Issue196 我的第一篇，求砖！！！

kekeshengUID: 201777

题目
Issue196 Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or damage the quality of life。

正文
The speaker alleges that technology creates more problem than it solves, and may threaten or damaged the quality of life. I find this allegation to be specious.  I concede that the fast developing technology do creates problems, but it contributes more to efficiency solutions. However, in my view, at the mean time, it brings conveniences and comfort; it also may threaten or damaged the quality of life to some extent.

To begin with, technology has dramatically improved the living condition of human being. Take, for example, the washing machine releases people from washing by hands, and people can do other things while washing machine works, this is not only saves energy but also saves time; the Internet innovation makes people acquire information all over the world easier and education become more accessible only by using mouse; advances in bio-technology can help fast cure and prevent disease, the medical condition also improved by technology innovation. There is no doubt that people do benefit a lot from the efficiency technology, we should not ignore the grand facilitations that technology brings.
       
In addition, technology creates problems simultaneously when it brings convenience. For example, when   Internet came into being, the hacker attacks were followed. There still have people use high-tech supervise arms to threaten or to terrorize. Moreover, the one mainly reason of the more and more serious environment pollution nowadays can attribute to the technology innovation. The flourishing automobiles and vehicle which was accelerate life speed at the expense of air and noise pollution and energy consumption. The increasingly propagate of factories which need large quantities of water, may result in water waste and shortage. All these problems are hard to handle. However, when we come to evaluate the advantages and disadvantages of technology we should give a balance evaluation.

Admittedly, if technology misused, might undermine the quality of our life and even threaten our existence. if the nuclear waste is not  controlled, it maybe causes more serious pollution and new disease of human being, what’s more, if the nuclear was used for arms, the conflicts and wars between nations would be more fierce. Of course, any pollution which caused by technology may effect our health. Another typical example is the genetic colon of people, if we did not lead a healthy way of its development, it could be the serious threaten of our human being. To make a good control of the threaten situation and enhance the positive effect of technology, our government should legitimately make appropriate policies on technology innovation; ensure technology servers people, not slaves people.

In conclusion, technology is a double-edged sword, it can brings facilities as well as problems, and to some extent, facilities  outweigh problems, and if we do not take any measures to avoid the threats and damages in the long run, maybe, the situation which the speaker alleges will come true.  

写了一个多小时，自己已经改过两次了，感觉还是写得很别扭，希望高手帮我润润色。3x

kekeshengUID: 201777

up!!!!!

wx8348UID: 185363

占

wx8348UID: 185363

我不是高手，　楼主就忍耐地看着吧

The speaker alleges that technology creates more problem than it solves, and may threaten or damaged the quality of life. I find this allegation to beto  be 可省嘛 specious. I concede that the fast developing technology do creates problems, but it contributes more to efficiency solutions. However, in my view, at the mean time, it brings conveniences and comfort; it also may threaten or damaged the quality of life to some extent.语言还欠了点

To begin with, technology has dramatically improved the living condition of human being. Take, what? for examplefor example, the washing machine releases people from washing by hands, and people can do other things while washing machine works, this is not only saves energywhose? but also saves time; the Internet innovation makes people acquire information all over the world easier and education become more accessible only by using mouse; advances in bio-technology can help fast cure and prevent disease, the medical condition also improved by technology innovation. There is no doubt that people do benefit a lot from the efficiency technology, we should not ignore the grand facilitations that technology brings.我的理解是例不一定多，　关键要精，而且注意与论证的结合

衔接不当In addition, technology creates problems simultaneously when it brings convenience. For example, when Internet came into being, the hacker attacks were followed. There still have people use high-tech supervise arms to threaten or to terrorize. Moreover, the one mainly reason of the more and more serious environment pollution nowadays can attribute to the technology innovation. The flourishing automobiles and vehicle which was accelerate life speed at the expense of air and noise pollution and energy consumption. The increasingly propagate of factories which need large quantities of water, may result in water waste and shortage. All these problems are hard to handle. However, when we come to evaluate the advantages and disadvantages of technology we should give a balance evaluation.用了挺多生物专业词，想必楼主是学生物的吧～．～

Admittedly, if technology misused, might undermine the quality of our life and even threaten our existence. if the nuclear waste is not controlled, it maybe maycauses more serious pollution and new disease of human being, what’s more, if the nuclear was used for arms, the conflicts and wars between nations would be more fierce. Of course, any pollution which caused by technology may effect our health. Another typical example is the genetic colon of people, if we did not lead a healthy way of its development, it could be the serious threaten of our human being. To make a good control of the threaten situation and enhance the positive effect of technology, our government should legitimately make appropriate policies on technology innovation; ensure technology servers people, not slaves people.Biology

In conclusion, technology is a double-edged sword, it can brings facilities as well as problems, and to some extent, facilities outweigh problems, and if we do not take any measures to avoid the threats and damages in the long run, maybe, the situation which the speaker alleges will come true.

通看全文，由于楼主的论证不足，　即使有了好的例子也难以把握你的观点和论证思路，多谢就会有感觉的了．

kekeshengUID: 201777

刚回来，才看到。感谢wx的金玉良言，正在欣赏之中。。。

kekeshengUID: 201777

我的critical thinking 是有待狠狠地加强，language也要猛下功夫，不过我看到范文好像有ｔａｋｅ，　ｆｏｒ　ｅｘａｍｐｌｅ得表达。由于这个ｔｅｃｈｎｏｌｏｇｙ涉及到生物技术，我就谈了一点点，好象也没有很多专业词汇，BTW我是学文的。我喜欢更多的蓝色。欢迎互拍。