Issue7 同主题写作 挤了好长时间哦，感觉没什么话说的

imjasonUID: 176604

写了很上长时间的。唉，痛苦啊！怎么限不了时呢？
提纲：观点：中立的
1 vc确实成为了documentation重要的一部分
2 但是vc没有给人们思考的空间
3 vc在有的地方也用不上
------正文------
This era of rapid social and technological changes has produced many innovations readily threatening the place of the old ones, such as the video camera in the sphere of recording documentation. However, both positive and negative effects call for both the video camera and written records to document our lives.

Admittedly, the video camera has become an increasingly important form of documentation. Since it provides more vivid and more lifelike pictures than the unattractive written words, the video camera is appealing more and more readers from the books or other written records to be viewers. It is possibly able to explain why the Discovery channel is so popular in American and even over the world. The Discovery exhibits many researches and discoveries on this planet or even outer space in a picturesque way, from the decline of virgin forest in the South America to the new findings of the pyramid in Egypt, from the current technology pervading the deepest ocean to the Mars, documenting much greater, to some extent, than the total of the written records from the past to contemporary life. What's more, the video camera can also display more hot-news than the written words, timely recording the rapid changes and occurrences in the current life. The CNN stands by this utility of the video camera. When the first bomb is dropped down to Iraq, we can see the pictures taken by the video camera on CNN, even on the opposite side of this planet almost at the same time, not only the lights of the explosion of the bombs, but also the enormous sound, which are the written records’ deficiency. And the power of these pictures is more gigantic than the dully written words in revealing the terror of wars.

In short, the video camera has been an attractive role in the documentation. When the written words are limited to the districts where the language on the records is spoken, the pictures can be transported to every where of the world vividly.

On the other hand, the pictures alter so fast that no room is for thinking. No one can hope to observe the meaning of these moving pictures incisively. In the industrialized society, we will learn little after the feast of the industrialized lights and the shadows. While the written records give us the chance of imagination and consideration, from which we may perceive the contemporary life more incisively. The prosperous development of the press can indicate it. Even though the news on television last night have occupied every aspects that happened, one can find that, in the next morning, the news stands are still crowded, since people want to review the news and for the editorials one can understand the news more accurately. At the same time, as the written words has accompanied with us thousands of years, it has the magic power, maybe a habit, to appeal viewers to look at the news on papers again for the words on the papers are more tasteful and friendly than the industrialized pictures.

Not only the written words hold the traditionally magic power, it also takes the utility which the video camera cannot replace. On a check, a signature is much easier and more conveniences than a series of pictures; in business, the contracts are more legal and more credible than a single video tape; they both have a common in that the written words are cheaper and simpler than producing pictures, often following the practicability instead of high cost to a tape.

Without the video camera, our contemporary life becomes dull and unattractive. Without the written words, we will lose the tradition and the culture the ancestors handed to us. Thus, when the technology brings us the picturesque way to record our life vividly, the written words also display their advantages of documentation.

thminUID: 192642

imjason写了很多嘛! 还说没话说,真是汗.....
JJ晚上给你发过来,现在先去吃饭.

coweiliangUID: 195905

占个坐了啊。大桶

ooajUID: 200299

[QUOTE]最初由 imjason 发布
[B]写了很上长时间的。唉，痛苦啊！怎么限不了时呢？
提纲：观点：中立的
1 vc确实成为了documentation重要的一部分
2 但是vc没有给人们思考的空间
3 vc在有的地方也用不?.

This era of rapid social and technological changes has produced many innovations readily threatening the place of the old ones, such as the video camera in the sphere of recording documentation. However, both positive and negative effects call for both the video camera and written records to document our lives.

