issue138 同主题7 下点砖头雨吧 有拍必回

ioiwinUID: 183956

issue138  第2篇 超时15分钟 请多多指点

提纲:
1 错误对于发现和进步来说很重要
2 在错误的前提下也可以有进步
3 错误不是进步唯一方法



Can there be discovery and progress only through mistakes? The speaker claims so. However, in my point of view, it is too extreme. Undisputedly, mistakes could lead to progress and discoveries. They nevertheless are the only ways though which we make advancement and find discoveries.

Admittedly, mistakes could play a crucial in the advancement and discoveries. As long as we strive to make discoveries, we will inevitably make mistakes. After all, when we step into new areas, we have no precedence experience. However, it is the mistakes that lead us to found the knowledge about the new areas. In addition, when we make mistakes we probably are diverging from the main road, and are trying new approaches. For supporting example, one needs to look no further than those scientists. Occasionally, a scientist who concludes a new theory which contradicts to what most scientists thought to be, they may insists that the new one is wrong. However, after a period they learn that it is a new discovery. Such examples involve Einstein, Faraday and the forth. Further, the negative feedbacks from them mistakes inform us that what we do now is not suitable; we should change our direction and figure out a new way. Though such process, we ultimately get on the right way. To illustrate, it always takes inventor a great number of times to try various experiments designed to get satisfied results. An example such as Thomas Edison comes immediately to mind.

What is more, some times we get surprised fruition from erroneous assumptions. it is also a means by which we get advanced. Consider for an example Columbus, he discovered a shorter way to a new land rather than the "India" .Another example involves Johannes Kepler.  

While, it, of course, is not the only way results in progress and discoveries. As we known, now the world presents us a seamless web in which all things are inextricably related and some advancement in one area might lead to great progress in other area. The advent of the computer altered the way people works, the work efficiency has been improved dramatically due to its powerful calculating capacity. The radioactivity brings about nuclear power plants, and new equipment for medical probe which might could contribute to identify causes of some diseases. In addition the discovery in archeology could play a role in the research of history. Further, one could progress by reading worthy books in terms of intellect and scope, as Francis Bacon once said, "history makes men wise; poetry witty; mathematics subtle; natural philosophy deep; moral grave ;rhetoric and logic contend."

In sum, mistakes are among many possible means with which we generate new ideas, progress, and make discoveries, but rather the only way.

mummybabyUID: 197156

138  "Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress."

Can there be discovery and(问句好像还是得用or) progress only through mistakes? The speaker claims so. However, in my point of view, it is (最好加上may，严谨一些)too extreme. Undisputedly, mistakes could lead to progress and discoveries. They nevertheless are（是不是少了not？） the only ways though（through） which we make advancement and find discoveries.(这句话好像意思有问题阿)

Admittedly, mistakes could play a crucial（crucial 不是形容词么？，play a great role） in the advancement and discoveries. As long as we strive to make discoveries, we will inevitably make mistakes. After all, when we step into new areas, we have no precedence experience. However, it is the mistakes that lead us to found（find） the knowledge about the(the去掉) new areas. In addition, when we make mistakes we probably are diverging from the main road, and are(are 去掉) trying new approaches. For supporting example, one needs to look no further than those scientists. Occasionally, a scientist who concludes a new theory which contradicts to what most scientists thought to be, they may insists（insist） that the new one is wrong(病句，前面半句实际上只有a scientist，后面的主语有是they（most scientists）了). However, after a period they learn that it is a new discovery. Such examples involve Einstein, Faraday and the forth.（我觉得这个例子举的不恰当，根问题没什么联系，没有涉及到错误（在这里你可能是指以前被误认为是错误的，这不能算真正的错误）能促进进步） Further, the（这种综述性文章中没必要用这么多定冠词，这里是泛指，可以去掉） negative feedbacks from them mistakes（主语好像有问题，是feedbacks 还是mistakes？） inform us that what we do now（may） is not suitable;　thus, we should change our direction and figure out a new way. Though（Through） such process, we (can) ultimately get on the right way. To illustrate, it always takes inventor a great number of times to try various experiments designed to get satisfied results. An example such as Thomas Edison comes immediately to mind.（其实这例子是恰当的，但是我觉得在叙述时没有充分说明错误的作用）

What is more, some times we get surprised fruition from erroneous assumptions. It is also a means by which we get advanced. Consider for an example Columbus, he discovered a shorter way to a new land rather than the "India" .Another example involves Johannes Kepler.
(提个建议，除了有主题句外，建议有时候段尾可以总结一下，还有这个段落太短，其他两个太长，显得很不对称的)

