Issue30同主题科技进步与闲暇时间

neverflyUID: 166610

花了一个小时。唉，什么时候速度能跟上。

------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

提纲
1 承认科技进步可能带来leisure time.原始人的例子
2 转折 efficency不一定完全保证leisure。机器化大生产工作时间的例子。
3 不是所有的科技都研究efficiency。 多媒体，生物医学


------正文------

I partly concede with the speaker's statement that the technological advancement might bring more leisure time to the people's life.  Beyond this concession, however, I find the speaker's contention indefensible from both an empirical and a normative standpoint.

To begin with, the advanced technology has the ability to create more leisure time. With the developing of machines, planes, robots, and computers etc, it is easy to understand that people has greatly improved their ability by the advancement of technology. If the amount of the total tasks is fixed, modern people with improved efficiency are able to finish the work much faster than their ancestors, and thus have more leisure time left. Consider the ancient age when human being spent all the time pursuing the animal or feeding the crops. They were so occupied by these tasks that it was impossible for them to cast time on other activities. It is until the more advanced agriculture methods are found and the more powerful shooting weapons are created that human being is able to have the time to create arts or philosophy.

However, nobody can deny the truth that the leisure time does not always increase in every stage of the human history despite of the fact that the technology never stops the paces of developing at the same time. In the era of the first industry evolution, the production efficiency greatly increased by the favor of emergence of machines. However, the working time in the factories was not reduced since the workers are engaged to producing more production by the requirement of creating more profits. Even in today, in the high-technology industrial such as information technology, employees often cannot enjoy too much leisure time under the pressure of putted by the company or himself. One such case lies that in the big companies of Microsoft or IBM, although the employees are not required to work very long, they often choose to work until late so that they can catch up the process of the project. This contradiction, that increasing efficiency doesn't yield for increasing leisure time, is due to the increasing of working amount. Although the efficiency is improved by the technology, the amount of the tasks might also increase. Since the working time is effected by both factors, the change of efficiency does not necessarily guarantee more leisure time.  Even worse, in the competition world, every company is trying to improve the efficiency, so that some people in some company might have to spend more time to catch up with others although they have improved themselves comparing with the former days. In this case, the advancement of the technology plays not the magic tool to produce more leisure time but a cheating illustration of getting it.

At last, we should realize that not all the technologies are devoted to increase the efficiency. The first counterexample lies in the biological technology, which concerns no efficiency but the health and the body of the people. The multimedia technology, as a second counterexample, is able to provide better entertainment such as films, TVs, and video cameras, and doesn't major in the efficiency of people. These two kinds of technology, as crucial parts of nowadays society and plays important role in the advancement of modern technologies, however, shows that the increasing efficiency is not the unique objective of technology.

In sum, I find the speaker's suggestion, although partly reasonable, lacks solid analysis of the factors to influence the leisure time of people, and thus is not defensible. What's more, the suggestion wrongly defines the primary aims of technology but neglect other goals such as health, amusement, and so on.

neverflyUID: 166610

自己up一下

sxleeUID: 200505

I partly concede [应该是agree with 或concede that吧]with the speaker's statement that the technological advancement might bring more leisure time to [the不可乱用，要考虑清楚了] people's life. Beyond this concession, however, I find the speaker's contention indefensible from both an empirical and a normative standpoint.

To begin with, the advanced technology has the ability to create more leisure time. With the developing[是不是用advent 好一些呢？ ] of machines, planes, robots, and computers etc, it is easy to understand[see好不] that people has greatly improved their ability by the advancement of technology. If the amount of the total tasks is fixed, modern people with improved efficiency are able to finish the work much faster than their[our] ancestors, and thus have more leisure time left. Consider the ancient age when human being spent all the time pursuing[应该是 chasing] [the] animal or feeding [the] crops. They were so occupied by[with or in ] these tasks that it was impossible for them to cast time on other activities. [so that 用的好]It is [only]until the more advanced agriculture methods are found and the more powerful shooting weapons are created that human being is[are 是不是用复数好啊] able to have the time to create[pursue从事] arts or philosophy. [这句式在哪见过，用的好，学习中//]

However, nobody can deny the truth that the [amount of]leisure time does not always increase in every stage of the human history despite of the fact that the technology never stops the paces of developing at the same time. In the era of the first industry[industrial] [r]evolution, the production efficiency greatly increased by the favor of emergence of machines. However, the working time in the factories was not reduced since the workers are engaged to[in] producing more production[products] by the requirement of creating more profits[我用的是profit maximization,好不好啊 ]. Even in today, in the high-technology industrial[industry] such as information technology, employees often cannot enjoy too much leisure time under the pressure [of去掉] putted[enforced好点吧]by the company or him-self[them-selves]. One such case lies [in]that in the big companies of[like] Microsoft or IBM, although [the] employees are not required to work very long, they often choose to work until late so that they can catch up [with] the process of the project. This contradiction, that increasing efficiency doesn't yield [for去掉] increasing leisure time, is due to the increasing of working amount[插入语用的好,但是用了三个increasing,该换个词]. Although the efficiency is improved by [the] technology, the amount of [the] tasks might also increase. Since the working time is effected by both factors, the change of efficiency does not necessarily guarantee[好词,学习ing..] more leisure time. Even worse, in the competition[this increasingly competitive] world, every company is trying to improve the[its] efficiency, so that some people in some company might have to spend more time to catch up with others although they have improved themselves comparing with the former days. In this case, the advancement of the technology plays not the magic tool to produce more leisure time but a cheating illustration of getting it.

