篇还没有写呢!
怎么说猫是要养的.

ijwtbkUID: 172334

都走题了，还能有分啊
呜呜呜
完了完了
我现在怀疑其他的题我是不是也走题了

xuding_godUID: 179213

楼主放心，没问题的，我觉得你的问题是首先把论点明确，逻辑理清楚，这是最重要的，在来考虑文章的结构和字数分配，写不出来就多举例，但例子一定要有说服力。
看看我这篇吧，和你写的一样的，提提意见呢：https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=257019

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

我的恢复不是来打击楼主你的,我的意思是你要把题目里面的关键词找出来,仔细分析,要准确有效地回应题目,socialization 属于关键词之一,你肯定是要回应的,还有就是题目的后半句,你要讨论我们到底知道这个方法(HOW),这样才算压着题目写.这样分数就不会很低了.你自己按照这种方法分析一下题目,就不会出现偏题的情况了.

个人意见,参考

ijwtbkUID: 172334

谢谢楼上的，我自己也觉得走题了，但愿考试的时候我能遇到那种一句话的题目，这样扣题简单些。

zsy95ldUID: 163607

也请各位看看我写的，同题目的一篇，我自己觉得不满意，但时间不够，无法详细，有点头重脚轻。
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
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In the course of human history, education, the action of teaching and being taught, has undoubtedly played a vital role, as its high level of development can extremely facilitate the evolution of society. But there are many discussions about education throughout the time. Nowadays, someone asserts that people have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society today. In my view, this notion is quite adequate, but today's situation is much better than that in the past . It can be elucidated in several aspects.

First of all, as it is known, though people know how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, science and economics is overemphasized in modern society, so that children are often told to learn science and economics without humanity such as moral and religion. This is an essential reason why I agree with the assertion in the topic. Generally speaking, it is a nice thing that modern society underscore science, technology and economics, because they are the base of human beings' lives, providing people many materials. But humanity is also important and it can help people gain satisfaction of mental world. Without it individuals are usually in a vain condition and have foolish behaviors. For instance, in today' China, many government policies had ignored the moral and laws, they merely focused on how to earn money, then they had given children many wrong impressions. Hence, people in this society have not yet learned how to raise children.

But society overemphasizing science and economics is not the cause alone which renders that I agree with the notion. It simultaneously plays a significant part in the considering process that when today's children grow up in the future, they would probably teach their offspring in the same way, making future's children also ignore humanity. That possibility is very strong for that parents are the earliest and most influential teachers. My neighbor, as an example, hopes to be a successful businessman, because he has been affected by his father who is a nice merchant. Then parents' voice cannot be neglected. Today's children, who are future's parents, need to be taught more about humanity.

Fortunately situation in modern society is much better than such in the past. Many scholars have found the problem and wake people to confront it. And today's children have known that people should protect their environment and not to cheat others. It can be exemplified that the children in my city have known that they should not pick the flowers in parks. This is a good beginning. Educationists believe that more and more people will realize such problem and take part in the progress of solving it.

All in all, owing to these explanations, I agree with the notion in the topic, but the condition will be ameliorated.