While, it, of course, is not the only way results in progress and discoveries. As we known（这个短语我不太肯定）, now the world presents us a seamless web in which all things are inextricably related and some advancement in one area might lead to great progress in other area. The advent of the computer altered the way people works（去掉s）, the work（ing） efficiency has been improved dramatically due to its(模糊指代，说明是computer’s) powerful calculating capacity(不是capacity吧，就用ability或speed). The radioactivity brings about nuclear power plants, and new equipment for medical probe which might could contribute to identify causes of some diseases. In addition the discovery in archeology could play a role in the research of history. Further(Furthermore,前面已经用过了换种说法), one could progress by reading worthy books in terms of intellect and scope（？）, as Francis Bacon once said, "history makes men wise; poetry witty; mathematics subtle; natural philosophy deep; moral grave ;rhetoric and logic contend."
你这一段实际上是说除了mistakes外还有其他方法导致进步，而且你只是举了一种例子：不同领域的的进步往往会导致另一个领域的进步，这只是一个方面而已，实际上还有很多，那么你就应该在本段第一句后就加上，take…for example之类的说法，不然读者读完了好像是除了mistakes就只有这么一种方法的错觉。

In sum, mistakes are among many possible means with which we generate new ideas, progress, and make（make去掉，这样写读者也不会认为make是和generate并列） discoveries, but rather the only way.

weinUID: 190374

同意楼上的意见.
尤其第三段,举了两个例子,却没进一步分析它们对主题的贡献.要知道,一个例子可以从很多方面去理解的.

weinUID: 190374

同意楼上的意见.
尤其第三段,举了两个例子,却没进一步分析它们对主题的贡献.要知道,一个例子可以从很多方面去理解的.
帮我拍拍我的ARGUMENT吧.:))

mummybabyUID: 197156

我没有准备arg，一直在写issue，不好意思阿，如果是issue的话，我们可以互相交流一下：）

ioiwinUID: 183956

刚给你回了贴子，其中好多小地方还要注意一下
如果可以的话，可以做G友，我还是习惯发邮箱，在论坛上，我不会弄颜色
我的信息：
h-yan@mails.tsinghua.edu.cn
qq:457361640

多谢拍砖,又多个战友了 :)
我的信息:
ioiwin@163.com
qq:6675781

deserteagleUID: 201968

提纲:
1 错误对于发现和进步来说很重要
2 在错误的前提下也可以有进步
3 错误不是进步唯一方法
Can there be discovery and progress only through mistakes? The speaker claims so. However, in my point of view, it is too extreme. Undisputedly, mistakes could lead to progress and discoveries. They nevertheless are the only ways though which we make advancement and find discoveries
though 后面是个which从句,这个从句却没有修饰某个词,应该把which去掉.

Admittedly, mistakes could play a crucial rolein the advancement and discoveries. As long as we strive to make discoveries, we will inevitably make mistakes. After all, when we step into new areas, we have no precedence 这个是名词,形容词是precedentexperience. However, it is the mistakes that lead us to found the knowledge about the new areas. In addition, when we make mistakes we probably are diverging from the main road, and are trying new approaches. For supporting example, one needs to look no further than those scientists. Occasionally, a scientist who concludes a new theory which contradicts to what most scientists thought to be, they may insists that the new one is wrong. However, after a period they learn that it is a new discovery. Such examples involve Einstein, Faraday and the forth. Further, the negative feedbacks 去掉s from them mistakes inform us that what we do now is not suitable; we should change our direction and figure out a new way. Though such process, we ultimately get on the right way. To illustrate, it always takes inventor a great number of times to try various experiments designed to get satisfied results. An example such as Thomas Edison comes immediately to mind.感觉是否可以对例子说的详细些

What is more, some times we get surprised fruition from erroneous assumptions. it is also a means by which we get advanced. Consider for an example Columbus, he discovered a shorter way to a new land rather than the "India" .Another example involves Johannes Kepler. 这个例子是什么典故?

While, it, of course, is not the only way results in progress and discoveries. As we known, now the world presents us a seamless web in which all things are inextricably related and some advancement in one area might lead to great progress in other area. The advent of the computer altered the way people works,这两个句子间应该有个连词过渡一下 the work efficiency has been improved dramatically due to its powerful calculating capacity. The radioactivity brings about nuclear power plants, and new equipment for medical probe which might could might和could不能放一起contribute to identify causes of some diseases. In addition the discovery in archeology could play a role in the research of history,这句话好像和要论述的主题无关. Further, one could progress by reading worthy books in terms of intellect and scope, as Francis Bacon once said, "history makes men wise; poetry witty; mathematics subtle; natural philosophy deep; moral grave ;rhetoric and logic contend."

In sum, mistakes are among many possible means with which we generate new ideas, progress, and make discoveries, but rather the only way.
感觉b2论述有点单薄,不过第2篇这样很好了,有空帮我看看我的第2篇好么?thanks

deserteagleUID: 201968

https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=258947
谢谢1