At last, we should realize that not all the technologies are devoted to increase [the] efficiency. The first counterexample lies in the biological technology, which concerns no efficiency but the health and the body[这个词建议换一个，因为他常指尸体] of [the] people. The multimedia technology, as a second counterexample, is able to provide better entertainment [tools] such as films, TVs, and video cameras, and doesn't major in[主修??]  the efficiency of people. These two kinds of technology, as crucial parts of nowadays’ society and plays [an]important role in the advancement of modern technologies, however, shows that the increasing efficiency is not the unique objective of technology. [感觉你的插入语用的很好,学习啊!]

In sum, I find the speaker's suggestion, although partly reasonable, lacks solid analysis of the factors to[that] influence the leisure time of people, and thus is not defensible. What's more, the suggestion wrongly defines the primary aims of technology but neglect other goals such as health, amusement, and so on.

[结构挺好,但语言要加强,我也一样,互相学习啊!!]

[建议: 名词前 的 the 不可乱用的,很多地方不可用，多看看范文是不是这样的!!]

neverflyUID: 166610

赫赫，多谢啊

最初由 sxlee 发布
[B]I partly concede [应该是agree with 或concede that吧]with the speaker's statement that the technological advancement might bring more leisure ..

以下省略...... [/B]

davidjackyUID: 135962

网友改的很细，不作局部修改，提个建议：正如网友所说，语言要严谨，错误太多，尽管论述不错

imjasonUID: 176604

花了一个小时。唉，什么时候速度能跟上。

------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

提纲
1 承认科技进步可能带来leisure time.原始人的例子
2 转折 efficency不一定完全保证leisure。机器化大生产工作时间的例子。
3 不是所有的科技都研究efficiency。 多媒体，生物医学
------正文------
I partly concede with the speaker's statement that the technological advancement might bring more leisure time to the people's life. Beyond this concession, however, I find the speaker's contention indefensible from both an empirical and a normative standpoint.however后面感觉像是ARGU了。毕竟这样一个强转折会让人认为文章的重点在however后面的内容了

To begin with, the advanced technology has the ability to create more leisure time. With the developing of machines, planes, robots, and computers etc, it is easy to understand that people has greatly improved their ability by the advancement of technology. If the amount of the total tasks is fixed, modern people with improved efficiency应该是with先进的工具了吧。 are able to finish the work much faster than their ancestors, and thus have more leisure time left. Consider the ancient age when human being spent all the time pursuing the animal or feeding用feed在这里合适么 the crops. They were so occupied by these tasks that it was impossible for them to cast time on other activities. It is until the more advanced agriculture methods are found用creat感觉要合适些，毕竟这个方法在创造之前在地球上是不存在的，所以也就无所谓found了 and the more powerful shooting weapons这个是什么玩意哈？ are created that human being is able to have the time to create arts or philosophy.

However, nobody can deny the truth that the leisure time does not always increase in every stage of the human history despite of the fact that the technology never stops the paces of developing at the same time. In the era of the first industry evolution, the production efficiency greatly increased by the favor of emergence of machines. However, the working time in the factories was not reduced since the workers are engaged to producing more production重复 by the requirement of creating more profits. Even in today, in the high-technology industrial such as information technology, employees often cannot enjoy too much leisure time under the pressure of putted by the company or himself觉得这个语法不是很正确。pressure that is put on那个put有putted的形式么. One such case lies that去掉that in the big companies of Microsoft or IBM, although the employees are not required to work very long, they often choose to work until late so that they can catch up the process of the project. This contradiction, that increasing efficiency doesn't yield for这个短语用得不错 increasing leisure time, is due to the increasing of working amount. Although the efficiency is improved by the technology, the amount of the tasks might also increase. Since the working time is effected？affected by both factors, the change用改变不妥吧，这种change是增了还是减了呢 of efficiency does not necessarily guarantee more leisure time. Even worse, in the competition world, every company is trying to improve the efficiency, so that some people in some company might have to spend more time to catch up with others although they have improved themselves comparing with the former days. In this case, the advancement of the technology plays not the magic tool to produce more leisure time but a cheating illustration of getting it.这段觉得将TS说成不是每个人都可以享受增加的LT要好些

At last, we should realize that not all the technologies are devoted to increase the efficiency. The first counterexample lies in the biological technology, which concerns no efficiency but the health and the body of the people. The multimedia technology哈哈，又是老本行哈, as a second counterexample, is able to provide better entertainment such as films, TVs, and video cameras, and doesn't major in the efficiency of people. These two kinds of technology, as crucial parts of nowadays society and plays important role in the advancement of modern technologies, however, shows that the increasing efficiency is not the unique objective of technology.

