Issue7 同主题写作九 希望大家互利,谢谢

xuwendyUID: 174650

思路及主题句：
认为video camera 是将来大势所趋，有好处；同时written records依然是现在占主导的，并且作用是不可替代的。
中间部分：
1．        Why video camera is popular in recent years for documentation? Its most important advantage-providing an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life may answer this question.
2．        Another reason why the video camera becomes a new trend is that it is much more easier and convinient to store.
3．        转折段
4．        One of the largest advantages of written records (at the same time the largest disadvantage of nowaday video camera) is that people can write down what they are thinking about at the time or after the time events happened.
5．        The written records also work well when we want a lasting event kept-one cannot hold video cameras every day and every minutes to record,which is not necessary and time consuming.

Issue7  同主题写作九
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：58分6秒     568 words
从2005年2月31日20时56分到2005年2月31日21时58分
------题目------
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
------正文------
Modern technology advancement has greatly improve the way we are working-more and more methods for reaching one goal are available. In the field of documentation, the widespread apply of video camera is becoming a new trend and one day in the future it will raplace the tradition written records to be the most important form.

Why video camera is popular in recent years for documentation? Its most important advantage-providing an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life may answer this question. Different from the only-two-color and stubborn writen records, video camera documents the events, the stories, the breaking moments with lively and sound-making pictures, which much more expicitly replay to the audiences the scenes. People mainly read the historical records along with their own imagination, otherwise we get only abstract time or names. Whatever excellent an author is, he can not make sure that every reader perceive the same idea that the record information itself wants to give. This disadvantage does not exist in terms of video camera record, for every detailed information has been showed before the audiences-even the small wrinkle of an old man or slight sound made by a bee -hence misunderstanding is reduced.

Another reason why the video camera becomes a new trend is that it is much more easier and convinient to store. A pack of video tape may amount to some miles high of paper-based records and never fear of damaged by insects or moist air. For staffs of national museums and libraries this improvements means some extent of freedom from annoying work to repair books.

However advanced video camera in the modern times, it does not-or more accurately-cannot entirely repalce the written records. Written records are still the most important way of documenting and at all levels more reliable .

One of the largest advantages of written records (at the same time the largest disadvantage of nowaday video camera) is that people can write down what they are thinking about at the time or after the time events happened. In other words, written words not only record the things we can peiceive by our ears and our eyes, they also have our creative thinkings, our phycho activities appear on the papers. Though we can say our ideas in front of the camera, it is a totally different experience and result.

The written records also work well when we want a lasting event kept-one cannot hold video cameras every day and every minutes to record,which is not necessary and time consuming. Take scientific research for example, often sciences need the exact experiment result statistics rather than the pictures of the whole working process. When they need compare two groups of statisctics, video record cannot provide with the most clear and simple information. Another example is the contrast, which requires paper-based words and signatures that must not be replaced by other measures.

In recent years, the use of written records is making progress by adopting some modern technologies. People type words on computers often more than handwriting and they also use video cameras to picture some written down information for copies. In conclusion, the application of video camera for documentation becomes more and more popular and is destined to be the domination in future, at the same time, we are still relying on written records as the most convinient and mature documentation.

xuwendyUID: 174650

自己先顶一下
会回拍,谢谢

xuwendyUID: 174650

呵呵顺便自己问个问题: 像文中我只会写RECORDS或DOCUMENTATION算不算是用词重复呢?

kkytUID: 188814

学习l了

kkytUID: 188814

No.1 Issue7 同主题写作九 希望大家互利,谢谢
思路及主题句：
认为video camera 是将来大势所趋，有好处；同时written records依然是现在占主导的，并且作用是不可替代的。
中间部分：
1． Why video camera is popular in recent years for documentation? Its most important advantage-providing an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life may answer this question.
2． Another reason why the video camera becomes a new trend is that it is much more easier and convinient to store.
3． 转折段
4． One of the largest advantages of written records (at the same time the largest disadvantage of nowaday video camera) is that people can write down what they are thinking about at the time or after the time events happened.
5． The written records also work well when we want a lasting event kept-one cannot hold video cameras every day and every minutes to record,which is not necessary and time consuming.

