ISSUE83马上要考了，急！ 留连接，互拍

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

"Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."


Thanks to the development of population and economy, more areas are required to satisfy with the need of people. Therefore, according to the real conditions, government should exploit these publicly owned wildness areas不太顺口建议改一下, even though有点重复吧 these areas are very far and few people have ever arrived there.

To begin with, the increment of population makes government has to reclaim more areas to bring up搭配有点问题似乎 people. Larger population means that more houses and foods must be supplied. These requirements will take up many areas. Furthermore, the level of economy must rise as well to breed people经济喂养人?应该是更多的食物吧. More people have cars, computers and internet equipments, which provide the conditions to allow people to live far from the place where they work. If government exploits more wildness areas and make them fit for living, mayit is possible that people will remove to these areas. According to the fifth population census in the China, the number of people has exceeded 1.3 billion and some areas achieve the 3,000 persons per square kilometers. Population of eastern regions dramatically increases in China, so the scale of east cities is stretching farther than before so as to supply sufficient space for habitation. As a result, many houses are built up in wildness areas in the eastern. And people living here drive to cities for job or work in home through computer and internet so that their living location can reach remote areas where few people have ever arrived. That alleviates the pressure of habitation in the cities.

And then, government can rational exploit these wildness areas based on local cases. Because few people go to these wildness areas and fewer industries exist here, there is no pollution in these areas. Generally speaking, these areas possess lakes, forests and mountains, so government can promote local ecotourism. Contemporary people are fond of pursuit at natural and clear environment. It is highly possible that the ecotourism attracts more people visiting these wilderness areas so that government can gain much money from visitors. And then government should pay the money for protecting local environment and further impel local economy. In fact, people living near these wildness areas are usually laggard and conservative because of undeveloped traffic and economy再展开一些比较好,保守是由于与外界交流少~~. By doing ecotourism, more people will arrive at these wildness areas, and thus government would improve traffic firstly to supply convenience for visitors. After reaching here, visitor will consume which can provide revenue to native. The economy level can be promoted. People who live near these wildness areas will go out of primitive situation as last with improvement of traffic and economy. Therefore, exploiting these wildness areas will benefit people both visiting and living here.

To sum up, the development of population and economy needs more areas, meanwhile there are some wildness areas in the country. And by exploiting these wilderness areas on the basis of their own situation, government can improve the traffic condition and promote economy level. It is wise to exploit these wildness areas to cater for the development both population and economy.

语言要加强！句子不是很通顺，有些词的重复使用率太高！注意搭配！
结构还比较清晰的说
加油！！！ :)

anthraxUID: 176473

Thanks to (反讽的感觉？建议改成with/ Accompanying with the )steady increment of population, more areas are required to satisfy with the needs of people. Therefore, in some countries that have a larger number of people such as China and India, governments should exploit their publicly owned wildness areas according to factual cases.(???看不懂这个句子)

To begin with, facing large population, government should try its best to alleviate the pressure through using all resources available in country. The augment of population means that more agriculture, industry and business must be supplied.(不通顺。agricluture, industry and business will take up more land) All of these requirements will take up many areas. Because the demand of ground enhances dramatically, its price rises too high to be afforded by the most of people. (突出供求关系把。Owing to the depletion of available land and soaring demand, the prices....)This situation makes people find new place for living and habitation. Furthermore, the level of economy and technology have been developed in a large extent, so(therefore) more people have cars, computers and internet equipments, which create conditions to allow people to live far from the place where they work. If government exploits more wildness areas and makes them fit for living, many people might remove to these areas. The economic report of China, released in 2004, shows that the price of house has surpassed 5,000 Yuan per square meter in urban areas of many eastern cities. Few people can afford the expense of apartment or house. Shanghai, the biggest cite in China and possessing about ten million people, stretches its scope to Kunshan where has ever been a wildness area and far from the center of Shanghai. More and more residents buy houses in Kunshan, and work in home through internet and computers or drive cars to urban areas for jobs. The states China confronts decide(determine) that government must open up wildness areas for settling people's needs.