In sum, I find the speaker's suggestion, although partly reasonable, lacks solid analysis of the factors to influence the leisure time of people, and thus is not defensible. What's more, the suggestion wrongly defines the primary aims of technology but neglect other goals such as health, amusement, and so on.结尾怎么像是ARGU的结尾。后果很严重的哦。开头和结尾都有这种嫌疑哦。注意了

枫丹UID: 166492

不好意思,刚刚看到你的那块砖头, 先占了晚上交~~

neverflyUID: 166610

多谢imjason。第二段按你的改法更好。
呜呜，花了这么久还有这么多错误。
特别是human beings和put.郁闷。

最初由 imjason 发布
[B]花了一个小时。唉，什么时候速度能跟上。

------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that ever..

以下省略...... [/B]

枫丹UID: 166492

------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

提纲
1 承认科技进步可能带来leisure time.原始人的例子
2 转折 efficency不一定完全保证leisure。机器化大生产工作时间的例子。
3 不是所有的科技都研究efficiency。 多媒体，生物医
I partly concede with [ concede to /concede]the speaker's statement that the technological advancement might bring more leisure time to the people's life. Beyond this concession, however, I find the speaker's contention indefensible from both an empirical and a normative standpoint.[我个人不太赞同这样的开头，只说态度，不说明确]

To begin with, the advanced technology has the ability [the 没必要]to create more leisure time. With the developing of machines, planes, robots, and computers etc, it is easy to understand that people has greatly improved their ability[ what is ability ?这个概念再这里太模糊了] by the advancement of technology. If the amount of the total tasks is fixed, modern people with improved efficiency are able to finish the work much faster than their ancestors, and thus have more leisure time left. Consider the ancient age when human being spent all the time[ in ] pursuing the animal or feeding the crops. They were so occupied by these tasks that it was impossible for them to cast time on other activities. It is until the[？？the ] more advanced agriculture methods are found and the more powerful shooting weapons are created that human being is able to have the[去掉] time to create arts or philosophy.

However, nobody can deny the truth that the leisure time does not always increase in every stage of the human history despite of the fact that the technology never stops the paces of developing at the same time.[nobody –deny-dose not 三个否定，应该是否定呵呵] In the era of the first industry evolution, the production efficiency greatly increased by the favor of emergence of machines. However, the working time in the factories was not reduced since the workers are engaged to producing more production by the requirement of creating more profits. Even in today, in the high-technology industrial such as information technology, employees often cannot enjoy too much leisure time under the pressure of putted by the company or himself. One such case lies that in the big companies of Microsoft or IBM, although the employees are not required to work very long, they often choose to work until[直接late 就可以了] late so that they can catch up the process of the project. This contradiction, that increasing efficiency doesn't yield for [ for 却掉]increasing leisure time, is due to the increasing of working amount[这句好别扭，读不懂]. Although the efficiency is improved by the technology, the amount of the tasks might also increase. Since the working time is effected by both factors, the change of efficiency does not necessarily guarantee more leisure time. Even worse, in the competition world[ in worldwide competition ,or , in competition with others 没有the ], every company is trying to improve the efficiency[the ?], so that some people in some company [ 直接people 就好了] might have to spend more time to catch up with others although they have improved themselves comparing with the former days. In this case, the advancement of the technology plays not the magic tool to produce more leisure time but a cheating illustration of getting it. [思路还是清楚的]

At last, we should realize that not all the technologies are devoted to increase [increasing]the efficiency. The first counterexample lies in the biological technology, which concerns no efficiency but the health and the body of the people. The multimedia technology, as a second counterexample, is able to provide better entertainment such as films, TVs, and video cameras, and doesn't major in the efficiency of people. These two kinds of technology, as crucial parts of nowadays society and plays important role in the advancement of modern technologies, however, shows that the increasing efficiency is not the unique objective of technology. [最后这句太长了，整理一下吧]

In sum, I find the speaker's suggestion, although partly reasonable, lacks solid analysis of the factors to influence the leisure time of people, and thus is not defensible. What's more, the suggestion wrongly defines the primary aims of technology but neglect other goals such as health, amusement, and so on.
好的地方不说了发现the；不用the 的情况： 表示抽象名词，表示一类的复数名词前， 球类， 棋类，星期，
用the :表示一类的抽象名词前， 前边已经提到的词，单数名词前。
想到的就是这些， 具体你可以再查
句法我自己也不好，就不说什么了，论证没太大问题。