Admittedly, the video camera has become an increasingly important form of documentation. Since it provides more vivid and more lifelike pictures than the unattractive written words, the video camera is appealing more and more readers 这可以read吗？from the books or other written records to be viewers. It is possibly able to explain why the Discovery channel is so popular in American Americaand even over the world. The Discovery exhibits many researches and discoveries on this planet or even outer space in a picturesque way, from the decline of virgin forest in the 不要theSouth America to the new findings of the pyramid in the pyramidsin Egypt, from the current technology pervading inthe deepest ocean to NASA's successfully landing exploration vehicles onthe Mars, documenting much greater, to some extent, than the total of the written records from the past to contemporary lifethe present对称. What's more, the video camera can also display more hot-news than the written words, timely recording the rapid changes and occurrences in the current life. The CNN stands by 是依靠的意思吗this utility of the video camera. When the first bomb iswas dropped down to Iraq, we can see the pictures taken by the video camera on CNN, even on the opposite side of this planet almost at the same time, not only the lights of the explosion of the bombs, but also the enormous earsplittingsound, which are the written records’ deficiency. And the power of these pictures is more gigantic than the dully written words in revealing the terror of wars.

In short, the video camera has been an attractive role in the documentation. When the written words are limited to the districts where the language on the records is spoken, the pictures can be transported to every where of the world vividly.

On the other hand, the pictures alter so fast that no room isleaves for thinking. No one can hope to observe the meaning of these moving pictures incisively. In the industrialized society, we will learn little after the feast of the industrialized lights and the shadows. While the written records give us the chance of imagination and consideration, from which we may perceive the contemporary life more incisively. The prosperous development of the press can indicate it. Even though the news on television last night have occupied every aspects that happened, one can find that, in the next morning, the news stands are still crowded, since people want to review the news and for the editorials one can understand the news more accurately. At the same time, as the written words has accompanied with us thousands of years, it has the magic power, maybe a habit, to appeal viewers to look at the news on papers again for the words on the papers are more tasteful and friendly than the industrialized pictures.

Not only the written words hold the traditionally magic power, it also takes the utility which the video camera cannot replace. On a check, a signature is much easier and more conveniences than a series of pictures; in business, the contracts are more legal and more credible than a single video tape; they both have a common in that the written words are cheaper and simpler than producing pictures, often following the practicability instead of high cost to a tape.

Without the video camera, our contemporary life becomes dull and unattractive. Without the written words, we will lose the tradition and the culture the ancestors handed to us. Thus, when the technology brings us the picturesque way to record our life vividly, the written words also display their advantages of documentation.

bleiUID: 177320

This era of rapid social and technological changes has produced many innovations readily threatening(which have already threatened ,readily的意思是乐意吧) the place of the old ones, such as the video camera in the sphere of recording documentation. However, both positive and negative effects call for both the video camera and written records to document our lives.(最好还是能点到written record, 觉得一下子提出来不太好)

Admittedly, the video camera has become an increasingly important form of documentation. Since it provides more vivid and more lifelike pictures than the unattractive written words, the video camera is appealing more and more readers from the books or other written records to be viewers. It is possibly able to explain why the Discovery channel is so popular in American and even over the world. The Discovery exhibits many researches and discoveries on this planet or even outer space in a picturesque way, from the decline of virgin forest in the South America to the new findings of the pyramid in Egypt, from the current technology pervading the deepest ocean to the Mars, documenting much greater, to some extent, than the total of the written records from the past to contemporary life. What's more, the video camera can also display more hot-news than the written words, timely recording the rapid changes and occurrences in the current life. The CNN stands by this utility of the video camera. When the first bomb is dropped down to Iraq, we can see the pictures taken by the video camera on CNN, even on the opposite side of this planet almost at the same time, not only the lights of the explosion of the bombs, but also the enormous(巨大的声音,用震耳欲聋呢,earsplitting)  sound, which are the written records’ deficiency. And the power of these pictures is more gigantic than the dully written words in revealing the terror of wars. (例子还是很好哦)

In short, the video camera has been an attractive role in the documentation. When the written words are limited to the districts where the language on the records is spoken, the pictures can be transported to every where of the world vividly.