And then, government can rational exploit these wildness areas based on local cases. Because few people go to these wildness areas and fewer industries exist here, there is no pollution in these areas. Generally speaking, there are lakes, forests and mountains in these areas, so government can promote local ecotourism.(怎么去保护它们呢？) Contemporary people are fond of pursuit at natural and clear environment. It is highly possible that the ecotourism attracts more people visiting these wilderness areas so that government can gain much money from visitors. And then government should pay the money for protecting local environment and further impel local economy. In fact, people living near these wildness areas are usually laggard and conservative, because undeveloped traffic and primitive economy prevent them form interaction with outside. By doing ecotourism, more people will arrive at these wildness areas, and thus government would improve traffic firstly to supply convenience for visitors. After reaching here, what visitors consume can provide revenue to native. The economy level can be promoted. People who live near these wildness areas will go out of primitive situation at last with improvement of traffic and economy. Therefore, exploiting these wildness areas will benefit people both visiting and living here.(冗长了一点。)

To sum up, the development of population and economy need more areas, meanwhile there are some wildness areas in the country. And by exploiting these wilderness areas on the basis of their own situation, government can improve the traffic condition and promote economy level. It is wise to exploit these wildness areas to cater for the development both population and economy.

论证一边倒哦。不可忽视地开发郊外会导致许多野外生物，动植物的生存危机。一方面用作旅游，一方面又作住宅和农业工业用地，怎么协调？建议缩短前两段，好好地说一下弊端，显得比较完善，在折回来说开发是理性的，合理的。

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

总体感觉还可以，用词也不错！但感觉读起来还是不太顺畅，注意句子之间的衔接．
加油加油！
祝杀Ｇ成功！！！
：）

TommUID: 177042

"Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."


Thanks to( thanks to 表示因为的时候，感觉上好像有一种正面的作用，或者反讽的时候的用，因为这个短语由thanks 构成，里面有一种感谢的意味，翻译的更加准确一点，应该是“受益于”) the development of population and economy, more areas are required to satisfy with(去掉with) the need of people. Therefore, according to the real conditions(这里不好提real conditions，因为各个地区的real condition都不一样。因为你前面只是说由于人口和经济的需要，为了和前面联系的更紧，你可以说according to this situation, 这样很自然的就过渡下来了。ETS的判卷机器人E-rater判卷的一个依据就是文章的相关度，所以要尽可能的用前面用过的内容来往下面推，这样的一个好处就是文章紧密), government should exploit these publicly owned( public-owned) wildness(呵呵，小心了，题目出现的单词不要写错了, wilderness) areas, even though these areas are very far and few people have ever arrived there. (even 这个分句是蛇足，文章题目原来是用来反对保护自然的，但你现在却用even though的转折语气来反对开发自然)

To begin with, the increment of population make government has(have , make sb. do sth. ) to reclaim more areas to bring up(support the population, 好像游戏里面都是这么说的。人民不是政府带大的，人民是自己成长的。政府是of the people, by the people and for the people ) people. Larger(Greater) population means that more houses and foods must be supplied. These requirements will take up many areas. Furthermore, the level of economy must rise as well to breed people. More people have cars, computers and internet equipments, which provide the conditions to allow people to live far from the place where they work. (感觉这条理由不是很充分，为什么人们要住的离工作地方远，在中国绝大多数人都不是，大家一样过的蛮好) If government exploits more wildness(wilderness, 注意，第一次反这个错误，别人会以为你是笔误，现在别人会认为你是不会这个单词) areas and make them fit for living, may(many? May肯定是错误的，后面有个will) people will remove to these areas. According to the fifth population census in the China, the number of people has exceeded 1.3 billion and some areas achieve the(the 应该去掉，achieve这个词用的不好，achieve 有一种很经历困难去达到的意思，你可以说reach) 3,000 persons per square kilometers. (The)Population of eastern regions dramatically increases in China, so the scale of east cities is stretching farther(broader, 或者说boundaries stretch farther ) than before so as to supply sufficient space for habitation. As a result, many houses are built up in wildness(唉，我就不说什么了) areas in the eastern(in the east). And people living here(there, here是你所在的地方, 举个例子：比如你打电话的时候问对方：Tomm在你这里吗？你不应该说: Is Tomm here in your place? 而是，Is Tomm there in your place) drive to cities for job or work in(at) home through computer and internet so that their living location can reach remote areas where few people have ever arrived. That alleviates the pressure of habitation in the cities.