Issue7 同主题写作九
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：58分6秒 568 words
从2005年2月31日20时56分到2005年2月31日21时58分
------题目------
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
------正文------
Modern technology advancement has greatly improve the way we are working-more and more methods for reaching one goal are available. In the field of documentation, the widespread apply [application] of video camera is becoming a new trend and one day in the future it will raplace the tradition written records to be the most important form. [你的提纲不是说不可代替么？偶觉得书面记录不管什么时候都不可被代替，anyway 看你下面的论证，自圆其说就行][开头衔接比较自然]

Why video camera is popular in recent years for documentation? Its most important advantage-providing an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life may answer this question. Different from the only-two-color and stubborn written records, video camera documents the events, the stories, the breaking moments with lively and sound-making pictures, which much more explicitly replay[replays] to the audiences the scenes. People mainly read the historical records along with their own imagination; otherwise we get only abstract time or names. Whatever excellent an author is, he can not make sure that every reader perceive [perceives] the same idea that the record information itself wants to give. This disadvantage does not exist in terms of video camera record, for every detailed information has been showed before the audiences-even the small wrinkle of an old man or slight sound made by a bee -hence misunderstanding is reduced.

Another reason why the video camera becomes a new trend is that it is much more easier and convinient [convenient这个单词我也拼错N回了] to store. A pack of video tape may amount to some miles high of paper-based records and never fear of [前后主语一致么？谁不用担心？]damaged by insects or moist air. For staffs of national museums and libraries this improvements[improvement] means some extent of freedom from annoying work to repair books.

However advanced video camera in the modern times, it does not-or more accurately-[英语中有更准确的概念么？，再说你上面论证了它准确，这又说它不是更准确，你总的给个理由吧，不更准确意思就是不准确了。]cannot entirely replace[replace] the written records. Written records are still the most important way of documenting and at all levels more reliable.[何以见得是最重要的手段呢，不要这样绝对]

One of the largest advantages of written records (at the same time the largest disadvantage of nowadays[nowadays] video camera) is that people can write down what they are thinking about at the time or after the time events happened. In other words, written words not only record the things we can peiceive[perceive] by[with] our ears and our eyes, they also have our creative thinkings[thinking], our phycho[psycho] activities appear on the papers.[不错这句分析的很到位] [Though we can say our ideas in front of the camera,[ it is a totally different experience and result.][这句话偶觉得完全是中式思维和英语][其实我觉得就思想性来说，你可以说

The written records also work well when we want a lasting event kept-one cannot hold video cameras every day and every minutes to record, which is not necessary and time consuming.[忽然发现你总爱用破折号，我觉的一个文章中最好用一次就行了，不能整天带着这恰恰说明video不方便啊！与上面矛盾] Take scientific research for example, often sciences need the exact experiment result statistics rather than the pictures of the whole working process.[这个例子是在说明你的TS么？] When they need compare two groups of statisctics[statistics], video record cannot provide with the most clear and simple information. Another example is the contrast, which requires paper-based words and signatures that must not be replaced by other measures. [对比？对比也可以用video啊，两个画面对比啊，最多用两个video啊]

In recent years, the use of written records is making progress by adopting some modern technologies. People type words on computers often more than handwriting and they also use video cameras to picture some written down information for copies.[结尾段又引出新的内容，为了说明什么呢] In conclusion, the application of video camera for documentation becomes more and more popular and is destined to be the domination in future,[既然written records有那么多的不可替代的好处，为什么不popular了呢] at the same time, we are still relying on written records as the most convenient and mature documentation.
[看了你的文章，觉得结构上好象总的结构清晰，但是内部每段的推理结构不是很清新，有点想到什么说什么的感觉。每段的TS在开头不是很明显]
[在语言上我觉的好象确实用词比较需要再加强，有些句子中式思维比较严重， 而且感觉你好象特别绝对，用the most 之类词不较多，你怎么知道它是最好的，是最方便的，最方便要看你干什么了，对吧。]

xuwendyUID: 174650

多谢KKYT哦,我在学习中

xuding_godUID: 179213

不好意思，昨天没能上网，一定尽快改给你，顶～～