On the other hand, the pictures alter so fast that(there is ) no room is for thinking. No one can hope to observe the meaning of these moving pictures incisively. In the industrialized society, we will learn little after the feast of the industrialized lights and the shadows. While the written records give us the chance of imagination and consideration, from which we may perceive the contemporary life more incisively. The prosperous development of the press can indicate it. Even though the news on television last night have occupied every aspects that happened, one can find that, in the next morning, the news stands are still crowded, since people want to review the news and for the editorials one can understand the news more accurately. At the same time, as the written words has accompanied with us thousands of years, it has the magic power, maybe a habit, to appeal viewers to look at the news on papers again for the words on the papers are more tasteful and friendly than the industrialized pictures.

Not only the written words hold the traditionally magic power, it also takes the utility which the video camera cannot replace. On a check, a signature is much easier and more conveniences than a series of pictures; in business, the contracts are more legal and more credible than a single video tape; they both have a common in that the written words are cheaper and simpler than producing pictures, often following the practicability instead of high cost to a tape.

Without the video camera, our contemporary life becomes dull and unattractive. Without the written words, we will lose the tradition and the culture the ancestors handed to us. Thus, when the technology brings us the picturesque way to record our life vividly, the written words also display their advantages of documentation.

thminUID: 192642

This era of rapid social and technological changes has produced状语里面怎么又出现句子了啊 many innovations readily threatening the place of the old ones, such as the video camera in the sphere of recording documentation. However, both positive and negative effects call for both又出现一个both,重复 the video camera and written records to document our lives.开头段的模板痕迹太重了啊

Admittedly, the video camera has become an increasingly important form of documentation. Since it provides more vivid and more lifelike pictures than the unattractive written words, the video camera is appealing to more and more readers from the books从书里来的读者? or other written records to be viewers. It is possibly able to explain why the Discovery channel Channel is so popular in American America and even over the worldeven the whole world. The Discovery exhibits many researches and discoveries on this planet or even outer space in a picturesque way, from the decline of virgin forest in the South America to the new findings of the pyramid in Egypt, from the current technology pervading the deepest ocean to the Mars, documenting much greater, to some extent, than the total of the written records from the past to contemporary life.这个句子的描写不太好,脱离了你要强调的”生动”和”逼真”的特性,而是在大谈摄像机能够涉及到的范围很广 What's more, the video camera can also display more hot-news than the written words, timely recording the rapid changes and occurrences in the current life.又在说时效性了,跑离了这段的TS了The CNN stands by this utility of the video camera. When the first bomb is dropped down to Iraq, we can see the pictures taken by the video camera on CNN, even on the opposite side of this planet almost at the same time, not only the lights of the explosion of the bombs, but also the enormous sound, which are the written records’ deficiency. And the power of these pictures is more gigantic than the dully written words in revealing the terror of wars.

In short, the video camera has been an attractive role in the documentation. When the written words are limited to the districts where the language on the records is spoken, the pictures can be transported to every where of the world vividly.开头这句话像在是总结上段,可是仔细看又提出了新论点,就是不受语言的约束;但是论证呢?

On the other hand, the pictures alter so fast that no room is for thinking. 感觉这个TS没有很充分地表达你的意思No one can hope to observe the meaning of these moving pictures incisively. In the industrialized society, we will learn little after the feast of the industrialized lights and the shadows.这句话是什么意思呢 While the written records give us the chance of imagination and consideration, from which we may perceive the contemporary life more incisively. The prosperous development of the press can indicate it. Even though the news on television last night have occupied every aspects that happened, one can find that, in the next morning, the news stands are still crowded, since people want to review the news and for the editorials one can understand the news more accurately.这个句子不长,你不要用太多逗号把它隔开 At the same time, as the written words has accompanied with us thousands of years, it has the magic power直接说语言有魔力不太理智,我认为至少在逻辑要求严密的议论文里不要出现类似的表达, maybe a habit, to appeal viewers to look at the news on papers again for the words on the papers are more tasteful and friendly than the industrialized pictures.