And then, government can rational(rationally) exploit these wildness(!!!! 8-&) areas based on local cases. Because few people go to these wildness(#$%^&) areas and fewer industries exist here(there), there is no pollution in these areas. Generally speaking, these areas possess lakes, forests and mountains, so(by this natural resources) government can promote(develop) local ecotourism. Contemporary people are fond of pursuit at(pursuit of, 但是这句有点蛇足，中心词汇变成了pursuit,而实际上你是想说environment, 建议直接写成are fond of natural and clear environment) natural and clear environment. It is highly possible that the ecotourism attracts(will attract, 如果你用一般时态，就不是一种可能了) more people visiting these wilderness(thank goodness，终于写对了.) areas so(你的so 用得太多了，这样显得你的论证很无力，因为感觉上有点assuming，主要是这个so作为连接环太单一了，太薄了。为了避免这种无力，你可以简单的重复一下前面的内容，比如你这个so可以改成，With more tourists, ) that government can gain much money from visitors(visitors是访问者，tourist是旅游者). And then government should(不好用should，语气太重了，你可以说could use the money to protect local environment) pay the money for protecting local environment and further impel local economy. In fact, people living near these wildness(!) areas are usually laggard and conservative because of undeveloped traffic and economy(建议不要直接对人进行评价，太judgmental了，有鄙视人家的嫌疑。你可以转而说物， the village or the life of those countryside, 对物的评价就不会像对人的评价那样引起太多争议). By doing(恩，do 用得好，凡是想不起来该用什么动词的时候都可以用do) ecotourism, more people will arrive at(别说达到，这是一种固定的状态，建议改成come to) these wildness areas, and thus(if there the need of coming to those wilderness areas is greater and greater, finally the local government will) government would improve traffic firstly to supply convenience for visitors. After reaching here(there), visitor will consume which(and that ) can provide revenue to(the) native. The economy level(economy就够了，不要说level will be promoted) can be promoted. People who live near these wildness areas will go out of primitive(其实，别人不一定比你原始) situation as(at) last with (the )improvement of traffic and economy. Therefore, exploiting these wildness areas will benefit people both visiting and living here(there).

To sum up, the development of population and economy need(needs, 主语是development) more areas, meanwhile there are some wildness areas in the country. And by exploiting these wilderness areas on the basis of their own situation, government can improve the traffic condition and promote economy level. It is wise to exploit these wildness areas to cater(cater是提供伙食的意思) for the development both population and economy.

