Argument15 第一篇，事先想了半天还用时45分，自我感觉良好，望狠批

MadheroUID: 125272

Argument15: 504 words   45 minutes
The following appeared in a newsletter offering advice to investors.
'Over 80 percent of the respondents to a recent survey indicated a desire to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholesterol, and today low-fat products abound in many food stores. Since many of the food products currently marketed by Old Dairy Industries are high in fat and cholesterol, the company's sales are likely to diminish greatly and their profits will no doubt decrease. We therefore advise Old Dairy stockholders to sell their shares and other investors not to purchase stock in this company.'

Before the investors making their final decision about the stock in Old Dairy Industries, the evidence in the argument above should be considered carefully. The arguer want to build a causal relationship between the need to reduce fats and cholesterol containment in food and the decrease of profits of Old Dairy Industries lead to bad performance of their stock. However, the evidence is insufficient to support the conclusion in several ways.

First to all, the arguer relies on the survey of an inclination to reduce containment of fats and cholesterol. However, the arguer fails to prove this is the only or the most important factor in leading consumers to purchase food. There may be some factors more important in leading consumers' behavior such as the taste, the flavor, and the appearance. It is possible that a person want to have good taste and a reduction of fats and cholesterol at the same time, which is always cannot meet at the same time, he would prefer a better taste. In addition, the arguer supplied no information about the respondents of the survey. Perhaps the respondents are mostly constituted by seniors, who pay more attention to the containment in food may affect their health condition, but seniors are not the majority of the consumers.

To further support the conclusion, the arguer mentioned that low-fat products abound in many food stores. However, this evidence contribute little, if any, to strengthen the conclusion. Without information about the sales of these products and weather it affect the traditional food, this evidence is meaningless. It is quite possible that these low-fat products do not sell well, and cannot be a truly competent to the high-fat food, or perhaps these two types of foods are purchased by different people for different purpose, thus are not truly competent with each other.

Finally, even granted that the containment of fat and cholesterol is crucial in selling food and low fat food diminishes the sales of traditional food, it still cannot conclude that the Old Dairy Industries' profit would decrease. On the one hand, the arguer does not inform us the development of low fat food production of Old Dairy Industries. Maybe this company is already start developing low-fat foods, and would on sale soon. In this case, the profits of this company may not decrease. On the other hand, in describing the food products of Old Dairy Industries, the arguer uses the term "many" which is too vague to make any conclusion. Maybe the company produce many high fat products while produce even more low fat products to meet the need of different people. Merely "many" rather than a exact proportion of the food production can conclude nothing reliable.

In conclusion, the argument is unconvincing because the evidence cited cannot support the conclusion sufficiently. Without further information about the survey about the importance of containment of fat and cholesterol in food and the representative of the respondents, without the exact condition the company produces food, it is hasty to draw any reliable conclusion.

beatleslwqUID: 178933

Before the investors making their final decision about the stock in Old Dairy Industries, the evidence in the argument above should be considered carefully. The arguer wantwants to buildestablish a causal relationship between the need to reduce fats and cholesterol containment in food and the decrease of profits of Old Dairy Industries lead to bad performance of their stock. However, the evidence is insufficient to support the conclusion in several ways.开头是我喜欢的类型，直接点出问题而不是重述原文

First to用to也可以的吗，不太了解~all, the arguer relies on the survey of an inclination to reduce containment of fats and cholesterolto reduce the consumption of food rich in fats and cholesterol. However, the arguer fails to prove this is the only or the most important factor in leading consumers to purchase food. There may be some factors more important in leading consumers' behaviorpreference such as the taste, the flavor我感觉好像与taste差别不大:), and the appearance. It is possible that a person want to have good taste and a reduction of fats and cholesterol at the same time, which is alwayssometimes? Always太绝对了吧  cannot meet at the same time, he would prefer a better taste.可以说的更简洁些，比方说，it’s possible that people still prefer to the foods high in fats and cholesterol because of their particular good taste. 个人意见，见笑了 In addition, the arguer supplied no information about the respondents of the survey. Perhaps the respondents are mostly constituted by seniors, who pay more attention to the containment in food may affect their health condition, but seniors are not the majority of the consumers.论证的很严密

To further support the conclusion, the arguer mentioned that low-fat products abound in many food stores. However, this evidence contribute little, if any, to strengthen the conclusion. Without information about the sales of these products and weather it affect the traditional food, this evidence is meaningless. It is quite possible that these low-fat products do not sell well, and cannot be a truly competent to the high-fat food, or perhaps these two types of foods are purchased by different people for different purpose, thus are not truly competent with each other.没有什么问题:)

Finally, even granted that the containment of fat and cholesterol is crucial in selling food and low fat food diminishes the sales of traditional food, it still cannot conclude that the Old Dairy Industries' profit would decrease. On the one hand, the arguer does not inform us the development of low fat food production of Old Dairy Industries. Maybe this company is already starthas already started developing low-fat foods, and wouldbe on sale soon. In this case, the profits of this company may not decrease. On the other hand, in describing the food products of Old Dairy Industries, the arguer uses the term "many" which is too vague to make any conclusion. Maybe the company produce many high fat products while produce even more low fat products to meet the need of different people. Merely "many" rather than a exact proportion of the food production can conclude nothing reliable.还可以讲讲也许OD 现在的顾客群正是倾向于买HIGH FAT的食物,这个顾客群很坚定，不会减少

In conclusion, the argument is unconvincing because the evidence cited cannot support the conclusion sufficiently. Without further information about the survey about the importance of containment of fat and cholesterol in food 觉得上文论证的的不是the importance,而是how strong the desire is and how it will affect the preference in the purchasingand the representative of the respondents, without the exact condition the company produces food, it is hasty to draw any reliable conclusion.开头很不俗，结尾也可以更特别些

总体感觉很好，逻辑和语言都没什么问题，比我强多了，如果一些小地方能多加注意的话，还可以更上一层楼的

luciafangUID: 182057

偶觉得你写的很好,比我强多了.我们都加油!
有一点: on the one hand , on the other hand 好象对比,比照的意味强一些.如果是并列的含义多一些,建议用 for one thing, for another :)

MadheroUID: 125272

谢谢楼上两位，beatleslwq兄你提出的那些都很有道理，感觉你对语言的驾驭能力比我强不少，对我很有帮助~
luciafang你说的那个我还真没注意过，谢谢提醒