Issue138 第一篇同主题，有改必复

wx8348UID: 185363

Issue138  我还没找到issue 的感觉，　给点tips吧

------题目------
Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress.

------正文------
Considerably restricted by the temporary knowledge and panorama, we may unconsciously commit mistakes as we judge the past some so-call unimpeachable theories or hypothesis and meticulously point out the containing errors. As I see, it is through making mistakes that we humanity discover new things and progress forward.

The history accurately demonstrates how humanity seek discovery in the process of making mistakes. One compelling instance is the discovery of the law of thermodynamics. Significantly aware of the ascendency of the stream machine over manual working , people in the 19th century eagerly endeavored to devise the perpetual motion machines  that is able to continuously work without receiving energy provision. However, the result turned to be disappointing, for even enthusiast attempted various material and ventured assorted mechanisms , none ideal machines  were completely accomplished. Consequently, the incessantly frustrated enthusiast commenced to discretely deliberate the possibility of the perpetual motion machine, which immediately urged the discovery of the first law of thermodynamics---the energy conservation theory---that concludes  no machines on earth are competent to perform motion without consuming energy. After that another fascinating idea  audaciously sprouted , supplying the machines with as little heat as possible but devising them to perform most task, a really natural longing as we zealously crave for the future. That only promoted the discovery of the second law of the thermodynamic. The theory says no machines can completely transform the energy of heat to the energy for conducting motion. The law of thermodynamics rendered the people of 19th century a entirely new perspective on the miraculous stream machines.

The same as making discovery, progress is achieved through mistake. This can also be precisely illustrated in the realm of physics. When Aristotle, a celebrated ancient scientist and philosopher, established the proposition through his observation that the heavier an object, the faster it fell down , none of  his contemporaries had ever breeded the contradictory thought. However, another outstanding physicist after Aristotle's epoch, boldly disclosed the pitfall of that proposition and put up a utterly contradictory contention that no matter how heavy or slight an object was, it fell down at the same speed, which was proved in the experiment of vertical descending movement. Nonetheless, Galileo failed to understand the essence of this phenomenon, which is brilliantly solved by another remarkable physicist Newton and his noted formulas F=ma, V=at. When all the people of the 20th century are proud of the classic theory, they might not have expected that this theory also encountered its limitation that it can be merely correctly adapted to the objects with low speed movement, which was properly proved by Einstein and his principle of relativity.  Nowadays , the modern physicists are devoted to combining assorted force in to a unite type, a really arduous task. As the development of the humans’ cognition in object movement clearly exhibits,  humanity progresses as they make mistakes.

Admittedly, some people fearing of committing errors may claim that they can progress and seek discoveries with the help of previous successful experience. However, their deeds should be reasonably excluded as they wish in that on one hand the guided principles has cumulated the forerunner's failures and meditation, which signifies that the success stems from the indirect mistakes; on the other, as the consequence of the activity can be foreseen, which should not be categorized into progress, but only a process of verifying. Hence, applying former experience only leads to not failure at best and not progress at least.

In conclusion, only mistakes promises the discovery and progress in terms of the secular period and universal space

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

本来想给你改一下的,不过你写得实在是太难懂了,一直把很多词汇往你文章上堆,都有点失控的感觉了,我觉得在ISSUE里面炫耀词汇量不是一个好的选择,内容和逻辑比词汇重要.

再说说你的内容吧,你的文章段的例子太长了.把描述例子的部分一除去,实质性的内容很少,感觉分析不到位,说服力很不够.

让步段写得不象是让步段,只有第一个词admittedly,让我觉得是在让步,但是其中的内容全是在批驳和你论题相反的意见,这也叫让步吗?


结尾短得只有一句话,对一篇好的文章来说是不够的.

总的意见是,楼主你的词汇量很大,但是这种词汇让人觉得很别扭,让你的文章显得在吊书袋,我看6分的范文的时候都不会有这种感觉.不过华丽的辞藻掩饰不了空虚的内容和不是很深刻的思想.

个人意见,也许说得有点过了,请包涵.

寻梦UID: 171591

Considerably restricted by the temporary knowledge and panorama, we may unconsciously commit mistakes as we judge the past some so-call unimpeachable theories or hypothesis and meticulously point out the containing errors. As I see, it is through making mistakes that we humanity discover new things and progress forward.

The history accurately demonstrates how humanity seek discovery in the process of making mistakes. One compelling instance is the discovery of the law of thermodynamics. Significantly aware of the ascendency of the stream machine over manual working , people in the 19th century eagerly endeavored to devise the perpetual motion machines that is able to continuously work without receiving energy provision. However, the result turned to be disappointing, for even enthusiast attempted various material and ventured assorted mechanisms , none ideal machines were completely accomplished. Consequently, the incessantly frustrated enthusiast commenced to discretely deliberate the possibility of the perpetual motion machine, which immediately urged the discovery of the first law of thermodynamics---the energy conservation theory---that concludes no machines on earth are competent to perform motion without consuming energy. After that another fascinating idea audaciously sprouted , supplying the machines with as little heat as possible but devising them to perform most task, a really natural longing as we zealously crave for the future. That only promoted the discovery of the second law of the thermodynamic. The theory says no machines can completely transform the energy of heat to the energy for conducting motion. The law of thermodynamics rendered the people of 19th century a entirely new perspective on the miraculous stream machines.

The same as making discovery, progress is achieved through mistake. This can also be precisely illustrated in the realm of physics. When Aristotle, a celebrated ancient scientist and philosopher, established the proposition through his observation that the heavier an object, the faster it fell down , none of his contemporaries had ever breeded the contradictory thought. However, another outstanding physicist after Aristotle's epoch, boldly disclosed the pitfall of that proposition and put up a utterly contradictory contention that no matter how heavy or slight an object was, it fell down at the same speed, which was proved in the experiment of vertical descending movement. Nonetheless, Galileo failed to understand the essence of this phenomenon, which is brilliantly solved by another remarkable physicist Newton and his noted formulas F=ma, V=at. When all the people of the 20th century are proud of the classic theory, they might not have expected that this theory also encountered its limitation that it can be merely correctly adapted to the objects with low speed movement, which was properly proved by Einstein and his principle of relativity. Nowadays , the modern physicists are devoted to combining assorted force in to a unite type, a really arduous task. As the development of the humans’ cognition in object movement clearly exhibits, humanity progresses as they make mistakes.

Admittedly, some people fearing of committing errors may claim that they can progress and seek discoveries with the help of previous successful experience. However, their deeds should be reasonably excluded as they wish in that on one hand the guided principles has cumulated the forerunner's failures and meditation, which signifies that the success stems from the indirect mistakes; on the other, as the consequence of the activity can be foreseen, which should not be categorized into progress, but only a process of verifying. Hence, applying former experience only leads to not failure at best and not progress at least.

In conclusion, only mistakes promises the discovery and progress in terms of the secular period and universal space
[看了你的文章， 很佩服你的事例论述，但你缺少合适的理论分析，尤其是立论的那两部分。使得整个文章像是例子的堆砌，感觉不是太好，建议作者在例子和理论分析相结合的方面下功夫。毕竟逻辑的分析是考试首先看重的]

wx8348UID: 185363

先谢谢lingli_xiaoai，　你说的很到位，我写Issue的时候确实对说理及例子的准确性考虑得很少，　看来这是致命的．
我就是怕不拍，　拍的越狠是越好的．谢谢啦．

在谢谢寻梦，你让我看到了努力的方向，我会好好改进的．