(总体来说，结构上不错，写得很有章法。 一个问题是，你不一定要为了字数上的充足而让你的文章显得松散。在字数和内容的相关度这两者的比较，内容是更重要的。毕竟ETS所提供的官方标准里面，没有一点提到字数。当然一个内容充实的文章字数上是一般是不会少的。字数是可以通过其他方面来提高的。这就是我要说的第二点，在你的这篇文章中实际上还可以加入一个反论点，就是所谓的antithesis, 放在开头紧后面， 比如，很多人可能会认为保留地对于我们来说很重要，因为一旦原始野生的环境被破坏以后就很难复原了。然后，紧跟着你驳斥这个论点，说尽管很难恢复野生的环境，但是我们的终极目的不是要保留着野生的环境，使其最终保持着原始状态，我们的终极目的是我们的发展和我们的生存。开发这些原始土地在某种程度上对于我们来说是必要的。在面对是继续着保留原始状态这种罗曼蒂克的幻想还是开采利用这些原始土地以满足我们的需要这个问题，我想我们应该采取后面一种态度，因为这是我们人类得以生存的基本。然后，你后面的两个自然段就说，为什么我们需要利用这些土地。这样，你的内容就显得丰满了，你的字数也会显得丰满。你还有一个问题是，内容上的推理一味的用so , thus , 这样稍微显得论证有点单薄，你可以不时的通过重复前句中的内容，来推理，这样会更加紧密一点。比如你文章说(我只是大意的说，没有用你的原话，呵呵，就是传说中的and I paraphrase)：……more tourists will come to those areas. With more tourists the government will increase their revenue and thus that more could be used to protect the environment. 而按照你的原文，你就是简单的说， so 怎么样怎么样， and thus 怎么样怎么样， 只是感觉这样的连接环相对比较薄
一点意见仅供参考。很晕，刚刚知道你是明天考，我还以为你会晚一点儿的。所以尽管超过十二点了，我还是赶着把你的文章check一下，但是我的思维在12点20以后就不是很清晰了，可能会不太严谨，不过大概方向就是这样了。对于反论点的用法，我觉得可以好好体会一下，这样会让你的文章更加充实更加严密---正反两个方面都考虑到了。但是反论点不好占的篇幅过多，这样会让你文章的重心偏斜。稍微说几句就可以了。文章的重心还是应该在正面论证上面。毕竟这不是一篇驳论文，不是argument 的写法。另外，我给你批的文章给你这篇文章拍的砖可能比较多，千万不要影响情绪，我是个喜欢拍砖的人，拍砖拍的有点罗练，你认为是对的就是对的，认为我改错了，那么我就改错了，你还是坚持你原来的。我看的有点仔细有点罗练有点裹精，尤其在语言上面。考试的时候，我觉得判卷官应该着重的是你的内容而不是你的语言，当然更好的语言能够传达更准确的思想。但是我始终认为，应该把注意力放在内容上面。你的语言不错，逻辑很牛，而且你提出来的观点很好很新颖，一些东西我都没有考虑到，当然本人比较迟钝一点儿。你比我思维快多了。你就是要细心一点儿，那个题目中出现过的wilderness你错了n个，对了两个。
明天好好考！祝你好运！)

山涧风笛UID: 196557

楼上的真是好人&强人啊!
UP一下!

TommUID: 177042

呵呵，没什么强不强的，也无所谓好不好心。我在GTer得到过不少的帮助，现在我只是在回报而已，来了这里的，大家就是没有区别的。我们只有一个目标，就是把试考好。这个目标，把我们团结在了一起。只是希望你们考完以后能够在这里分享一下自己的资源或者帮别人拍拍砖，毕竟后面还有兄弟要走我们走过的路。我们也在走前面的兄弟走过的路。算了，不说大话了，拍砖吧！

Owing to (the)steady increment(increase,感觉increment有点增量的意思) of population, more areas are required to satisfy with the needs of people. Therefore, in some countries that have a larger number of people such as China and India, governments should exploit their publicly owned wilderness areas.

Recently, many people think that it is vital for human to protect natural environment, because the primitive wilderness will hardly be restored once destroy(destroyed， 用过去分词). Even though it is hard to restore the environment, our final aim is survival and development(我会这样说的，aim is to survive and to develop,因为用不定式本身就有一种目的的意思) but not preserving(to preserve) wilderness areas in a primitive situation. In a large sense, exploiting these wilderness areas is necessary. (加一个过渡词thus)When people face the choice(复数choices) between (我会加一个whether to…or to….. )continually preserving these wilderness areas and exploiting it to meet our demands, I will advocate the latter since it is the basis of our survival.