Not only the written words hold the traditionally magic power这半句的内容你没有证明过,就不能想当然地这样说, it also takes the utility which the video camera cannot replace. On a check, a signature is much easier and more conveniencesconvenient than a series of pictures这个又从何说起呢; in business, the contracts are more legal and more credible than a single video tape; they both have a commonhave something in common in that the written words are cheaper and simpler than producing pictures, often following the practicability instead of high cost to a tape.

Without the video camera, our contemporary life becomes dull and unattractive. Without the written words, we will lose the tradition and the culture the ancestors handed to us.这一点在文章里面好像没有涉及到吧 Thus, when the technology brings us the picturesque way to record our life vividly, the written words also display their advantages of documentation.

你这篇文章的提纲有问题,就是B3说到"有些地方VC用不上",这样表达实在太含糊了.
另外,全文没有紧扣题意去讨论并回应VC是否为更重要的记录方式.只是泛泛地比较了优缺点,说二者缺一不可.个别的表达上还是有问题,有些用词还不太准确.

coweiliangUID: 195905

写了很上长时间的。唉，痛苦啊！怎么限不了时呢？
提纲：观点：中立的
1 vc确实成为了documentation重要的一部分
2 但是vc没有给人们思考的空间
3 vc在有的地方也用不上
------正文------
This era of rapid social and technological changes has produced many innovations readily threatening the place of the old ones, such as the video camera in the sphere of recording documentation. However, both positive and negative effects call for both the video camera and written records to document our lives.呵呵专才和通才的开头啊，这次用得顺畅多了！

Admittedly, the video camera has become an increasingly important form of documentation. Since it provides more vivid and more lifelike pictures than the unattractive written words, the video camera is appealing more and more readers from the books or other written records to be viewers. It is possibly able to explain why the Discovery channel is so popular in American and even over the world. The Discovery exhibits many researches and discoveries on this planet or even outer space in a picturesque way, from the decline of virgin forest in the South America to the new findings of the pyramid in Egypt, from the current technology pervading the deepest ocean to the Mars, documenting much greater, to some extent, than the total of the written records from the past to contemporary life. What's more, the video camera can also display more hot-news than the written words, timely recording the rapid changes and occurrences in the current life. The CNN stands by this utility of the video camera. When the first bomb is dropped down to Iraq, we can see the pictures taken by the video camera on CNN, even on the opposite side of this planet almost at the same time, not only the lights of the explosion of the bombs, but also the enormous sound, which are the written records’ deficiency. And the power of these pictures is more gigantic than the dully written words in revealing the terror of wars. 这段写得很详细，两者的比较也穿插了。不过如果时间要压下去的话可能例子还要压缩一点

In short, the video camera has been an attractive role in the documentation. When the written words are limited to the districts where the language on the records is spoken, the pictures can be transported to every where of the world vividly.

On the other hand, the pictures alter so fast that no room is for thinking.这句作为中心句表达的很模糊 No one can hope to observe the meaning of these moving pictures incisively. In the industrialized society, we will learn little after the feast of the industrialized lights and the shadows. While the written records give us the chance of imagination and consideration, from which we may perceive the contemporary life more incisively. 主句呢？？The prosperous development of the press can indicate it. Even though the news on television last night have occupied every aspects that happened, one can find that, in the next morning, the news stands are still crowded, since people want to review the news and for the editorials one can understand the news more accurately. At the same time, as the written words has accompanied with us thousands of years, it has the magic power, maybe a habit, to appeal viewers to look at the news on papers again for the words on the papers are more tasteful and friendly than the industrialized pictures.

Not only the written words hold the traditionally magic power, it also takes the utility which the video camera cannot replace. On a check, a signature is much easier and more conveniences than a series of pictures; in business, the contracts are more legal and more credible than a single video tape; they both have a common in that the written words are cheaper and simpler than producing pictures, often following the practicability instead of high cost to a tape. 这两段写得好像没上两段清晰