Facing large population, government should try its best to alleviate the pressure through using all resources available in (the)country. The augment of population needs more(larger scale of agriculture…..) agriculture, industry and business to support. All of these requirements will take up more lands. Due to the depletion of available land and soaring demand, the price of ground(land， ground偏重地面的意思) increases dramatically so that the(去掉the似乎顺口一点) most of people cannot afford. This situation makes people have to find(look for, find 是找到) cheap(比较级，cheaper) place for living and habitation. At the same time, economy and technology have been developed in a large extent, so more people have cars, computers and internet equipments, which create(have created用完成时态) conditions to allow people to live far from the place where they work. Therefore, if government exploits more wilderness areas and makes them fit for living, many people might remove to these areas. The economic report of China, released in 2004, shows that the price of house has surpassed 5,000 Yuan per square meter in urban areas of many eastern cities. Few people can afford the expense of apartment or house. Shanghai, the biggest cite(city) in China and(去掉and, and 所连接的两个成分应该是完全对称的，而你的一边是同位语，一边是状语) possessing about ten million people, stretches its boundary to Kunshan where has ever been(used to be我觉得会顺口一点) a wilderness area and far from the center of Shanghai. More and more residents buy houses in Kunshan, and work at home through internet and computers or drive cars to urban areas for jobs. The states(situation, state 还有一层意思是国邦，你放在china这个语境里面会让人误会到它的这层意思，虽然最后人们会明白你想说什么，但是造成了一种停顿，这实际上就是一种不连贯) China confronts determine that government must open up wilderness areas for settling(to handle or to satisfy, 用settle有一层沉淀的固定下来的意思) people's needs.

And then, government can rational exploit(rationally 形容词没法修饰动词) these wilderness areas based on local cases. (你这段的开头句不是特别好。作为开头，你要使别人知道你这段要说的中心内容，你要告诉别人你说话的目的。而你只是说政府要合理开发。你的文章的大中心是在说为什么我们要开发野生环境，而不是说如何开发野生环境。你可以说，By moderately exploiting those wilderness areas, we can promote the economy there. ) Wu cheng, the head of Chinese developing reform commits(committee?), has ever said (and I paraphrase): "Few people go to these wilderness areas and fewer industries exist there, so there is little pollution in these areas. Generally speaking, as lots of lakes, forests and mountains in these areas, government can promote local ecotourism. Contemporary people are fond of natural and clear(clear是清楚的意思) environment. It is highly possible that the ecotourism will attract more people visiting these wilderness areas so that government can gain much money from visitors. And then the money could be paid for protecting local environment and further impel local economy." In fact, these wilderness areas are usually laggard and conservative because of undeveloped traffic. By doing ecotourism, government would improve traffic firstly in order to provide convenience for visitors' journeys(journey用单数吧？). After reaching here (there), what visitors consume(tourists will live in hotels and will buy stuff, those selling can……………..,consume的本意是消耗，尽管在中文里面也有消费的意思，但它首先让人想到的是有些东西被用没了，这样就转了一个弯。 ) can provide(add,因为revenue不是非要旅游业才有) revenue to native(local, native本意思是国内的，它的词根和nation的是一样的). The economy level can be promoted.

To sum up, the development of population and economy need more areas, meanwhile there are some wilderness areas in the country. And by exploiting these wilderness areas on the basis of their own situation, government can improve the traffic condition and promote economy level. It is wise to exploit these wilderness areas to satisfy the development both population and economy. (satisfy the requirement of the development in both population and eco.)

(呵呵，改了以后整体上的结构丰满一些。只是有一点，我还需要罗练一下，就是你要时刻记住你的purpose, the purpose of why you are writing this essay。 你要说的最核心的是什么（也就是你的态度），为什么你是这样的态度（核心的支撑点），然后再围绕着核心和核心的支撑点慢慢展开，所有的骨架都是这样构成的。始终有一个大核心，支撑大核心的又有小核心。有了这些核心，然后就是让它们有血有肉。一篇文章是这样的，这篇文章里面的段落也是这样的，每个段落实际上就是一篇小的文章。你的结尾段我觉得最好再把核心陈述一遍，也就是we need to exploit those wilderness areas. because of the population ,................... Because of the economy,....................... 这样就不会显得有点散。我今天下午有点儿疲倦，可能有点词不达意抱歉。嗬嗬，无论怎样，你已经很不错了，祝你明天好运。 )