Without the video camera, our contemporary life becomes dull and unattractive. Without the written words, we will lose the tradition and the culture the ancestors handed to us. Thus, when the technology brings us the picturesque way to record our life vividly, the written words also display their advantages of documentation.
呵呵，作文又有不小的进步了啊，赞一个！加油

coweiliangUID: 195905

突然想起一个词。你的unattractive-用来形容书的内容不恰当>dreary，boring？
嗯，用词方面还需注意一下，有时候不太自然

imjasonUID: 176604

谢谢 thmin
谢谢 coweiliang
TO thmin：你的大砖头真是爽哈。有了这样的砖头不好好学习都对不住你了。
TO coweiliang：唉，这就是为什么我拖了那么长的时间。到后面实在是不知道扯些什么。还得继续努力了。

smartyrUID: 169453

No.1 Issue7 同主题写作 挤了好长时间哦，感觉没什么话说的
写了很上长时间的。唉，痛苦啊！怎么限不了时呢？
提纲：观点：中立的
1 vc确实成为了documentation重要的一部分
2 但是vc没有给人们思考的空间
3 vc在有的地方也用不上
------正文------
This era of rapid social and technological changes has have produced many innovations readily threatening the place of the old ones, such as the video camera in the sphere of recording documentation. However, both positive and negative effects call for both 两个both,call for combination of the two,,,the video camera and written records to document our lives.观点很明确

Admittedly, the video camera has become an increasingly important form of documentation. Since it provides more vivid and more lifelike用的不错 pictures than the unattractive written words, the video camera is appealing 这具有问题more and more readers from the books or other written records to be viewers. It is possibly able to explain why the Discovery channel is so popular in American and even over the world. The Discovery exhibits many researches and discoveries on this planet or even outer space in a picturesque way, from the decline of virgin forest in the South America to the new findings of the pyramidPyramid in Egypt, from the current technology pervading the deepest ocean to the Mars, documentingvc documentation much greater, to some extent, than the total of the written records from the past to contemporary life. What's more, the video camera can also display more hot-news than the written words, timely recording the rapid changes and occurrences in the current life. The CNN stands by this utility of the video camera. When the first bomb is dropped down to Iraq, we can see the pictures taken by the video camera on CNN, even on the opposite side of this planet almost at the same time, not only the lights of the explosion of the bombs, but also the enormous sound, which are the written records’ deficiency. And the power of these pictures is more gigantic than the dully written words in revealing the terror of wars. 写得不错，但是个人觉得最好不要写近年的实事问题

In short, the video camera has been an attractive role in the documentation. When the written words are limited to the districts where the language on the records is spoken, the pictures can be transported to every where of the world vividly.最好把这个融到上面去。因为上面都是好处，但是没有和written records比较

On the other hand, the pictures alter so fast that no room is for thinking. No one can hope to observe the meaning of these moving pictures incisively. In the industrialized society, we will learn little after the feast of the industrialized lights and the shadows. While the written records give us the chance of imagination and consideration, from which we may perceive the contemporary life more incisively. The prosperous development of the press can indicate it. Even though the news on television last night have occupied every aspects that happened, one can find that, in the next morning, the news stands are still crowded, since people want to review the news and for the editorials one can understand the news more accurately. At the same time, as the written words has accompanied with us thousands of years, it has the magic power, maybe a habit, to appeal viewers to look at the news on papers again for the words on the papers are more tasteful and friendly than the industrialized pictures.这段写的是written records ，最好明确化以下：press是written records 的一种重要形式

Not only the written words hold the traditionally magic power, it also takes the utility which the video camera cannot replace. On a check, a signature is much easier and more conveniences than a series of pictures; in business, the contracts are more legal and more credible than a single video tape; they both have a common in that the written words are cheaper and simpler than producing pictures, often following the practicability instead of high cost to a tape.

Without the video camera, our contemporary life becomes dull and unattractive. Without the written words, we will lose the tradition and the culture the ancestors handed to us.Without the video camera, our contemporary life becomes dull and unattractive，while,we will lose the tradition and the culture the ancestors handed to us,without, Thus, when the technology brings us the picturesque way to record our life vividly, the written words also display their advantages of documentation.
例 子很好，但是最好在B1,B2能比较两者

imjasonUID: 176604

谢谢 smartyr
我会努力改正了